


What She's Worth

by g_girl143



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Companion fic for Bloodline, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, How Ben Solo turned to the Dark Side, Implied Master/Padawan Relationship(s), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, In which Ben Solo and Rey first meet as Padawans in Luke's Academy, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), No Smut, No Underage Sex, Padawan, Padawan Braids, ReyBen, Reylo - Freeform, Self-Harm, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, kylo x rey - Freeform, rey x kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 113,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6665920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g_girl143/pseuds/g_girl143
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <a href="http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/coverrrrrr_s.jpg.html"></a>
  <br/>
  <img/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first time Ben Solo saw her was from behind his uncle, peering up from the hiding place that was Luke Skywalker's cloak.</p><p>She was a tiny creature. Inconsequential really, with expressive brown eyes and dark brown hair that was tied in two buns at the base of a scrawny neck. The daughter of a friend left in his care, his uncle had said.</p><p>He had dismissed her as quickly as he had laid eyes on her. Just another student in Luke's Jedi academy. The only youngling in a sea of fellow adolescents. Far too young to be worth any attention. </p><p>But there was...something.</p><p>--</p><p>After being sent to train under his uncle in the Jedi academy, Ben Solo meets a youngling girl who would change the course of his life. An alternative universe companion fic for Claudia Gray's "Bloodline" novel. A scenario in which Ben Solo and Rey are fellow students of Luke's Jedi Academy and the events that led to the birth of Kylo Ren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Есть ли что дороже](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9475061) by [alikssepia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alikssepia/pseuds/alikssepia)



> Russian Translation here, as translated by alikssepia: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9475061/chapters/21436778
> 
> I’ve been writing fan fiction for the past several years but this is my first Star Wars fanfic. Based on the theory that Ben Solo and Rey were Luke’s students in the Jedi Academy. As per recent revelations in Claudia Gray’s “Bloodline”, this fic takes place across a number of years, from when Ben first started in the academy up until he left. Expect fluff but may later turn dark.
> 
> This fic first started out as a fanart idea, but when I wrote the excerpt, a lot of people got interested in a companion fic. I initially came up with a one shot but after "Bloodline" spoilers came out, the fic became decidedly longer. Don't worry, I've actually worked around the whole ages thing but I can't tell you yet, as it will ruin the ending.
> 
> Oh, and to clarify, there will be NO NSFW material here, no smut, nada, zero, because...well, ages :P
> 
> This fic does NOT have a BETA reader so please forgive the mistakes. If you wish to volunteer as a Beta reader, please don't hesitate to send me a comment or a message.
> 
> FYI: Some people might take offense on how I physically describe Ben here, but do remember that we all go through that awkward puberty stage ;)

“Ben! So glad you made it here safely.”

Ben Solo held his breath as his uncle walked over to pull him into a brief but tight hug. Ben’s shoulders seized. He had always been awkward when it came to human contact, especially when it came from a relative he had barely seen in the last fifteen years of his existence.

“You’ve certainly grown since I saw you last,” Luke Skywalker remarked after he pulled away. “How are your parents?”

“The same,” was all Ben could muster with a shrug. He didn’t really want to get into any small talk. “I’d like to get to my quarters now, Uncle Luke. I’m a little tired from the journey.”

“Of course,” Luke coughed, obviously sensing his nephew’s dismissal. The less he associated himself with his uncle, the better, Ben thought. “But you need to eat first. It’s dinner time after all. Come.”

Ben hoisted what little he brought with him over his shoulder. That he was hungry was unmistakable. He hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, in a silent protest against his mother insisting he start training in his uncle’s academy. Their last conversation had not gone very well, and he dreaded having to talk to her later via the holonet.

He started up the steps with Luke when he noticed something clinging to his uncle’s cloak. “Uhm...Uncle Luke...you’ve got er...behind you...”

“Oh?” Luke stopped and turned, then released a warm, bearded smile as he tugged on his cloak to reveal a human girl, clinging almost desperately at the brown fabric. She was a tiny creature, with expressive brown eyes and dark brown hair that was tied in two buns near the base of a scrawny neck. “She’s one of the newest additions to the academy. Our only resident youngling.”

[](http://s1381.photobucket.com/user/gwendygayle/media/wsw_firstmeeting2_small_zpscdqikdlv.jpg.html)

“The only youngling?” Ben parroted, his eyes darting towards the girl, who almost immediately hid herself from view again.

Luke scratched his beard absently. “Yes, well, recruiting for the school is not exactly as easy as it was in the old days. Parents don’t usually want to let go of their Force sensitive children. This one here...” he patted the girl on the head, “...she’s the daughter of a good friend. They left her to me for protection.”

His uncle mentioned a few things about the girl, probably her name and some such but all of it went past Ben. He was too hungry to care. “Dinner, Uncle?”

“Right, right.” Luke nodded and led the way up the steps and into the grounds, pointing every which way to indicate locations, directions and a little bit of history about the academy.

Ben nodded, feigning interest. His mother had always told him how proud Luke was about the Jedi Academy. It had always been her brother’s dream, Leia Organa Solo had said, to the point that he had forgone starting a family of his own to dedicate his entire life to this cause: to bring back the Jedi Order so as to help protect the galaxy from future threats.

Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw the youngling, who still clung to Luke’s cloak, trip on a protruding cobble stone.

She started to fall.

Ben didn’t think; just acted as he held out his hand and used the Force to stop her descent. Luke turned around just in time to see him ease the girl back to a standing position without so much as laying a finger on her.

“Well.” Luke’s brows rose in surprise. “Your mother did tell me you were already quite strong in the Force. I just might have to tailor your training to suit your needs.”

Ben cast his eyes down at the compliment. He wasn’t used to receiving them, so he could come up with no response to his uncle’s words.

Instead, he turned his attention to the girl. “You alright?”

She nodded, her eyes wide as she continued to gape at him. “Th-thank...you.”

“Just be careful next time.” Ben couldn’t stop annoyance from creeping in to his voice. He never did like children. Force, he didn’t even like anyone his age. “And stop walking behind Uncle Luke or you’ll trip again. Go walk beside him or something.”

“Ben.” Luke’s tone was rebuking enough that Ben stood up straight as though he had just been whipped. “She’s just a little girl. And she hadn’t had it easy in life so I’d appreciate if you didn’t use that tone of voice with her.”

Ben felt his cheeks flame but said nothing. Luke was clearly protective of the girl. She was hands off. Not that it mattered. All the more reason not to associate with the little thing.

An awkward silence fell upon them as he followed Luke into one of the buildings, the little girl now at his uncle’s side, thankfully hidden away from view due to the latter’s billowing cloak.

Ben closed his eyes. He just wanted this day to be over with, he thought. No more walking, no more talking; just a good meal, a nice bath and a good night’s sleep.

He should’ve known better than to think the day was going to get easier.

“Everyone,” Ben heard his uncle say, and he stopped in his tracks, surprised to find himself standing in front of the mess hall before fifty or so padawans of all manner of species. He hadn’t even realized they had arrived. “I’d like to introduce to you a new student to the academy. His name is Ben Solo, son of war heroes Han Solo and Senator Leia Organa, and my own nephew. Please treat him as though he were your brother.”

If his face hadn’t already been red then, it was now, and Ben wished with all his might he could somehow use the Force to make himself disappear into nothingness. Yet he remained standing there, with a stupid expression he was sure, surrounded by curious stares and now, hushed whispers.

He felt the clap of his uncle’s metallic hand on his stiff shoulder. “Go and have your fill now, my boy. And tomorrow, we discuss your training structure.”

His uncle left then, but his embarrassment from being introduced so publicly didn’t. He would never be Ben Solo, he thought bitterly. He would always just be the descendant of famous figures.

With his shoulders hunched, he trudged towards the counter, where a droid dished out a decent helping of food, which he took quietly to a distant, empty table across the mess hall. The stares and whispers continued to follow him, and shutting them out was near impossible. Not when his senses were so attuned to everything. He could almost hear their thoughts.

_Him? A Skywalker?_

_What a joke!_

_Look at that dumb face._

_I heard his parents are supposed to be good looking. What happened to him?_

_That’s some honker._

_Have you ever seen ears like that?_

_Maybe he’s part Gungan hahaha!_

_He looks weak to me._

_Probably is. One wrong move, and he looks like he might snap in two!_

Ben’s fingers tightened around his tray. His mother was wrong. Being in an academy with fellow Force sensitives was no different than being in his old school. The other students were just as vicious, if not more so because they didn’t fear him for having Force powers.

He set his bag and tray down the table with a loud enough thud to make the whispers stop. He glared at anyone who dared to look. No point in making a good first impression when everyone was ready to hate him just because he happened to be born of a legacy.

Well...not everyone, as it turned out, when he saw at the corner of his eye, a head of brown buns making its way through the aisle and to his table before reaching up to slide her tray of food beside his.

In silence, he watched the youngling girl hoist herself clumsily up the chair, a victorious smile on her face when she managed to successfully seat herself. He’d almost forgotten she was still around.

“What are you doing here?” he muttered, his voice even.

“Eating,” she answered without looking at him and reached out for the utensils. Even with the chair, the table was still much too tall for her, and she had to stretch out her little arms just to grab what she needed.

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/babyreycanteat.jpg.html)

“Go eat somewhere else,” Ben grumbled and began to dig into his food. “This table’s too tall for you.”

“But it’s the only free table left.”

Ben stopped to consider the girl before looking across the hall. She was right. Every table was occupied except the one they were sitting on.

He sighed and continued eating. He tried his best to ignore her, but she was making such a ruckus beside him, little arms and hands clashing against bowls and plates that he had to turn to her again, only to find her face and hair decked with food particles.

How he managed to keep a straight face was beyond him. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you how to eat?”

“Mama and Papa used to spoon feed me,” the girl answered, not without a hint of indignation. “I’m still learning.”

Ben popped a piece of meat in his mouth. “How old are you anyway?”

He was surprised when she held up four, grubby fingers. She was small for sure, but he had expected her to be older, being as articulate as she was. “But I’ll be five very soon.”

He made note of her accent. “You’re from Coruscant, aren’t you?”

She nodded and stuffed a piece of bluish bread in her mouth, crumbs falling all over her tunic.

“And yet you eat like a Hutt,” Ben remarked. The girl didn’t reply, and he found to his surprise and unexpected shame, a few tears glistening in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered forlornly. “I’m still learning.”

He ran a hand across his jet black hair, fingers curling almost painfully at his scalp. He had the sudden urge to scream at himself, and after a moment’s hesitation, reached for a table napkin and began wiping the girl’s face and hair free of food.

“Well then,” he managed in a more gentle voice, “you’re going to need a teacher.”

Ben spent the rest of the meal teaching the girl how to properly use her utensils. Her progress, though evident, was so slow, that by the time they finished eating, all the other padawans had left for their quarters.

“Thanks for teaching me,” the girl declared as she jumped off the chair and patted her tunic free of bread crumbs. “Will you teach me again tomorrow?”

Ben blinked. ‘No’ was the first thing that came to mind. The last thing he needed in this forsaken place was to be forced to interact with anyone, let alone a female youngling. He was about to decline when a flurry of familiar beeps rang through the hall.

He looked up and sure enough, found the cylindrical blue and white droid making its way toward him. “R2?”

R2-D2 released a few more excited beeps and clicks. Ben started to smile but caught himself. “Yes, it’s been a while. Where’s Uncle Luke?”

Another whirr of noises from R2-D2. _< Master Luke is in meditation. Sent me to show you your quarters.>_

“Oh.” He nodded. He supposed he should be relieved, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling of...disappointment? “Lead the way then.”

“You can understand him?” the girl quipped, struggling to keep up with his pace as he followed R2-D2 along the darkened stone corridors of the academy.

Ben shrugged. “Don’t you?”

“I haven’t learned binary speak yet,” she revealed, then started running backwards to face him, her face bright. “Maybe that’s something you can teach me too—”

He knew it was going to happen even before it did. Once again, she tripped on a protruding cobblestone, and he had to use the Force to stop her from falling on her back.

“I’m starting to think you’re doing that on purpose just so I would save you,” he said as he eased her back on her feet once more. “I told you to be more careful.”

 “Sorry,” she giggled. “But yeah, that was fun.”

“Don’t make a habit of it.” Ben cracked a smile despite himself. “Using the Force should not be done so casually.”

“But if it’s done to save someone, isn’t that good?” the girl pursued.

“Well...yeah.” He scratched at the side of his face. The girl was certainly precocious. “But I wouldn’t have needed to save you if you were more careful.”

R2-D2’s beeping cut through the hallway.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Ben stood straight and followed the droid further until they stopped by one of the metal doors, where R2-D2 promptly directed him to input his biometrics, in particular his hand print.

“Is this your room?”

Ben sighed at the most obvious of questions and turned to face the girl behind him again. It was clear to him now that she was trying to prolong the conversation. “Yes. This is my room.”

“Mine is just seven doors that way, to the right.” She pointed east.

Good, Ben thought. It was a little ways off. Much as he didn’t find their earlier encounter unpleasant, he really wasn’t looking forward to another one. “Okay. You best move along then. Good night.”

“Uhm...good night.” She looked down at her boots. Ben did his best to ignore the flash of disappointment in her eyes. “And thanks again.”

He watched her scurry off until she disappeared at a corner. He breathed out a sigh. So much for that, he thought. It was time to get on to better things. Like surviving the next few years of his exile to this hovel.

And talking to his mother. He shivered a little. He wasn’t looking forward to that, especially with the way they had parted earlier.

After dismissing R2-D2, he shut himself in his quarters, dumped his bag at the side of the bed before lying face down on the mattress. Time to get this over with, he thought, as he took out the holoprojector from his bag and placed it in front of him. A few button presses, and the three-dimensional bluish image of his mother appeared before him.

“I was wondering when you were going to call me,” Leia started, her smile tight across her face. “I take it you’re all settled in. How are your accommodations?”

“Adequate,” Ben answered, though he hadn’t explored his room yet. “There are only a few padawans so everyone gets their own room.”

“That’s good. And how was the trip?”

“Tiring.”

“And have you eaten?”

“Yeah.”

“Was the food good?”

“It was alright.”

Silence. Ben began absently tugging at the corner of his pillow until Leia finally sighed. “You still don’t want to talk to me?”

“I just don’t see why I need to be in this stupid academy,” he muttered, settling his head sideways on the pillow. “I was doing fine.”

“We both know you weren’t Ben,” Leia pointed out, and he grimaced. No point in hiding stuff from his mother. She always knew. “If anything, I should have sent you earlier.” Well, that stung, he thought. “You need more stability and order in your life, and that’s something I’m confident Luke and his teachings can provide. Speaking of which, how is your uncle?”

Ben felt his lip curl up in disdain. “He introduced me to the entire class as the son of war heroes.”

Leia chuckled at that. “Well, Luke has always been proud of you.”

“Proud of me? For what?” he spat. “Being born in to a famous family? It’s not as if I had any choice in the matter.”

“Ben!”

He looked up at the holoprojector with a start. That wasn’t his mother’s voice.

Sure enough, the image of his father, Han Solo, came up on the holo. “You don’t get to use that tone of voice on your mother young man. Now apologize.”

“Well, this is typical.” Ben gritted his teeth. What little control he had over his temper went flying out the window. It almost always did when it came to Han. “You only ever show up in time to scold me for one thing or another. Almost like you have a tracker for every time I mess up or something.”

“Watch your mouth kid,” Han warned. “If I was there, I’d—”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Ben cut in, his tone almost mirroring his father’s. “You’re never around! You weren’t even home earlier to see me off! Did you even stop to think how long it would be before we see each other again?”

“Ben—”

“I’m going to bed. Good night.” Ben practically punched the holoprojector’s button before flinging the device for good measure. It made an awful crunching noise against the stone wall before falling to pieces on the floor.

He started screaming. Yet even as he did, the voices—vicious whispers that have long since accompanied him since childhood—rang loud in his head.

_They’re liars, both of them._

_You know the real reason why they dumped you here._

_Your father is scared of you._

_Your mother is scared of you._

_They never wanted you and you know it._

_They were so much happier until you came along._

_AND.YOU. KNOW. IT._

He began throwing things around. Anything he could get his hands on, but the room was sparse enough that by the time he was done, he’d only managed to throw around the pillow, the mattress and his bag. Barely any damage done except on the holoprojector.

After several minutes of catching his breath, he dragged his pillow and mattress back on the bed and settled himself for the night, knowing full well that as with the last five years, sleep would be full of nightmares—of children screaming and bodies falling, of venomous words and burning structures, and the image of one looming spectre, its pale face cut with deep, ghastly scars.

He didn’t know it, but outside his door stood the trembling form of a brown haired, wide-eyed little girl, the screams other than that of Ben Solo’s still ringing in her ears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She seemed to have latched on to him. She followed him wherever he went, his only reprieve being his classes and training sessions with other padawans, which were of course separate from hers. But for the rest of his daily timetable—waking hours, mealtimes, and even in his one on one sessions with Luke—she was always a presence, and it was beginning to outlive its welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally read a wonderful book review and list of spoilers from http://reylooo.tumblr.com and if you read that, you’ll probably have tiny hints of what will happen in the future events of this fic. I’m just so happy right now that Claudia Gray’s “Bloodline” not only does NOT ruin the outline I have for the future chapters, it even adds to the plot! So now, I can officially say that I have intentions of this being a fan ‘companion fic’ for the novel. Oh, there’ll be an original character from here on. I was initially unsure about adding that character, until I started this chapter :) You’ll know which one once you get to that part.

“Good morning, Ben!”

 _“Not again,”_ Ben thought as he dragged a palm across his face before peeking between his fingers to look at the smiling face of his little tormentor. As with everyone else in the academy, she wore the same style of tunic he did, though hers was always a size too big, practically hiding her hands underneath the beige fabric.

“Did you sleep well?”

“No.”

Every day, since the night he first came to the academy, it was the same thing: she would show up at his door, clearly having found out his schedule and ask him if he slept well. And always, he gave her an unequivocal, honest no. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a good night’s sleep. That she showed up every morning with her annoyingly chipper demeanor wasn’t helping.

Worse still was how she seemed to have latched on to him. She followed him wherever he went, his only reprieve being his classes and training sessions with other padawans, which were of course separate from hers. But for the rest of his daily timetable—waking hours, mealtimes, and even in his one on one sessions with Luke—she was always a presence, and it was beginning to outlive its welcome.

As for Luke, he was no help. He seemed amused by it all, and much to Ben’s horror, appeared to be encouraging it; so much so that the youngling preferred to spend more time with him than their master.

He was now, by all accounts and to his undeniable chagrin, her unofficial babysitter.

With a deep sigh, Ben closed his door and made his way to the mess hall for breakfast. He didn’t have to turn to know she was following him.

“Mama used to give me a glass of warm blue milk every night to help me sleep better,” she informed. Yet another tidbit of useless information about herself, Ben thought grumpily. She’d been sharing them a lot more as of late. “Maybe you should have some blue milk too. They have some in the mess—”

“I’m intolerant to blue milk,” he lied.

“What’s into...into...intorerant?”

The corners of his lips twitched at her pronunciation. “It means if I drink it, I get a tummy ache.”

“Oh.” She fell behind him again, and he took the opportunity to lengthen his strides. As expected, she ran to keep up, her twin hair buns bobbing behind her head. “Why does that happen?”

“It just happens to some people that’s a—” He stopped dead in his tracks. He felt the youngling bump against the back of his leg and heard her mutter in complaint, but all that fell away at the sight before him.

He sucked in a breath as he gazed at an adolescent human girl, conversing and giggling with her fellow padawans at one of the tables.

He swallowed. Her name was Lennett Mha. That much, he’d been able to garner. He’d noticed her the day she arrived on his fifth day in the academy. And who wouldn’t notice her, he thought. She was a wonder to behold, with eyes the colour of Naboo’s summer skies, skin like the snowfields of Hoth, and golden curls which glistened under the sunlight pouring in from the mess hall’s tall windows.

He cringed inwardly and felt his face flush. When did he become so poetic?

“Lennett is so pretty,” the youngling beside him declared. “They say she’s a princess. She looks like one too. I wish I could be a princess.”

Ben rolled his eyes and without another word, strode towards the counter, his eyes darting occasionally to Lennett Mha’s direction.

He took out two trays—a habit recently formed—and waited for the droid to put food in his and the youngling’s tray before heading out to their table at the far end of the hall. _Their_ table, Ben thought with disdain, as he watched the little one scramble up to her seat again (a higher one which he had requested for her). How long did this arrangement have to go on?

He eased himself into his seat and was about to eat when she reached out to his tray and took away his glass of blue milk. “Hey! That’s mine.”

She looked up at him, thin brows arched in surprise. “But you said you’re blue milk intorerant. I don’t want you to have a tummy ache.”

Ben’s jaw clenched. Why did he have to lie? He loved the stuff. “Fine. And it’s intolerant. In-to-le-rant.”

“Mmm. In-toh-weh-whan,” she mimicked between mouthfuls, her rosy cheeks swelling with food. She started to cough.

With a shake of his head, Ben grabbed one of the glasses of blue milk and held it up to her lips. “I told you not to talk when your mouth is full. Here. Wash it down.”

“Wow, you take really good care of her, don’t you?”

If the youngling hadn’t been holding on to the glass as well, he was sure he would have dropped it. He looked up and sure enough, found Lennett Mha standing beside their table, the sweetest of smiles glazing her soft pink lips.

Sweat began to form at his brow and his mouth felt as dry as Tattoine in high summer. It actually hurt to swallow.

_“Say something cool, Ben!”_

“I’m her babysitter.”

His eye twitched. _“Not cool, Ben!”_

“Oh,” Lennett chuckled. “I thought she was your sister.”

“N-no. She’s uhm...the daughter of Unc...Master Luke’s friend.” He set the glass down and put an elbow atop the backrest of his chair. Too late, he realized he was mirroring one of his father’s favourite sitting positions, and he snapped back to being hunched over the table. Force, he must look like some kind of idiot to her now.

“You’re Ben Organa Solo, right?” Lennett pursued, and Ben felt his stomach lurch when she held out a hand. “I’m Lennett Mha. My father works with your mother in the Senate. I’ve actually met her on her previous visits to Naboo.”

“Th...that’s where my grandmother was from.” He shook her hand. It felt as smooth and as soft as it looked.

“I know.” Lennett’s smile grew wider as she drew away her hand. “We actually have some shared history, you and I. My mother was once queen of Naboo too, so I understand how daunting a family lega—”

A squeal of delight followed the clatter of dishes as the youngling unexpectedly and excitedly slammed her small palms against her tray. “Your mother was a queen?!”

“W-Well...yes...” Lennett appeared flustered. Ben made a face at his tiny companion.

“So you really are a princess!” the little one declared, loud enough that all heads from the other tables turned to their direction. “That’s why you’re so pretty! Ben thinks you’re very pretty too, don’t you, Ben?”

The world seemed to have stopped. To say he was mortified would be a gross understatement.

“He’s been staring at you a lot since you got here,” the girl continued. “I know, because I spend loads of time with Ben and I see him watching you. He was watching you earlier too.”

The sweat trailing icily down his face. The blood rushing to his cheeks and ears. The whispers and giggles all around him. And the expression on Lennett’s Mha’s face. Too much, too fast. He was going to be sick.

“I...uhm...nice meeting you Ben,” Lennett quickly excused herself and hurried out of the mess hall. Still in shock, Ben followed her with his eyes until she disappeared out of the hall.

He shot up to his feet and ran. Ran from the laughter. The jeers. The insults.

_Did you see the look on his face?_

_Did that Hutt-spawn actually think he might have a shot at someone like Lennett Mha?_

_She’s way out of his league!_

_I think he might have peed his pants._

_That was hilarious!_

_What an idiot!_

_What a loser!_

He ran and ran. He didn’t know where he was going but by the time he stopped to catch his breath, he found himself leaning against one of stone pillars in the academy’s open grounds.

With a deep breath, he pressed his back against the pillar and slid down to the floor. He pulled up his knees to his chest and buried a scream into his crossed arms. He’d never been so embarrassed in all his life! The other padawans will never let him live this down. And Lennett Mha...she’ll probably never speak to him again.

“Ben?”

His head snapped up and he saw the youngling hurrying down the steps and running towards him.

“Ben, are you okay?”

His reaction was instant. Unbidden. Unrestrained as he rose to his full height, eyes flashing. “You little twerp! Do you even realize what you’ve done?!”

The girl froze. Ben could see tears begin to glisten in her eyes.

It only made him angrier. “You ruined everything for me! It’s bad enough that Uncle Luke has me babysitting you and making me look stupid in front of everyone , but no, you had to humiliate me in front of the entire academy!”

“I...I...just wanted to help you be close to Lenn—”

“You wanna help?!” He marched threateningly towards her, and she took several quick steps backward, only to trip and fall on her back. This time, he didn’t bother to stop her descent, and she hit the ground with a thud. “Then leave me the kriff alone! Don’t show your ugly face to me again! You hear me?!”

With a whimper, the girl scrambled to her feet and ran as fast as she could back into the building, her sobs following in her wake.

His breathing remained ragged. He should feel calmer now that he had finally gotten rid of the little brat, probably for good, but he could still feel it—hot, boiling anger, twisting, coiling and clawing at his chest.

Anger towards the other students.

Anger towards the girl.

Anger towards himself.

His vision darkened. He could barely breathe. He could hear laughter. A chorus of it. And it wouldn’t stop. It surrounded him like the sudden strong gusts of wind, swirling and slashing at him until he drew up his fists and began pounding hard against the stone pillar.

He screamed with every punch, dark hair flying with the wind. Screamed and punched until his voice grew hoarse and his fists bloodied and—

“BEN!”

The wind died as he felt a hand—metallic and firm—grip his shoulder. Anger finally dissolved into momentary panic, then shame as he turned to face his uncle, who stared at him with what almost looked like...fear?

Ben leaned his back against the pillar, trembling shoulders slumping inward. He waited for Luke to scold him, to find fault in anything and everything he just did. But his uncle said nothing.

Instead, Luke held up his nephew’s hands, took one look at the bloody mess of skin and ordered him to go to the infirmary.

Luke remained where he stood, watching as Ben quietly trudged up the steps before disappearing into the maze of halls. Once the boy was gone, he turned his attention back to the stone pillar which had taken the brunt of his nephew’s frustrations.

“Oh, Leia,” Luke murmured, reaching out to trace a finger along the pillar’s deep, bloodied cracks, “it looks like I might have my work cut out for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some may probably be a lil antsy about the new character. I know my husband was particularly miffed that I had to add a sort of love rival, but after the Bloodlines spoilers that Ben was 23-24 when he turned, it makes sense that he did have some crushes for a time.  
> As for Lennett Mha’s name, it’s actually a jumbled and mixed Tennel Ka (wife of Jacen Solo) and Mon Mothma, since I had originally planned for her to be a relative, but decided that a daughter of a former queen of Naboo would relate better to Ben.  
> And I know, I know, it’s a pretty grim chapter, but you can’t have light without darkness. Please stay tuned for more. As with this one, I already have the next chapter mapped out so expect an updated within the next 3-4 days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He trudged towards the mess hall, feet dragging against the floor. He stopped for a moment and looked behind him.
> 
> Nothing. Not even a shadow of a movement. What did he expect anyway? He’d practically told the kid to board the nearest freighter and blast off to the Outer Rim.
> 
> But more importantly, why the kriff should he care?

He was a little boy again, surrounded by the upturned, the cracked and the broken. He could feel hot tears streaming down his face when he saw his parents standing at the doorway, their expressions laced with sheer terror.

“I’m sorry Daddy! I’m sorry Mommy! I didn’t mean to do it! I didn’t—”

They turned their backs in answer and stepped out, the light from the door leaving nothing of their forms but silhouettes and shadows.

“Mommy! Daddy! Don’t leave me! I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll be good, please!”

The door slammed shut and darkness engulfed him. He turned and turned, blindly feeling around until he tripped and fell hard, pain shooting from almost every part of his small body.

A spark of light in the distance glowed brighter and morphed into the cloaked form of his uncle. He looked up at the older man’s blue eyes, pleading with him for something he couldn’t describe. But Luke only shook his head, pulled up his hood, and like his parents, turned and walked away.

“Uncle Luke...”

Laughter rumbled all around him. The darkness suddenly had eyes. Had mouths open wide in collective amusement.

Fingers pointing.

 Insults flying.

He’d never felt so small.

So alone.

So unwanted.

_“So weak...”_

That voice. It had been his constant companion through the years. Deep. Rasping. Cutting.

He curled up into a ball and covered his ears, doing what he could to muffle the voice but he always failed. It was in his head. Always in his head.

_“So, so weak, yet they have no inkling, how strong you actually are.”_

His eyes flew open, and it was there, standing over him, its mangled face blurry through the haze of his tears.

_“The strength...the power coursing through your body, your very being. I can see and feel it like no one can. If you would only allow me—”_

Another voice in the distance. Calling for him. Echoing through the oblivion, as though from a distant cave. He tore his eyes away from his childhood phantom and turned to see...

Light.

Pouring in from the window of his quarters.

Ben blinked and sat up slowly from bed. Another nightmare. That wasn’t new. But that other voice. Familiar yet one he hadn’t heard for a while now. A voice he’d rather not even think about and yet here he was, thinking about it.

Thinking about her.

He growled and headed towards his personal ‘fresher, just like he always did at this time of the morning. Every day was supposed to be like clockwork. Wake up, take a bath, eat, train, eat, train some more, eat, then sleep. That should have been his routine from the very beginning. Only, that wasn’t how things started. And now, after bathing and dressing up, he found himself once again standing at the doorway of his room and staring out at an empty hallway.

Well, good riddance to that, he thought as he closed his door and headed for breakfast. No more morning greetings, no more incessant questions, no more babysitting. Maybe now he can concentrate on more important things. Like surviving the next several years with his sanity intact.

He trudged towards the mess hall, feet dragging against the floor. He stopped for a moment and looked behind him.

Nothing. Not even a shadow of a movement. What did he expect anyway? He’d practically told the kid to board the nearest freighter and blast off to the Outer Rim.

But more importantly, why the kriff should he care?

He clenched and unclenched his fists. The bacta patches had done their job but there was still a dull ache somewhere. Somewhere else...

He shook his head. He needed to focus. He needed to get some food in him, then continue on with his daily grind. Get his mind anywhere else other than the flash of tear-filled, red-rimmed brown eyes.

By some strange sort of miracle, he managed to calm himself before stepping into the mess hall.

As with the past few days, the din in the hall immediately died at his entrance, replaced by hushed whispers and stifled laughter. He didn’t have to strain to hear what they were saying. Just as he had predicted, his fellow padawans were still not over the whole debacle with Lennett Mha. Such was the lack of entertainment in the academy that every juicy gossip was milked for all its worth.

Pulling his shoulders up, he moved towards the counter, got his food and strode with even steps to the far table. He tried to ignore his surroundings but the whispers and pointing continued in earnest, and it wasn’t until he sat down that he realized why.

Two trays. He’d carried two trays of food with him to the table. Again.

He felt the colour drain from his face, and he looked desperately around the room. For what? There was not a sympathetic face around him. Only sneers and mocking laughter. Like his nightmare.

For one brief moment, his eyes met that of Lennett Mha’s who was seated a couple of tables away. Her face coloured and she had the decency to look away, but not before Ben caught her expression.

He was wrong. There was at least one compassionate individual in the hall, and he felt his heart skip anew. This whole ordeal must’ve been embarrassing for her too, he thought.

He looked down at the trays—two glasses of blue milk, some meat chops and an extra helping of Breadroot patty. The kid had said her mother often made it for her back when she still lived in Coruscant...

Anger started to well up inside him again. Grabbing his utensils, he quickly wolfed down the food from both trays and chugged down the two glasses of blue milk before carrying the trays back to the counter for the cleaning droids.

He glared at his fellow students as he stormed out of the mess hall. Not a good way of making friends, but then again he had no intentions of making any. Lennett Mha...friendship or otherwise was now off the table when it came to her. And the youngling...he couldn’t care less. Kriff, he shouldn’t care at all!

He stopped in front of a circular door and willed himself to calm down. He had to be if he were to have a productive training session with his uncle—yet another distinction he had over the rest of the class, and one he was sure they loathed him for. Huh. As if it was his fault that he started training with remotes at a young age.

Holding up his palm, he called on the Force and opened the heavy stone doors.  He still couldn’t do it as smoothly as Luke did, or as silently, the bottom of the doors scraping and grumbling against the floor, but he managed it better than the last time.

He stepped inside and closed the door with a wave of a hand before facing Luke, who was in deep meditation on a platform at one end of the room. Upon closer inspection of his uncle’s white robes, Ben realized he was actually levitating.

_“Show off.”_

As if he could read his thoughts, Luke opened his eyes and smirked, his body gently lowering back to the platform. “You’re early.”

“There wasn’t much of a distraction,” Ben answered. If Luke caught the testiness in his nephew’s voice, he didn’t let on.

“Very well then.” The academy’s lone Jedi Master waved a hand at a wooden chest beside him, which opened and produced several stones of various shapes and sizes. The stones floated across the room before suddenly falling everywhere, the loud clatter against the floor making Ben jump.

“Chaos can lead a Jedi towards a path of destruction,” Luke declared, as always starting training sessions with pearls of wisdom. “To be a Jedi is to find calm despite turmoil and achieve harmony within one’s self.”

With a few more movements from his weathered hands, the stones began to stack one on top of the other until they were balanced in ten piles, arranged in a wide circle in the middle of the room.

“As living, sentient beings, we are bound by our emotions.” Another wave of a hand, and Luke had the stones levitating once more, although they remained hovering over their own separate piles. “Joy, sadness, fear, repulsion, anger...” his blue eyes bore meaningfully at Ben, “...and everything in between. Every single one is part of the greater whole. To have one dominate over the other creates discord, and therefore, imbalance.”

Luke dropped his hand abruptly, and the stones did the same, scattering across the floor. “Now, Ben, I want you to sit in the middle of that circle and do as I did. Use the Force to stack up and balance the stones around you. If one pile falls, you need to start over.”

Ben bit at the inside of his cheek. His uncle had had him lifting stones before of course, but he’d never been given this daunting a task. And Luke made it look so easy too.

No, he should be able to do it, Ben thought. He was strong in the Force. That much, his mother, and of course Luke had told him.

That was what that creature had told him too.

He winced and proceeded to sit on the spot his uncle had indicated. Clearing his mind as best he could, he raised an open palm and made one stone move towards him. His other palm moved to levitate another stone on top of the one he had set but almost immediately, it fell out of balance.

“You need to choose the stones carefully. Feel their weight with your mind and see which ones act as the best counter balance,” Luke advised from the platform. “Feel their curves and edges and see which pieces fit best together, just as you would wisely choose the right emotions and the right intensity of said emotions you appropriate to any situation you encounter in life.”

Ben tried. Again. And again. And again. With every failure he grew increasingly frustrated. He just couldn’t seem to concentrate no matter how hard he tried. It was just...far too distracting, that damned empty space beside his uncle.

By his twenty-ninth try, Ben dropped his arms to his sides and shook his head. “I can’t, Uncle Luke. It’s too hard.”

“Hmmm.” Luke scratched his beard and stared intensely at his nephew. “These last few days have not been very kind to your mental concentration.”

Ben wasn’t sure why that comment rubbed him the wrong way. “In my defense, that little brat kept distracting me whenever I trained with you. Always making noises and staring and giggling—”

“But she hasn’t been around to watch you train for a while now yet your performance has faltered even more,” Luke cut in. “And I wasn’t even bringing her to the discussion at hand.”

Ben’s teeth and fists clenched simultaneously. He looked away just as his uncle stood up and walked over to him, looming over his still sitting form. “Is there something you wish to tell me?”

He couldn’t bring himself to look up at his uncle. How much had the kid told him? “No.”

Luke sighed deeply. “Ben, I won’t be able to guide you properly unless you start opening up more. I’m not just your master, you know. I’m also your uncle.”

 _“And that’s exactly the problem,”_ Ben thought angrily. It was stupid, he knew. His uncle was no more to blame for casting a long shadow over his nephew anymore than he was for being born to a family held by the public in high esteem. Yet here he was, still angry at Luke and all his achievements. At his parents. Maybe if he had had a regular childhood...maybe if he wasn’t a Force sensitive, like he often heard Han Solo wish out loud when he thought his young son couldn’t hear...

“There’s so much anger in you,” Luke cut through his thoughts, and Ben quickly snapped himself back in attention.

It took a few more moments before Luke spoke again, and when he did, he sounded disappointed. So what’s new, Ben thought. He seemed to have a talent for disappointing everyone in his life. “Ben, this won’t do. You won’t be able to complete this task until you find your center. So for now, we shall cut today’s training session short.”

Ben swallowed. He was being dismissed already? If his uncle’s disappointment wasn’t already crushing then, it was now. “But...Uncle Luke, I’m sorry. Let me try again. I—”

Luke held up a hand. “There’s no point. Not when you’re in this state. What I do want you to do is to go to the garden and meditate. Find your inner peace and let go of all thought that cause you pain and suffering. Now, go, and bear in mind the lessons I have brought forth today.”

With a wave of a hand, Luke opened the stone doors. Ben stood up, nodded at his uncle, and quietly exited the room. Only when Luke closed the doors with the Force did Ben break out into a run.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to punch at something or someone, but he’d settle for punishing his legs. He needed, wanted, had to do something about all these emotions, this confusion bubbling up inside of him. But it all seemed hopeless. Like those stones, everything inside him seemed scattered. Lost. Unhinged. Nothing seemed to be holding him together. Nothing seemed to fit.

He continued to run, dark hair whipping at his eyes as he made his way around the buildings and to the academy’s garden. Only when he reached the garden’s metal archway did he stop to catch his breath, palms on his knees as he took in large gulps of air.

Once he had evened his breathing, he straightened himself and walked past the archway. The garden was more of a park really—vast and full of all manner of plants from different worlds which according to Luke, had been carefully chosen to promote tranquillity. Ben even heard some students talking about how some of the flowers might be Force sensitive, but no one has really proven it and Master Luke wasn’t saying much.

Ben continued his trek through the garden, occasionally swatting away annoying, sparkling insects which seemed to have found his presence very attractive. How his uncle came to the conclusion that he would be able to find peace here, he didn’t know.

Then, he stopped.

He felt it. A presence. One he hadn’t felt in...

He followed the pull of the Force, past some shrubs and some sickly sweet smelling flowers until he reached a small, grassy clearing adorned with tiny white blooms. In the middle of the clearing, prominent against the greenery stood a thick tree with purple blossoms, sunlight streaking through its branches to illuminate the small form of a little girl, light and shadow playing over the twin hair buns at the back of her head.

His breath slowed as he continued to watch her. He couldn’t see her face, but he could tell by the way her shoulders trembled and the way her palms were up that she was trying to use the Force. He could actually sense tiny sparks of energy coming from her, but the sparks never ignited into a flame.

He heard her groan before she turned to lean her back against the tree and slide down to the ground, fists curling at the ends of her tunic. Her face was splotchy, and she looked like she was close to tears.

He hadn’t planned it. Hadn’t even been thinking when he stepped out of the shadows and said, “Looks like you still need a teacher.”

The youngling girl shot up to her feet, her expression quickly changing from surprise to fear.

“Wait!” Ben called out when she started to take a step back. “Please. Don’t leave. I’m not here to hurt you.”

She looked at him then, her large brown eyes full of mistrust. He couldn’t exactly blame her, Ben thought, though he had to convince himself that her reaction didn’t sting.

“If you let me,” he began as he took tentative steps towards her, “I can show you the ways of the Force.”

She continued to regard him warily, her small lips twisted in a pout before Ben saw her shoulders relax. He felt his own relax as well.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed, and she obeyed. He took the opportunity to step even closer until he was about an arm’s length from her. “Feel your emotions swirling inside of you. Do you feel it?”

The girl nodded, eyes still closed.

“Search your feelings one by one,” Ben continued softly, watching her intently for any change in her expression. She still had her brows knitted, her mouth still tight and quivering.

“Feel the joy, sadness, fear, repulsion and anger,” he pursued, recalling the lessons Luke had given him earlier. “Find your center by finding the right balance between all these feelings. Let go of what causes you to suffer and keep what makes you at peace.”

He felt a shift in the girl's energy, her small face, which was scrunched up in frustration now an image of serenity.

“That’s it,” Ben encouraged. “Now, focus on what it is you want to do.”

She slowly opened her eyes—intense, focused little orbs—as she lifted her hands in the air, the Force thrumming around her.

Then, it happened. The purple petals, discarded by the tree above lifted themselves off the grass and into a mesmerizing dance against the wind. The petals surrounded both himself and the girl, flying, whirling and waving around them, moving to music he could almost hear.

It was one of the most beautiful spectacles Ben had ever seen in his whole life.

He gazed down at her, watching tendrils of her hair get swept away by the breeze. There was no denying it. He was proud of her. And when she looked up to beam at him with dimpled cheeks, he couldn't help but share her smile.

Smile. How long ago had it been since he smiled last?

“Great job, kid.” Without thinking, he reached down to put a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and just like that, her mood changed, the petals descending to the ground once more.

“S-Sorry!” Ben quickly dropped to her eye level, palms up so as not to appear threatening. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean...” he trailed off and sighed, running a hand against his hair. No point in prolonging it, he thought. “Look...I’m sorry I yelled at you, okay? It was mean. And—”

“I’m sorry too,” the girl finally spoke, her voice so full of guilt that it silenced him. “I thought if Lennett Mha knows you like her, she’ll like you back. I didn’t know the others will be mean to you because of it. I saw them laugh at you every day after that.”

“You...saw?” Ben felt his throat constrict. All those times when he looked back, those times when he sensed something... “You’ve been following me.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben.” There it was. The first few teardrops falling down her cheeks. And the way her voice cracked when she said his name...

Too much. It was too much.

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/imsorryben_colored.jpg.png.html)

“Hey, hey.” He reached out, and after a moment’s hesitation, put both his hands on her shoulders. She jerked her head up at the gesture, watery eyes locking with his dark ones. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. Not anymore.”

She sniffled. “We’re...we’re still friends right?”

Kriff, Ben thought, as another wave of feeling washed over him. This kid knew exactly where to hit him, and it took a moment for him to respond.

“No,” he said with a wide smile and withdrew his hands from her shoulders, flexing his fingers as soon as he dropped them to his knees. “Because friends are supposed to know each other’s names and I don’t know yours yet.”

She blinked then, a few more tears running down her face though her expression was more of surprise. “Master Luke never told you?”

“I wasn’t listening when he did, to be honest,” Ben admitted, though frankly ha hadn’t cared to know...until know. But he wasn’t going to tell her that.

She wiped her tears away with tiny fists before staring at him again. She seemed to be contemplating, probably realizing only then that he had never called her by her name before.

She began swinging herself by the balls of her feet. “Promise not to laugh?”

Ben made a face. “Why would I laugh?”

She leaned over then, and with her hands cupped to her mouth, whispered in his ear.

He frowned. “What?”

She whispered again, this time louder.

“What? Huh?” He sat back and gaped at her. “What kind of...” _parent names their kid that_ , was what he was about to say, but he stopped himself. “I mean, that’s very difficult to pronounce. Can you spell it out for me?”

She shook her head, the twin strands of her hair sticking out from the corner of her ears and cheekbones swinging from side to side. “I don’t know how to spell yet. Master Luke will be teaching me soon though.”

“I’ll teach you,” he blurted out impulsively, but found that he did not regret it. “But first, I’m going to give you a nickname.”

“A nickname?”

“A shortened version of a name, something only friends call each other.” He tapped a finger against his chin, playing around with the syllables of the girl’s strange name in his mind.

“Can I give you a nickname too?” she asked.

That almost made him laugh. “You can’t shorten my name anymore than Ben.”

She tilted her head up then, and Ben was surprised to see that her eyes weren’t as brown as he had originally surmised. They were hazel...almost golden under the rays of sunlight pouring from between the gaps of the tree’s branches...

“Rey...” he murmured, allowing the single syllable derived from her real name to roll off his tongue. “I’ll call you Rey. How does that sound?”

“Rey,” she repeated, and after a quiet moment, her face lit up. Like the sun. “It’s perfect!”

Ben smiled. Yes, it was perfect.

And in that moment, he realized, everything was.

Everything at last, seemed to fit.

 

* * *

 

Luke walked silently through the academy halls, white robes billowing at his feet. He had just come from a lengthy holocam conversation with his sister and while he did enjoy catching up with her, he honestly didn’t care much for her talk on politics. If there was anything he learned from past archives and Jedi lore he had managed to recover with the help of a good friend, it was that Jedi and politics do not mix well. Because of this, he had been careful not to associate the academy with Galactic politics apart from reluctantly accepting donations to keep the school running.

But more than Leia’s political concerns, it was her concerns over her son that had Luke in deep in thought. Ben hadn’t contacted his parents since the night he came to the academy, and apparently ended their last conversation in less than amicable terms. That he could sense a lot of anger in the youth was already troubling. He may need to have to sit down and have a real heart to heart with his nephew and—

Luke paused. The Force Training room’s stone doors were open. Hadn’t he closed that? And why was he sensing a different kind of energy emanating from inside?

He took a few silent steps forward, looked inside and found, to his utter amazement, Ben Solo, seated in a lotus position in the middle of the room, surrounded by ten piles of perfectly balanced stones. Across him within the circle, also in meditation, was the youngling girl, posture mirroring Ben’s to perfection.

The corners of Luke’s lips curled up into a tranquil smile, and a feeling such that he had not allowed himself around his nephew swelled within him.

It was hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the lovely reviews you guys have, not just here, but in tumblr as well. I’ve been agonizing over this chapter because it definitely deviated a lot from my original outline, and is the longest chapter yet but I couldn’t break it in two so I hope you enjoyed the read. Finally, a chapter ending on a happy note! Might take a brief break before I finish Chapter 4, but the outline is already in the works. We’ll be getting more pseudo-sibling fluff from here on as Ben and Rey’s friendship deepen.
> 
> Oh, for Rey’s name, I’m part of the camp that believes it’s not her real name, that’s why I didn’t want to state it in the first two chapters. Also, I thought it would be far sweeter if it was Ben himself who gave her that name, hence this chapter :)
> 
> For constant updates on future chapters as well as fanart, please visit and follow my blog http://gwendy85.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben felt as though he had been doused by ice cold water. He sat up and looked down at Rey, who was now lying on her back, hands clasped over her stomach, a faraway look on her face as her hazel eyes glistened under the setting sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter for you guys. Definitely a lot longer than I had intended but when the characters speak for themselves, you tend to get run away with their feelings :P

“Right over middle, then left over middle, then alternate.”

“Got it, got it.”

She really didn’t get it, Ben thought with amusement as he watched his little friend—Rey as he now called her—struggle to turn a section of his hair into a padawan braid, pink tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. He was probably going to need to redo his braid later. She wasn’t very good at it but she had been so determined to do it, her small, chubby face scrunched up in a pout that he had been unable to resist.

Oh, who was he kidding? He was unable to resist anything the kid asked.

With a grin, he reached out to continue twisting her delicate baby hair into a padawan braid. He needed to redo hers after he saw how haphazardly she had done it for herself. She had then insisted on returning the favour, which resulted in them spending the late afternoon sitting face to face and braiding each other’s hair beneath the purple flowering tree—their favourite spot in the academy’s garden.

In the weeks following their encounter in this very clearing, Ben had not only gone back to the routine he had started with Rey, he had actually found himself spending more and more time with her, especially since he had taken it upon himself to teach her to read and write, as well as understand binary. She had even carried a full conversation with R2-D2 earlier that morning. The girl’s mind was like a sponge, he thought. A highly absorbent one.

He finished tying her braid with a band almost the same time she did. He didn’t have to look to know she hadn’t done a good job with his, though he wasn’t going to tell her that.

She pulled at her braid, looked at it admiringly before glancing up at him again. “Where did you learn to braid so well?”

“From my mom,” he answered and lay back on the grass, hands clasped behind his head, his gaze moving beyond the tree’s branches and blossoms and to the orange skies. There was a distinct feeling in his chest as his thoughts floated towards happier times. “I would often sit on my parents’ bed and watch her style her hair. Sometimes, she’d braid my hair. Dad hated it when she did.”

He could taste something bitter in his mouth. He swallowed.

“Why did he hate it?” Rey crawled up beside him and mimicked his position. She seemed to really like imitating him, Ben noticed.

“Because he thought it made me look like a girl.” He did his best to dull the edge in his voice. He was beginning to get agitated and he didn’t like it. “He wanted me to be more like him. Wanted me to become a pilot, maybe even take over his shipping business one day. Well, good luck with that. In the end, I was always disappointing him.”

He paused and blinked rapidly. Why was he even discussing something so serious with a small child? He made a mental note to filter out the things they talked about next time.

He was about to change the subject when she spoke first. “You don’t like your daddy very much, do you?”

He bit his lower lip until it almost broke skin. So much for switching topics. “Let’s just say...we disagree on a lot of things.”

“And your mommy?”

“Oh, she’s nice. You would like her,” he murmured, his voice trailing off. He bit his lower lip again, softly this time.

“You sound sad.”

He turned his head towards her. Rey was lying on her side, facing him now, eyes looking questioningly at him.

He tore his gaze away from hers, all the tension in his body making way for a sudden bout of weakness. “She was...always working. I mean, I understand, since she’s a senator and all—”

“Like Lennett Mha’s daddy?”

Ben almost choked. Rey had this really bad habit of retaining bits of information and bringing them up in the most inopportune moments. “Y-Yes...like Lennett Mha’s daddy.”

Silence then, and Ben’s thoughts wandered off to images of golden curls and blue eyes, and to the memory of a smooth, pale hand against his.

He let out a long, languorous breath. He’d thought that by avoiding Lennett Mha, especially in light of the humiliating experience they shared, that she would finally be purged from his thoughts. But he was wrong. If anything, he thought about her more and more. It didn’t help that he caught her constantly looking his way whenever he helped Rey with her meals. Then there were those times during Jedi Lore and History classes when they would accidentally lock eyes before hastily turning away...

Rey’s soft voice cut through his musings. “You’re very lucky with your mommy and daddy.”

“Lucky?” The tightness in his chest quickly evolved from pleasant to painful. And just like that, whatever restraint he had over his emotions was gone. “My father is almost never home, my mother’s always busy, and whenever they’re together, they always fight. How is that lucky?”

“My mommy and daddy are dead.”

Ben felt as though he had been doused by ice cold water. He sat up and looked down at Rey, who was now lying on her back, hands clasped over her stomach, a faraway look on her face as her hazel eyes glistened under the setting sun.

She seemed to have aged ten years before him. “Dead? But Uncle Luke said...” What did his uncle say? He hadn’t asked much about Rey’s past. The girl had been offering information about her parents left and right that he had just assumed they were still very much alive...though he distinctly recalled Luke saying Rey hadn’t had it easy in life...

“Master Luke told me they’re just away working, that they’d come back for me. But I sensed it. After they left me here...I felt their pain...then I couldn’t feel them anymore.” Her lip quivered, and Ben had the overwhelming urge to pull her into a crushing embrace. “Why did Master Luke lie?”

He pulled up his legs to rest his elbows on his knees, eyes on the grassy, flower-strewn field swaying in the breeze. He wasn’t used to this contemplative, if not mature side of Rey. He hadn’t even known it existed until now, and he felt his heart break a little.

“I think,” he began carefully, “he did that because he...wants to protect you from feeling hurt.”

She didn’t look at him. She barely even moved, her eyes becoming glassier. “Is that why people lie?”

“People lie for many reasons.” His thoughts began racing. He had to find a way to snap her out of this. He had to have her smiling again somehow. “Like...remember when I told you I was intolerant to blue milk? That was a lie.”

“You lied about that?” She quickly sat up and turned to him with a pout. Guess that did it, he thought. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I was hoping it would stop you from asking too many questions. It’s stupid, I know.”

“Yeah, it is.” She continued to pout at him, and he had to stop himself from reaching over to pinch her plump cheeks. “What else have you lied to me about?”

Ben shifted his body away a little. His padawan uniform was suddenly stifling, even though the air was starting to cool. “I...think that’s the only thing I’ve lied to you about.”

“Nuh-uh.” She shook her head, loose tendrils of her hair swinging from side to side. “You lie to me every morning.”

“Huh? What in the world are you talking about? I don’t—”

“I ask every morning if you slept well,” Rey interrupted, a stern expression on her face. “Before you used to tell me no, but now you always tell me you sleep well even though you don’t.”

Ben sucked in a breath and stared at her in surprise. “How did you...do I have bags in my eyes? Is that it?”

Rey shook her head again, this time slowly, her features softening. She was quiet for a moment before muttering something so unbelievable, Ben had to ask her to say it again.

“The voices,” she repeated, her eyes downcast. “I hear them around you. Especially at night.”

Stunned was not a word that could even describe what he was feeling at that moment. So many questions rang through his head in one brief instant, many of them beginning with ‘how’.

As though she had read his mind, she continued. “Those voices were with you when you came here. They were with you everywhere and made you sad.”

Still, Ben couldn’t say anything. What could he say? He was too lost in a maelstrom of confusion. How could she hear those voices when his mother and father had told him almost all his life that they were just in his head?

Rey must’ve taken his silence as encouragement to continue. “I wanted those voices to go away because...I know what it feels like to be sad. I wanted to help...”

“...so you followed me around,” Ben finished, his voice breathless at the realization. “You...wanted to cheer me up? Was that it?”

Rey nodded quietly, and Ben went completely still as a surge of warmth welled up inside him. How long ago was it since someone last cared this much for his well-being?

Too long, he thought. Far too long. So long, that he’d actually forgotten what it was like to be cared for. To have someone’s undivided attention and affection instead of their fear and mistrust.

Unable to stop the burn in his eyes, he reached out and pulled Rey’s small frame into his arms and buried his face at the side of her head.

“Ben?”

He couldn’t trust himself to respond, and so he continued to hold her in silence. She seemed to understand, and lifted her arms up to wrap them around his neck.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” he finally said after a time, and when he pulled back, his eyes were clear and his lips were curled into a wide smile. “No more lies. From now on, I’ll be honest with you about everything.”

She tilted her head to the side. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

She considered him for a moment. “Can I tell you something then?”

“What is it?”

“Your nose and ears are big.”

He let out a laugh. “Now you’re just being mean.”

She grinned back. “It’s the truth!”

“And you’re a little squirt. Come here!”

Rey squealed and broke out into a run, Ben quickly giving chase. It didn’t take long for him to catch her, and he made sure to give her a good tickle until she laughingly begged for mercy.

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/thechase_s.jpg.html)

He let her go and looked up at the blanket of stars above. He hadn’t realized it was already dark. Where had the time gone? “We should head back.”

“Okay.”

He wasn’t sure who reached out first, but for the first time, he found Rey’s little hand in his. He smiled inwardly, slowing his steps to accommodate her short strides.

As a child, he used to wonder what it was like to have a sibling. He didn’t have to anymore.

He had Rey.

**

Rey barely made it past dinner time before nodding off. Ben had to remind himself that for all her maturity and eloquence, she was still barely past her toddler years, and that was how he ended up carrying her in his arms as he exited the mess hall. As usual, all eyes were trained on him, even more so now. He must look silly to the other padawans, but he could care less. He wasn’t even the least bit annoyed when he heard them whisper loudly about him being demoted from royalty to babysitter. He was, however, flustered when he saw Lennett Mha staring intently, and he had to hasten his steps, relaxing only when he reached the hallway that lead to the students’ quarters.

 _“Where was that again? Seven rooms to the right from mine?”_ He counted the doors as he walked until he found what he assumed was Rey’s room. That it opened when he pressed her limp palm against the room’s identification panel confirmed it.

He stepped inside and gingerly set her down on her bed, taking great pains not to wake her while he freed her hair of the twin buns and tucked the covers under her neck.

He watched her for a while, her chest heaving with her soft breaths before he tore his eyes away to look at his surroundings. He had never been inside her room before, and he quickly saw that it had more personality than his—a single red flower in a glass vase at a child’s study desk, a scale model of an X-Wing on a small cupboard full of trinkets, and doodles plastered over one side of the room.

He moved towards the doodles. Rey wasn’t exactly the best artist, but her stick figure drawings certainly held Ben’s attention. There was what he assumed to be a self-portrait, with twin buns and loose strands of brown hair sticking out. Then there was one which he assumed was Rey with her parents, some drawings of flowers, an X-wing or at least what looked like one, a man in an orange jumpsuit, a woman cooking, more drawings of Rey with her parents, and a drawing of Rey, holding hands with a taller figure with black hair, a big nose and a pair of big ears. Was that supposed to be him?

He scowled in the girl’s direction, though not without a hint of amusement. He’ll get her for that, he thought, as he walked back to her bed to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her face scrunched up a little, and she turned to her side, kicking something out of the bed in the process.

Ben knelt to pick up the small, circular object. It was a holoprojector. Sheesh, this kid should know better than to keep expensive, breakable stuff on the bed. Then again, who was he to talk? He broke his on purpose.

A bleep rang from the holoprojector before the bluish haze of a holovid came into view. He must’ve pressed a button or something.

_“Happy birthday, honey!”_

He fumbled with the holoprojector’s volume and turned to Rey. She didn’t stir, so he turned back to the holovid, watching the bluish images of Rey’s parents appear on screen, Rey on a high chair, giggling face streaked with cream.

He squinted at the holovid. It was a little difficult to make out because of the poor quality, and he couldn’t even discern which parent Rey took after the most. What was clear however was that her father was a pilot. He’d recognize that jumpsuit anywhere. Must’ve taken time off of work just to be around for his daughter’s birthday, Ben thought, and he felt a twinge of jealousy course through him.

As to which parent was the Force sensitive one, he couldn’t tell from the holovid. They certainly weren’t exhibiting Jedi powers in it. In fact, the family appeared...normal. But Rey had to have gotten her strong Force Empathy from one parent. Maybe even both. Because there was no doubt in Ben’s mind now that Rey was a Force Empath. Nothing else could explain why she could sense his feelings with such acuity and hear those voices.

His eyes wandered off to the holovid’s time stamp and he blanched. It was taken the year before, on what would have been Rey’s fourth birthday.

But more importantly, that day had actually passed. It passed a few days after he had screamed at her.

Rey had celebrated her fifth birthday alone.

A knot formed in Ben’s stomach. Images of Rey, curling up in bed on her fifth birthday, watching this same holovid with tears streaming down her face assailed his thoughts, and he had to turn off the holoprojector, lest he give in to the urge to bang his head against the wall until it bled.

With great care, he slipped the holoprojector beneath Rey’s pillow and ran a gentle palm against her hair before standing up to leave.

 He was still deep in thought by the time he reached his room and changed into his sleeping clothes. Sleep, if ever it would come, will most likely be hard won.

But sleep did come. And when it did, it was vicious. The nightmares were expected, but it was as though it had sensed his happiness earlier that day and was determined to dampen it with horrifying images of his own weakness, of his helplessness.

His father wishing he had never been born.

His mother telling him she wanted nothing to do with him.

His uncle saying he would never be able to live up to the family legacy.

Not for the first time, Ben woke up drenched in sweat and sucking in lungful after lungful of air yet still feeling as though he were drowning.

He sat up and swung his legs off the bed, burying his head in hands. He struggled to recall the events of the day—Rey’s smile, her laugh, her bright eyes, her admission of deep-seated concern for him, anything to get his mind off this feeling of being unwanted—until he remembered what she had told him.

_“You’re very lucky with your mommy and daddy. My mommy and daddy are dead.”_

After several minutes of remaining in that position, he stood up and walked towards the corner by the door. The pieces of his holoprojector were still there, and he picked it up, surveying the damage. Nothing unfixable, though he couldn’t be sure unless he tried.

He sat himself at his study table and began to put the pieces back together, bearing in mind what his Uncle Chewie had taught him back in the day before the Wookie decided to go back to Kashyyyk.

He smiled a little at the memory of Chewbacca’s warm hugs and melodious bleats before the pieces of the holoprojector snapped in place in his hands, bringing him back to the present.

He turned on the device and steeled himself as he pressed the buttons for his mother’s comms signature and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until finally the device informed him that it was unable to make contact, and asked if he would like to leave a message.

A mixture of relief and disappointment washed over him—relief because he wasn’t looking forward to a confrontation, disappointment because she wasn’t there, even though she should be home already at this hour.

He took a deep breath, pressed a button and began.

“Uhm...hi...Mom. I...just wanted to let you know that I’m still here. Alive.”

That sounded a little passive aggressive. Hopefully she won’t think of it as that, he thought.

“What I mean is that I’m doing well. Uncle Luke’s been nice and I’ve been learning a lot from him. I also made a friend.”

He contemplated on how much he should say about Rey, but maybe that should be for another time.

“I...uh...don’t want you or Dad to worry. I’m fine. It’s just...I still have the nightmares. I remember back when I was younger, how you’d rush to my room to comfort me no matter what time it was...”

He ran a palm across his face. His throat was suddenly parched.

“Then you’d had to work later hours and you couldn’t...but I understand, I understand, don’t get me wrong. I even understand...Dad. I know you’re both working hard to give me the best life possible and...I’ve been a big letdown and...”

He winced. Why the kriff was he saying all these things? And why were his eyes watering?

“I...had another nightmare. Again. And I...I thought of you. I even thought about Dad. And...and I...”

He felt his shoulders shake. He tried to stop it but he had held it in for far too long, and he finally lost the strength to hold back the tears which now flowed freely down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry Mom. I’m so, so sorry. I...I didn’t mean to say those things. To you and Dad. I just...I just wish so bad that you were here. That we were all together I...I’m sorry.”

He ended the message before he could make a bigger fool of himself, before he could show how much he’d regressed.

He shouldn’t cry. Boys shouldn’t cry, his father had constantly told him, yet here he was, balling his eyes out like the loser he was until he dragged himself to bed and into another restless slumber.

He wasn’t the only one crying that night. Seven doors down to the right from his, a little girl sat up from bed, burying her sobs in her small palms, her heart aching for the boy who was plagued with voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Force empathy was a Force power related to Force sense, but involved picking up impressions of an individual's emotional state (Wookiepedia). Bastila Shan, whom I do believe was the inspiration for Rey’s character despite what Pablo Hidalgo says, was also a powerful Force Empath.
> 
> As for Rey’s parents, I do have a sort of backstory for that, as well as my own personal theories of Rey’s origins but I didn’t think it was necessary for the plot. Initially I was going to explore it, but with the recent stuff I’ve outline for this fic, I don’t think it’ll need to come to play, but who knows.
> 
> Also, not sure, but I hope you guys caught the TFA references: Ben's decision to be completely honest with Rey (TFA novelization) as well as the bridal carry LOL
> 
> Anyway, I really do hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, even though it did end on a sad note. As always, thank you so much for your support. Your reviews have kept me going and I hope you will continue to join me on this ride because there’s still more chapters to go. Until the next chapter ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There!” she cried with delight, pale little hands setting the crown of flowers on his head. “Now, you’re really a prince!”
> 
> “Just because my mother was once a princess doesn’t make me a prince,” he grumbled.
> 
> “Yes it does,” she insisted emphatically, her face scrunched up in a frown before lighting up the way it usually did whenever an idea dawned on her. “Maybe when I grow up, you can marry me. Then I can be a princess too!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so so much for waiting guys. I know it took a lot longer than expected, but here it is. Expect new characters, and also, this is another long read with a lot of stuff going on. Pay attention as the events here will greatly influence the future chapters.

Luke leaned forward from where he was seated in the platform, blue eyes fixed on his nephew’s every move. Ben was once again at the middle of the Force Training Room; only this time, he was attempting something more ambitious than piling stones.

Luke watched with bated breath as Ben slowly but surely put his hands flat on the floor and lifted his legs up in the air, the Force radiating from his body. Tranquil energy, serene face, good concentration, overall good form. Luke was impressed.

“Well done,” he complimented. “Now try to lift the stones around you.”

He felt energy pulsate from the boy, and the stones he had scattered earlier across the room began to levitate from the floor.

He heard a series of soft claps and turned to look at the youngling girl—Rey, as Ben so fondly called her—seated beside him. Sensing her master’s eyes on her, she stopped clapping, gave him a sheepish smile before hiding her face behind the handmade pilot doll in an orange jumpsuit he’d seen her carrying around the last few days.

Luke turned his attentions back to his older padawan again. Despite Rey’s clapping, Ben’s concentration was undisturbed, and now, he was starting to lift his other hand off the ground in an attempt to do a one-hand handstand.

Then, a sharp change of energy cut through the air and Ben crumpled to the floor, the stones clattering down with his fall.

Luke rose to his feet , Rey already by his nephew’s side before he could even take another step.

“I’m fine, Rey. I just...” A hiss of pain. Luke didn’t have to look to know that Ben had cuts and bruises on his hands and knuckles.

He gestured with his metal hand. “Let me see it.”

“I’m okay, Uncle Luke. I over did it with the sparring droids yester—”

“Let me see.”

Ben sighed and rose to his feet, presenting his hands to his uncle. Luke took them in his, observing the skin discoloration, the scabs and the barely healed scars overlapping one on top of the other.

He shook his head. “Punching those droids must be like punching a stone wall, huh?” He gave Ben a meaningful look before letting go of the boy’s hands. “Go to the infirmary. And after you get patched up, head directly to Jedi Lore and History class. Our guest teacher is coming today.”

Ben nodded, and reaching down to take Rey’s hand in his, walked out of the room with her, using the Force to open the stone doors.

Once his two students were gone, Luke began putting the stones away, images of Ben’s battered hands still swimming in his mind. He’d seen those injuries before, the first time being at the courtyard, where he had found his nephew putting a dent on a stone pillar, and the next several times after recent complaints from other padawans about banging noises from Ben’s quarters at night.

Luke let out a deep breath. Despite the remarkable improvement in Ben’s recent performances, Luke had not missed the anger seething from behind his nephew’s eyes; anger, he was sure Ben was unleashing on hard surfaces. He supposed he should be thankful the boy wasn’t outwardly displaying that temper to anyone, but that was little consolation to the fact that Ben was turning that rage towards himself.

He’d have to talk to Leia, Luke thought as he headed towards comms room, hoping against hope that the radiation interference they had been experiencing the past month had at least abated enough for his message to push through.

 

* * *

 

“You lied to Master Luke.”

Ben let out a long sigh before giving Rey a tired look. They were alone in the classroom, as the other padawans were still training with remotes in another part of the academy. “Lied to him about what?”

“About how you got hurt. You hurt your hands on purpose,” she accused, small hands still clutching the pilot doll he’d made for her as a belated fifth birthday present. He’d tried to make it look like her father—she had later named it Papa Doll—but with his artistic skills being next to none, he’d only made her something comparable to her stick figure drawings.

Still, she wouldn’t stop lugging the thing around and even admitted to not being able to sleep without it. He supposed he should be flattered, but it was embarrassing that he couldn’t get her something better. He reminded himself again to order a real doll from the holonet once he gets his next allowance from his parents...provided they were still going to support him. They hadn’t even bothered to reply to his last message when he had bared his all to them. Was he really that unimportant to them now?

Ben clenched his teeth until his jaw hurt before he finally loosened up. “I just didn’t want Uncle Luke to worry. He’s got enough in his hands as it is. That’s actually why he’s bringing in a new teacher to help with class for the next few days. Do you want to know who the new teacher is?”

He knew it was useless to try and change the subject when it came to Rey. She had the determination of an akk dog when it came to pursuing matters at hand. “You promised me you wouldn’t lie anymore.”

“Yes. I promised I would. Not. Lie. To. You.” He stressed each word with light, playful taps on her nose with his finger. He had to hide a grimace behind his smile. Even with the bacta patches, his hands and fingers still hurt. “Uncle Luke is another matter.”

“I don’t like it,” she grumbled, and puffed air into her cheeks. Ben chuckled to himself. This girl had no idea how adorable she was, and not for the first time, he wondered why the other students weren’t as enamoured by her as he was. He’d thought for sure the girls would be doting on her, yet they’re staying clear of her. Of both of them. “I hate lying. People shouldn’t lie to each other.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but he was spared from further discussion with the arrival of the other padawans.

He shifted in his seat, Rey doing the same as he tried to be discreet in moving his eyes over Lennett Mha. She always took his breath away, even with her golden hair sticking out, some strands pasting to the sides of her face from sweat. If anything, she seemed to brighten from the exertion of training with those remotes.

He managed to look away before she could catch him staring and moved his gaze forward, just as a tall man with a weathered, dignified face and greying blonde hair walked in.

“Settle down, padawans,” the man, dressed in a long, brown robe addressed the class, glancing around until his blue eyes fell on Rey, a look of surprise on his face. “And...youngling.”

“Master Luke lets me sit in,” Rey declared, then sat her doll on the table. “Can Papa Doll sit in too?”

Laughter echoed across the room, but Ben had become indifferent to it. And by the looks of it, so had Rey.

“Yes, of course.” The man in front of the class seemed a bit flustered by the display before he straightened himself. “I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Lor San Tekka, a friend of the Jedi, and I will be teaching you about Jedi History for the next few days.”

The class greeted Tekka, though Ben added a meaningful nod when the old man looked his way. It was the first time he had met the Tekka, but he’d heard about him from his mom. More than just a friend of the Jedi, Tekka was the explorer who had been helping Luke in his search for Jedi Lore across the galaxy. He was also a member of the Church of the Force, which believed in the Jedi ideals and followed their doctrines despite the members not being Force sensitive.

Ben took out his data pad so he could take down notes while Rey busied herself with balancing Papa Doll on their table. He thought about the possible lessons for the day. Old Jedi rituals? Force abilities? Lightsaber construction? Maybe even new clues on where to find kyber crystals? Hopefully it won’t be Jedi History, he thought. Those topics tend to bore Rey to the point of sleeping. More than once, he’d had to spend an entire lesson trying not to wake her while she used his lap as a pillow.

Tekka cleared his throat. “We shall be discussing Jedi History today...”

Ben groaned inwardly.

“...in particular about the Skywalker family.”

The data pad almost fell out of his hands, his fingers suddenly losing all feeling. Rivulets of sweat began forming at his brow and he knew without looking that all eyes were on him.

“Now, I know for a fact that your master, Luke Skywalker does not talk about himself, or even his family’s legacy much,” Tekka pursued, drumming his long, bony fingers on the desk before him, “but I believe it is an integral part of Jedi History and so it is an honor to be able to partake this knowledge with you. Even more so that we actually have a Skywalker descendant among us.”

Ben hung his head low when Tekka gestured a palm in his direction. Of all the subjects under the sun, why did this old man have to talk about his family? He would’ve walked out too if it wasn’t for Rey’s small hand patting his soothingly. As usual, she was quick to sense his distress.

Tekka began the discussion with Ben’s grandfather, Anakin Skywalker—from being discovered by the Jedis Qui Gon Jinn and Obi Wan Kenobi, whose alias he would later be named after, to Anakin’s secret marriage to Padme Amidala, former Queen of Naboo, to the birth of their twins Leia and Luke, up to the twins’ separation to ensure that the Dark Lord of the Sith, Emperor Palpatine would never find them. Ben already knew about these so he didn’t type anything on his data pad.

He did however, despite his discomfort at having his family history discussed so publicly, listen with rapt fascination as Tekka talked about Anakin in further detail—his unconventional ascension to Jedi Knighthood, his involvement in the Clone Wars, and how he had lost his life after Palpatine issued Order 66, the mass genocide of the Jedi. Now these, he hadn’t known about because his mother always seemed so uncomfortable whenever he broached the subject of his grandfather. She would always say she barely knew anything about him, then would begin talking at length about her adoptive father Bail Organa instead. Han Solo, of course, was no help. In fact, he would always tell Ben to stop nosing around...

Tekka’s voice cut through Ben’s musings. “Okay, class. Any questions so far?”

A few hands shot up. Ben kept his on Rey’s, who surprisingly enough had stayed wide awake through the lesson.

Tekka pointed to one of the students in the back. Everyone else turned except Ben.

“Mister Tekka, sir, what about Darth Vader?”

Ben couldn’t have whipped around any faster. A combination of horror and disgust fell at the pit of his stomach at the mere mention of the name. Han Solo may not have had much to talk about Anakin, but he did have a few words to say about Darth Vader—how the Sith Lord had tortured him for hours, tortured his mother and destroyed her home world of Alderaan, and how even until now, Leia would still have nightmares about that monstrous man in the black armour.

Tekka cleared his throat again, loudly this time. “What about Darth Vader?”

“I heard from my father that Darth Vader first emerged shortly after the completion of Order 66,” the padawan, a human male with a shock of red hair—what was his name again?—continued. “Has he always been a Sith or was he former Jedi? And if Anakin Skywalker was as powerful as you say he was, wouldn’t he have been able to survive Order 66 and I don’t know...maybe even confronted and defeated Darth Vader?”

Ben turned back to Tekka. It was a good question, he thought, and one he wouldn’t mind the old man answering.  

“I’m afraid...not much is...known about Darth Vader’s origins.” Tekka’s tone was even, and Ben found it strange how this man who had spoken with such eloquence was now inundated with pauses. “As for Anakin Skywalker, there were a great many powerful Jedi who did not survive.”

For a moment there, he thought he saw Tekka’s eyes move fleetingly over him. Then again, he could’ve been looking at Rey, who was making Papa Doll do a ridiculous dance on the table.

“But sir, you said he had the highest midi-chlorian count of any Jedi,” another padawan, an Anx, called out. He couldn’t remember his name either. He might as well give up on remembering anyone else’s names at this point. “Surely, Anakin must have at least survived longer than the rest.”

“Having a high midi-chlorian count does not guarantee immortality,” Tekka answered, both palms now flat on the desk as if to support himself. He suddenly looked very exhausted. “Also, since the Empire destroyed most of the Jedi records, lore and holocrons, there is still much we don’t know, which is why I do what I do with your master. We explore the galaxy in search of any remnants of Jedi history. Should we find more, I can guarantee that I will be sharing those rediscovered knowledge with you.

“Now, take out your data pads and create a blank slate,” Tekka ordered and pulled his shoulders back. “We will now have an impromptu test, so I can ascertain that you have indeed been listening.”

A series of grumbles rang across the classroom followed by the clatter of data pads on tables. Ben let out a sigh of relief. Finally, he thought. Class was going to be over soon and he wouldn’t have to be at the center of unwanted attention anymore.

“Sir Tekka, I don’t think Ben _Skywalker_ Solo should be taking the test.”

Giggles all around, and Ben’s face hardened. So much for not being at the center of attention.

He turned his head to see who had spoken, and saw that it was the same red-haired padawan who had asked about Darth Vader. Herr...Herron. Herron Casthre, yes, that was his name. The son of a wealthy and influential merchant from Hosnian Prime.

Herron caught him looking, and a smirk lit up his pale, freckled face. “It’s unfair to the rest of us _peasants_. He knows all of these inside out. It’s his _royal_ family’s history after all.”

“Leave him alone, Herron.”

Ben blinked rapidly and turned to the direction of the voice. _Her_ voice. Stern, yet melodious.

It was her. Lennett Mha.

Lennett Mha was standing up for him.

Herron appeared flustered, his cheeks flaming before he caught himself. “What did you say, Mha?”

“I said leave Solo alone,” Lennett repeated. Ben couldn’t believe his ears. He must be dreaming, he thought. There’s no way the most popular girl in the class was defending someone from the bottom rung of the social ladder. “It’s not like he asked to be born into his family. Besides, the Skywalker legacy is an important part of Jedi History, which makes it equally _our_ history now as Jedi acolytes.”

The room fell silent, all eyes on falling on Lennett. Unlike Ben, however, she didn’t seem too bothered by the attention, and simply flipped her curly locks to one side and faced forward, but not before throwing a small smile his way.

He felt Rey tug at his sleeve. “Ben, your ears are red.”

“N-No, they’re not!” He quickly combed down his dark hair to hide his prominent ears, and the room broke out into snickers and whispers again until Tekka rapped his desk with an open palm.

“Alright acolytes, settle down. Let us begin the test.”

It went without saying that Ben aced the test.

 

* * *

 

The late afternoon found Ben and Rey at their favourite spot in the garden, him lying down on the grass with his hands beneath his head, her sitting beside him with Papa Doll, quietly weaving a crown of flowers. Normally they would be talking until the sun went down but his head was much too engaged at present. He’d been in a daze for most of the day, still unable to believe that Lennett Mha had actually defended him in front of the entire class. But why? They hadn’t talked or interacted much at all except maybe for the times they accidentally caught each other’s gazes, so what changed?

The memory of Lennett’s smile was still playing in his mind when Rey’s small voice disrupted his thoughts. “Mister Tekka said your grandmother was a queen.”

He sat up and looked at her. She didn’t turn to him, her attentions much too focused on weaving the flower crown.

Rey had a great love for flowers. “Yes. Yes she was.”

“Which makes Master Luke and your mother a prince and a princess.”

He hummed his confirmation.

“Which makes you a prince.”

He scoffed. “Hardly. Princes are not supposed to have big noses and big ears.”

She looked up at him with those doe-like eyes, thin little brows furrowed. “But...I like your big nose and you big ears.”

“You like pulling on them is what you mean,” he pointed out with a slight smile, and she giggled.

“Yes, I do,” she agreed, standing up on tiny legs to approach him with the crown. He knew straight away what she wanted to do. It was silly, for sure, but he allowed it anyway.

“There!” she cried with delight, pale little hands setting the crown of flowers on his head. “Now, you’re really a prince!”

“Just because my mother was once a princess doesn’t make me a prince,” he grumbled.

“Yes it does,” she insisted emphatically, her face scrunched up in a frown before lighting up the way it usually did whenever an idea dawned on her. “Maybe when I grow up, you can marry me. Then I can be a princess too!”

He found his breath catching, before he burst out into a fit of laughter. This girl really was one bright ray of sunshine, and he felt himself warmed by her glow. Oh, to be able to view and experience the world with the same innocence and wonder as she did... “Yeah, well, you’re going to have to grow up to my shoulder at least before I can marry you, sweetheart.”

She laughed then, but he was too stunned to join in. That word...his father’s favourite endearment to his mother. He had the sudden urge to pull out his tongue and scrub it clean.

“Yeah, sure Ben Solo, go ahead and marry her.”

He looked up with a start, and saw to his chagrin, a few of his fellow padawans—Herron Casthre, the Anx from earlier, plus a couple of other non humans—leering at him as they approached the clearing.

“What’s with the crown, Solo?” Herron pointed, his face still painted with a sneer. “Didn’t you get the memo that it’s the bride who’s supposed to wear that?”

Ben snatched the flower crown off his head and rose to his full height. He wasn’t much taller than the boys before him, but anger made his spine rigid.

“What do you want, Casthre?” He put a protective palm at the back of Rey’s head. She was hiding behind him, fists clinging to his padawan robes.

“Oh, just here to satisfy a collective curiosity amongst the class.” Herron made a show of running a hand across his flaming red mane. “Don’t think it has escaped anyone else’s notice how you’d go here with the youngling every afternoon.”

“What is it that you two do here that’s so secret, anyway?” the Anx asked in a tone so full of suggestion that the two others with them sniggered.

“Starting out the honeymoon a little early with your little wife, eh, Solo?” Herron added, and the snickers evolved into laughter. “Looks like you took after your dad. From what I hear, he likes ‘em young too.”

Ben was on Herron before he could even think, slamming his injured fists again and again on the other boy’s face. Pain was nothing. He could feel nothing; see nothing but a haze of red; hear nothing, not even Rey’s screaming. Only the voices.

_Kill him! Kill him! KILL HIM!_

Several hands gripped his shoulders and he was flung to the ground. Fists and boots came raining down on him from everywhere along with curses and abuses.

_Creep!_

_Scum!_

_Cradle snatcher!_

_Pervert!_

Herron’s angry, bruised face came into view, and a boot connected with Ben’s face, a spray of warmth splashing at the side of his cheek. His ears began ringing, his vision blurring, the image of Rey’s tear-streaked face swimming before his glazed eyes.

Then, came the voice. _That_ voice. The one that had been haunting him in his sleep. Cold, cutting and ominous.

_“How weak you’ve become, dear boy...”_

Ben shut his eyes tight, but even then he could still see him...see _it_. The feeble yet terrifying creature with the scars, looming over him.

 _“Look what you’ve allowed yourself to become,”_ the creature hissed, just as Herron grabbed Ben by his robes to land a punch on his already bloodied face.

_“You can put a stop to all this. You have the power within you...”_

His fingers curled around the grass.

_“All you need to do is give in to the rage...”_

He felt his teeth clench hard, his muscles suddenly growing rigid.

_“Use your rage to fuel your power...”_

The spark within him ignited into a blazing inferno, and he opened his eyes in time to see Herron stand up, ready to kick him again.

His hand flew out to Herron’s direction, energy pulsing through his veins, running from his chest, to his arm, his finger tips and...

Herron and his lackeys froze.

And so did Ben.

The energy had dissipated, the creature gone. The clearing had grown eerily quiet.

Save for the sniffles of the little girl, who had thrown herself over his body, encasing his head in her small arms.

“Please, stop. Please, please, please...”

Her tears, warm and damp against his skin was the first thing he felt before the dull ache of his body evolved into pain. His vision began to clear, his senses slowly coming back from whatever dark place he had found himself in earlier.

“Loser,” Herron huffed, wiping the bit of blood that dripped from his nose as he and the other boys stepped back. “That’s what you are, Solo. A loser. You’re nothing without your Skywalker blood. Nothing! That’s the only thing you’ve got going for you so the next time you think you can take on a Casthre, you remember this day. Or else I’ll just have to remind you.”

Herron’s words were biting, but the only pain Ben could feel was that from his bruises, his bleeding cuts and from the ever intensifying throbbing of his skull. But the worst pain of all came from the sight of Rey sobbing helplessly over him.

It was last thing he saw before his body finally gave in to his injuries and pulled him into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we finally got to the Flower Crown scene, the one depicted in the fanart that started this fic. Honestly, I didn't think it would end in this dark note either 0_0 But sometimes things just deviate from the original outline. I actually had Ben just backing off from Herron after he insulted him but after much thinking, Ben would definitely lunge at him after that.
> 
> Oh. And yeah, I made Herron a redhead haha it's I guess to drive home an extra hate factor for Ben towards another sneering, arrogant redhead he'll meet in the future.
> 
> And I dunno if you guys noticed, but I kinda channeled the anti-Reylos through Herron and his lackeys :P
> 
> This was originally going to be extra extra EXTRA long but after reading it all over again, I had to separate this part into two chapters. I know I've already told some of you in tumblr that we're going to see an older Rey come Chapter 6, but it seems I have to push it back a chapter more. 
> 
> Chapter 6 will more likely be updated after a week or two. I've already started with it, but I'm actually going to be flying out for a vacation right now so I won't be able to update it til I get back home.
> 
> In the meantime, thank you so much guys for your continued patronage! I'm always happy to hear your comments. They're definitely fuel for this writer's soul so don't be shy about leaving a comment :) As always, see you in the next chapters!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben fluttered his eyes open. The swelling had gone down considerably, but the lights made him squint until he finally grew accustomed enough to see that he was on one of the cots in the infirmary. His body slowly awoke to sensations, and the first one he felt was that of a small hand in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the extreme delay guys. Between vacation and catching up with work and being busy with other Reylo content like fanart and theory videos, and also the fact that I had a major writer's block writing a certain part of this chapter, I wasn't able to update when I said I would. I'm really sorry. Anyway, I actually went and got 'Bloodline' for myself and it definitely helped blow that writer's block away.
> 
> Anyway, I'll leave you guys to read now.
> 
> Oh, if you haven't read yet, I actually have a one shot spin off for this fic titled "Strings". Check it out here for some good ol fluff :) [Read "Strings" here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7159085)

Darkness.

There was nothing but darkness.

But the abject terror that came along with it was absent.

In fact, he felt calm.

In the silence and darkness, he felt...peace.

In the distance, he could see a tiny spark of light. An end to the tunnel.

He started towards it, each step bringing him closer to this warmth, his surroundings growing brighter and brighter until the silence faded away to familiar voices.

_“I think he’s coming to...”_

_“Ben?”_

_“Ben?”_

Ben fluttered his eyes open. The swelling had gone down considerably, but the lights made him squint until he finally grew accustomed enough to see that he was on one of the cots in the infirmary. His body slowly awoke to sensations, and the first one he felt was that of a small hand in his. He turned to his side and sure enough, found Rey, seated on a high chair beside the cot.

She started to cry, and everything that had happened earlier—the insults, his loss of control, the fistfight, the bruises, the blood—all of it came back to him with a vengeance. Rey shouldn’t have had to witness any of that, and he had no one but himself to blame.

 “Rey...” he managed to croak, and reached out to wipe her tears away with a bacta-patched hand.

He heard a gentle cough from the other side of the cot. “How are you feeling, Ben?”

He quickly removed his hand from Rey’s face and turned around, his heart skipping beats.

“L-Lennett?” She was the last person he expected to be there with him, and he had to lie back down to keep his head from spinning again. “What are...what are you doing here?”

“I found you in the garden...and called the med droids.” A flush of colour, easy to see through the paleness of her skin, rose from her neck and up to her cheeks. “I was worried that Herron might do something to you after I stood up to him in class. So I followed him but it was too late.” She lowered her head a little, blonde curls obscuring most of her eyes. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I got you in trouble because of it.”

Ben shook his head. “No, Lennett. Casthre has always liked to cause trouble. I shouldn’t have let him get to me.”

Lennett lifted her head a little. Their eyes met then, and despite the queasiness at the pit of his stomach, Ben couldn’t tear his gaze away from hers. It wasn’t until he felt the cot shift and a tightness coil itself around his arm that he was brought back to the present.

He looked to his side and saw that Rey had situated herself beside him on the cot, her small arms wrapped around his like a vise. But what caught his attention the most was the sour expression on her face.

“Rey? What’s wrong?” He nudged her a bit, but she didn’t budge or say a word. If anything, she tightened her grip on his arm even more, her hazel eyes set in a glare.

“Maybe she’s still a bit upset with what happened,” Lennett offered, then beamed a wide smile towards the little girl on the cot. “It’s going to be fine, Rey. The medical droids have taken good care of Ben. He’ll be up and about before you know it.”

Still, Rey said nothing, and instead, buried her face on Ben’s shoulder, her sharp breaths warm against the fabric of his robes.

Ben gave Lennett a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry. She’s just not used to people, that’s all.”

“She seems to have taken to you though,” Lennett observed.

“Yeah, she has.” Ben lifted his free arm to stroke Rey’s head, the little one responding by leaning into his palm. “I suppose it’s because she felt lonely. And I...wasn’t exactly making friends either. I don’t really feel like I belong...” He trailed off. Why was he telling Lennett these things anyway? It’s not like someone like her could understand...

“I understand how you feel.”

“Huh?” He turned his head towards Lennett again. Did he hear her right?

“The feeling that you don’t belong. Like you’re an outsider.” He saw her bite her lower lip, and he felt the blood rush to his face and towards places that made his toes curl. Thank the Maker for the blanket draped over him.

It was a struggle, but he managed to clear his mind enough to respond appropriately. “But you’re the most popular girl in the academy. Everyone adores you.”

Lennett scoffed. “I’m adored because of my family’s status but not for who I truly am. You on the other hand are targeted because of your bloodline.” She was quiet for a moment, before adding, “Sucks to be us, huh?”

Her smile. It wasn’t the usual one which brought her face in full bloom, but rather one of resignation, and he suddenly remembered what she had said to Herron in class earlier:

_“It’s not like he asked to be born into his family...”_

His eyes widened, and he felt his chest well up with feeling. Could it be that Lennett feels a connection with him? That she too felt burdened by a family legacy that’s impossibly heavy to bear?

A series of bleeps and whirrs rang through the room before he could say anything more. He turned to the direction of the noise and saw R2-D2 making his way into the infirmary.

< _What is your status, Master Ben? >_

“I’m feeling better, R2.” Ben made a show of rising from the cot and swinging his legs to the side, though his movements were made awkward by the fact that Rey still wouldn’t let go of his arm.

< _Good, good,_ > R2 beeped his approval. < _I shall inform Master Luke. He has also tasked me to escort you to the comms room. Your mother is currently online, eager to communicate with you. >_

“Mom’s online?” Ben’s face lit up before he ducked his head in embarrassment. He had forgotten Lennett was still there. “Sorry, I have to go. Thank you, Lennett, for all your help.”

He tried to keep cool, tried to keep himself from appearing too excited, but he was, and he had to physically stop himself from swinging Rey around as he lifted her off the cot and on to the floor.

With one last wave of goodbye to Lennett, he took Rey’s hand and walked out of the infirmary with her, following R2 down the stone corridors of the academy, a light spring in his steps. His mom was contacting him! Finally! He’d missed her so bad, missed hearing her voice and seeing her face. He had so many things he’d love to talk to her about. Heck, maybe he’d finally get the chance to talk to her about Rey.

R2 continued to lead the way, beeping something about radiation interference that had made it difficult to make cross-galaxy communication, but assured Ben that signals were strong enough at the academy’s comms room.

They were nearing the room when Ben realized Rey had been eerily quiet.

He stopped to look at her. “Rey? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You’re upset.” He knelt down to her eye level, but she wouldn’t look at him. She practically hid her face behind Papa Doll. Not that it helped, what with the doll being too slim to provide much cover. “Is it because of what happened earlier? Because if it is, I’m sorry. I should have controlled my temper.”

She shook her head slowly. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/jealousrey2_colored.jpg.html)

Silence. And she still wouldn’t look at him. He was about to prod her some more for answers when he heard his name being mentioned, and looked up to see the door to the comms room was wide open. It was still several steps away, but he could hear familiar voices echoing from inside.

“R2’s here. Ben will be here soon too. If you’re looking for a good opportunity—”

“Luke, please. Now’s not the time.”

“Leia, you’ve been putting this off for far too long.”

His uncle’s voice. And his mother’s. What were they talking about?

Rey tugged at his sleeve. “Ben...”

“Shhh...” He put a finger over his lips and patted her the head. “Stay here. I’ll be back, okay?”

Rey nodded, albeit reluctantly, and Ben rose to his feet again, though why he was tiptoeing to the door, he wasn’t sure.

“I can’t tell him now. Especially with what just happened. “ His mother. She sounded a bit panicked.

“So when is the right time then?” His uncle. He sounded tired. Defeated almost. “When circumstances are out of our control? He has every right to know, and the sooner, the better.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” His mother’s tone had that distinct edge to it now, sharp enough that he imagined his uncle wince. “Tell me Luke. Can you assure me, given his current state of mind and his progress, that he will be able to handle something of this magnitude?”

A pregnant pause. Ben was at the edge of the door now, not daring to take a peek, not even daring to breathe. Every part of him was telling him he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but curiosity had taken over and—

“I know you’re there, Ben.”

He almost jumped out of his skin at his uncle’s voice. With his head hung low, he stepped into the open doorway, scratching the back of his head. “Uhm...hi Uncle Luke. Hi Mom. R2 told me to come here.”

A prolonged silence. Longer than what he had experienced with Rey earlier. When he looked up, he saw his uncle still sitting on the swivel chair, arms across his chest, his expression mirroring that of the projection of his sister beside him. R2-D2 stood by his master, not making a sound.

Ben looked down on his feet again, shuffling them nervously. He rarely ever saw his uncle and mother side by side, even with one of them through a holo, and the identical stern looks on their faces was unnerving.

After a beat, Luke let out a deep breath and stood up from the seat, nodding towards Leia’s bluish, glowing holo projection. “I’m going to leave you two to talk now.”

Ben watched his uncle and R2-D2 leave the room, his stomach growing queasy when Luke walked past without so much as a glance.

He quickly shook off the feeling. His mother was still here, and ready to talk.

He bounded to the swivel chair, plopped down on it and swung it around like he used to do as a little boy in his mother’s home office. “Hi again, Mom! How are things at the—”

“You’re in big trouble, young man.”

Ben’s spine snapped rigid as though he had just been whipped, the wide smile he had been wearing disappearing almost instantly. Leia was visibly livid. “Huh? I...I don’t understand...”

“Your uncle told me you were in a fight earlier.”

He swallowed, finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes locked on his mother’s. Of course his uncle would tell. Even he had to admit it was a pretty serious fight—enough to land him unconscious in the infirmary. Still, he couldn’t help but feel more than a little betrayed. “I...I was. But that’s only because—”

Leia held up a hand, her eyes still flashing. “You haven’t even tried to reach out to me ever since the night you got there and now I get news of you getting into fistfights?”

“What?” Ben shook his head. “But...but Mom, I sent you a message a few weeks ago.”

He watched his mother’s holo projection sit back and fold her arms, the creases of her forehead deepening. “I never got one. Not even a recorded message. And don’t give me some excuse about radiation interference because even with that, I should have been able to receive at least some garbled communication from you, but I received nothing.”

He wanted to protest. Wanted to insist that he had sent a message, that he had even poured his heart and soul into every word, and he would have until it dawned on him.

He _hadn’t_ hit the record button. He had just shut the holoprojector off and gone to bury his cries on his pillow.

He slumped back to the chair, eyes downcast, his body suddenly cold. So all those tears, the confession, the apologies, him putting himself out there...they had all been left unheard.

Just like his cries for help over the years. It was an honest mistake on his part, but with everything that had been going wrong in his life, why the kriff should he even expect things to be better?

“Sorry,” was all he could mumble. What’s the use? It was clear to him now his mother would never believe him even if he tried. She hardly ever did. “I’ll...reach out more often next time.”

Leia said nothing, and Ben didn’t want her to. In fact, he didn’t want to talk to her anymore. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. She wasn’t supposed to be scolding him. They were supposed to be catching up, laughing over one thing or another, talking about how exasperating C-3PO was being, and expressing how much they missed each other. But this...

A sharp, exasperated breath from his mother. “That boy you punched? His father’s a very influential man in Hosnian Prime.”

The words were out before Ben could stop them. “Sure, care about that, why don’t you.”

“Ben.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” he seethed, spit practically flying now. He could feel the tears start to burn but he wasn’t going to let them fall. His mother lost that chance to see him in tears. “You care so much more about your work, your reputation, your connections than—”

“That’s not what I meant,” Leia cut in. “What I’m trying to say is this boy belongs to an influential family and could cause trouble for you.”

“Don’t you mean you?” he snapped, and almost instantly regretted it when he saw the flash of hurt in his mother’s eyes.

“Ben, that’s not fair.” Leia’s voice was still hard, but it had lost its edge. It was all Ben could do to look away.

“Sorry,” he muttered again, though he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone with his sincerity. Why was he the one apologizing when she was the one who had been quick to judge? The one who had dumped him at his uncle’s doorstep rather than dealing with him herself? She wasn’t being fair, and deep down, he knew he wasn’t being fair to her either but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It was almost as though something was clutching at his chest, squeezing hard until he was practically starved for air.

Then, he heard a sound he had not expected.

His mother’s chuckle.

He turned back to her, lips still set in a frown. “What?”

“Nothing.” Leia shook her head, her face slowly becoming aglow with the tiniest of smiles. “I just remembered what your father told me last night, about how you inherited my temper. He’s not wrong.”

She was trying to lighten the mood, Ben thought. The little boy in him wanted to smile along with her, to let things slide and to ease into conversation with her, but the claws...they were still digging its nails deeper into his heart. If it was his mother’s audacity to smile in the middle of an argument or the mention of his father, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even sure where this fury was coming from anymore. But it was there.

And it had taken hold. “And where’d you get yours? Certainly not from Grandpa Bail and Grandma Breha.”

Leia’s head snapped up, her smile vanishing. He’d struck a nerve, and Ben knew now was the time to shut up, but there was that hiss inside his head, dripping down words to his tongue like venom.

“So who’s it from then?” he pursued. “Grandmother Padme? Or Grandfather Anakin?”

“That’s it,” Leia thundered, the steel in her voice returning with such ferocity as to take Ben aback. “I will not have you disrespect me like this. I am your mother! Or have you forgotten that already?”

“I’m not the one who forgot,” he fired back with equal ferocity, then shot up to his feet. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I better go before I interrupt more of your _senatorial_ duties.”

Ben turned off the holo before Leia could say anything more and stormed out of the comms room. He needed to punch something, the wall, a droid, anything to get this heaviness off his chest. He needed to let it out.

“Ben?”

He shut his eyes tight. Rey. He had actually forgotten about her.

“Are you...okay?”

Her voice was small. A little frightened. And even with his eyes closed, he could sense her coming closer and reaching out for his hand.

He yanked it away before she had the chance to touch him. “Rey...go to the mess hall without me.”

“But...”

“I need to be alone.” He paused for a moment, then as gently as he could manage, added, “Please.”

He was met with a moment of silence, before he heard the shuffling of boots against the stone floor, echoing and fading through the corridors until it was gone.

He opened his eyes and found himself alone, then looked down at his clenched fists. He could still feel it—the low hum of anger in his veins, and the last thing he wanted was to take it out on Rey. He’d done it before, and he swore he would never subject her to that kind of verbal abuse ever again.

Sparring droids however were another matter.

 

* * *

 

Luke heard the clang of fists against metal even before he reached the hallway leading to the sparring room. He shook his head and continued towards the door, his skin prickling from the energy—the sheer fury emanating from the room where once again, his nephew was doing damage not just on sparring droids, but also on himself.

Luke appeared at the doorway just in time to see Ben send a droid flying across the room and into a heap against one side of the wall, cracks scarring the surface. Yet another property damage he wasn’t going to report to Leia. The last time he did, she had been so insistent on paying for repairs, it was downright embarrassing.

He watched his nephew take deep breaths, the back of his beige tunic stained with sweat, blood seeping out from his bandaged hands.

“Why’d you tell my mom that I was the one who started the fight?” Ben growled without turning.

“Didn’t you?” Luke answered back.

This time, Ben did turn, his dark eyes ablaze. “No, I didn’t! Casthre and those boys were saying horrible things about me and Rey. They started it!”

“But you threw the first punch.”

Silence. Luke’s gaze remained steadfast on Ben’s, even as the young man’s features distorted in anger. This was the temper Leia had warned him about. The temper he had inherited from his mother.

The temper he had inherited from his grandfather.

Luke cleared his head off of unwanted memories and focused on more hopeful ones. If he was able to do that for his father, then... “Ben, as your master and as your uncle, there is only so much I can do to help you. If you do not take the lessons I have imparted to you to heart, then it will all be for nothing.” He stepped into the sparring room, light bathing his robed form. “If you always give in to your rage, you will go down a path of destruction. Do you not want to be a Jedi Knight?”

“I never wanted to be a Jedi!” Ben fumed, though this did not come as a surprise to Luke. He had always suspected as much. “Mom and Dad dumped me here because they don’t know what to do with me. And don’t tell me that’s not true, because it is. They’re afraid of me.”

“Not as much as you’re afraid of yourself.” Luke let the weight of his words sink in for a moment, eyes flickering over Ben’s face until he found a sliver of realization in the boy’s expression.

He pressed on. “When you first came here, I sensed not just anger in you. I sensed fear. It is that fear that led to your anger, and if you let it get the better of you, it will lead to hate and to eventual suffering. So, tell me Ben...what is it that you fear the most?”

Another moment of silence. He didn’t expect an immediate answer. But he was hoping it would get Ben to think more clearly. To look deeper inside himself. Only when Ben found the answer for himself and opened up will Luke be able to help.

High pitched whines and clicks cut through the air. Luke turned and found R2-D2 ambling to the room, shaking his entire form as if in panic.

Ben clearly picked up on the droid’s binary shrieks. “Casthre’s...Casthre’s father is online?”

“Apparently, yes.” Luke let out a deep sigh. “He probably doesn’t appreciate the punishment I meted out to his son. Most likely he’ll threaten to cut off the academy’s funding again. Don’t worry,” he quickly added when he saw his nephew blanch. “This isn’t the first time Dorlan Casthre has threatened to do this. His son has been causing trouble even before you came here. Besides, he’s just one of many donors. And he never pushes through with those threats.”

R2-D2 beeped again, more urgently this time.

“Alright, alright.” Luke took out from his pocket a box of bacta patches and tossed it to Ben, who caught it, but not without trouble. “I want you to think about what I said. And get back to me once you find the answer.”

With that, Luke turned and left for the comms room, trying his best to shake off the feeling that he had not accomplished anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit evil to end there, but don't worry, we'll get a resolution in the next chapter.
> 
> Now, I know I've also promised some of you that we'll get to see an older Rey soon but I had to cut this chapter in half...AGAIN. Because it got a lot longer than I thought it would be. The great thing though is that the next chapter is beyond half way done so you will definitely see that update next week. So I hope you'll continue to ride this drama train with me, and trust that there will be a resolution to all this come the next chapter.
> 
> And again, if you want a lil fluff to wash away this bit of drama, please read "Strings", which is a spin off of this fic, still with Ben and Rey in the academy. Fluff alert :) [Read "Strings" here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7159085)
> 
> Thank you again guys for your continued readership!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was it that he feared?
> 
> It was a question that haunted Ben until past bed time hours. The lights were out, his quarters illuminated only by moonlight coming in from the window.
> 
> He held out his freshly patched up hand, fingers grabbing at the air as if to catch the light. How long had he been lying in bed, idly doing one thing or another while mulling his uncle’s question? Too long. But long enough that he found not just one answer, but several.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for waiting guys! Thanks as well to the people who reached out to me via tumblr and surprisingly, youtube to tell me how much they enjoyed this. Your comments have definitely served as encouragement for me to continue with you on this emotional ride and without further ado, here's Chapter 7.

What was it that he feared?

It was a question that haunted Ben until past bed time hours. The lights were out, his quarters illuminated only by moonlight coming in from the window.

He held out his freshly patched up hand, fingers grabbing at the air as if to catch the light. How long had he been lying in bed, idly doing one thing or another while mulling his uncle’s question? Too long. But long enough that he found not just one answer, but several.

He was afraid of being unable to live up to the Skywalker name.

He was afraid of being cast aside.

He was afraid of what he was capable of.

Of what he was incapable of.

Of being unable to control himself

Outstretched fingers clenched to a fist, he lowered his arm and covered his eyes.

He feared so much.

He feared _too_ much.

And that creature. The spectre from his childhood. The monster his mother had told him didn’t exist. He’d stopped telling her about it once it became clear she would not accept it as anything other than a frightened child’s overly active imagination.

But Rey had heard the voices...

He lifted his arm away from his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Rey. He hadn’t been able to tuck her into bed. Hadn’t been able to tell her a bedtime story. Hadn’t been able to make sure she took her nightly glass of warm blue milk. It was for the best, he supposed. He couldn’t trust himself to be stable enough to take care of her tonight.

It took another hour, but his eyelids finally grew heavy enough to shut him away from reality and into a deep slumber.

That was yet another thing that terrified him. Sleep.

Because in sleep, he was vulnerable.

In sleep, _it_ could reach him.

Sure enough, he found himself standing in a dim, cavernous room, the scarred creature looming over him in a throne.

 _What is it that you fear the most?_ His uncle’s question rang through his mind again. This, he thought, shoulders trembling as he took in the sight of the giant before him. He feared this...this... _thing_. This distortion with its beady eyes that moved up and down his body, regarding him like a predator would its prey.

Ben took a deep breath. He shouldn’t be afraid. He should _stop_ being afraid.

“Who are you?” he finally managed, surprised to find his voice strong and steady, reverberating through the cavern like a distant roar of thunder.

“Ah, I see...” The creature nodded, its voice rasping and dripping with...amusement? “So...you finally summoned the courage to confront me, dear boy?”

Ben did all he could to steady his knees, even as it threatened to buckle down from beneath him. “Who are you?”

The creature smiled a lopsided smile, the scar making his seemingly benign expression even more grotesque. “Someone who sees you for who you truly are.”

“And how do you know who I am?”

“Because I have watched you. From the shadows. I have always been there.” It shifted in its throne, as if to lean forward. The hairs on Ben’s arms stood on end but he remained where he stood. “Do you still not see, dear boy? It was _you_ who called to _me_.”

Ben blinked. “What?”

“The darkness in you...” the creature hesitated for a moment, “...and the light. You who are born equal parts of both sides of the Force. You have no idea, the power coursing through your body...the allure of it.”

It held out one of its long-fingered hands, touching the air by his cheek and Ben recoiled, suddenly feeling the need for a scalding shower.

“I could teach you to harness that power,” it rasped, its fingers now clenched in a shaky fist in a show of conviction, “and you can be greater than your uncle, than even your grandfather.”

A low rumble echoed through the cavern until it came alive with the sights and sounds of Anakin Skywalker, in what Ben assumed were his grandfather’s exploits during the Clone Wars. The glory of it. The horror of it. The elation of victory. The misery of defeat. But the power...the power Anakin had. Even though they were just images flashing before him, Ben could feel it. Could feel it coursing through his veins. The sheer power inside him.

_The allure of it._

“Your grandfather, great as he was, was never able to fully realize his true potential.” The images faded with the wave of the creature’s spindly hand and morphed into something more recent. More painful.

His father’s absence.

His mother’s quick judgment.

His uncle’s mistrust.

His entire family...the whole world’s fear of him.

“They don’t see and appreciate you, as I do. They will do nothing but hold you back...” The creature’s voice was much closer now, and when Ben looked up, he found that it had leaned down so close, he could make out every hole, every mark, every crease, every feature of its disfiguration against its sickly gray, leathery skin. “...just as your grandfather’s Jedi masters and puritan ways only held him back. Power...true power can only be garnered if you cease fearing the dark. Allow me...to teach you...”

He’d listened to every word. Clung on to it even though he didn’t want to. And much as he was loathed to admit, part of him was beginning to open its eyes to a different truth. But still...“What if I don’t want this power?”

A smile, this time more sinister, slashed across the creature’s thin lips. “Then your selfishness will have doomed the galaxy to chaos.”

Another wave from its withered hand, and Ben was again surrounded by the same nightmares he had as a child—of war breaking out between planets, of cities bursting into flames, of mangled corpses lining the streets while sentient beings from different worlds fought each other without regard for all the lives lost, all in the name of self-serving causes.

The scent of cauterized and rotting flesh assailed his nostrils. He gagged and looked away. How could he smell this? Feel the heat of the flames? Experience all this horror? Wasn’t this just a dream?

“Search inside you, _Skywalker_. You know it to be true,” the creature rasped from its throne. “The galaxy is in disarray, and it will need someone powerful to stop this anarchy. To bring order. Only I can lead you to that path...to make you strong enough to realize your destiny. If you would just let me in...”

Tendrils, sharp as scalpels scraped at the edges of his mind. Hands flying to his head, Ben screamed out as it pierced and penetrated, looking for a way in, the grinding noises against his skull evolving into a roar.

Pain...pain...how could he feel pain so raw, so real? Was this...was this actually happening?

No, no. He shook his head vigorously. This was all a dream. _His_ dream. His to _control_. His to _change_.

He shut his eyes tight and focused, reaching out for whatever he could to protect him from the monster’s mental assault.

Memories of Uncle Chewie, giving him piggy back rides and tossing him high into the air and always managing to catch him.

His mother singing him ‘Mirror Bright’, a lullaby from her long gone home world of Alderaan.

His father...his father setting him on his lap as they went for a ride in the Millennium Falcon, a smirk on his face while he watched his son’s eyes widen in wonder at the stream of stars around the cockpit when they jumped to lightspeed.

The pain began to ebb away, and Ben’s face softened. The searing heat died down to a kind of warmth not unlike what he felt within his mother’s embrace.

He could hear his father’s laughter in the distance. His mother’s singing. Uncle Chewie’s mellow bleats which grew louder and louder and...

Screaming. Anguished, wookie screaming.

He looked up and watched in horror as Chewbacca rolled on the ground, his fur consumed in flames, the scent of singed hair and burning flesh wafting through scorching air.

He saw his mother rushing towards him, only to be gunned down, the gaping, cauterized hole in her chest searing Ben’s sights before Leia fell to the ground, eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream.

Then came his father, Han Solo. Running in too late, kneeling to cradle his wife’s dead body while his best friend lay still nearby, fire still ravaging his corpse.

“Your wookie uncle can’t save you...” the creature hissed from behind him. Ben didn’t turn. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t take his eyes away from the horror that was unfolding before him even as his vision blurred and hot tears coursed down his cheeks. “Your mother can’t save you. And your father, Han Solo...” There was clear disdain in the creature’s voice as it paused. “He can’t save you. And how could he? He is but an ordinary man; nothing more than a vessel from which you were born, and an unworthy one at that. Yet it was he who made you feel the most monstrous; he who feared you the most; he who kept you at bay and kept himself scarce.”

The visions disappeared in a wisp of smoke, which twisted and turned until it formed into the creature, human size this time, its long dark robe scraping the reflective floor.

“Dear child...” it approached him, “I’m the only one who truly understands and accepts you for who you are...the one who has always been there, waiting in the shadows for you to realize where your destiny lies...”

Ben didn’t move. He couldn’t. His whole body was trembling, cold and near collapse, his thoughts still muddled with Uncle Chewie’s burning body. His mother’s lifeless form. His father’s accusing eyes. The tendrils were scraping at his skull again, but he couldn’t fight them off. Not anymore, and he hung his head low before his nightmare, gritting his teeth as its long fingers curled into his scalp, the pain coming in waves.

The creature was right. No one and nothing could save him. Not even the few wonderful memories he had with his family. He was a fool to think he could fight this off. And was there even a reason to? His family already saw too much of the darkness in him. Were terrified of it.  So why fight? Why fight when it was so much easier to give in, so much easier to surrender and end the pain?

“Ben...”

His eyes, which he had shut tight, flew open. Before him, the creature looked up and turned every which way. It was...confused?

“BEN!”

Ben gasped, his lungs heavy and burning that he had to sit up and catch his breath. His head was throbbing, and the incessant knocking outside his door was not helping.

His door. He was back in his quarters. At the academy.

More urgent knocking. Like a club encrusted with rusty spikes bludgeoning his head. He roared and made a mad dash for the door, punching the control panel with a fist. He could feel his muscles tense, his shoulders hoist, the anger and pain clawing at his skull. He was going to _kill_ whoever was knocking. He was going to rip their heads off, tear their arms off their shoulders and—

The door slid open and he charged out. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!?!”

“B...Ben...”

Whatever dark haze which had fallen over his eyes faded at the sound of the voice, but he had to blink a few times before he was able to distinguish the features of Rey’s ashen face, brown hair tumbling in unruly strands over her quivering shoulders, Papa Doll held tight in her arms. Even with her oversized sleeping garb, he could tell her knees were knocking together. Could almost hear it.

“R-Rey...” he spoke through gritted teeth in a tone he had not intended. He was angry. So, so angry...at Rey. _Why?!_

“M-Monster...”

He stared at her, eyes narrowing, fists clenching. “What did you just call me?”

But Rey wasn’t looking at him, and he watched as she slowly raised a hand to point...

Behind him.

He spun around. For the briefest of moments, he thought he saw a wisp of smoke, swimming with distorted features of scars and lopsided sneers but one blink and it was gone.

And so was the pain in his head. And the anger. All gone.

He let out a breath so long and deep that he grew lightheaded and had to support himself against the wall. Did he just...did he actually just feel rage towards Rey? So much so that he...he wanted to...hurt her?

He shook his head hard, but it only made him more nauseated, more sickened at the thought that he would even _think_ of doing Rey harm. He couldn’t...he wouldn’t...

His stomach turned and he ran back inside him room, managing to reach the ‘fresher just in time to empty his stomach of what little he had for dinner hours earlier; yet even after he had nothing more to throw up, he was still heaving until a small hand began patting and rubbing his back.

“Ben, are you sick? Should I call the med droids?”

“No, no, I’ll be fine.” Panting, he rose on shaky legs and flushed the toilet, not even daring to look at Rey as he moved to the sink to splash his face with cold water.

“Was it because of the monster?”

He paused midway through wiping his lips, and this time, he did turn to look at her. “Monster?”

She nodded. “The one behind you earlier. With the scars.”

Ben was on his knees again before he knew it. “Wait...wait...you saw...was it...was it bald, with uneven ears and wearing a long, dark robe?”

Rey nodded again, and Ben felt his blood run from hot to cold and back again. The creature. The monster his mother had told him was just a dream. The monster his father had told him was just all in his head. Rey had seen it.

He opened his mouth but found himself at a loss as he tried to grapple with his thoughts. With the shock of it. How could Rey see what was supposed to be just a figment of his imagination? Or an embodiment of his fears? Did that mean...his dreams...his nightmares... were real?

He slumped against one wall of the ‘fresher, whatever strength he had draining away as raw terror overtook him. It was real. All of it. And those visions...war...death...his destiny...everything the creature told him...was all of it real too?

He swallowed, his throat clenching from the effort before he carefully asked, “Rey...is the monster...still here?”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s just us now.”

He tried to swallow again, to bring down the heaviness he was feeling, only to end up choking on a sob. He tried to pass it off as a cough but the more he did, the more it came out as strangled cries until he felt the familiar stinging sensation in his eyes.

He heard the frantic pitter patter of feet on tile before he felt Rey throw her arms around his neck, the warmth of her cheek a relief against his cold skin. “Don’t be afraid, Ben,” she whispered. “I feel it too.”

Ben’s eyes widened at her words. At the feeling welling up in his chest. A feeling that had been so long absent in his life, it took him a moment to realize what it was.

The feeling of being safe and sound.

And that was when it struck him—the awareness that for almost all the times Rey was around, the creature couldn’t get to him. The voices would disappear. The dark clouds would make way to light. With Rey, there was no sadness; no pain. With Rey, he felt...protected.

Whatever restraint he had disappeared in an instant, and he gave himself up to tears as he held Rey against him, sobbing into her shoulder. He was no longer a young man of fifteen, but a little boy once again, crying in his mother’s arms as she cradled and rocked him. And when Rey’s tiny fingers began to stroke his hair in much the same way his mother did, he was hit with the cruel irony that the one person who could understand and protect him was not any of the adults in his life, but a mere child of five, wholly unrelated to him yet acted more like the family his own flesh and blood failed to be.

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/benthetwoofus_tiny.jpg.html)

 

* * *

 

Leia Organa rose from bed and stared out the window, watching Hosnian Prime wake up to another busy day. She grimaced. There was nothing beautiful about the sun rising over the city’s towering buildings and infrastructure that morning. In fact, it only served as an infuriating reminder that she had lost the battle to win some precious hours of sleep.

With a deep sigh, she put on a robe and left for the kitchen, her footsteps echoing through the spacious apartment she had once shared with Han and Ben. Now it was empty save for herself, and she felt the sudden need to put her arms tight around her shoulders.

Pouring herself a cup of caf, she carried the steaming mug to her home office and proceeded to look over her data pad, her eyes glazing over reports and task lists. She couldn’t concentrate, and not just because of the lack of sleep. Her thoughts were elsewhere; a system away in fact, and in moments, she put down the pad to rub the bridge of her nose.

Ben. Where exactly had she gone wrong with him? She had been trying for years to do what she thought was best for him, yet her efforts always came short. Tried to juggle being a mother, a wife and a senator all at once, and if last night was any reminder, she had failed that too. Quite miserably at that.

And then of course, there was the darkness—that heavy, foreboding feeling she had felt since the first time she sensed her son through the Force while he was still inside her womb. She had felt it numerous times since then—during his temper tantrums, the nights he had woken up screaming from bad dreams, the times he had lashed out at both Han and herself. Even when he was a little boy, she had often entertained the thought of sending him to Luke to train, to purge him of whatever Darth Vader—her father and his grandfather—had passed on to him but her maternal instincts always kicked in. She couldn’t let go of her son. Couldn’t even bear the thought of it.

She wondered now if that had been a mistake, if she had sent him to Luke too late.

The holoprojector on one side of her desk began pinging and blinking. She turned to see who was calling, expecting it to be either Han or one of her staff but when she saw that it was from Luke’s academy, she stiffened. It couldn’t be...could it?

She pressed a button to take the call, and watched in astonishment as the bluish, hazy image of her only child was projected on the holo.

“Uhm...good morning, Mom.”

“Good morning,” was all Leia could say. She hadn’t expected this. Not by a long shot, especially since the last time she and Ben ended a call in less than friendly terms, it had taken months for them to talk again, and he wasn’t even the one who initiated last night’s call.

She took a moment to consider him. Keeping her voice reserved, she commented, “You look like you slept well.”

“Uhm...yeah. I did.” He sounded sheepish, and he kept hunching his shoulders, as though he were about to fold into himself, and Leia felt a slight twang inside her. Ben—her little Ben was still as awkward as ever. “It’s...uhm...actually the best sleep I’ve had in a while. I...uh...didn’t have nightmares last night. I mean, I had one...” he winced before he continued, “but I had a nice dream afterwards.”

“You’re still having...still had nightmares?” Leia felt her heart sink. She had known of his nightmares. As a child he would describe a scarred monster in long robes, and she and Han had chucked it out to a phase that all kids went through. The physicians had told them as much, and she hadn’t thought much about it since he had stopped talking about the monster when he was around nine or ten. Come to think of it, that was also around the time he had begun lashing out... “What kind of nightmares?”

“Don’t worry about it Mom.” He shook his head, and for the first time, broke out into a small smile. “I’m okay now. I think I will be from now on. I just...I just called because...” His smile disappeared, and Leia held her breath until he continued. “I...I’m sorry, Mom. I was...disrespectful and rude and I was being unfair to you. I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m sorry.”

Leia tried to appear impassive, but too late, she could feel her eyes widen in surprise. It wasn’t an unwelcome surprise, but her mind couldn’t formulate an immediate reply, and it was all she could do to take a few sips of caf while staring her son, who was looking noticeably uncomfortable with each passing second.

Finally, she sighed and put down her mug. “I suppose...I did come off as prioritizing other things over my own son. And for that...I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” came Ben’s swift reply. “I mean...Senate duties and all...”

“Ben...” Leia leaned forward, hands curling around her seat’s arm rests without meaning to. “Do you really hate it? That we sent you there?”

“I...did,” he admitted. “But I suppose it’s not all bad. At least the fistfights here are more challenging.”

“Ben.”

“I’m kidding, Mom.” He grinned then, his face so bright, it reminded Leia of the times he would come home from roughhousing with his friends, proudly telling her about his victories while Han patted him on the back. She had given them a piece of her mind about fistfights of course, but deep down, she couldn’t have been happier. Those had been very good times...

The sound of her office door sliding open and the clunky sounds of waddling metal cut through Leia’s musings. She groaned inwardly, knowing full well who it was and by the looks of it, Ben shared her same sentiments at the interruption.

“Good morning, Princess Leia,” came C-3PO’s chipper greeting from behind her. “Finishing up on some work, I see? And is that young Master Ben?” 3PO walked up to Leia’s side to point at Ben’s holo projection. “Good morning, Master Ben! It is I, C-3PO. I see that you have already acquired a padawan braid, and I must say, it does suit you very—”

“3-PO, why are you here?” Leia cut in. The droid could talk an ear off anyone if she didn’t stop him.

“Oh, yes, yes.” 3-PO swivelled his body towards her. “Well, I have come to remind you of the breakfast meeting at Senator Varish Vicly’s residence exactly one hour from now. You must begin preparations, as we mustn’t keep the senator waiting.”

The breakfast meeting. Right. Leia was about to rise from her seat when she stopped to look at Ben.

“It’s okay, Mom.” His smile was still there, a little tighter this time, but in his face was etched a kind of understanding she hadn’t known him capable of. He no longer looked like the angry adolescent she had been having difficulties relating to. At that very moment, he looked like a young man grown. “You go and get ready. I’ll be getting breakfast myself in a bit.”

“You know what, 3-PO?” Leia turned her swivel chair—the same chair Ben had used to spin around in years ago—and faced the protocol droid with a smile. “Call Varish and give her my regrets. Tell her that I’ve decided to have breakfast with my son instead.”

She turned the chair to face Ben again, and when she saw the wide smile on his face, she knew that for all the wrong choices she had made in the past regarding her son, this was not going to be one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! A happy ending for once! Again, thank you for staying with me on this fanfic journey and feel free to sound off your thoughts in the comments. Until next chapter!
> 
> PS  
> To those who haven't read Bloodline, yes, Varish Vicly does exist, and is a Senator like Leia.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Catch me if you can!”
> 
> “Oh, I will! Just you wait!” Ben tried not to sound as winded as he felt, but he’d been chasing Rey through the woods for a while now and for some reason, his body felt heavy. Or maybe she was just faster this time, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he couldn’t lose to her. “Wait up, Rey!”
> 
> He could hear the peals of her laughter wafting in from between the trees. He followed it until he broke free of the woods, expecting her to be dancing around in a clearing, gloating and sticking her tongue out at him. But Rey wasn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mostly plot development guys. Bear with me.

“Catch me if you can!”

“Oh, I will! Just you wait!” Ben tried not to sound as winded as he felt, but he’d been chasing Rey through the woods for a while now and for some reason, his body felt heavy. Or maybe she was just faster this time, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he couldn’t lose to her. “Wait up, Rey!”

He could hear the peals of her laughter wafting in from between the trees. He followed it until he broke free of the woods, expecting her to be dancing around in a clearing, gloating and sticking her tongue out at him. But Rey wasn’t there.

What he found instead was a strange girl—perhaps a few years older than him—in loose, off-white garments, her dark brown hair tied in three buns behind her head. She appeared just as shocked to see him as he was to see her.

The skies darkened in an instant, rain pouring down in torrents, soaking them both to the bone. He took a step forward, his body feeling heavier than before, like he was wrapped in layers upon layers of robes but he paid no heed as he approached the girl, whose shock had evolved into fright. He didn’t know what was going on; just that he wanted to... _needed_ to be closer to her. To _be_ with her.

She backed away with every step he took, her mouth open in gasps until she fell backwards over a cliff he hadn’t even realized was there.

Without thinking, he jumped in after her, falling, reaching out for her and...

...fell to the floor, the impact knocking the wind out of him.

Ben sat up in a panic, relaxing only when he saw he was back in his quarters. He turned to his side and saw a small foot dangling at the side of his bed, its owner still fast asleep. And snoring. And drooling. He sighed. Rey had kicked him out of his own bed. Again.

He rose to his feet and sat at the edge of the mattress, his lips curling into a smile when Rey mumbled something about blue milk. She wasn’t exactly a picture of perfection, with her brown hair mussed and strewn all over the pillow, her mouth wide open with cute little snores, the lapel of her sleeping garb stained with drool, Papa Doll sprawled over her belly, and her arms and legs splayed so she took up most of the space in his narrow bed.

Weeks had passed since she started sleeping in his room, the first time being the night she saw the monster from his dreams. She had insisted on staying with him, saying her mommy used to do that for her to keep nightmares at bay, and he hadn’t bothered to put up much of a fight. Because she was right. With her beside him, the creature and the nightmares were gone. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been constantly this well-rested, and he thanked the Force for granting him even that much.

He lay on his back, scooting over to give Rey more space while making sure he didn’t fall to the floor. His thoughts wandered back to his mother. He had had an unexpectedly good time chatting and having breakfast with her over holo, conversation flowing freely until she had asked if he had made any friends.

He clenched his teeth. He hadn’t been able to tell his mother about Rey. Not for the lack of trying, but his thoughts had kept going back to the revolting things Herron Casthre and his lackeys accused him of during their altercation in the garden. How was he supposed to tell his mother that a five-year-old knocks on his door every night to sleep beside him on the same bed? He hated it, absolutely hated how such innocence was now marred because of ignorance and malice. Rey...Rey was his only friend in the world. The baby sister he never had. The things those boys had accused him of never even once crossed his mind but now that it was there, it wasn’t going away.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to stop what had now become his and Rey’s new nightly ritual. He couldn’t. He wanted... _needed_ Rey to protect him. But it wasn’t like he was just using her or anything. After all, he genuinely loved the kid.

He blinked and turned to look at his sleeping companion. Huh. He loved Rey. Loved the little stinker to bits. Fancy that.

Rey stirred awake, and just like many nights before, in the most un-lady like of ways: with loud grunts, snorts and guttural stretches before sitting up and wiping her eyes with her fists. “Eruhmmm...what time is it?”

“It’s time for you to take a bath, sweetheart.” The endearment rolled off Ben’s tongue with ease as he sprung out of bed and headed for the closet to retrieve some fresh youngling robes for Rey. She had started to bring her things into his room little by little, and not for the first time, he worried how far their arrangement would go, seeing as Luke didn’t know about it. No one in the academy knew. He had done his best to make sure of that.

“But it’s still too early,” Rey complained, flopping back to the pillows.

“Well, you woke up early, so now you have to go to the ‘fresher. And hurry up so I can go next.” He moved back to the bed and had to practically drag her off the mattress before she finally acceded, though not without a series of barely intelligible complaints. She emerged minutes later, dressed and drying her hair with a towel so vigorously, Ben knew he was going to have to help her brush out the tangles.

Grabbing his own fresh padawan robes and towel, he made quick use of the ‘fresher before coming out to see Rey perched on the chair in front of his study desk, and as expected, struggling to free the brush from her hair.

“Ben, help!”

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/benhelp.png.html)

With a huge grin, he raced to help her untangle the strands, taking care to make the ordeal as painless as possible. After smoothing her hair out, he reached in to one of his desk drawers to retrieve some bands to tie her hair with. He'd done it for her so many times, his fingers seemed to move on autopilot. It wasn’t until he was finished that he realized he had done something different.

He had tied Rey’s hair in three buns instead of the usual two.

_Just like that young woman from his dreams._

“Uhm, Ben, why did you tie my hair like this?”

Ben broke away from his reverie and watched Rey turn her head from side to side, her eyes locked on her reflection from a hand mirror.

“I...don’t know.” He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. Let me change it—”

“No, no! I love it,” Rey declared and turned to beam at him. “Thank you! I’ll wear it like this from now on.”

He tried to return her smile, but something was amiss. That hair. Those eyes. There was...something...

A noise cut through the room, the sound so foreign, it took Ben a moment to realize what it was, and when he did, it felt as though he were falling off a cliff.

Someone was pressing his door buzzer. No one had ever done that before. Not even Rey, who was too short to reach the buzzer. Which could only meet one thing.

_Uncle Luke._

“Shit!” Ben picked Rey up and ran for the ‘fresher.

“Ben, what are you—”

“Shhh, Rey. It’s Uncle Luke. Hide in the ‘fresher, stay quiet and don’t come out ‘til I say so.”

“But why?”

“Because if Uncle Luke finds out you’re sleeping here, he won’t let you anymore,” Ben whispered, though Rey was still clearly confused. He hadn’t explained things to her, mostly because they’d never been caught before but Luke standing outside his door could change everything. “I’ll be back, okay?”

He closed the ‘fresher door and hurried over to open his door. As expected, Luke stood before the doorway, white robes and all. “Good morning, Ben. I was hoping you were already up.”

“Good morning, Uncle Luke.” Ben smiled, hoping against hope it didn’t appear like a grimace. “What brings you here?”

Luke smiled back. “I just wanted to congratulate you on your performance the past few weeks. Everything from knowledge tests, physical tests, your Force training...you’re actually at the top of the class right now.”

“R-Really?” This wasn’t what Ben had expected at all, and he felt himself stand up a little straighter.

“Yes.” Luke nodded, his face still bright. “So whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it.”

That drew out a nervous chuckle from Ben, and he had to stop his eyes from darting to the ‘fresher. “I...I will. Thank you, Uncle Luke.”

“No. You should be thanking yourself. You achieved all these on your own.” Luke reached out to pat Ben’s shoulder with a mechanical hand. It was not an unwelcome gesture. Quite the opposite in fact, and the pride on his uncle’s face was far more than what he had seen from his own father during his growing years.

“So...” Luke drew away his hand and folded his arms, “I take it you’ve given further thought to my question?”

Ben’s brows rose. “What question?”

“The one I asked you weeks ago. About what you feared the most.”

Ah, that one, Ben thought, not without a shred of discomfort. He could tell his uncle. He could tell him about that creature. He could tell him about how it had plagued him for years, about the recent nightmare, the horrors it had shown him, but that would mean outing Rey’s involvement. And did it really matter now?

“I thought about it, yes,” Ben admitted, “and I think I’ve got it covered. I’m fine now.”

Luke nodded in approval. “Yes, I can see that. Which is why I believe it’s time for you to have this.”

Ben looked down at the shiny, cylindrical metal in his uncle’s hand. He’d seen it before—in holos and in nightmares—and the shock of seeing it in front of him rendered him momentarily speechless. “Is...is that...”

“This lightsaber was your grandfather’s.” Luke pressed the weapon into Ben’s hand. It felt cool to the touch, and it thrummed with the Force, with a familiar pull he knew could only have come from a familial connection. “It was also once mine. And now, it is yours.”

“This was...Grandfather Anakin’s lightsaber?” Ben had to resist the urge to activate the weapon. He didn’t want to appear too excited, though he knew if he smiled even more, he’d be splitting his face. “This was the lightsaber Grandfather used during the Clone Wars. The one he built himself. But I thought you lost it after you...” His eyes darted towards his uncle’s metal hand. “...after you fought Darth Vader.”

“An interesting tale, for another time.” Luke shifted his eyes, cleared his throat for a moment before continuing. “A Jedi usually acquires a lightsaber in two ways—through inheritance, or through building his own. This of course, is a family heirloom, and I am now passing it on to you as the next Skywalker. It shall be an extension of your being, until time comes for you to pass it on to the next generation.”

The saber suddenly felt heavy in Ben’s hands. “Uncle Luke...why give it to me now?”

Luke’s lips curled into a smirk. “Oh, I thought it better to hand it over to you in private. We do have some green-eyed monsters in our midst.”

Casthre, Ben thought. Of course. That pale, skinny, redheaded laserbrain wouldn’t take too kindly to seeing him carrying around a lightsaber on his belt, let alone one considered legendary. Bad enough that the guy and his lackeys had already marked him because of Luke’s punishment, which if he recalled correctly, involved cleaning lavatories by hand. It had earned them the title _Dwang Gang_.

If they saw him carrying this saber... “Uncle Luke...you don’t have to pass this on to me now. I can build my own and—”

“No, Ben. You’re going to need it,” Luke said with such intensity, Ben had to look up from ogling the saber. “Do you still not see? Your Trials are about to start.”

Ben took in a deep breath. The Jedi Trials. He’d learned about them in Jedi Lore and History class—the path towards becoming a Jedi Knight, fraught with challenges and danger.

“I’ve meditated for months over this,” Luke cut through Ben’s thoughts, clearly having sensed his nephew’s hesitation. “I was unable to see or feel you clearly through the Force back then, but now I do, and It is telling me that I must arm you for what lies ahead as you continue on your path to become a Jedi Knight.” A pause. “Unless you’ve changed your mind?”

Ben lowered his eyes to the saber again, unconsciously moving it up and down to feel its weight. He hadn’t lied when he told his uncle he didn’t want to become a Jedi Knight. True, he was fascinated by it because of his grandfather’s exploits as well as Luke’s, and he certainly needed this training to help him understand and control his powers. But was it really his destiny to follow in the footsteps of those before him? Or was he meant for a higher purpose?

_“The galaxy is in disarray, and it will need someone powerful to stop this anarchy. To bring order...”_

He shook his head. He wasn’t going to let that creature’s words—not even the memory of it—dictate his life anymore. He reminded himself that he was in control of his destiny now, and that was all thanks to Rey.

His fingers curled around the saber, his thoughts going back to the girl still hiding in the ‘fresher. Rey, who had freed him of his demons; Rey, his closest friend; Rey, who had no other family apart from him; Rey, who would be all alone if he left the academy.

“I’ll be a Jedi Knight,” Ben declared, surprising even himself with his own conviction. Yes, he will be following in the footsteps of his uncle and his grandfather, but he wouldn’t do it for him. He would do it for Rey. “And I’ll do my best to prepare for the Trials.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I’m sure you will do very well.” Luke gave a small bow of the head and turned to leave. Ben was about to close the door when his uncle stopped to throw him an all-knowing grin. “Incidentally, your Force training for today will involve Force Stealth. It will help you hide your Force signature from other Force Sensitives. I think Rey will benefit from the training too, seeing as she is making her presence and her boredom very well-known from your ‘fresher.”

If Ben’s jaw was detachable, he would’ve been picking it up from the floor. Luke didn’t wink, but it almost felt like he did as he continued, “And you might want to use this time to move her things as well as her bed in your room. You’re not going to fit in that small bed of yours for long. Besides, the academy may be having more younglings and padawans soon so it’s only logical to share rooms, right?”

“Y-Yes.” Ben nodded, his tongue barely working. “I...uh...th-thank you, Uncle Luke.”

“See you in class, Ben.”

“O-okay, Uncle Luke.”

Ben watched his uncle walk along the corridor, white robes fluttering until the Jedi Master disappeared at a corner. Still stunned, he had to drag himself away from the door and towards the bed, sitting heavily on the mattress before using the Force to open the ‘fresher door.

“Is he gone?” Rey peeked from the ‘fresher.

“Yes, sweetheart. He’s gone.”

“Whew,” Rey sighed, making a show of wiping imaginary sweat from her forehead. “I was getting real bored in there.”

Ben smiled and gestured for Rey to come over. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do. Thankfully, it was the good kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E/N: See guys? I promised you we’d see an older Rey and Ben, right? I just didn’t mention exactly for how long XD And I know this isn’t exactly as emotional as the other chapters, but this needs to be there to move the plot forward. I hope you enjoyed that at least. We’ll be seeing a few adventures in the future for Ben Solo, and next chapter, we will see some snippets of growing up years. And I promise to gift you guys with more light-hearted moments. You’ll need it (yeah, that sounds a bit ominous, doesn’t it?)
> 
> A lil FYI, Dwang means shit :)
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has read and commented in previous chapters and have continued to do so. It is the only payment us fanfic writers can ever ask for so thank you.
> 
> Next update, I’m targeting next weekend.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His scowl turned into a grin. Had it really been a year since he first came to the academy? He hadn’t even believed he could survive here for more than a month, yet here he was, doing quite well with his trials (except for the teamwork aspect, as he wasn’t exactly the most sociable person), enjoying himself, and sharing quarters with the best friend—or rather, the best little sister—a boy could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s time for a little bit of growing years :)

“Wake up, sleepy head! Your turn to use the ‘fresher!”

Ben groaned with every blow from the pillow. It didn’t hurt of course, but he was hoping he could at least get five more minutes of sleep but Rey was relentless in her self-appointed duty of human alarm clock. “Ugh, okay, Rey, I’m up. I’m up.”

He sat up and scowled at her, and she responded with a gap-toothed grin. At age six, she had lost her two front teeth but instead of feeling ashamed, she used it to be cute with him. It never failed.

His scowl turned into a grin. Had it really been a year since he first came to the academy? He hadn’t even believed he could survive here for more than a month, yet here he was, doing quite well with his trials (except for the teamwork aspect, as he wasn’t exactly the most sociable person), enjoying himself, and sharing quarters with the best friend—or rather, the best little sister—a boy could ask for. Sure, most padawans still found it weird. Herron Casthre and his lackeys certainly didn’t run out of crude jokes whenever he and Rey happened to be around them but he’d since grown a thicker skin. All that was left was for him to make sure Rey was protected from the _Dwang Gang_ , just as she continued to protect him from his nightmares.

That was another thing he still had a hard time believing—that he was free of that monster, and if it took a lifetime of rude awakenings from Rey as recompense, he’d gladly subject himself to it.

He headed for the ‘fresher, taking care to check his face in the mirror for any suspicious markings. He’d had the misfortune of discovering a more mischievous side of Rey the other week, when she apparently decided that while he was asleep, it would be fun to make constellations on his face by connecting his moles with a black marker. He had to spend a good portion of that week with geometric shapes on his face, though to be fair, Rey was apologetic enough to allow him to do the same with her freckles. Boy, did they raise a lot of eyebrows.

Satisfied that Rey had not pulled another prank, he proceeded with his morning rituals but he’d barely stepped out of the ‘fresher when she unexpectedly jumped on his back, fingers clutching the lapel of his padawan robes for purchase, legs hooked around his torso. “R-Rey!”

“Rey, I am not,” she affected in a high-pitched, guttural accent. “Master Yoda, I am. Mmm!”

Ben had to laugh. “You’re spending way too much time listening to Uncle Luke’s stories, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart, to me you should not say,” she continued with a playful tug of his still damp hair. “Respect, to your master, you shall give.”

“Alright, Master Yoda.” He rolled his eyes, his mouth still set in a grin as he hooked both his arms under Rey’s knees. “To breakfast, we shall go?”

“Good, breakfast is. Eat, we shall!”

He carried and ran with her that way to the mess hall and even to the classroom, not caring about the looks the other padawans gave them, and stopping only to exchange a few pleasantries with Lennett Mha. He had since become good friends with her, although he could never manage to talk to her for long, especially around Rey. The girl had a habit of growing either sullen or even a bit violent towards him whenever Lennett was around, and this time, it came via a tug to his ears. “Ow, ow, okay, Rey, we’re going!”

He made a mental note to talk to Rey about her little attitude problem. Again.

It never stopped her though.

 

* * *

 

“Wake up, dum dum!”

“I’m up, I’m up,” Ben grumbled and dragged himself off of bed while Rey headed to one of his desk drawers to retrieve an electronic measuring device. She had since taken to recording her height ever since she experienced an unexpected growth spurt, though she certainly wasn’t the only one. He himself had had to get new pants twice the past year alone, and he was beginning to tower over almost everyone in class.

“I grew another inch,” Rey declared, showing him the electronic readout. Ben stood up for a better look, and her smile instantly faded. “You’re taller again this year. That’s unfair!”

“Unfair?” He yawned and stretched, groaning when he felt a joint pop. Three days on, and his body was still complaining from the consequences of the intensified training regimen his uncle had subjected him to. “Why is my growing taller unfair?”

“Because I’ll never be able to catch up and grow up to your shoulder,” she sulked, making a show of dumping the device back into the drawer and plopping down on the floor, arms folded.

Ben shook his head, his usual patience with her showing the tiniest of cracks. He didn’t need this right now. Not when he was still sore all over. But after a moment, he managed to curb his crankiness enough to sit beside her and pull her into a sideways hug with one sweep of an arm. “Sweetheart, you’re only seven. You still have several years left to grow. Don’t be in a hurry.”

“You’ll...you’ll still wait for me, right?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want.” He yawned some more, grimacing at a crick in his neck. Thank the Maker he was only going to have Force training today. He didn’t think he was going to be able to live through another torturous round of push ups and heavy lifting like that. “Damn...I could sure use a massage...”

“Want me to walk on your back later?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

 

* * *

 

“Wake up, Moof-milker!”

“Wake up, laserbrain!”

“Wake up, you lazy akk dog!”

“Wake up, Wookie breath!”

Over the years, Rey had learned a number of things from him, some of them not too savoury including the insults she hurled at him every morning followed by blows from a pillow. It was bad, but he supposed not all bad, because it made him more careful about the things he said around her. Thank the stars he hadn’t uttered some of the more explicit stuff in front of her. Uncle Luke would have his skin.

The year she turned eight however was different. He had woken up early one morning, but pretended to be asleep just so Rey could do her thing. She didn’t.

He cracked an eye open and found her still asleep on her bed across his. Weird, he thought.

He decided to wait. And wait. When it was clear she wasn’t getting up any time soon, he broke out into a mischievous grin, grabbed a pillow and stalked towards her. Finally, after years of torment, he would have his revenge on the little brat.

Still grinning, he held the pillow high with both hands...

...and stopped.

Rey’s face was flushed, her forehead sweaty, her lips set in a grimace.

The pillow fell to the stone floor the instant he fell to his knees, his palm covering almost the entirety of Rey’s head.

She was scorching.

Alarm bells rang inside his head. In a flash, he wrapped her up in blankets and rushed her out of the room, almost tripping on his loose sleeping pants as he ran barefoot to the infirmary, the soles of his feet screaming with every contact from the cobblestone floors.

It was just a fever, the med droids told him once they set her down on one of the infirmary’s cots. Kids went through it at one point or another. She would be fine, but he’d be damned if he was going to leave her side.

It didn’t take long for word to spread, though Ben knew there would probably be just a couple of visitors. The first one was his uncle.

“You really care about her, don’t you?” Luke asked.

“Very much,” Ben mumbled, his palm over Rey’s clammy forehead again. Her fever hadn’t gone down, but at least she was sleeping better with the medicine, he thought. “Is this...is this what it feels like to be a parent?”

“I believe so,” Luke replied in a soft voice, reaching out to tuck the blanket beneath Rey’s chin. “Though you may have to ask your mother and father. They’re more knowledgeable about parenthood than I am.”

 _“One of them, at least,”_ Ben thought, not without a twinge of disdain. Though in all honesty, even his mother had been absent in his life as of late, and not just because of the ever increasing radiation interference that had been making communication difficult.

“Do you regret it?” Ben found himself asking his uncle. “Not starting your own family?”

“The academy is my family,” Luke answered, and Ben could feel the sincerity behind his words. “It’s what I’ve been working on for years, practically had it carved from a once barren, rocky outcrop.” His uncle looked around the infirmary, nodding at the droids, the white, durasteel walls which were a stark contrast to the academy’s ancient stone architecture. “And you, all my padawans and younglings are my children. That’s more than enough to keep me busy.”

“So...it’s not because of those old Jedi rules about not getting married?”

Luke let out a hearty laugh. “I may be up to my neck in studying and following the Jedi ways, but I know enough to understand where one is applicable and one is not.  Your grandfather...”

Luke’s pause was long enough for Ben to look up at him, a brow raised at the sight of his uncle’s shadowed eyes. “What about Grandfather?”

Luke sighed. “Let’s just say he and my mother wouldn’t have needed all of the secrecy. A love like theirs should not have been something to be ashamed of or kept hidden from the world.”

Ben’s gaze fell back to Rey, watching her chest rise and fall with each faint breath. He remembered a time long ago when he’d had to keep his and Rey’s close friendship and room arrangement a secret. The frustration of it. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what his grandparents went through. He was just lucky he didn’t have to do that now, although he had to remind himself to tell his mother about Rey one of these days. Leia had been so busy lately, and even in the few garbled holo calls they’d had, she was either too distracted or too much in hurry to engage in anything deeper than shallow inquiry.

“I wouldn’t mind having children of my own someday,” Ben mumbled, more to himself than his uncle as he tucked a loose strand of Rey’s hair behind her ear. _And when I do, I’ll make sure to give them all the time in the world..._

“Well...” The surprise in his uncle’s voice was palpable. “I’m sure your mother would like to hear that. You’ve certainly had a lot of practice raising Rey. And look how good she’s turning out to be.”

Ben felt himself blush. He wasn’t usually proud of himself. Even after all of Luke’s encouragements and accolades in regards to his Jedi training, he always had a voice at the back of his mind telling him of his uncle’s biases towards his only nephew. But praises for raising Rey? He was going to take that and wear it with pride.                          

 “You’ll make a great father someday, Ben.” Luke clapped Ben’s shoulder with a palm. “Of course, you have to find a suitable bride first. Unless you’ve already...”

The main door to the infirmary slid open with a loud whoosh, and Ben turned to see Lennett Mha, carrying a tray of what appeared to be bowls of soup. “Ben, I heard what happened and...” She stopped at the sight of Luke and did a quick bow. “M-Master Luke.”

“Good morning, Ms. Mha.” The metal hand on Ben’s shoulder squeezed almost knowingly, and Ben just knew his face was as red as Lennett’s. “I’ll leave you two to talk. Ben, you are excused from classes today. And Ms. Mha, I shall see you later.”

Lennett nodded in silence, golden curls bobbing, blue eyes trained on Luke as he exited the infirmary. She let out a breath before turning to Ben with a sheepish smile. “I heard Rey got sick. I didn’t know what she’d like, so I brought all kinds of soup from the mess hall.”

“Thank you, Lennett. You’re too kind.” Ben stood up to take the tray from her, his heart leaping to his throat when he felt their fingers touch.

The feeling would stay with him well after Lennett had left for class, and even up until the evening, when he decided he was going to have to stay the night with Rey in the infirmary. The med droids tried to insist on him leaving, but had enough previous data from decommissioned sparring droids to know what Ben was capable of when angered.

He woke up hours later not to the lingering brush of Lennett’s fingers, but to the warmth of Rey’s palm sizing up against his.

He opened his eyes to look at her, but was still too sleepy to lift his head from the side of the cot, or even move an inch from his seat. “Hey, you...”

It wasn’t a question. He wasn’t sure what it was. He was still too groggy to think. And Rey was still turning his hand over and over against hers.

“My hand is so small,” she whispered after a time, her voice tiny and a bit hoarse.

“That’s because you are small,” Ben muttered into the cot’s sheets.

“But I’m already eight.”

“Still small.”

“And I’m not up to your shoulders yet.”

“Because you are still young.”

“So my hand will still grow right?”

“Yup.” Stars, she could still talk a lot for someone sick, he thought, and used his free hand to grope around until he had his palm on her forehead. Her fever had gone down a bit, and he sighed with relief. “When your hand is almost as big as mine, that’s when you know you’re grown up. Now, please go back to sleep.”

“Then you will marry me and turn me into a princess, right?”

This time, he did lift his head to stare at her with hooded, sleep-addled eyes. “Is that what this is all about?”

The flush on Rey’s round cheeks deepened, and she pulled the blanket up to her face so that only her red-rimmed, hazel eyes showed.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” Ben shook his head, and with a soft smile, climbed into the cot with her and pulled her close. It had been years since they last shared the same bed, and he felt nothing short of safe. He didn’t have to ask to know she felt the same. “Don’t you see, sweetheart? To me, you’ve always been a princess.”

The smile she gave him could have turned night into day, and she snuggled into the crook of his arm. “Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Sing ‘Mirror Bright’ to me.”

He felt his heart break and become whole all at once. He hadn’t sung that lullaby—his mother’s lullaby—to her in a very long time, and after a moment of fighting back the burn in his eyes, he sang with as much feeling as he could muster until he lulled Rey and himself back into a deep slumber, his dreams full of his mother’s smiles as they walked hand in hand along the hallways of a lofty palace overlooking vast lakes and majestic mountaintops, in a world no one would ever see again.

  
[ ](http://s1381.photobucket.com/user/gwendygayle/media/tumblr_messaging_ocw5iyRl741r4ne1q_1280_zpsuil65foi.png.html)  
( Special thanks to Subaru for this lovely artwork) 

 

* * *

 

The year she turned nine was when Rey began to take a keener interest in her classes. She wasn’t doing badly but she seemed to have grown a sudden determination to be better than her best. Ben knew it had to do with Jedi Lore and History Class, where once again, Lor San Tekka filled in for Luke to explain how Jedi Knights of old would choose their apprentices from only the best padawans.

 These days, she focused most of her energies on her weakest points—strength and weapons training. And boy, did she need a lot of work, Ben thought. Knowledge tests and Force abilities were one thing, but Rey had yet to gain the body build necessary for the physical aspect of Jedi training. Perhaps it was time he had her cut down on sweets, he thought.

Ben twirled his wooden sword, bare feet pounding softly on the shiny wooden floors of the academy’s high-ceilinged sparring room. He had quite a few memories of this place, most of which involved knocking down droids in a fit of rage. But those days were long over, replaced by his days as the appointed weapons training instructor for younglings. That, and the after class training sessions with his very persistent roommate.

One more spin of the sword, and he turned around to face Rey, who was sprawled on the floor, late afternoon sunlight pouring in from vertical windows and casting shadows on her supine form.“I think that’s enough for today, Rey.”

“No.” She shook her head, and with the help of her own wooden sword, rose on unsteady legs. “We’re not done yet.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Rey.”

“I want to be strong,” she persisted, bringing both hands to the hilt of the sword, eyes ablaze with determination. “I want to make sure that you’re going to choose me as your apprentice.”

As if he was going to choose anyone else over her, he thought with a smirk, but chose not to say. All the better to challenge her and not make her complacent.

“Alright.” After one last twirl, he used the Force to send his and Rey’s swords flying across the room and onto one of the tiered sword stands mounted on the wall. Eyes trained to another wall stand of wooden weapons, he flicked his wrist and levitated one for himself and for Rey.

“Staffs?” she asked, feeling the weight of the long weapon in her hands.

“It’s not exactly something I’m used to,” he admitted, spinning his staff around with minimal effort across fingers, shoulders, back and onto his hand again. “But I do know the basics.”

“Show off.” Rey wrinkled her nose, though her smile was apparent. “But why a staff?”

“It’ll give you more range and leverage against taller opponents.” He spun the staff again and struck a pose. “In other words, it’s perfect for you, short stuff.”

“Hey!” Rey rushed forward and tried to mimic his hand movements in an obvious attempt to hit him but ended with the staff flying out of her hands and onto the floor. She growled and used the Force to pick it up.

He shook his head, amused, and started towards her. “Look, if you’re going to do this, you need to learn how to hold it properly. It’s a staff, not a lightsaber.”

Kneeling before her, he grabbed her hands to guide them to their proper positions, but frowned when he couldn’t seem to pry her fingers loose. “Rey, you’re too tense. Relax.”

Rey said nothing, but she did loosen her grip, allowing him to position her hands, wrists and arms correctly.

“Staff held in thirds with one palm up, one palm down. This is the hand position you’ll be using majority of the time.” He looked up at her face, and saw the strangest look in her eyes. “Rey?”

She blinked rapidly. “Oh! Uhm. Yeah. Hold it like this. Yeah.”

He sighed. “That’s enough training for today, sweetheart. I can tell you’re already tired.” Rising to his feet, he used the Force to return his staff to the stands, Rey doing the same. “You better freshen up before going to the mess hall. Your robes are all sweaty.”

Rey nodded, lips still sealed, eyes downcast. She must be a lot more tired than he realized, Ben thought as they headed towards the door together. But no sooner had he stepped out when he saw several padawans run past them, their excited voices reverberating through the open window corridors.

He spotted Lennett Mha among the throng and heading towards them. He waved. “Lennett!”

“Ben!” Lennett stopped to catch her breath, and almost immediately, Ben felt Rey grab his hand and press herself to his side. “Ben, we just heard from the older padawans. It’s Master Luke. He’s come back.”

“He’s back?” Ben parroted, brows rising to his forehead in surprise. It wasn’t unusual for his uncle to go on trips—either to hunt for more Jedi lore and artifacts or recruit more Force sensitives for the academy—but Luke had always informed them days ahead when he was coming back. “Did something happen?”

“Only one way to find out.” Lennett shrugged, then ran along with the rest of the students. Ben followed her, Rey still clinging to his hand and running alongside him past stone steps, pillared archways, and the academy’s vast, circular courtyard until they exited the main arched entryway, stopping only at the edge of the surrounding wasteland of the planet’s flat, rocky terrain.

Less than a hundred feet beyond was the academy’s sizeable shuttle, its white, disc-shaped form and domed cockpit still visible in the sunset’s dying light. It could have been white once, but years of use in missions and supply runs had given it a more weathered appearance.

Ben watched as the ship’s ramp descended to the ground in a flurry of dust. In moments, a group of upwards to ten individuals came down from the ship, two of which he recognized to be senior padawans who were well on their way to become Jedi Knights. The rest of the beings were children from diverse species, ranging in age from five to twelve or thirteen. Yet another batch of students, Ben thought, already sensing the Force thrumming around them as they walked past.

But unlike the previous recruits Luke had brought in, something about this group bothered Ben. They lacked enthusiasm, even curiosity about what should be a new environment for them. Their robes—mute-coloured tunics with foreign patterns over dark garb—stood out amongst a sea of pale, padawan robes. And their eyes! All dazed and practically unblinking, their faces expressionless.

“What’s wrong with them?” He heard Rey whispered, and he felt the tiniest sliver of relief to know he wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“I don’t know.” He honestly didn’t, but he could tell it bothered Rey too. “Maybe just travel sickness.”

After the last of the new students were escorted into the academy by the senior padawans, Ben and the others with him turned back to the ship’s still open ramp. It took a while before Luke finally emerged, and when he did, Ben’s smile disappeared in an instant.

Luke was limping. And one side of his pristine white robe was soaked with blood.

“Uncle Luke!” He let go of Rey’s hand and rushed to offer aid to his uncle, but Luke only shook his head and continued to stagger on his own. “Uncle Luke, what happened?”

“I’m fine,” he answered, his voice gruff as he waved his metal hand dismissively. It was missing two fingers. “I’ve got supplies in the ship. Please see that they are brought in.”

“But your wound...”

“I’ll see myself to the infirmary.” Without another word, Luke limped into the academy’s entryway, Ben and the other padawans staring after him for a moment longer before doing as they were told.

The next day, Ben would find the new younglings in fresh padawan robes, playing and happily exploring the academy grounds with their Jedi Master, who had since had his wounds treated and missing metal fingers replaced. Things went back to normal soon after, and the strange incident of the younglings’ first arrival quickly faded from Ben’s memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E/N: “Mirror Bright” is an Alderaanian lullaby featured in the novel “Bloodline” by Claudia Gray. It is also the name of Leia’s ship in the book. I imagine it was also a lullaby Leia sang to Ben when he was a child, so I decided to mention it here as well.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this! I still have more in store for you in regards to our two space babies. More growing pains in the next chapters! Already started with the first part of the next chapter so that should be up soon I hope. I’ll also be adding more plot that will be connecting to the bigger picture soon so pay keen attention to certain events.  
> As always, thank you so much for your continued readership and your lovely reviews and comments! I know this isn’t your usual Reylo romantic fic so I’m really glad you guys are sticking around. Hopefully no one will kill me once we get to the end. Then again, we know how this ends so just you know...hang in there, as I add more fluffy pillows to cushion the fall. See you in the next chapters!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You asked me to quiz you,” she reminded with a hint of annoyance. On a small stand before her was a datapad, a stack of data chips nearby. “You need to get this right if you want to pass. Now, in what planet did the Galactic Empire take their last stand against the New Republic?”  
> “Uhm...let me think...” He tried not to look. He tried to focus on studying but the flash of gold against red was too hard to ignore. Too distracting.  
> Too infuriating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just thought I’d give thanks to leicosfox for helping me around some issue in regards to weapons in the academy. Pretty much why there’s a mention of electroblade training swords here  Thanks as well to knightsofreyloren for chatting me up because it helped me with a writer’s block I had. Thank you!!!  
> We’re getting to more fantasy territory here and less on some canon facts. I had to cherry pick a few things from legends then add my own spin for plot purposes. You’ll know what it is when you get there.

“Ben, I hear you have a female friend.”

Ben was in the comms room again, in a rare holo call with his mother—only the second they shared this past year. The room was dim save for the glow of muted newscasts from across the galaxy being projected on gray, durasteel walls. Why Luke left them on, or why he was suddenly becoming interested in galactic politics was perplexing, though it wasn’t something Ben dwelled on.

“F-Female friend?” Visions of summer sky eyes and sun gold locks danced in his head, the ghost of a musical laughter ringing in his ears. He ducked his head in what he knew was a vain attempt to hide his smile. “I...uh...guess you can say that.”

“You’ve never told me about her.”

“I never got the chance to.” He looked up from staring at his boots and frowned. Communication was still bad, and he saw more static than his mother’s face, but he was able to catch her look of concern. “If you’re thinking she’s only after me because of my lineage, don’t. She’s just like me. We can relate to each other. I’ve known her for years so there’s really no need to worry.” He found himself sighing too dreamily, and ended up a little embarrassed. “I like her, Mom. I really do. She’s different from all the other girls in the academy.”

Leia said nothing. If it was because of the interference, or some kind of comms delay, Ben wasn’t sure, but he took it as encouragement to continue. “She’s very kind.  And...just...beautiful. She’s also the only classmate of mine who actually thinks me as a real person, and not just a Skywalker or an Organa or a Solo. Like...she really sees me for me.”

“This isn’t the same ten-year-old girl sleeping in your room, is it?”

“Wait, what?” Ben started to laugh, but stopped when he saw his mother wasn’t smiling. “No, Mom. You’re confusing her with someone else.”

“But is it true, that you share a room with a little girl?” Leia pursued.

“Yes, Mom, I do. I thought I sent you a message introducing Rey to you months ago.”

“I got it, but it was so badly corrupted, I couldn’t even view it.” Leia kept moving around, her image sometimes disappearing from the holo, and Ben got the sense that she was juggling between working and talking to him. The fact that she called for him during busy office hours told him she must find this conversation urgent. “Does Luke approve of your sleeping arrangement?”

“Yes, Mom, he does. He always has.” Ben felt annoyance begin to seep into his voice. “Why is this even an issue?”

“Dorlan Casthre was just here and mentioned it. His son told him that you and this girl share the same room.” Leia’s voice was grave and Ben felt the same sickening feeling he had when he first heard Herron Casthre’s insinuations in the academy garden five years before. “Ben...you’re my son. And I trust you. But maybe it’s more... _appropriate_ if this girl rooms with other girls her age.”

His answer was immediate. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because...” He bit his tongue. How could he even begin to make his mother understand when she hadn’t believed him for years about that monster? How could he explain about what Rey’s presence was doing for him? The good it was doing to him? More likely, she would just think he was making excuses, he thought. “Rey’s my best friend. She’s practically a sister to me.”

“Yes, I understand that.” Leia nodded, hand waving dismissively. “But Ben, people talk.”

“So what?” An image of his fist planted squarely on Herron Casthre’s face flashed through his mind. He gritted his teeth. “I don’t care what people say about me.”

“I know you don’t. But what about what they say about this girl?” This time, Leia did stop whatever she was doing to look him straight in the eye. “What about what people say about her? Have you ever thought about that?”

That gave him a pause. No, he hadn’t thought about that at all. Over the years, he had grown numb to all the stares and whispers. Shouldn’t Rey, by extension, feel the same? She certainly never gave him a reason to think she was unhappy...

That’s when it dawned on him—Rey didn’t have any friends besides him, at least, none that he had seen. Luke had brought in a few new younglings over time but he had never seen her interact with them save for necessary exchanges in class. What if she was being bullied on his account and he didn’t know it?

After a time, he nodded. “Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to her about it.”

“Good. Thank you, Ben.” Leia beamed what could be a warm smile, if not for all the static, but that wasn’t why Ben couldn’t appreciate the gesture. “Anyway, honey, I have to go work on these reports. I’ll call you when I can, okay?”

Ben nodded and watched his mother’s holo feed fade out, the newscasts around him rising in volume until all four corners of the darkened room were filled with droning voices of announcers reporting about conflicts between the Galactic Senate’s two factions—the Centrists and the Populists, the latter of which Leia was a member of. If those reports were anything to go by, his mother won’t be calling him back any time soon.

_“The galaxy is in disarray, and it will need someone powerful to stop this anarchy. To bring order...”_

He practically slammed his palms over his eyes before dragging his hands across his scalp. Where the kriff did that come from?

He shot up to his feet and exited the comms room. Rey. He had to get to Rey. He’d probably been away from her a little too long, that’s all. He just needed to be around her again to clear his thoughts and—

_“...maybe it’s more...appropriate if this girl rooms with other girls her age...”_

Ben picked up his pace until he was running along the stone corridors, his footfalls echoing through the high ceilings, his shoulders bumping against other padawans along the way. His ears were deaf to their grumbles and complaints, his eyes blind to their glares. Right now, all he needed was to see Rey, to talk to her, to have her help him make sense of all his confusion.

He found her where he had left her—sitting on the floor of their room, still tinkering with the compact flight simulator he had given her for her birthday, an instructional holo on her side. All the stories he’d told her about his adventures on the Millennium Falcon during his younger days had made her want to learn to pilot, and it even got to the point where she was now studying Wookie speak. Not that it had anything to do with piloting of course, but she seemed to be determined to be able to do everything he could.

“Hey, Ben,” she greeted without looking up, hands deep inside the belly of the sim, which was almost half her size. She had a real talent with machines, Ben thought. “How’d it go with your Mom? Did she ask about me?”

“Yeah...she did.” Her question made him queasy, and he had to walk over to sit on his bed, eyes studying the profile of her sweaty face.

Perhaps feeling his gaze on her, she looked up at him, hazel eyes meeting his dark brown ones. “Well? What did she say?”

“Nothing much. She just...” He bit his lip and looked away. Dammit, he couldn’t lie to her. But he could at least shield her from the truth. “Rey...are you...happy with our arrangement?”

She raised a delicate eyebrow. “What arrangement?”

“This.” He opened his arms wide, gesturing at the entire room. “You. Me. Living in one room.”

Her brows met in suspicion. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She caught his gaze again, and he felt his fingers tighten over the mattress. Rey had never lost that ability to see right through him. It was almost as though she could sense his thoughts.

His stomach churned when he saw her face fall. “Your mom doesn’t want me here with you, does she?”

“No, sweetheart, it’s not like that.” He was on his knees beside her in an instant, a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “She just...thinks it would be better if you room with other girls your age.”

“Do you?” she asked.

“Do I what?”

“Think it’s better that I room with other girls my age?”

He pulled his hand away from her shoulder and leaned against his bed. He wasn’t sure how to reply to that. Five years. Five years, he had been living with Rey. That was a quarter of his life. Half of hers. He couldn’t let her go. But... “I’m just worried that other people may be saying...things about you that they shouldn’t.”

“Oh?” Rey turned her attention back to the sim, crouching down for a better look. “Like how it’s completely inappropriate and disgusting for a kid to sleep in the same room as an adult?”

Ben felt his face turn pale. “They...they said that?”

“Yup.” Rey’s voice was thick with disinterest. “And you want me to room with girls like that? Please.”

This time, Ben couldn’t find the right words to say, so he settled for staring at her while she tinkered with the machine.

After a long while, she wiped the sweat from her brow and turned to face him. “Ben, you can’t always please everyone. People will always find something to talk about. But as long as you and I know the truth, that we’re not doing anything wrong, then why should it matter what others say?”

Ben paused at her words and blinked at her, as though it were the first time he had ever seen her. Had she always looked so...so...

Rey frowned at him. “What?”

“Nothing.” Ben shook his head and smiled. “You just sounded so...grown up.”

He thought he caught a blush rise up her cheeks but she had turned away so fast, he wasn’t so sure. “I grew up a long time ago. You just didn’t notice.”

“I...I think I did,” he admitted. “But I guess I just can’t stop seeing you as my little baby sister, you know?”

Rey buried her head inside the flight simulator again. “Hand me that binding tape please?”

“I’m going to miss taking care of you,” he continued with exaggerated glumness, his voice whiny as he pressed the binding tape to her outstretched hand. He watched her cut a strip with her teeth like a savage. “My baby sister is all grown—mmmph!”

“Perfect!” Rey declared, squashing the ends of the strip of tape to the corners of his lips. “Now I can work on this sim in peace.”

Ben grinned as much as the sticky tape would allow. Rey was right, he thought. What others said or thought shouldn’t matter.

Still, he would never mention Rey to his mother ever again.

* * *

 

Another year came to pass. With the upcoming annual knowledge tests, came the increasing numbers of padawans in the academy library. Modelled after Coruscant’s Jedi Archives, it was comparably small, yet still adorned with pillars beside rows of data files, high ceilings, triangular windows and marble-tiled floors, but without the extra furnishings of golden busts of Jedis long gone. It also had a lot less data files and data chips, but it was enough to cater to the students’ needs, provided they made proper use of the library. Two such students certainly were not, Ben thought, his fingers lightly scratching the table’s shiny wooden surface, though he would want nothing more than to claw at it. Maybe even pick the table up and smash it into pieces. Then take one of the table legs and use it hammer against that red—

“Ben!”

He almost jumped out of his seat, and he had to take a moment to cool his head before turning to Rey. “I’m sorry. What was that?”

“You asked me to quiz you,” she reminded with a hint of annoyance. On a small stand before her was a datapad, a stack of data chips nearby. “You need to get this right if you want to pass. Now, in what planet did the Galactic Empire take their last stand against the New Republic?”

“Uhm...let me think...” He tried not to look. He tried to focus on studying but the flash of gold against red was too hard to ignore. Too distracting.

Too infuriating.

The thud of datapad against table shocked him from his thoughts. When he turned, he found Rey already making her way to the door and out of the library.

“Rey, wait!” He didn’t know why he bothered calling out after her, but he did so anyway, even as the library droids and other padawans shushed him. “Rey!”

He burst out of the doors, squinting at the sudden onslaught of bright summer light before his eyes adjusted enough for him to try and look for her. The library opened directly to the courtyard so he had a clear view of most of the academy’s pale brown stone buildings, but she was nowhere in sight. She could be really fast if she wanted to, and he closed his eyes to concentrate, hoping that she hadn’t cloaked herself from the Force.

She hadn’t. If anything, her presence was almost explosive, her fury palpable enough to cause a dull ache behind Ben’s eyes.

He followed the pull in his chest, past the courtyard and westward to the arch way which led to the gardens. He and Rey hadn’t been here for the longest time; not since that encounter with Herron Casthre and friends. Now he was being led deeper into the garden once again, through low lying trees, knee-high shrubs and sweet smelling flowers until he reached the clearing and found Rey murdering some bushes with a lightsaber.

Whatever nostalgia he may have felt at seeing the tall tree with the purple blossoms and the grassy blanket of tiny white flowers disappeared in an instant. He patted his belt and cursed. Of course it was his lightsaber she was using. He and his uncle were the only ones with real lightsabers in the academy. The rest had electroblade training swords.

“Rey.” He kept his voice firm as he made his approach. “Give me back my lightsaber. Now.”

“Yeah?” She stopped cauterizing the plants, deactivated the saber and spun around to face him, the smell of singed leaves wafting in the breeze. “You want it back so badly? Here!”

He had anticipated her tossing the lightsaber to him, but in no way did he expect her to actually throw it with such force, that he had to bend over backwards to avoid being socked on the nose.

“What the kriff is wrong with you?” he fumed after calling back the saber to him with the Force. “This is a lightsaber! An extension of a Jedi’s being. You don’t just throw it like garbage. Or use it like some gardening tool.”

Rey folded her arms and glared back. “Well, I wouldn’t have gotten the lightsaber off your belt in the first place if you weren’t so distracted with Lennett and Casthre being all mushy and stuff in the library.”

Ben gritted his teeth as he clipped the lightsaber back to his belt again. He could feel that heaviness in his chest—anger—dragging him to the edge with the memory of Lennett Mha’s hands intertwined with Herron Casthre’s, her head of golden curls brushing against his fiery red mane, and those sickeningly sweet smiles on their equally pale faces.

Rey’s temper tantrums were doing nothing to help his mood. “That’s no excuse for making a scene like that, or being disrespectful to me, Rey. You know it.”

His tone was sharp. But it didn’t quell the spark of defiance in Rey’s eyes.

“You’re looking for an excuse? How about this then?” She planted both fists on either side of her hips, her shoulders squared. Her height still left a lot to be desired, but something about her anger made her seem larger than life. “You put me through three weeks of misery. Three straight weeks, Ben! Ever since you found out about Lennett and Casthre, I’ve had to try and be there for you, be cheerful for you and I get nothing. You shut me out, you don’t talk to me unless necessary, and more than once, I’ve had to force you to eat! Do you even realize how miserable you’ve been making me feel?”

Whatever anger he had felt boiling earlier fizzled until he felt his shoulders droop in defeat. Rey was right. He _had_ been neglecting her ever since the day Lennett approached him to tell him that she and Casthre were together now, and that she hoped through her, the boys could finally be friends. It’s time they put childish squabbles aside and acted more like adults, she had said. But didn’t she even realize what he felt for her all these years?

Of course she didn’t, he thought glumly. How could she? He never told her...

 The impact of a boot against the side of his face knocked him clean off his feet and on to the grass. He sat up and shot a look at Rey, who was now sans one boot. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Because you’re an idiot,” Rey said simply, the disdain in her voice still quite obvious.

“You’re right. I _am_ an idiot,” he agreed, bracing himself up with both palms on the ground. “I’m an idiot for shutting up all these years. I should have told Lennett how I felt about her a long time ago.”

He yelped as Rey’s other boot landed hard on his jaw.

“No!” Rey yelled. “You’re an idiot because you’re sulking over a girl who chose to be with a guy she knows is trouble. The guy who, by the way, beat you unconscious right here, in this very clearing. And she knows it.”

Ben closed his eyes and lifted his palms to nurse his cheek and jaw. He didn’t know how to counter that and he’d long since given up trying to wrap his head around why Lennett fell for Casthre aside from the obvious. Casthre had certainly grown to have a string of admirers but Ben knew Lennett to be unlike the shallow girls in the academy. Or perhaps he really didn’t know her at all, which meant there was only one girl he truly knew inside and out.

“It’s not your loss, Ben. It’s hers.” Rey’s voice was softer now, and he turned his head to see her sitting beside him and slipping her delicate feet back into her boots. Her face was angled away so he couldn’t see much of her expression. “You deserve better. Far more than you realize.”

“I don’t deserve better.” He shook his head and lay down on the grass, watching sunlight peek between the branches and blossoms of the tree. “Why should I? I’m no one.”

“You’re not no one. Not to me.”

He felt rather than saw her move towards him before the weight of her head settled on the side of his shoulder. With a deep sigh, he lifted his arm up to pull her to his side, and just like that, all the resentment that may have built up between them earlier vanished.

“Rey...I’m sorry for neglecting you.”

“I’m sorry too. For stealing your lightsaber. And for the boots.”

He chuckled. “It’s fine. Not like this face can get any uglier—OW!”

“Say you’re ugly again and I will pinch your skin off,” Rey growled and snuggled into the crook of his arm, just like she had done back when she was younger. “Now, tell me again where the Galactic Empire had their last stand against the New Republic.”

“Jakku.”

“That is correct.”

* * *

 

Ben sprinted through the academy’s hallways, one hand tight around a holorecorder, the other clutching the lapel of his long brown cloak together as a chilly breeze whipped around him. The winter months have arrived but thankfully the academy was located in a part of the planet that didn’t see snow or below freezing temperatures but there was still a need for thicker robes and cloaks. Unfortunately for Ben, the cloak which he needed for extra warmth was also causing him an extra headache. He had almost tripped on it several times but he couldn’t slow down now. Not when he was running late for a very important day.

He stopped a few feet away from the sparring room’s open doorway, putting a hand against the wall for support. He needed to catch his breath. Rey and the other younglings would be having their final demonstration match before Luke right about now, and he couldn’t cause a ruckus.

He took a peek inside. In the distance, he could see his uncle standing at the end of the room, watching two younglings sparring with electroblade training swords in the middle of a wide circle of other padawans seated on the shiny wooden floor. Luke only ever allowed the use of electroblade weapons during final demonstrations such as these, so the look of rapt fascination on the younglings’ faces was expected. But there was one youngling whose attention was elsewhere, head turning and craning until her eyes caught his, her face brightening with a smile. He’d arrived just in time.

Smiling back, Ben took off his boots and stepped inside, careful to make as little noise as possible until he stood beside his uncle, who acknowledged him with a simple grunt. In moments the fight was over, and Luke called for the younglings to bow to each other before calling for Rey and another student to step forward.

Ben fumbled with the holorecorder, making sure not to overwrite the other holovids he and Rey had taken of each other over the years. There were too many precious memories there, and this was another—the culmination of years of weapons training with him. And he was confident she would do well.

He began to record just as Rey and her opponent, a human boy with light brown hair and green eyes, bowed at each other. The boy—twelve years old like Rey—was also a student of Ben’s back when Luke assigned him to teach the class, though for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what the kid’s name was. Then again, he never really cared to remember anyone’s names unless they really mattered to him.

Luke waved his hand and the fight commenced. Rey, armed with her preferred saberstaff, began striking blow after blow against the boy’s training sword, electricity cracking around the two rods with every impact. Her eyes were intense, shoulders hoisted, feet sliding effortlessly across the floor as she circled her opponent, studying him. The use of the Force was forbidden in this physical display so Ben knew what he was seeing right now was Rey relying on strategy and instinct.

She moved forward and attacked again and again. She was almost dancing, her movements graceful and hypnotic, disguising the strength of her blows. The boy, obviously realizing his gross miscalculation of her skills, took several steps back, his defences and counter attacks getting more desperate by the minute.

Ben stole a glance at his uncle, who had an arm folded over his chest, the other reaching up to run a hand over his beard. He could tell Luke was impressed, which in turn made his chest burst with pride. He had taught most of these younglings, but it was Rey who trained the hardest.

With just a few short moves, the fight ended with the boy on the floor and the end of Rey’s staff inches from his sweaty face. Luke made a single loud clap, and Rey deactivated her electroblade staff before holding a hand out to the boy, who promptly took her offer to help him up.

“Good work, all of you.” This time, Luke clapped several times before folding his arms again. “And that concludes today’s demonstration. Results will be sent remotely so check your datapads for further notifications. You’re all dismissed. And be sure to take all your electroblade weapons down to storage. I’ll see you all again tomorrow.”

Luke gave a nod to his nephew before hurrying out ahead of his students to supervise other classes. Ben stopped recording and approached Rey.

“Hey, Ben.” She beamed and skipped over to him, her cheeks flush from the exercise. “So, how I’d do?”

“Perfect.” He smiled back and tucked the holorecorder into his pocket. “Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. You had a great teacher after all.”

“Jerk!” She threw a punch at his side, not enough to hurt, but enough to let him know she thought he was being an ass.

Then, from behind her came a timid voice. “Y-You...you were awesome, Rey.”

Ben turned towards the source of the voice and was surprised to find the boy from earlier still in the sparring room with them, his deactivated training sword clutched tightly against his chest.

“Oh. Uhm, thank you,” came Rey’s reply, her voice trailing off before she looked up at Ben. “Er, Ben, this is Kreio Thorsen. One of my classmates.”

“Master Ben.” Kreio did a quick and low bow. “I-I was one of your students. I’m sorry for my disappointing performance.”

“No, you actually did well,” Ben commented, his face impassive though his eyes narrowed at the way the boy’s eyes were fixed on Rey. “Your defense moves were on point though you could use a bit more strength training.”

“Th-thank you.” The boy bowed again before giving Rey a sheepish smile. “So Rey...I’ll...uhm, see you around class?”

Ben saw Rey’s brows meet for a brief moment. “Yeah, sure. See you.”

With one last nod, Kreio hurried out of the sparring room, but not before throwing one smile over his shoulder and waving.

Ben whistled. “Boy, he’s got it bad for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Him. That kid. He has a huge crush on you.”

“What? Kreio?” Rey looked at Ben, to where Kreio had exited, then back to Ben again and let out a shaky laugh. “No way.”

“Rey, I’m a guy. And I can tell that boy really likes you.” Ben sank to his knees in a crouch. Rey had grown taller this year, but so had he, which was why he still had to crouch to be at her eye level. “I saw the way he looked at you when you held your hand out to him. He also hung back to give you a compliment in relative privacy.”

Rey stared back at him for a moment before turning away. “He’s...nice I suppose. And maybe not bad looking. But he’s not my type.”

“Oh? What is your type?”

Ben noted the way color rose to her cheeks and the way she seemed to hold on tighter to the electroblade staff. “I like someone who’s...more mature.”

“Oh Force Rey...don’t tell me.” With one swift move, he grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. Then, with an intense gaze and a grave, dramatic voice, he said, “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with Herron Casthre too.”

The pain didn’t register until after he had crumpled to the ground but even as it raged through his shin, he still couldn’t stop laughing. The look on Rey’s face—that cute, annoyed, borderline I-will-kill-you look—was still playing in his head. “Ow! Hahaha, I’m kidding, Rey! Maker, than hurt, hahaha!”

Still rubbing his shin, he looked up to see her running out of the sparring room. He could almost see smoke coming out of her ears, and the thought made him burst into another fit of laughter.

“Rey, hahaha, wait up!” He managed to pull himself together and hobble towards the door, shaking off the pain. “Rey, wait, I was just teasing!”

He reached the doorway, looked around and released a sharp breath. Of course he couldn’t find her. If she had strong enough legs for kicking that hard, then she had strong enough legs for running away fast.

He closed his eyes and tried to feel her through the Force. In seconds, he homed in on her signature, but it was flickering, as though she wanted him to find her but at the same time wanted to hide from him.

Grabbing his boots from the side of the room and putting them on, he raced through the covered pathway and to the courtyard, stopping at the foot of the stone steps which led to the meditation chapel. Situated at the north end of the academy’s courtyard, it was built inside the hollow of a gigantic tree, the tree’s roots snaking around the rocky outcrop which constituted the stone steps. About fifty feet above, the wide trunk spread out into a flurry of leafy branches, providing shade not just for the chapel, but to its neighbouring buildings like the library and part of the padawans’ quarters.

Ben ran up to the chapel two steps at a time. He’d only gone here to meditate a handful of times, mostly because other padawans had the tendency to do the same. Today however, it was empty because of all the end-of-the-year knowledge tests and demonstrations going on simultaneously.

The chapel was also empty of Rey.

“Rey?” he stepped in. The hanging lights were dim, so he had a hard time making out the details of the chapel. He did, however, see an opening of roots at the end of the chamber. Had that always been there?

He stepped forward to inspect the curious opening, but it was too dark to see anything. Once again, he called to Rey, his eyes widening when his voice echoed. Did the chapel house another chamber?

Unclipping the lightsaber from his belt, he activated it and used it to light his way inside, the blue glow illuminating low lying tree roots, gnarled, bark walls and stone steps which spiralled downwards.

He closed his eyes and cursed. Rey. She was down there. He could sense her. And something else. A dark, unsettling feeling that spread out from the pit of his stomach.

“Rey!” He began to hurry down the spiral steps, holding his lightsaber out like a beam, his other hand against the wall for support, his long cloak scraping the stairs. The way down seemed to take forever, and he grew so nauseous by the time he got to the base of the stairs, that he had to take a moment to reorient himself.

He looked around, lightsaber moving from one side to the other. There were no lights. Only darkness, and the feel and smell of soft earth beneath his feet.

“Rey!” His voice had taken on a shrill edge. He could feel her. But he could also feel everything. The Force. A pull. A push. His heart ramming against his rib cage. His head being swept by light-headedness. The blood rushing and pounding against his ears.

This place. It was heavy with feeling, overwhelming his senses. He shut his eyes tight and tried to reach for Rey. Still here. Somewhere. But this feeling. The Force. Too much noise, too much, she was drowning it.

He shook his head. He would have to rely on his eyes. On his lightsaber. Kriff, why was this place so dark? He should at least be able to see within a few feet. But it was as though the light was being sucked in by the atmosphere and quickly snuffed out.

Then, a short distance away, he saw her. She was completely still, her back towards him, her electroblade staff hanging limply in one hand.

“Rey.” With determined steps, Ben moved forward and grabbed her shoulder. “Why in the world did you—”

He stopped cold at the sight of her face.

Dazed. Unblinking. Expressionless.

His breath seized. He had seen that look before. But where?

_“We meet again, dear boy...”_

He felt as though he were sinking into a sarlacc pit instead of standing on solid ground. His mind began screaming for him to run, to grab Rey and just hightail it out of this forsaken place. But he couldn’t get his legs to move. And so he did the only thing he could.

He turned to look.

There, materializing from the darkness in wisps of smoke was the distorted phantom with hideous scars and lopsided sneers.

The nightmare was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E/N: I’ll be leaving you guys with that cliffhanger right there :) Figured it was time for a little excitement after all the fluff hehe. Also, while I try to be as canon as possible, like I mentioned in the initial notes, I’m cherry picking from both old and new canon and spinning them into this fictional take for plot purposes.  
> Oh, I’ll be very busy this week guys because of an upcoming local comic book convention which I am participating in so I won’t be able to write anything until two or three weeks later :( I know, it’s a long wait, but please be patient. Once my schedule clears, I’ll head back to write again and continue with this tale.  
> Again, thank you so much guys for all your lovely comments and encouragements. I really love hearing your thoughts and some of you have even discussed it with me in tumblr via the fanfic guessing game, which I can say was a huge part in helping shape the fic because it made me rethink a few lines I initially placed.  
> Anyway, hope this got you guys intrigued and I will see you all again in the future chapters :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven. Seven years. That was how long it had been. Yet in all that time, Ben never forgot its face—from the dark, beady, soulless eyes, down to the smallest cracks which branched off from the large scar that seemed to cut the creature’s head in half.
> 
> He quickly stepped in front of Rey and held the lightsaber before him in a ready stance, both hands tight around the hilt.
> 
> “Oh, my dear boy...” The creature shook its malformed head and grinned, the pale, gray skin of its cheeks stretching to reveal tears and holes in its flesh. “Such bravery...such foolishness. Did you really think you could run away from me forever?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much guys, for your patience in waiting for the next installment! Here it is! More things to move the plot forward.

Seven. Seven years. That was how long it had been. Yet in all that time, Ben never forgot its face—from the dark, beady, soulless eyes, down to the smallest cracks which branched off from the large scar that seemed to cut the creature’s head in half.

He quickly stepped in front of Rey and held the lightsaber before him in a ready stance, both hands tight around the hilt.

“Oh, my dear boy...” The creature shook its malformed head and grinned, the pale, gray skin of its cheeks stretching to reveal tears and holes in its flesh. “Such bravery...such foolishness. Did you really think you could run away from me forever?”

Ben didn’t reply. He couldn’t trust himself to without stammering. He couldn’t even get his hands to stop shaking.

The creature slowly levitated towards him and he backed away on instinct, teeth clenched, sweat forming at his brow. The creature cackled—the first time he’d ever heard it do so—the sound echoing through the darkness, making it seem as though it were everywhere. Ben’s knees buckled but he quickly got up to his feet and reached behind him for Rey, only to grasp at air.

He spun around. She was gone.

“Looking for this, my boy?”

Ben turned back to the creature and watched in horror as it opened up its cloak to reveal Rey, who was now wearing the same dark cloak as the monster beside her. Her eyes—those hazel eyes which had looked at him with adoration for so many years—now blazed with fury, almost glowing yellow and red in the darkness.

“Y-You...what have you done to her?!”

“You did this to me, Ben.” It wasn’t the creature, but Rey who answered, her voice in a hiss and practically laced with poison. “Your darkness has touched me, consumed me, and now this is what you have forced me to become.”

“N-no!” Ben shook his head. He was starting to feel sick. He wanted to run to her, to shake her back to her senses but to go near the creature...to go near Rey when she glared at him with such hatred...it was too much. “Rey, this isn’t you! That monster, it’s controlling you.”

She cocked her head and smiled. “Is it?”

Ben’s eyes widened. No, no, this couldn’t be real. It couldn’t. This wasn’t Rey. And the creature...it was...acting strange. Less eloquent. More bent on terrorizing rather than manipulation. What was going on?

The world around him suddenly came alive in a blaze of light. He held up an arm to shield himself, blinking hard until his eyes adjusted enough for him to see his uncle, holding a hand in the air, light radiating from his palm and across the surroundings like a protective dome.

“Get Rey and run!” Luke commanded. Ben deactivated his saber and turned every which way, eventually finding Rey behind him. She was back in her padawan robes, but she remained dazed and unblinking. The hatred he had seen earlier was gone, but her expression was still unsettling.

Without another word, Ben scooped her up in his arms and ran for the stairs, taking two steps at a time until he reached the meditation chapel and fell to his knees, gasping for much needed air as he rocked Rey in his arms.

“You’re gonna be fine...you’re gonna be okay. You’re okay, sweetheart. You’re okay...” he mumbled as if in prayer, unsure if he was reassuring himself or Rey, one hand stroking her hair as though she was nothing more than an infant.

After several moments, he pulled back to look at her face, relief washing over him when he saw her blink at him with those hazel eyes he had known for all of his years in the academy. He watched the beginnings of a smile form on her face, and he started smiling back until he saw her gaze wander towards something behind him. He wasn’t even able to turn and look before Rey’s expression evolved into one of sheer fright, her screams so deafening, he let her go in shock.

Then came the Force—the energy bursting out from within her, up her arms and out her hands, the powerful, invisible gust moving past Ben and hitting Luke, who had just come out from the opening. And if he hadn’t shielded himself with his own Force power, Ben was sure his uncle would have fallen back down the dark cavern below.

Rey stood up and tried to push Luke away with the Force over and over, but each time, he managed to repel it. Ben shouted for Rey to stop, but she was relentless, her screams—no, roars—coming out from somewhere deep within, as though she was possessed.

Before he could stand up to stop her, Ben felt his lightsaber fly away from his hand and into Rey’s. Disbelief crippled him to his spot as she activated the saber and rushed to attack her Jedi master, the blue plasma blade clashing against Luke’s green one.

“Rey, stop!”

She didn’t. It was as if she didn’t hear him at all. He could do nothing but watch in alarm as master and padawan clashed blades in the small confines of the chapel, their sabers illuminating the bark walls with blue, white and green hues. Rey was obviously outmatched, with Luke blocking and deflecting her blows with ease but whatever it was that was driving her to attack, it was making up for her comparable lack of experience in lightsaber duels.

 

With a push and yank of his saber, Luke managed to disarm Rey, the Skywalker saber hitting one side of the chapel's walls before landing on the floor with a thud. Ben tore his eyes away from the now inert weapon in time to see Luke reach out to Rey's face with an open palm. One flick of the fingers, and Rey fell limp in her master's arms.

It was a long while before Ben managed to find his voice again. “Uncle Luke...what happe—”

“Get a med droid, Ben.”

“Is Rey—”

“ _NOW_!”

Ben stiffened. He had never seen his uncle look so furious, and it was enough to send him running out the meditation chapel and down the stone steps. He wasn't even able to make his way to the infirmary when he felt a dull ache behind his eyes which exploded into a headache so terrible, he had to rush to the bushes by the great tree’s roots to vomit.

When he had finished, he sat on the ground and leaned heavily against the thick root. What the kriff was that, he thought. It was almost as though he felt hands reach into his mind, squeeze hard and...take something away. But what, he didn't know. He'd never experienced anything like it before. Not even with the creature.

The creature. That thing. How could it have found him when he was with Rey? That monster, Rey with glowing eyes and in a dark cloak—had it all been an illusion? What exactly was in that cavern?

So many questions, but he wasn’t going to get any answers if he just stayed there, he thought, and so he struggled up his feet and made his way to the infirmary.

By the time he got back to the chapel with the medical droid, Rey was already awake and talking to Luke, the two of them seated on the floor, his uncle’s metal hand on Rey’s shoulder.

“What happened?” Ben blurted out.

“I had to put her out,” Luke answered in a monotone and took his hand away. “She was in hysterics.”

“She attacked you.” Ben wasn’t sure if he was stating facts or reminding his uncle about what had occurred. “Why did she attack you?”

Rey looked up at him, her eyes glassy under the chapel’s dimming overhead lights. “I...I did?”

Ben’s brows rose to his forehead. “You mean...you don’t remember?”

Luke suddenly rose to his feet, blue eyes once again sparked with anger. “What were you two doing down there?”

“We were...” Ben broke away from his uncle’s intense gaze, only to find his sights settling on the wall behind Luke. “The opening! It’s gone!”

“I asked you a question, Ben.” Luke didn’t yell, but he might as well have, and Ben suddenly felt very small.

“I...I was teasing Rey,” he began, eyes downcast. “She got mad at me and ran. I sensed her here and found that opening and followed her signature down the cavern.”

He caught the way his uncle’s brows twitched. “The opening was already there when you came here?”

Ben nodded, and Luke turned his entire body to where the hole on the wall had been earlier. When it became clear Luke wasn’t going to say anything anytime soon, Ben mustered the courage to speak. “Uncle Luke...what’s going on? What was that place?

“Somewhere no padawan should have been. Not until the final trial before ascending to Jedi Knighthood.” Luke’s voice was somber, but when he turned back to his younger student, his face was calm and collected. “Are you feeling better now, Rey?”

“Yes, Master Luke.” Rey nodded and accepted Luke’s offered hand to help her up her feet. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“That’s okay.” He patted her on the head. “Now, go with the med droid to the infirmary. There are some things I’ll need to discuss with my nephew.”

“M-Master Luke!” To Ben’s surprise, Rey bowed so low, her nose almost touched her knees. “Please don’t punish Ben. It’s my fault. I was the one who ran here. And that hole suddenly appeared and—”

Luke shushed her. The sharpness of it surprised Ben, even more so when it contrasted with the kindness in his words. “Don’t worry. Ben won’t be in trouble. I promise. Now go have yourself checked.”

“Okay.” Rey straightened herself and walked beside the droid to the chapel’s entryway, not even glancing at Ben as she made her exit. It confused him a little, until he remembered she was probably still a bit upset with the joke he made about her being in love with Casthre earlier. Or maybe she was just as confused as he was with what had occurred within the dark chambers beneath the tree. He didn’t know anymore. Hopefully his uncle would at least be able to answer some of his questions, he thought.

Luke spoke before he could utter a word. “You asked earlier about the cavern beneath the tree, correct?”

“Yes.”

Luke sighed. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to discuss this with any student until the final Jedi trial. I’ve kept that place a secret to prevent any possible mischief from happening.”

Ben didn’t say anything. He was afraid that if he did, his uncle would stop talking.

But Luke continued. “As you are well aware from your Jedi Lore and History class, Lor San Tekka and I discovered this place and I had the academy built here because of the strong concentration of the Force within it. A Force Nexus, as it was called in the olden times. And its strongest point is right beneath us, exactly where you and Rey were earlier.”

“You mean that cavern...” Ben’s eyes widened, his mind moving back to stories Luke had told. It all made sense now—the darkness, the feeling of dread, of being suffocated by the Force which permeated within that underground chamber. “It’s like what you went through in Dagobah. During your training.”

“That’s right.”

“So everything I saw earlier...”

“Was not real,” Luke finished. “An illusion, yet one which stems from your deepest fears.”

Not real. That creature wasn’t real. Not this time. No wonder it wasn’t acting the way it should, Ben thought. It was an apparition conjured by the Force—his darkest fears materialized, its words and actions echoing only what was in his head.

Including turning Rey to the Dark.

Ben’s eyes widened at the sudden realization. “Uncle Luke...the Force Nexus. It was dark energy.”

He saw his uncle’s lips tighten beneath the man’s beard before he turned around to face Ben fully. “You said you found Rey down there. Did you notice anything...strange about her?”

_“You mean aside from her trying to kill you earlier?”_ Ben thought but didn’t say. “She looked like she was in a daze.” He paused for a beat. “Was it because she was experiencing illusions of her own? And why did you build the academy atop a Dark Nexus?”

“It used to be worse.” Luke shifted his blue eyes away from Ben’s. “I planted this Force sensitive tree over it, one of the few remaining in the universe, and imbued it with the Light. So as you can well sense, the academy itself permeates with the Light Nexus but at the same time, I cannot completely rid it of the Darkness. What little is left of the Dark Nexus, I now use for the final test for my students before they are deemed fit for Jedi Knighthood.

“Now tell me.” Luke moved his eyes over Ben again, though this time, with more intensity. “Aside from her being in a daze, what else did you see? Did she say anything? Do anything else?”

It was now Ben’s turn to tighten his lips. Why was his uncle so interested in what happened to Rey down there? Why not ask about what happened to him? “No. She was just standing there. All quiet. She wasn’t even blinking. I thought she was staring at...” he hesitated before adding, “I think she was staring at my monster, but now I can’t be sure.”

“Your monster?”

“A creature...f-from my ch-childhood.” Ben suddenly found it hard to breathe over the beating in his chest. Was this it? Was this how he was going to tell his uncle about that thing? All these years, he’d kept it between him and Rey. And now...he wasn’t ready. But he’d backed himself into a corner. He had to continue now. “It’s...it’s what I saw down there. This bald creature of a man with scars and in dark robes. He turned Rey to the Dark Side—”

Luke waved his hand. “That creature is a mere manifestation of your fears, Ben. As with many Jedi and Jedi initiates, one of the greatest fears is the fall to the Dark, but it is something you must not allow yourself. But that’s beside the point. I need you to think beyond the illusion. I want to know exactly what happened to Rey down there. What _really_ happened.”

Ben was taken aback. His uncle was doing exactly what his parents had done nearly all his life—chuck all his claims of being haunted by a monster to an overactive imagination. But he knew better. Rey saw that creature. It was real, and he found himself brought back to all the anger, the resentment, the helplessness when no one believed him.

“Ben?”

“That’s all I saw,” Ben managed in a calm voice, even as his knuckles turned white from clenching his fists. “Her, standing there and staring out. I don’t know what she saw.” He added the last part in an effort to bait his uncle into further questioning him. Surely Luke would see the contradiction from his earlier statement, but to Ben’s dismay, Luke simply nodded.

“I see. Let me know if anything comes up. I want to be sure there are no lingering effects of this unfortunate experience on her.” Luke faced the wall behind him, staring at where the opening once was.

Taking it as dismissal, Ben pivoted and started to exit when Luke called out. “And Ben, don’t breathe a word about this incident to anyone. Understand?”

Ben grunted his response before making his way out of the chapel, his hands still clenched to the point of shaking.

  


* * *

  


Dinner with Rey in the mess hall that night was more than a little uncomfortable. In fact, it was downright awkward. Neither of them talked, which was something that never happened before. Ben could only surmise that Rey was still mad at him for his joke. As for himself...he really didn’t know what to say. Now didn’t seem to be the right time to talk about what happened under the chapel, and so he had settled for silence.

The awkwardness, unfortunately, lasted well into bedtime. After preparations, they both settled into their respective beds without so much as a ‘good night’. And Ben was close to his limit.

He sat up, eyes straining in the darkness to see Rey’s supine form on the bed across his, her back towards him. How long was this going to go on?

He sighed deeply and flopped back into bed. Hopefully they’ll be able to settle things between them tomorrow. He wasn’t sure how long he could last without the old Rey back.

It took another hour before his eyelids grew heavy. But before he could fall asleep, he heard shuffling from Rey’s side. He turned and to his surprise, found her standing right by his bed, her sleeping robes crumpled, her long, brown hair unruly, and her pillow tight in her embrace.

“Ben...can I...sleep beside you tonight?”

Her voice was so tiny, Ben wasn’t sure he heard her right. But he could sense her desperation, and even in the dim light of the moon streaming in from the window, he could see the tears glistening at the corners of her eyes.

Without a word, he scooted over and lifted his blanket, and Rey quickly slipped in, curling up against his chest the way she used to when she was five.

He pulled her towards him, and he felt her shoulders tremble. “It’s okay, Rey. You’re going to be fine.”

“No, no, I’m not.” Rey shook her head vigorously, and Ben could feel her tears seep through his shirt. “I saw something, Ben. I know I saw something and that something happened to me down there, but...I can’t remember. I can’t. But I still feel horrible and sad and...”

“Shhh, shhh, I’m here, I’m here.” He held her close then, desperate to comfort her as she gave herself up to tears and sobs. He still had a thousand questions about what happened in those terrifying moments beneath the Force tree, but none of that mattered at the moment. What mattered now was comforting Rey, soothing her and holding her together as she rode out her grief until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think quite a few people were actually expecting this to be close to the end, but it's not :) So yey, we still get more chapters with our two cinammon rolls :D Although yeah, this chapter did definitely end on a darker note. Either way, I hope you guys found this intriguing. More to come in the future! Thanks always for your constant reviews and support ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took a few more days before Rey would sleep in her own bed again, mostly for the sake of comfort. The bed was far too narrow for both of them, she said, but even so, Ben could sense her hesitation, even uneasiness at having to sleep alone again. He should know, because admittedly, he felt it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an early update for you guys :) I had to post it now coz I'll be having a photoshoot tomorrow for my niece's birthday so I will be too busy over the weekend.

It took a few more days before Rey would sleep in her own bed again, mostly for the sake of comfort. The bed was far too narrow for both of them, she said, but even so, Ben could sense her hesitation, even uneasiness at having to sleep alone again. He should know, because admittedly, he felt it too. The warmth of Rey’s presence had been like a balm, and he had had several nights of good sleep with her breath upon his cheek, her small snores against his ear, and even her night time involuntary kicks, though waking him up at times, was at least a reminder that she was just beside him.

More time passed since he and Rey went back to their old sleeping arrangements, yet even then he was having a hard time adjusting. He often caught himself lying awake at night, staring at Rey, who, more often than not, had her back towards him. He wondered how she could sleep so soundly like that when he was suddenly and unexpectedly so cold and alone.

 _“It’s just a phase,”_ he told himself one morning, as he sprung up from bed and stretched, his eyes once again, wandering towards his roommate, who was still curled up in her bed, blanket tucked up to the neck. He frowned when he saw the chronometer on the wall. She was usually up and about by this time.

“Rey?” He rose and walked over to her, instinctively putting a palm on her forehead. She didn’t appear to have a temperature, but he couldn’t rule out illness yet. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled and nudged his hand away before pulling the covers over her head. “Five more minutes.”

“Uhm...okay.” He waited for a moment, unsure what to do. Rey wasn’t exactly acting like herself. She had always been the one to wake him up; not the other way around. “I’ll go and use the ‘fresher first then.”

“Mmhmm,” was all he got as a reply. He shook his head before taking some fresh robes and a towel from the closet and heading for the ‘fresher.

Once done using the facilities, he towelled himself dry and walked towards the sink for a shave. He had long since begun to grow facial hair but kept it off because of Rey.

 _“I don’t want you looking like Master Luke,”_ Rey had said one time, and that had been enough for him to lather his jaw area with depil cream every few days.

Uncle Luke. He hadn’t been the same since that day. He’d been warier. Less talkative. And more observant of Rey. Ben had been trying his best to figure out what had happened in the chapel, even to the point of asking Rey despite her obvious unease. But she could remember nothing. Not even her attack on her master. All she could remember was that the hole opened up moments after she stepped into the chapel and that she had gone down into the darkness. She could recall nothing more after she set foot in the cavern until she woke up in Luke’s arms.

Ben splashed his face with cold water. He wanted to stay mad at his uncle for brushing him off, for taking a keener interest over Rey’s plight than his own nephew’s, but at the same time he couldn’t fault him about that. He too was more concerned over the trauma Rey experienced in the cavern, and so he had told himself that perhaps Luke thought he was strong enough to cope with what had happened whereas Rey was going to need all the support she could get.

Yes, he thought while patting his face dry with the towel. That had to be it. His uncle wasn’t apathetic to him. He was just more worried about Rey. That, Ben could understand.

He braced himself against the sink and stared at the mirror. His ears were still quite prominent, which was why he kept his hair long to hide them; his moles still numerous, but there was nothing he could do about that; his jaw, square yet somewhat disproportioned, but his nose, which he had once deemed too big, had grown to a pleasant aquiline in his face, and it was complimented by the deep-seated eyes and full lips. He was a perfect blend of his parents, though now he could see more of Han in his profile.

He jerked away from the sink and began putting on his clothes. Thoughts of his father still irritated him even though years had passed. _Especially_ since years had passed since he last saw the man. Han Solo was so busy with his pursuits that he couldn’t even be bothered to call except on special occasions like his son’s birthday, and even then conversation would be brief and awkward. His mother at least had a better excuse other than being swamped with work. Luke himself was having difficulties sending and receiving messages from Hosnian Prime.

Once dressed, Ben exited the ‘fresher and found Rey seated on her bed, sleeping robes rumpled, hair wild from sleep, fresh clothes in her arms, and her droopy eyes staring off into nothing.

“Rey?”

“Hm?” She turned to him and yawned loudly. “What?”

“Nothing.” Ben shook his head with a smile. For a minute there, he thought she was really sick. She did look a bit pale, but it could probably be just sleepiness. “Your turn.”

Rey nodded and shuffled her way to the ‘fresher, muttering something about being tired and aching all over. Ben thought nothing of it and sat down on his bed to put on his boots. He had barely slipped on the second one when he heard Rey scream.

He was at the ‘fresher door in an instant. It was locked, but it didn’t stop him from banging a fist against the white metal surface. “Rey! What’s going on?”

“I’m bleeding!” she screeched, paranoia in her voice so potent that Ben felt faint. “Ben, I’m bleeding bad!”

“Bleeding where?!”

“Down...down there!”

“Down where?”

“Down there, down there!”

It took a moment for the words to register in Ben’s head, but when it did, he felt the world around him begin to spin, and it took all he had to steady himself.

“I-I-I’ll go get help!” he called out before rushing out of the room in a panic. He had to look for help. He needed to go the infirmary. Yes! The med droids would know what to do. He had to hurry. And so he ran as fast as he could, through the hallways and to a corner...

...and straight into another student, the impact sending him toppling to the floor on top of the girl.

“Oh kriff! I’m so sorry! I...” He froze from rising to his feet when he realized who he had beneath him. “L-Lennett?!”

“B-Ben?”

Time seemed to stop as he stared into the summer sky that was in her eyes, her golden halo of hair sprawled on the cobblestone floor around her. He hadn’t really talked to her, much less looked at her ever since she and Herron Casthre became an item the year before, and though he was still sore about it, he couldn’t deny that even until now, she still took his breath away.

He blinked away from the moment and hurried up his feet to help her up. “I’m so sorry, Lennett. So, so sorry. It’s my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He looked around, sighing with relief when he found no sign of Casthre.

“That’s okay, Ben. I wasn’t looking where I was going either.” Lennett Mha took his offered hand, her fingers lingering a bit longer before slipping away. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“It’s Rey.” Ben’s gaze fell on Lennett’s lips, which had tightened into a fine line. “She’s bleeding. I need to go to the infirmary and—”

“Wait, wait.” Lennett put a palm on his chest, and it wasn’t until then that Ben realized how much he now towered over her. “She’s bleeding, you say?”

“D-Down...down there.” He shifted his eyes away. He could feel his cheeks growing warm. “She said she was bleeding down there.”

“I see.” Lennett nodded then took her hand away from his chest. He hadn’t noticed she had it there for a while until she lifted her palm away. “I have something here that may help.” She patted the pocket of her trousers. “Will you take me to her?”

Ben could only nod before leading the way, Lennett Mha running alongside him. They reached his and Rey’s room in no time, but before he could get inside, Lennett stopped him.

“Let me do this, Ben.” Again, she put her palm to his chest, warmth radiating from where she touched him before she slipped into his room, the door sliding to a close behind her.

He stared at the closed door for a time, hopping from one foot to the other before he thought it better to pace.

A minute passed. Then three. Then five, then ten. He didn’t know how long he had to wait and it was driving him mad knowing Rey was hurting and he couldn’t be there beside her.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the door slid open and Lennett emerged with a red-faced Rey, whose expression hovered somewhere between embarrassment and irritation. She was already in her fresh padawan robes, though her hair was still wet and wrapped up in a towel.

“You alright sweetheart?” He kept his voice as soothing as possible, both hands on Rey’s shoulders. It usually worked at turning her frown into a smile, but he was surprised when she drew away from him.

“I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth, then turned to Lennett with a slight bow. “Thanks for helping me, Ms. Mha.”

“No need to be so formal with me, Rey.” Lennett chuckled and patted Rey on the head. Ben could almost feel his roommate cringe. No one had ever patted her on the head except him and Luke. “We’ve known each other for almost all our lives here in the academy. Lennett will do.”

“Can we go to the infirmary now?” Rey asked, not even trying to disguise her disdain yet Lennett was still able to keep her smile. Ben couldn’t help but admire her for it.

“Of course, we should.” Lennett nodded before leading the way, Rey at her heels while Ben trailed behind the two girls. He could feel something cackling, a clash of energy of sorts which he couldn’t comprehend. All he knew was that he would much rather steer clear of it.

Once they had Rey in the infirmary, Lennett stayed outside with him and began explaining Rey’s situation. And the more she talked, the hotter his face became.

“So you’re saying Rey is...”

“She’s becoming a woman, to put it lightly,” she finished, then cocked her head, an amused look on her face. “So...you really _weren’t_ kidding when you said you didn’t know anything about female cycles.”

He shook his head, his eyes still wide with astonishment. “My mother never talked to me about it. Rey’s my only girl friend.” His own words gave him a pause. And when he saw the way Lennett’s eyes widen, he felt the heat rise up even more to his cheeks. “What, wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean she’s the only friend I have who’s a girl. Actually...she’s the only friend that I have.”

“Really?” Lennett still looked surprised, though Ben could detect a hint of hurt in her voice. “I actually thought we were friends?”

“I didn’t mean to say you and I weren’t. It’s just...”

“Ben...are you...angry with me for dating Herron?”

“N-No! O-of course not!” If he could bite off his tongue right now, he would. Why couldn’t he just think before he spoke? “It’s your decision. I mean, he must’ve done something right if you decided to choose him over m...” Oh kriff! Did he just say that? “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that you needed to make a choice. Maker, I’m sorry. I’m messing up aren’t I?”

Whatever surprise that had been on Lennett’s face earlier had now dissolved into a serene expression. And when she changed the subject, Ben felt his heart soar in relief and admiration. “You know...now that Rey’s at this age, I think it’s time she room with other girls. That way, she’ll be—”

“No. I’m staying with Ben.”

Both Ben and Lennett turned to the direction of the infirmary, where Rey stood at the open doorway, arms folded across her chest, damp brown hair cascading over the towel draped over her shoulders.

“Uhm...yeah.” Ben walked over to her to put an arm around his roommate before beaming a smile at Lennett. “That’s my Rey, can’t do anything without her big brother Ben—OW!”

“Uh...okay.” He saw Lennett nod from where he was slightly doubled over from the impact of Rey’s elbow. “Well...if you need any advice Rey, anything at all, just ask.”

“I’ll be fine.” Rey’s tone was flat, if not unwelcoming.

If it bothered Lennett, she was doing a marvellous job of not showing it. “I’m sure you will. And Ben?

Ben straightened himself up. “Y-Yeah?”

“I broke up with Herron a while back.” Lennett beamed a wide smile his way, and he suddenly grew weak-kneed. If it was from her smile or her unexpected announcement, he wasn’t sure. Maybe both. “Just thought I’d let you know.”

Ben watched in rapt attention as Lennett sauntered off, seeming to sashay more as she walked before she disappeared around a corner. It wasn’t until Rey spoke that he realized he had a stupid grin on his face.

“Can you believe her?” she fumed, eyes trained on where Lennett had disappeared to.

“Believe what?”

“That.” Rey gestured with her arms. “Her, pretending to be all nice? It’s just infuriating!”

“Rey, that’s not fair,” Ben chided. “She did help you earlier.”

“I suppose.” She admitted, still not looking at him. “But to even suggest I move out? No way!”

He had to laugh at her determination. “Don’t worry, sweetheart.” He reached out with one arm to pull her into a sideways embrace. “You’re going to be stuck with me for a while.”

That made her look up. “How long is a while?”

“I dunno. How about forever?”

“Forever.” Rey repeated, and at long last, beamed her first smile of the day. “Yeah. Forever’s nice.”

He smiled back. Forever was a long time, but he was serious about it. He couldn’t imagine not having Rey by his side. He was her only family, and even though he had a family, she may as well be the only one he had too; the only one who had been with him through ups and downs, through thick and thin, through good times and bad. And now that she was growing up faster than he had expected, he was feeling a sudden bout of separation anxiety. Which was silly given that she was only turning thirteen. She still had years to go before she upped and got married...

Kriff.

“Ben?”

He blinked before turning to look at her. “What?”

“You were spaced out.” Rey made a show of mimicking his facial expression, which he hoped was not a good interpretation. Otherwise, he had probably looked like an idiot. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing.” He crunched his knuckles together. “I was just thinking about all the boys who’ll be lining up to ask you out, now that you’re growing up to be quite the young lady, and where I’m going to bury each and every one of them.”

“Ben!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He laughed and put an arm around her again. “But seriously though. If anyone wants to court you, you tell them to go through me, got it?”

Rey didn’t respond. But she did put an arm around his waist as they made their way back to the padawan’s quarters.

Yup, Ben thought. This kid wasn’t going anywhere. Not for a long, long while. Not if he could help it. And not for the first time, he wondered when would be the right time to introduce Rey to his parents, and in particular to Senator Leia Organa. Maybe he could even ask his mother if Rey could live with them. Perhaps when she was of age, he thought. That way, there would be no questions. Then again, his grandfather Anakin Skywalker had a young padawan, Ahsoka Tano, who was not much older than Rey for an apprentice and no one batted an eye. But Anakin was married, he reminded himself. Maybe he should get married too or at least be in a relationship, he thought with a grin, eyes wandering over to where he knew Lennett Mha’s room to be.

Rey didn’t notice Ben gazing at the door to Lennett’s room as they continued to walk towards theirs. Her head was much too preoccupied with promises of forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's this for a bit of break from the vibe of the last chapter? And yeah, sorry, but we haven't seen the last of Lennett Mha yet. But either way, I hope you guys enjoyed this.
> 
> The next update will come hopefully next week. I still do have another photoshoot but I think I can squeeze in some more time.
> 
> As always, thank you to everyone for all your kind words and encouragement! Your comments have really helped speed things along in terms of my writing so please don't be shy to speak your mind :) Thanks again and see you later!
> 
> PS.  
> To those wondering what DEPIL CREAM is, it's a Legends fact now, but it's a cream human males in the Star Wars Universe use to remove facial hair.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...oh! Uh...hey, kid.”
> 
> “Dad.” Ben spoke into his comlink in a flat voice, and was responded by shuffling from the other end followed by the ambient hum of machinery. He had the impression that Han Solo, for whatever unseen forces that compelled him to call, was probably hoping to just leave a message. Ben wouldn’t even have answered the call if he hadn’t thought it was Rey. He made a mental note to check who was calling next time before hitting the receive button. “What do you want?”
> 
> “What’s with that tone?” Han laughed, though there was a slight edge in his voice. “Can’t your old man call to greet you a happy birthday?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go guys. Another early update. My muse is on a roll!
> 
> And there's a reason why this is Chapter 13...

“...oh! Uh...hey, kid.”

“Dad.” Ben spoke into his comlink in a flat voice, and was responded by shuffling from the other end followed by the ambient hum of machinery. He had the impression that Han Solo, for whatever unseen forces that compelled him to call, was probably hoping to just leave a message. Ben wouldn’t even have answered the call if he hadn’t thought it was Rey. He made a mental note to check who was calling next time before hitting the receive button. “What do you want?”

“What’s with that tone?” Han laughed, though there was a slight edge in his voice. “Can’t your old man call to greet you a happy birthday?”

Ben sat up from where he had been resting under the garden’s purple flowering tree. He had been there almost the entire day, meditating, idling away, and waiting for Rey to return from an academic excursion with her fellow younglings to Coruscant. Every class had at least one excursion with Luke to visit Coruscant’s war museum during the course of their stay in the academy. And just like when he had to take his own excursion a few years back, Ben was a nervous wreck. He always was whenever Rey left his side for even a minute. An entire day was torment, mainly for fear that the creature would be able to reach into his mind again. So far, it hadn’t, but it was still a horrifying thought. He didn’t even want to think about his and his fellow Jedi Knight Initiates’ upcoming voyage for their trials, which could very well last several weeks.

In fact, it was the mere thought of that journey that upset him so much, he actually forgot he was turning twenty three that very day.

“Oh,” was all he could mutter after a long silence. “Uhm...thanks.”

“Your mother told me to greet you for her if I manage to contact you,” Han mentioned. “Says she’s been sending you messages but she’s not sure if you ever got them.”

“I did but it was all badly corrupted. Radiation interference.” Ben let the explanation hang in the air for a moment as he realized something about the uplink between himself and his father. “Your voice is pretty clear. Where are you?”

“I’m on my way to Pamarthe. Just passed by your system so I guess that explains the crystal clear uplink.”

 _“You passed by and you couldn’t even visit your son, after what, eight years of not seeing him?”_ Ben seethed inwardly but managed to control himself. “Still looking for a young blood for your racing team?”

“You betcha.” Ben could almost hear his father wink, and he felt himself cringe. “That’s where Greer Sonnel is from.”

And so began Han’s litany about this Greer girl, of how talented a pilot she was and how she now worked as Leia’s personal assistant and doing a great job at it.

The pride in Han’s voice as he continued to talk about Greer Sonnel stung Ben more than he thought it would. A racer, mechanic, pilot and a political assistant to boot. Maybe his parents should just go and adopt this girl and disown him, he thought angrily.

“You’ll like her,” Han pressed on. “She’s witty and has the same dry humor as you do. And she’s a looker too. I’m sure you’ll appreciate that.”

Ben blinked rapidly. This was...different. His father wasn’t trying to make him jealous. Han was trying to set him up with this girl!

“How’s Mom?” Ben cut in. “You said you were able to get in touch with her.”

“She’s busy as usual,” Han declared the most obvious thing in the world but Ben didn’t care. Anything to change the subject would do. “They’re almost done constructing your grandfather’s statue at the Senate. A celebration during its inauguration will be held in a month or so.”

“Which grandfather? Bail Organa or Anakin Skywalker?”

“Bail Organa, of course.” Ben thought he sensed a hint of irritation in his father’s voice. “I don’t think anyone going to want a statue of Da...”

Ben frowned when the line suddenly fell silent. “Dad? Still there?”

“Yeah. As I was saying, your mother’s busying herself with the preparations.” Han spoke a little slower now. A bit more cautious, though why he should be, Ben couldn’t understand. “She’ll be making a big speech, I’m sure. Don’t forget to tune in to the newscasts.”

“I’m not sure I can. I have to leave in a couple of days with Uncle Luke and other Jedi acolytes for our trials. I don’t know when we’ll be back.”

“Ah, that’s too bad. I was hoping you would be able to spot Greer there.”

Again, with this Greer. If his father wanted to set him up with this woman, he was doing an awesome job of sabotaging any chances of romance between them. “Dad, can we not talk about her anymore?”

“You know Ben, when I was your age...” Oh, boy, Ben thought. Here we go. “...I already had a string of ladies lining at my door.”

Ben wrinkled his nose. “Well I’m not like you, okay?”

Han chuckled. “Why? Don’t tell me Luke’s all up in those old Jedi rules about abstinence.”

“No. We’re free to have relationships if that’s what you’re asking.” Ben began absently plucking at the grass beside him. “Uncle Luke doesn’t see how the old ways would work especially since Force sensitives are a dying breed.”

“You see? Surely, you’ve had a girlfriend,” Han persisted.

“No, Dad. I have not had a girlfriend,” Ben answered. At least, not yet, he added to himself, his thoughts wandering off to Lennett Mha’s smiles.

Han cleared his throat. “You know son...if you have... _other preferences_ , your mother and I would still support you all the w—”

“Kriff, Dad!” Ben’s face grew red hot. “I’m not gay! It’s just that...I’m waiting for the right girl.” He looked around. When the kriff was Rey coming back? He could use a diversion right about now.

“Hmm...alright.” Han still sounded a bit skeptical, and it made Ben want to punch a hole in a tree. “I mean, like I said, we’d still support you, but your mom and I are not getting any younger, and we would love to have grandkids, so—”

“Dad, you’re breaking up, I can’t hear you what—” Ben hit the end button and with a huge sigh of relief, pocketed the comlink and sat back against the tree. He really should have ended the call earlier. He didn’t even know why he let the conversation go on for as long as it had. Maybe a part of him did miss his father, but he quickly dismissed the thought. How could he miss a man who was barely even there when he was growing up? If anything, he had actually gotten used to Han’s absence from his life over the years. Why should that change now?

A rustling from the side of the clearing made him stand up. His shoulders sagged when he saw that it was Lennett Mha, making her way past shrubs, and thin, low lying branches,  a large box in her arms. He’d never felt disappointed to see her before, but it was unsurprising since he was hoping it was Rey who had arrived.

“Hey, Ben,” Lennett greeted. She was a bit out of breath, and her hair was a little wild, like she had run all the way, but her face was bright with a smile. “I thought I’d find you here. Happy birthday!”

She shoved the hefty, rectangular box in his arms, and he stared at it for a moment before beaming a shaky smile her way. “Th-thank you, but...how did you know it was my birthday?”

“I...kind of uhm...watched you celebrate with Rey from afar over the years so I marked the date,” Lennett admitted, her pale cheeks tinted pink as she ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Ben felt heat rise up to his neck and to his large ears, which were thankfully hidden behind his dark hair. Did she say over the years? And she marked the date? Did that mean she...cared about him all this time?

He shook his head. He really shouldn’t get ahead of himself, he thought, and opened the box to find three pieces of cloak in brown, gray and beige colors. His eyes widened when he realized they were made of Lashaa silk.

“I didn’t know which color you liked so I ordered a few from the holonet,” Lennett informed when Ben failed to respond. “I mean, we are going to need more cloaks since we’ll be leaving for our trials in a couple of days. I had these custom made so the insides are made of a special material.” She approached him and turned one of the cloaks to show the textured lining on the inside. “See? This will keep you warm in cold environments and cool in warm environments.”

“Wow. Thank you Lennett.” Wow was right, Ben thought his mind racking up the possible costs and making him lightheaded.

“Do you...like it?” Lennett ventured, head tilted so that he was forced to look at her.

“I...I’m a little embarrassed,” he admitted, dark eyes lowering to the expensive gifts again. “I only got you a box of chocolates for your birthday.”

“And they were delicious, so we’re even.” Lennett beamed, and once again, lowered her head, a shy smile on her lips. “Besides, those chocolates came from you, so they’re priceless.”

Ben gaped at her, unable to do anything else; unable to even breathe. The air around them seemed to grow warm in the late afternoon sun, and he felt even warmer inside. The gifts, her words, the way she was acting...could she be...?

He shook his head inwardly. No, she couldn’t be. Not with him. He was nobody. An outcast. Then again, he remembered several years back when Lennett told him she felt the same. An outcast because of her family legacy, never really being able to be herself except with...

“Here, let me help you put it on.” She took the beige cloak from the box and had Ben set the other cloaks aside for a moment while she went around him, raising her arms to help him slip into the sleeves. “How is it?”

It was a little tight if he were to be honest, especially around his biceps, but he wouldn’t dare say that. “It’s perfect. And you’re right. The material inside really is comfortable.” He turned to face her and with all the sincerity in the world, said, “Thank you, Lennett.”

Lennett’s blue eyes twinkled. “Happy birthday, Ben.”

She stepped closer, and what happened next was something he did not expect: Lennett Mha’s lips on his cheek. Time seemed to stop as every fiber in his body held on to the moment, the sensation of those soft lips grazing his skin. It was exhilarating. It was electrifying. It was...

...horrifying.

He blinked hard as Lennett drew away. Horrifying? Where did that come from? No. No way! This was something he had always dreamed of; something he had always fantasized about; something he—

There it was again. An indescribable pain, cutting through his heart, as though he had just been betrayed instead of receiving a lover’s kiss. That feeling...it was pulling him to...

He quickly turned to one side of the clearing. There, standing in the shadows of the low lying branches of the surrounding trees was Rey, holding a paper bag to her chest, tears glistening at the corners of her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I NEED TO FINISH THE NEXT CHAPTER FIRST!
> 
> So we barely see Rey here. Well, we saw her at the end but...eheheh, okay, I'm kinda nervous about how this will turn out in the comments section, but feel free to fire your shots guys.
> 
> And you didn't think I forgot about Han now, did you? He has to come up at some point and I just thought it was a great way to reintroduce him by being the kind of dad who sets his son up with girls. Greer Sonnel seems like a prime candidate to me, as she is around Ben's age.
> 
> To those who have not yet read Bloodline, you're pretty much going to get spoilers starting here. We're getting to the tie-ins with the book now, including the inauguration of Bail Organa's statue and the mention of Greer Sonnel as well as the planet of Pamarthe. If you haven't read the book yet, I suggest you pick it up. It's a great read and gives you lots of insights about Leia. And of course, the events there directly affect this fic.
> 
> Thank you so much for your constant support and reviews guys! Will need to rest before I pen the next chapter. I pretty much got update after update done the past week but hopefully I'll be able to have the next chapter up next week. See you then!
> 
> PS  
> Lashaa silk is a thing, at least in the Legends. It's very expensive but of course, Lennett's family is rich so she can afford it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Rey, still in the shadows, still clutching the large paper bag to her chest. He felt his heart seize as a myriad of unexpected emotions assailed him—anger, pain, sadness, shame, betrayal...then nothing. It all just...disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early update. Seriously, my muse is killing me. She wouldn't let me sleep until I finish this. So here it is guys.
> 
> I would like to again thank you to everyone who has continued to be on this journey with me and today, I would like to give special thanks to erikajakole who has recently been my sounding board for when I went into a slump. Thanks to you girl and your encouragement, I managed another early update!

Ben’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Rey, still in the shadows, still clutching the large paper bag to her chest. He felt his heart seize as a myriad of unexpected emotions assailed him—anger, pain, sadness, shame, betrayal...then nothing. It all just...disappeared.

He watched Rey take a deep breath and step into the light, a bright smile on her face, her eyes clear and free of tears. Had he just imagined it then?

“Hey, Ben. Hey, Lennett.” She looked from Ben to Lennett and back to Ben again, her smile still intact. “Did I interrupt anything?”

“N-No.” Ben shook his head then took two steps at a time to reach Rey and pull her in for a quick hug. “How was the excursion? Learn anything new?”

“I learned that your mother slayed a Hutt,” Rey said with a hint of mischief that unnerved Ben. She saw, right? Surely, she saw. But why wasn’t she making a fuss about it? She usually did whenever Lennett was around and being nice to him. What happened earlier definitely constituted as more than being nice. So why wasn’t Rey throwing a fit?

“Oooh! I almost forgot.” Rey reached into the large paper bag and took out a small box, delicate fingers gingerly taking it by the handle. “I got you some buttersweet puffs. I remember you saying you miss these. Happy birthday!”

“Thanks, Rey.” Ben appreciated the treat. Really, he did. But Rey’s chipper demeanour was starting to bother him. And not that he was complaining about the buttersweet puffs, but he’d gotten used to more personal gifts from Rey over the years. Like drawings, and handmade cards, a delicious meal she cooked herself in the mess kitchen. Not some store bought dessert. “What else do you have in the bag there?”

“Just some clothes I bought for myself.” Rey quickly put the paper bag behind her, her eyes moving over to  what he was wearing. “That’s a really nice cloak you got there. Did Lennett give it to you?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did,” Lennett interjected and moved closer to them, the box containing the other cloaks in her arms. “I got him three, all of which are made of Lashaa silk.”

Rey whistled. Ben had never heard her do that before. “Wow. That’s pretty expensive. Can I touch it?”

Ben glanced at Lennett. For all the times she remained unperturbed whenever Rey was being particularly difficult around her, Lennett was clearly confused on how to act around _this_ Rey. “Uhm...sure.”

Rey reached into the box and touched the silk, openly admiring it and engaging in small talk with Lennett about fabrics. Pretty soon the conversation turned to Coruscanti fashion, and Ben was quickly lost. All he could do was stare back and forth between the two girls, unable to find a way to either steer the topic or join the conversation.

Finally, Lennett turned to smile at Ben. She seemed genuinely happy. “I’ll be going now, Ben. I’ve got some homework I need to finish. Have fun catching up with Rey.” She handed him the box of cloaks, patted Rey on the head before sauntering off to the woods, but not before throwing one last wave of goodbye.

“She’s nice,” Rey commented when Lennett disappeared between the trees. In an instant, Ben had his palm over her forehead, which she promptly swatted away. “What?”

“I was just wondering if you have a fever.” Ben frowned. “Since when did you start thinking of Lennett as nice? Only a week ago, you were saying she was a fake.”

“A girl can change her mind, right?” Rey shrugged, then paused for a moment. “You really like her, don’t you?”

He sighed. “Of course I do, sweetheart. I thought that was obvious enough. Remember how I was so morose when she and Casthre dated last year?”

“I couldn’t forget even if I tried.” Rey fell into another moment of silence before continuing. “What exactly is it...that you see in her?”

Ben felt his shoulders stiffen. Why did he feel like he was suddenly put on the spot? “Well...she’s beautiful. She’s smart, kind, and very charming. She’s also the only other person who’s been nice and friendly to both of us.”

“Is...is that all?”

“She’s also a lot like me.” If he wasn’t defensive earlier, he certainly was now. Where was Rey going with this line of questioning? “We’re both of a family legacy that’s too big for us. So we both can relate to each other in that level.”

Rey tore her eyes away from his. “Right. You’re a prince and she’s a princess. You’d be perfect for each other,” she said in such a flat voice, he wasn’t sure if it was sarcasm, sadness, or simply a lack of emotion.

“We’re both of age too,” Ben added, though he was unsure why he did.

He thought he saw Rey wince, but she had her face turned in such a way that he couldn’t be certain what her expression was.

Then, after a time, she turned back to him and said, “If you really like her, then you should go and ask her out. I won’t get mad anymore.”

Ben’s eyes widened, his gaze intense on Rey. No, he wasn’t imagining it. She was serious. “Rey...”

“I promise, I won’t,” Rey affirmed. “I’m sorry I got mad before. I just...thought she was toying with you but I guess I was wrong. Seems she really does like you.”

“R-Really?” There was no hiding the blush creeping up to his cheeks, even if he did duck his head. “You think she likes me?”

“Yep. Otherwise she wouldn’t give you those expensive cloaks. Or kiss you on the cheek like that.”

“You...” He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “You saw?”

Rey blew at the side of her cheek. “I have eyes, don’t I?” She winked and nudged him with an elbow before her smile slowly disappeared. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything other than the buttersweet puffs.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He reached out and pulled her into a sideways hug. “The fact you came home safely is enough of a birthday present for me.”

Rey was quick to pull away. “Let’s get back to the room. You need to put away those cloaks.”

On the way, Rey rattled on about the academic excursion to Coruscant—the visit to the war museum, checking out artifacts, watching holos and listening to war stories from both Luke and Lor San Tekka, particularly in regards to the exploits of the Skywalkers and their allies during the war. She also talked about a friend, Kreio Thorsen, who said the funniest and wittiest things. It was this that nagged at Ben a bit. Who the kriff was this Kreio and why did his name sound so familiar? Dammit, he really needed to remember names better, he thought.

Once inside the room, Ben put the cloaks away in the closet, hanging them with extra care and running his fingers through the smooth fabric before turning to see Rey staring at him, her paper bag of clothes on top of her bed.

“Rey? What’s the matter?”

“Ben...” He watched her look at the cloaks for a moment before her eyes moved back to meet his. “There’s something...I’ve got to tell you.”

He stopped midway through stroking the cloak and stared back at her more attentively. She sounded quite serious.

Closing the closet door, he walked over to where she stood and folded his arms. “Okay. I’m listening.”

“You...uhm...might want to sit down.” Rey sat on her bed and patted on the space next to hers. Ben sank down beside her and was quick to notice the way she flinched and instantly shifted away from him.

Something was very wrong. “What is it, sweetheart? What do you want to tell me?”

“I...” He watched her swallow hard, watched her clasp and unclasp her hands on her lap before she took one deep breath and said, “I’m moving out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this, another cliffhanger? Really sorry guys, but it just felt right to end it here. The good news is, 1/4th of the next chapter is already done so there's another possibility of a quick update for that, but perhaps around Sunday if I can.
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you guys hang on tight with me coz this roller coaster ride of emotions ain't over. See you again in the next chapters!
> 
> PS  
> Buttersweet puffs are a thing. It's a dessert mentioned in Bloodline which Leia supposedly loves.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry?”
> 
> “I’m moving out.”
> 
> A pregnant pause. Then, a nervous chuckle from Ben. “Rey...you’re joking, right?”
> 
> She didn’t crack a smile. “I’m being perfectly serious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for waiting guys! I do apologize though if you see any spelling or grammar errors. It's 4am where I am so my brain is all over the place but the muse must be satiated.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m moving out.”

A pregnant pause. Then, a nervous chuckle from Ben. “Rey...you’re joking, right?”

She didn’t crack a smile. “I’m being perfectly serious.”

Ben looked around, as if there was something, anything in the room that could provide him with the right words to say. But all he saw were their mementos—the frayed and aging rebel pilot doll he had made for her, the drawings she had made of them when she was younger, her shelf of trinkets, the small chest of datacards containing holos they had taken of each other through the years—keepsakes that would very soon be split between them once she moved. “Why would you want to move out?”

“It’s simple, really.” Rey pulled her feet up on the bed and folded her legs. “I just...want my own space. My own room.”

“Was it something I did?” The desperation in his voice was crystal clear but he didn’t care. He couldn’t have Rey move. Not right now. “It was, wasn’t it?”

He caught something in her eye. A flash of...something. But it was gone before he could even analyze what it was.

 “No, silly. I just really want my own room.” She smiled. “I’m a big girl, now. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“To me, you are,” he blurted out, and he saw Rey grimace.

“We both know I’m not, Ben.” There was a meaning behind her words that Ben didn’t understand until he remembered what had occurred the week before.

“You’re...you’re right.” He sighed and shifted further into the bed so he could lean his back against the wall, his thoughts wandering to how Rey had handled herself in the academy garden earlier. He definitely hadn’t expected that, and he was proud of her, yet at the same... “You have grown up. Faster than I expected or imagined.” He tried to smile, but he couldn’t even steady his lips enough to hold it. “You’re still my baby sister right?”

His voice had cracked when he said it. He hadn’t meant it to. And there was an ache blooming in his chest. He couldn’t understand it. Why was he hurting so much from his own words?

Rey’s eyes grew misty. A few blinks, and her hazel eyes became clear again. “Ben...I’ll always be your baby sister.”

It was supposed to be a statement of reassurance. But something in the way she said it felt more like a stab to the heart. “Rey...are you’re sure of this? Absolutely certain that you want to move out?”

She nodded. “Positive.”

“Is there...anyway I can convince you not to?” he ventured, hoping against hope that the answer would be yes, and as her silence stretched on, his optimism rose.

It all fell when she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Ben. It’s not like before. People will talk.”

Ben’s temper suddenly spiked. He managed to calm himself, but he couldn’t stop the irritation in his tone. “I thought you didn’t care about that. You said so yourself when I told you my mother wanted you to move out.”

“Like I said, times are different now. I’m not ten anymore.” Rey continued to speak to him in a calm manner, so much so that he grew ashamed of himself. He’s the adult here. He shouldn’t be acting like a petulant child and demand for Rey to stay. He had to man up. But still...

“Can you at least wait ‘til I get back from the trials?” he pleaded. “I only have a couple of days left before I’m gone for the Force knows how long.”

“No, Ben.” The determination in her words stung. “I have to move out as soon as possible. We can use the two days so you can help me move my stuff.”

He pulled his legs up and put his elbows over them, lowering his head so his hair covered most of his face. “And where will you move?”

“Kreio told me Xuu Lah Twix from across the hall is quitting the academy.” Again, with this Kreio character. Who the kriff was he and why was Rey mentioning him so much? And Xuu Lah who? Damn with these names! “Seems he couldn’t handle the training. I can talk to Master Luke about moving there. That way, I’ll still be close by and that creature and the nightmares can’t get to you.”

Ben snapped his head towards her in surprise. They had never really outright spoken about the creature in years, though it was no secret to Rey that her presence had greatly helped in keeping it at bay. That she understood him, understood his fears even without him saying made his heart skip and ache at the same time.

“Thank you,” was all he could say, and he reached out to pull her into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m just moving across the hall, Ben,” Rey giggled into his shoulder, though there was something broken in the way she did. Something sad. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere like you are.”

“That’s what I meant.” Ben pulled back and absently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m going to miss you something awful while I’m away. I’ll be counting down to the nanoseconds until I get back to you.”

Rey’s eyes widened, then grew glassy under the ceiling lights as she pushed his hand away. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Things?” His brows met in confusion. “What things?”

“Never mind.” She turned away for a moment, then gazed back at him with a smile. “So what’s say we go and see Master Luke about the new arrangements?”

Ben nodded, and got off the bed, allowing himself to be pulled by his soon-to-be ex-roommate to his uncle’s quarters.

And despite their fingers intertwined in a tight handhold, Ben had this terrible sensation that somehow, someway, he was losing her forever.

 

* * *

 

The move had gone without a hitch especially since they both used their Force powers to move Rey’s things to the room across the hallway. In no time at all, Ben’s room had become more spacious.

It had never felt so empty.

Was this how his parents felt when he moved out, he wondered. His mother, maybe. His father on the other hand...

“Well, that’s that,” he heard Rey call out from her new room and approach him from where he stood staring through the open door of his now sparse living quarters. “Ben?”

He took a deep breath, readied a smile and turned around to face her, a holorecorder in his hand. “Today’s another milestone. What’s say we record this for posterity?”

Rey stilled, then frowned. “This isn’t exactly a happy day, you know.”

Ben smile widened. He was actually glad Rey didn’t find the move pleasant, but he chose not to say anything. “It’s still an occasion. So let’s mark it.” He pressed the record button and looked into the recorder. “So today, Rey is moving out of the room ‘coz she’s a big girl now.”

“I am!” Rey insisted and waved at the holo with a grin.

Ben pretended to cry exaggeratedly. “She’s leaving me. My sweet baby sister is growing up—OW! R-Rey, cut it out!”

“You cut it out.” Rey did another tug before letting go of his ear. That she was able to reach far enough to pull on his ear was surprising, and perhaps for the first time, he became conscious of how much taller she had grown.

“I didn’t realize how tall you’ve gotten,” he mumbled, almost to himself. “A few more years, and you’d probably reach up to my shoulder or more.”

Rey froze, and in an instant, Ben was hit by a wave of déjà vu.

A memory. There was something. From long ago. But what?

“I think I should head to bed,” Rey declared, her voice strained. “It’s getting late.”

“Right.” Ben shifted his weight from one foot to the other. For a second there, he thought Rey would follow him back to their room...or rather, his room, so when he saw her pivot to head into the room across the hall, there was no stopping his heart from sinking.

She stepped through the doorway, then turned to wave at the holorecorder. “Good night, Ben.”

Ben swallowed hard. She only ever said that when she was already tucked into the bed across his; not when she was about to close the door to her new room on him. “Good night, Rey.”

Her door slid to a close, and he stopped recording. It was a long while before he headed back to his room, closing the door before sinking to the floor.

This was it, he thought. She was gone from his side. Perhaps forever. There would be no more late night chats, no more early wake up calls involving blows from a pillow, no more furious knocking on the ‘fresher door if either one of them stayed in too long, no more of him watching as she brushed and tied her hair in three buns, in much the same way he had watched his mother brush and braid her hair.

In other words, there would be no more of Rey. Not in the way she was with him for years.

He didn’t know it, but in the room across from his, Rey had also sunk to the floor, her head buried in her knees and arms as she finally gave herself up to the tears she had been holding back for far too long.

 

* * *

 

 

“Ben, we’re about ready to take off.”

“One more minute, Uncle Luke. Rey’s not here yet.”

Ben didn’t have to turn to know his uncle was frowning at him. Unlike the other Jedi Knight Initiates who have long since boarded the shuttle that would take them to the next stages of their trials, Ben remained by the ramp, the brown cloak from Lennett billowing around him as the shuttle’s thrusters prepared for takeoff. He had been stalling for a good five minutes now, but he was yet to see Rey emerge from the gates of the academy. He could not and will not leave without saying proper goodbyes.

Luke, probably sensing his determination, could only sigh loudly. “Okay. One more minute.”

 Ben thanked his uncle and looked at the distant gates of the academy again. Rey was supposed to see him off, but she had turned back unexpectedly, saying she needed to get something very important. Whatever it was, it was taking far longer than even Ben would’ve liked.

Just as he was close to going back for her himself, he saw her emerge from the gates and run across the dusty path towards him. She was carrying the large paper bag he had seen her with when she came back from Coruscant, and as she stopped within an arm’s length of him, he saw that she was close to tears.

“I’m sorry, Ben.” She reached in to the bag and pulled out a neatly folded black cloak and handed it to him. The fabric was textured, if a bit rough, and quite hefty in his hands. “This was all I could afford with what I saved up,” Rey informed, her voice starting to crack. “It’s not Lashaa silk. It’s only Zeyd cloth so it’s not even close to what Lennett gave you, but I know you like black and I only sew this myself and I’m not very good yet and—”

“Wait, wait.” Ben’s brows rose in surprise. “You made this cloak yourself?”

She looked down to her feet as if in shame. “Yes.”

“When?”

The explanation tumbled off her lips. “Back when we...when we were still roommates. Whenever you were asleep. Or when I get time alone. Or when I can reasonably lock myself in the ‘fresher without you becoming suspicious. And I finished it on the way back from Coruscant. I was hoping to give it to you for your birthday but—”

Ben didn’t even let Rey finish her sentence as he dropped to his knees and pulled her into a tight embrace. Gratitude and warmth such as he had never felt before washed over him until he felt tears form at the corners of his eyes.

He blinked them away, but his wide smile remained. “Thank you, Rey.” He stood up, took off his tight brown cloak and quickly put on the black Zeyd cloth cloak Rey gave him. It was a perfect fit. “Wow, this is great!”

“You really like it?” Rey put her hands on her mouth but Ben could still see the corners of her lips twitch up in a smile. “You’re not messing with me, are you?”

“I love it, Rey. Thank you.” He raised one arm, then the other, enjoying the unrestricted movement before he leaned down to Rey’s eye-level, his palms on his knees. “I love you, you know that?”

He saw Rey’s face turn bright red. He himself was surprised at how deeply he had meant every word. He loved her. He really did. And every day, she was giving him more reasons to love her.

After a time, Rey finally responded in a small, if not shy voice. “I...I love you too, Ben.”

“As well you should,” he grinned, giving her nose a tap of the finger. “We’re family after all. Now come give your big brother a big hug.”

Rey stilled, and after a moment’s hesitation, threw her arms around Ben.

He hugged her back with the same ferocity. “Wait for me, okay sweetheart?”

[](http://s1381.photobucket.com/user/gwendygayle/media/wsw_goodbyehug_zpsnwdwaaga.jpg.html)

She didn’t reply. Only nodded before Luke’s voice finally forced them to break free of the embrace. With one last quick hug, Ben hurried up the ramp and into the shuttle, making sure to wave goodbye before the ramp drew up to a close.

Unbeknownst to Ben, Luke’s wasn’t the only blue eyes that saw what had transpired near the shuttle. And it would be those pair of summer sky eyes that would look upon Ben’s new black cloak with envy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So giving you guys a lil bit of happiness here but still have an element of drama and darkness. Hope you enjoyed how this played out. 
> 
> In the meantime, my muse has finally decided to allow me to take a break, so next update probably won't be for a while. This time I need to really sit down and work on that arc, now that this particular subplot is done.
> 
> Thank you as always guys for staying on this journey with me and I do hope to see more of you all next time :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was wearing that damned cloak again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, I encountered a bit of a writer's block but thank goodness the muse came back in time to help hammer it away. So here's another update for you :) Special thanks to Subaru, who made a truly beautiful fanart of one of the scenes of one of the previous chapters of this fic. Thank you, thank you thank you!

He was wearing that damned cloak again.

They had been travelling across the galaxy now for a little more than two weeks yet Ben always chose to wear the black cloak Rey gave him. Oh, he had apologized to her, saying he’d hate for her gifts to get sullied since it was so expensive. It was a logical excuse, and it made her think maybe she should have gotten him cheaper material, but in the few times she saw him wear the cloaks she had given him, she could see it was ill-fitting.

He had been lying to her. He just really preferred that cheap thing to the ones she had given him, even to the point of washing it once every few days just so he could wear it again. And the way he held on to it at times, the way he ran his fingers over the material and pressed it against his face, it was almost obscene to her.

Night times were the worst because that was when Ben would cling on to the cloak like a toddler would a blanket. Wherever they all slept, be it in outdoors in a clearing, a grassy field, or inside a cave or in individual makeshift tents, he would always end up tossing, turning, and thrashing about before suddenly waking up with gasps and clutching the cloak tightly around him. He would always follow these rude awakenings with a holo call to Rey, and since more often than not he had to make his voice loud to get past the static, he usually ended up waking his fellow acolytes from a sound sleep. It got so bad that the others began to complain, and Luke had to intervene.

“You don’t understand,” Ben had shot back when Luke rebuked him one too many times. “Rey’s the only one who can calm me down after the nightmares.”

“You’re not a child, Ben,” Master Luke had intoned in a grave voice. “If you absolutely have to talk to Rey, be considerate of others and either lower your voice or go far off camp so you won’t wake anyone.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’ve been having nightmares?” Ben had continued, his brown eyes ablaze.

“Like I said, you’re not a child,” had been Master Luke’s equally fiery response, though it was clear to Lennett the Jedi master was tired of Ben’s situation which didn’t seem to have an end. The relationship between uncle and nephew had been strained as of late, though no one was sure why, how, or when it happened. “You shouldn’t need anyone, not even Rey to hold your hand every time you have night terrors. Remember that fear is the path to the Dark Side. There are far more important tasks at hand and if you can’t even muster the courage to get over something as trivial as a nightmare, you will end up failing the trials.”

That had silenced Ben, and he never spoke to his uncle or to anyone about the nightmares again, though he still kept on having them. Lennett had tried once or twice to ask him what was wrong, but he would chuck it out to the stress of the travels and being suddenly far away from the academy. But deep down, Lennett knew it had to be something else. No one had nightmares every night like that. No one except Ben Solo.

Aside from Ben’s nightly disturbances, his increasingly foul mood, and his ever widening rift with his uncle, the trials went on quite smoothly. Lennett knew enough of history to know that the Jedi Order were guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. With Master Luke’s fledgling Jedi Order however, and with barely any connection to the New Republic apart from gracious acceptance of donations for the school, keeping the peace was more of a duty they had taken upon themselves rather than something officially tasked. The few Jedi Knights who had successfully completed their training with Luke over the years now had their own posts, and it was to these posts that Master Luke and his initiates travelled to in order to assist with any planetary issues before moving on to the next post.

Jobs differed from one post to the other, ranging from helping build shelters for the poor, to outright bringing down murderers, thieves, extortionists and spice cartels. Teamwork was necessary in more dangerous tasks and she knew had it not been for her, Ben would have a hard time working with the others especially Herron Casthre, whom she had actually remained friends with despite their break up. She even prided herself for being the one to mend bridges into an uneasy alliance between the two men, especially after she had told Ben of how Herron had witnessed firsthand the cruelty of Darth Vader himself.

Ben had listened raptly to stories among their ranks about the half-man, half-machine who had ruled beside the emperor with an iron fist. Luke forbade any discussion about Vader, though why he would do so was a mystery, so any conversation they had about the Sith Lord had to be done in whispers.

There was Hayr Fontu, who had her grandfather tortured by Vader’s Stormtroopers for information he didn’t have.

There was the anx, Luthra Rim, who was actually the eldest of them all, old enough to have remembered watching helplessly from the woods as his village was systematically slaughtered while Vader himself gave the orders.

Lii Garuda and Kou Rii from Gatalenta, who, with a few young, Force sensitive children from the planet, escaped a genocide order from Vader and ended up living on the streets of Coruscant’s underbelly before Master Luke came to take them to a better life.

The Twi’lek P’qor Loshan, whose family was enslaved by the Hutts for years largely in part of Vader’s demand for funding from spice cartels in order to continue expanding the empire.

The Loneran Thun Pak,who was left to her grandparents while her parents served the emperor and Vader in blind faith.

Lennett Mha herself, who had her grandmother assassinated for harbouring fugitives who fled from Order 66.

And Herron Casthre, from Riosa, only three years old during the final years of the war, yet remembered every detail—the smoke, the silt, his hands torn and bleeding from being forced to work alongside his parents in sweatshops to build materials for the death star, and watching helplessly as his mother was Force-choked to death by Vader himself when, in a crazed state after having been so overworked, attempted fruitlessly to attack him.

Only Ben was quietly listening to these sordid tales, clearly not having one of his own. This was why the others bonded so much, while he remained an outsider, Lennett thought. Ben would always be viewed as the sheltered one, the one with the name, with no real drive to be a Jedi Knight aside from the call of his Skywalker lineage. Lennett didn’t see him as that way of course. But others did, and so she had done her best to bridge the gaps until Ben was seen as an ally. Not a friend, but at least someone tolerated enough for them to be able to perform the tasks Master Luke assigned them.

Lennett kept close to Ben, much to Herron’s dismay, though fortunately, he didn’t do anything about it. Things were over between them and she was truly interested in exploring a potential development with Ben. She knew he was interested in her too. Knew for years that he was, and she had waited and waited for him to make a move. When it was clear he was too engrossed with Rey, she had decided to go out with Herron, in the hopes of making Ben jealous and pine for her even more. It had worked for a time, until it seemed he had gotten over his jealousy, all because of the little girl with those three silly buns behind her head.

Lennett scowled when she saw Ben at the far side of their camp in the woods, back against the trunk of a tree, an idiotic smile on his face as he talked to Rey via holo, her blue, hazy image waving her hands emphatically. He’d only talked to her the a few hours ago. Why the need to talk to her again? It wasn’t as though he hadn’t talked to her for weeks. In fact, he called her up every single day and it was getting more than a little irritating. In fact, it was downright infuriating how that girl could still take up so much of his time despite the distance between them.

“That’s enough, Ben,” Master Luke called out, and Lennett had to hide a smile of relief. “It’s getting late. Come back to camp. We leave for another mission in the morning.”

“Yeah, like what?” Ben called back, his voice barely audible but laced with irritation. “Shoving up dirt? Running errands for old ladies?”

“Don’t get cocky on me, young man,” Master Luke replied sternly. He seemed to get easily agitated these days, and Ben’s attitude wasn’t helping. “All tasks are noble. And require sleep in order for you to perform them well. Now end that call. It’s past curfew.”

Ben groaned from the distance and Master Luke muttered something under his breath before storming off to his makeshift tent. Lennett moved her eyes from the Jedi master’s tent and to Ben’s direction, unsure what to make of the scene that had just transpired before her. Certainly she wasn’t the only one to witness it, and her state of confusion mirrored those of the other acolytes, who quickly got back into their tents when Ben stomped back into the camp grounds, the closed holo device in a tight fist.

“Are you okay, Ben?” she asked when he walked past her.

He stopped and sighed, then absently fiddled with the lapel of his black cloak. Lennett found herself folding her arms. “I’m fine, Lennett. Just tired.”

“And how is...Rey?” The name sounded heavy in Lennett’s tongue, and she had to swallow to quench the dryness in her throat.

Ben didn’t answer immediately. But when he finally spoke, it was to ask a question. “Lennett...do you happen to know a boy named Kreio Thorsen?”

“Kreio Thorsen?” she parroted.

“Yeah.” Ben nodded. “Kid with brown hair and green eyes. Apparently he was under my Strength and Weapons Training class when I was assigned to it.”

“Ah, yes, I remember him. He was under my Force Abilities class when Master Luke tasked me to teach,” Lennett remembered. It was a prerequisite for the older padawans to act as teachers to their juniors. “Bright kid. Very well-mannered and quick to please. Why do you ask?”

She watched as Ben’s lips quivered and twisted into a frown before evolving back into a thin, expressionless line. “Rey’s been talking about him.”

Lennett raised a delicate brow. “Ah. I see. And...is that a problem?”

“Well...” Ben began massaging his neck, his frown still in place. “She’s talking about him a lot.”

“Maybe she has a crush on him,” Lennett stated, coupling the casual statement with a shrug. It wasn’t until the long silence that followed that she realized Ben had grown eerily still. “Ben?”

He blinked. “Wait. Wait. Rey...Rey has a crush on this guy?” He seemed genuinely surprised. Almost upset even. “Lennett...this is Rey we’re talking about here.”

“So?”

“She’s...she’s too young!” He threw his arms in the air, the large sleeves of his black cloak carried along the night time breeze before he dropped his hands to his sides again. “And in all my years in the academy, I’ve never once known her to have a crush on anyone. Ever.”

Lennett could only stare at him. She knew he had always been oblivious, but this was ridiculous. “You’re kidding right?”

His brows furrowed even deeper. “What do you mean?”

Lennett’s summer blue eyes widened. Oh goodness gracious, he was not kidding at all.

She chose her next words carefully. “Ben, Rey is growing into a young lady. She’s bound to have a few crushes along the way so I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually likes this boy. And you shouldn’t too.”

Ben folded his arms. “Well, I don’t like that boy.”

Lennett forced out a giggle, though it turned genuine when she saw Ben blush. “Ben, you’re taking your job as overprotective big brother way too seriously.” She made sure to stress the ‘brother’ part. “Rey will be fine, I’m sure. She’s a big girl, now.”

“She keeps saying that too.” Ben exhaled loudly, eyes darting away. “I mean, I know that she’s growing up. She’s almost thirteen after all. But I still can’t stop thinking of her as a kid.”

That made Lennett inexorably happy. “In a lot of ways, she still is. But having a crush at her age is very much normal. Why, I was only a little older than her when I fancied myself in love...” She purposefully trailed off, then slowly moved her gaze to lock with Ben’s meaningfully. And if he hadn’t already been blushing earlier, he certainly was now, and even with his ears mostly hidden beneath his raven hair, she could still see his earlobes flashing a bright red colour.

She had to stop herself from sighing as she took in his features. Ben had been awkward as a teenager; gangly and unattractive to most, but not to Lennett. She was as drawn to him then as she was now, and it only helped that he had grown quite tall and dashing through the years.

With a soft smile, she took a step forward and reached out to slide her palm against his forearm. Ben followed her hand with his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Lennett started to open her mouth to speak when the flaps of Master Luke’s tent opened to reveal the Jedi Master, still in his white robes and beige cloak. He seemed equally surprised to see them standing out in the open as they were to see him looking as though he were about to leave for an important appointment.

Master Luke recovered first. “What are you two still doing out? I thought I told you to go to sleep.”

“S-Sorry, Master.” Lennett let go of Ben’s arm and did a quick bow before slipping into her tent. She listened to the sounds outside, of Ben muttering something inaudible to his uncle before she heard him slip into his own tent, which was situated right across hers. Some rustling of grass, and then there was nothing more but the melody of insects humming their nightly tune from the surrounding woods.

Lennett lay on her mat and fell into deep thought. She thought of Ben’s nightmares, his uncomfortable relations with his fellow Jedi Knight initiates, his seemingly difficult relationship with his uncle. She thought of his brown, soulful eyes, his aquiline nose, the little moles that lined his face. She thought of his smile—the wide, disarming smile he always threw her way.

The same smile he beamed whenever he and Rey talked via holo.

Lennett’s thoughts darkened as she recalled the way Ben had frowned while talking about Kreio, at the way he had reacted at the prospect of Rey having a crush on the boy. He wasn’t jealous...was he? No, of course not. She wasn’t going to think of Ben as someone like that. Rey was too young. And he saw her as a sister. Nothing more. But it still unsettled her the way his eyes flashed with jealousy at the mere mention of Kreio Thorsen.

Lennett tossed and turned. Half an hour later, she was still unable to sleep. And it seemed she wouldn’t be able to get any sleep unless she...did something about her predicament. She’d spent years on this. Spent years waiting and working her way towards Ben.

She wasn’t about to lose to a kid.

A plan wormed its way into her head. Sitting up, she once again listened to noises from outside—the chirping of insects, the snores from Herron’s tent, the rustle of leaves as a cold breeze passed through. Otherwise, everything else was quiet.

She poked her head out of her tent and looked around. After making sure the coast was clear, she tiptoed towards Ben’s tent, took one more look around before slipping inside and reaching out for him in the dark.

Her fingers grabbed at a discarded blanket.

Ben Solo was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, we see the fic through the eyes of Lennett Mha for the first time. It's kinda fun to play around in the heads of other characters once in a while as it affords you a view of Ben and Rey from a different perspective.
> 
> If Herron Casthre's story sounds familiar, that's because it's almost like that of Ransolm Casterfo. They share the same planet as well. And yes, Herron's older than Ben by around four years but they're in the same class because they came into the academy around the same time.
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this take. Where did Ben go? We shall find out in the next chapter, hopefully soon. Thank you again so much for staying with me through this journey. We still got more chapters to go.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, sneaking around and following his uncle deep into the woods like some stalker. But Luke Skywalker shouldn’t be leaving camp in the middle of the night either, still fully dressed in his Jedi Master robes, and most importantly, armed with both a lightsaber and a blaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been amazing. Your constant reviews have been a great inspiration and fuel for the muse and so I'm here again with another early update. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do this soon because it's particularly plot heavy, but your comments and encouragements have helped me pull through so without further ado, here's Chapter 17.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, sneaking around and following his uncle deep into the woods like some stalker. But Luke Skywalker shouldn’t be leaving camp in the middle of the night either, still fully dressed in his Jedi Master robes, and most importantly, armed with both a lightsaber and a blaster.

Using Force Stealth and his training to avoid detection, Ben kept a keen eye out for a flash of white robes before cautiously trailing some distance behind his uncle, taking great pains to make as little noise as possible. Luke had been acting strange ever since they set foot on this planet. Come to think of it, he had been acting strange even before, ever since he spoke with a few of the Jedi Knights. A name was mentioned once or twice though Ben, for the life of him, couldn’t remember it. Whatever it was, it had certainly turned the usually mild-mannered Jedi Master sour, to the point that his relationship with his uncle had suffered. Luke had been constantly in deep thought as of late, and almost always quick to anger. He had even given all of his acolytes a stern talking for merely uttering Darth Vader’s name and forbade any more discussion about the Sith Lord.

The discussion had continued on anyway, this time in secret, and as Ben moved to the hide behind the next tree, his mind wandered off to the last time he and his fellow Jedi Knight initiates sat around the fire, sharing morbid tales of their pasts, all because of Darth Vader.

Ben had kept silent all throughout the conversation. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have his own story to tell. In fact, his mother, Senator Leia Organa was tortured for hours by Vader himself until she writhed on the floor, screaming for mercy that never came. His father was also tortured by Vader, then later frozen in carbonite and handed over to the loathsome Jabba the Hutt, who turned Han Solo into a wall ornament. Then there was his uncle, Luke Skywalker, who lost his right hand during a duel with Vader in Cloud City. But those were not his own memories, or his own stories to tell, especially not to people he still considered strangers, though his stance against them did soften when he heard their tales. Vader had ruined so many lives...

Ben shook away from his thoughts and cursed inwardly. He was losing track of his uncle!

Eyes straining into the woods, with only the moonlight to guide him, he managed to spot Luke’s billowing cloak and started following again, crouching every few meters or so to ensure he wouldn’t be found.

The deeper he went into the woods, the more Ben began to think this wasn’t the brightest ideas he had acted upon. What the kriff had he been thinking, stalking his uncle into the forest like this? It wasn’t as though Luke couldn’t take care of himself. If his uncle ever found him...

Ben clenched his fists and hurried to crouch behind another bush. No. He wasn’t going to think about that now. He’d gone too far to turn back. Besides, he had a gut feeling that wherever Luke was going, he was going to need all the help he could get.

It didn’t take long for Ben’s instinct to prove correct, as he saw Luke about to enter a large camp of thirty or so menacing looking individuals of various species, all of whom wore neutral-colored tunics with foreign patterns over their black garments. They stood in a circle around a burning pyre, hands held up in the air, unintelligible voices droning into the night in what seemed to be some kind of ritual. Together with them were five smaller beings—children, Ben realized in shock—also wearing the same kind of clothing and speaking the same phrases, which had now taken on a more menacing tone.

Ben moved in closer and craned his neck from behind a tree, squinting through the camp’s firelight. He’d seen those garments before. But where?

Then, he saw his uncle step into the camp, and the voices instantly fell silent as all eyes turned towards the Jedi Master.

“Yhorhan Barr,” Luke called out. “I know you’re here. Come out.”

Yhorhan Barr, Ben repeated in his head. That was the name he had heard discussed by Luke and his Jedi Knights. The name that had been causing his uncle much stress these past few weeks besides Darth Vader’s.

“Master Skywalker,” came a deep, rumbling voice from somewhere in the camp. Ben dared to crawl closer until he was a mere few feet away from the clearing where the camp was. One tilt of a head, and he saw whom he assumed to be the speaker emerge from behind the pyre.

He was a Nautolan male with gray-green skin, his long tentacles, which were decorated with metallic bands, protruding from the back of his head and down to his broad shoulders. His large, black eyes—blacker than his robes—shone in the firelight as he walked around the pyre, stopping only when he was directly across Luke.

Ben slowly inched back into the woods until he was behind the trunk of a large tree. He had studied enough of sentient species to know Nautolan tentacles were sensitive to chemical signatures, and he could only hope he was far enough away as to be undetectable, yet close enough to be able to hear the proceedings.

“You have no right to call me Master anymore, Yhorhan,” Luke continued, his voice grave.

“And you have no right to come barging into my camp,” came Yhorhan’s reply. “How did you find me?”

“I have my ways.”

“I see.” Ben saw the Nautolan nod, tentacles moving ever so slightly. “Those rats you call Jedi Knights led you here. You could have called upon them and yet you come alone. Are you so arrogant as to think you can defeat me?”

“You’re the arrogant one,” Luke responded with equal coolness.

Yhorhan shook his head. “No, Master Skywalker. I am enlightened.”

“Enlightened?” This time, Luke’s voice took on a sharper tone. “You call discarding all your training, betraying your master and your friends to join the Dark Side enlightened?”

Ben sucked in a breath. Yhorhan Barr was once his uncle’s pupil? How could anyone who came from the academy end up in the Dark Side? Even those who had been expelled or quit lived relatively peaceful lives. So what happened with Yhorhan?

Yhorhan sneered. “We both know I didn’t have to join. It was the call of my blood.” Then, from a haughty tone, Yhorhan’s voice took on a more menacing edge. “You were the one who left me with no choice. Had I not found myself beneath that accursed tree, my memories—memories _you_ took from me—may never have returned.  I may never have known my birthright.”

Ben was starting to have difficulty breathing. The tree. The accursed tree. Memories. Could it be...

“The circumstances of your birth or your past should never be what would define who you are or dictate your future,” Luke shot back. “You had a choice, Yhorhan. You’ve always had a choice.”

The Nautolan threw his head back and laughed, the sound rumbling through the trees and carried into the night by a chilly breeze. “That’s rich coming from a man who kidnaps Dark Side children and mindwipes them.

“Yes, Master Skywalker. Word has spread of your...endeavours.” Yhorhan gestured towards the five children standing close by, their faces in the shadows, the fire blazing in the pyre behind them. “You can wipe their memories clean all you want, but should they be exposed as I was...” He paused. Ben saw the Nautolan’s tentacles begin to undulate, and he quickly hid himself behind the tree, holding his breath as he did so.

After a while, the Nautolan spoke again. “So...it has happened again, has it?”

Ben breathed out as quietly as he could and took a peek. His uncle’s face seemed to have taken on a pallid colour, and even with the beard, he could see Luke swallowing hard.

“Yhorhan...” There was a hint of unsteadiness in Luke’s voice now. “These children deserve a far better future than this.”

“And who are you to judge what is best for them?” Yhorhan growled and waved his arm towards the little ones, the sleeves of his dark robes flying in the air. “A new order is coming, Master Skywalker, and I intend to be there to see it rise. And these children...the Empire will need them.”

Ben’s eyes widened. The Empire? What was this being talking about? The Empire was long gone.

“No.” Luke shook his head, and Ben could see in the way his uncle’s hand moved that he was getting ready to pull out his saber. “You are _not_ taking these children to the First Order. I won’t allow it.”

Yhorhan seemed to be taken aback for a moment. “I’m surprised you already know as much, Master Skywalker. Very well done. Unfortunately...” he reached into his cloak, took out a blaster and aimed, “...it is for that reason that I will now have to kill you.”

Luke took out his lightsaber and activated it. “It doesn’t have to end this way, Yhorhan.”

“Save me your empty platitudes Master Skywalker.” A pull of the trigger, and a blaster bolt shot out towards Luke.

On instinct, Ben held out his hand and stopped the bolt inches from Luke’s ready plasma blade, a look of shock on the Jedi Master’s face as Ben jerked his hand, sending the blaster bolt to a nearby tree, felling it.

Ben emerged from the woods amidst the chaos, activating his saber and standing in front of Luke, who still remained in a clear state of shock.

“What in the world are you doing here, Ben?”

“Saving your life,” Ben answered and took on a ready stance as blasters rose from the group before them. One swipe of a palm, and he sent the blasters flying out of hands and into every direction in the forest.

He turned and grabbed Luke’s arm. “Uncle Luke, let’s go!”

“Uncle...” Yhorhan repeated, and Ben turned to see the Nautolan eye him with what seemed like fascination. “This is your nephew.”

The other dark-robed beings broke out in sudden whispers. It was in a foreign tongue, but Ben thought he heard Vader’s name once or twice.

“You are the boy the Supreme Leader speaks of.” Yhorhan slowly raised a hand, as if to reach out to Ben, a smile, or what appeared to be one grazing his thin lips. “There is...already a dark power...flowing from deep inside of you.”

Ben tightened his grip on his lightsaber, his teeth clenched to the point of hurting. Fear was the path to the Dark Side. And these past few weeks, with the nightmares and the fighting and the trials, being away and worried about Rey...he’d lived on nothing but fear. But still...

“You’re wrong!” Ben cried out, even as his hands trembled around his saber’s hilt, the blue plasma blade glowing against his face. “I’m nothing like you. I’m descended from the side of Light! From the great hero Anakin Skywalker himself!”

The whispers instantly stopped. Even the air stilled, and the only noise that could be heard was the occasional cracks of burning wood from the pyre.

Luke stepped in front of Ben, shielding him from Yhorhan. “Get behind me, Ben.”

There was something in his uncle’s voice. Something urgent. And deadly. Did he say something wrong?

Yhorhan took a step sideways so he was once again, eye to eye with Ben. “You don’t know.” It was not a question, but a statement, and the Nautolan’s eyes widened even more than it already was. “Your own uncle...your entire family never told you.”

“Never told me what?” Ben ventured. In his confusion, he didn’t notice the change in his uncle’s stance.

Yhorhan smirked. “Anakin Skywalker, your grandfather, is—”

A swift strike and Yhorhan was cut down, two halves of his body falling to the ground as gasps rang throughout the camp. Luke remained in a striking stance, activated saber held at his side, his shoulders heaving from heavy breaths.

Ben could only watch as Yhorhan Barr gasped for air, his tentacles undulating as he pointed weakly at Ben and hissed, “Vader...lives...”

One more breath, and the Yhorhan was dead.

The sound of metal against scabbard cut through the airs a the other beings before them took out their vibroblades. In moments, Ben and Luke found themselves fighting for their lives, back to back, uncle and nephew attacking and defending themselves against the crazed and screaming multitudes.

Ben felt his muscles scream and burn. It felt like he had been swinging his lightsaber for an eternity though he knew it had only been minutes since the fight began. But he had never had it this difficult before, not even with those heavily-armed spice cartels he and his fellow initiates were tasked to take down. These beings were trained warriors and Dark force users, and it was only through Luke’s mastery and Ben’s sheer luck and training that they emerged as victors.

Ben took in one painful breath after another, his deactivated saber limp in one hand, his other hand against his side while blood dripped down from his forehead, narrowly missing his eyes as he took in the scene before him—of the firelight playing shadows over the dead bodies that surrounded them.

A flash of memory. A vision. He wasn’t sure. But it was vivid—the academy buildings burning, the Force tree in flames, the courtyard littered with bodies of younglings, padawans and Jedi Knight Initiates, their eyes still open in death while he stood in the middle of it all, his body thrumming with Dark Side energy.

It was his nightmare.

Ben ran to the side of the clearing and doubled over, retching violently until he could expel nothing more. It took several moments before he regained any semblance of strength, and he rose on shaky feet and turned, only to find Luke muttering something as he held his hands out to the five children, their eyes blank, their faces expressionless.

The truth hit Ben like a tidal wave, and he felt himself drowning in a myriad of emotions—sadness, betrayal, and most of all, rage.

“So it’s true.” He marched over to his uncle, his hand still at his side. A possible broken rib. But anger was overruling his pain. He remembered it now, where he had seen those robes. He had seen them on the new younglings Luke had once brought to the academy. “You kidnap children.”

“I would prefer the term ‘rescue’.” Luke turned to Ben. He had a few scratches, and his robes were cut in a few places but otherwise, he appeared relatively uninjured. “But I admit I have had no choice but to do this from time to time. The First Order—”

“What is this First Order?” Ben demanded.

“An organization that believes the galaxy can only find order if the Empire is reinstated,” Luke answered grimly. “My investigations have only scratched the surface, but they actually do take these children from their families and manipulate them into blind loyalty.”

“How is that different from what you’re doing?” Ben spat.

“You know our values. Our goals are altruistic.”

“That doesn’t justify what you’re doing, Uncle Luke. You’re not giving these children a choice!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ben. I am giving these children the _chance_ to _choose_. A clean slate. And I do return some to their families if I could, provided they’re not Dark Siders.” Luke turned away to stare at the body of his former pupil. The Nautolan’s black eyes were closed under a thin film of pale lids now. “Yhorhan was given that chance to choose. Unfortunately, unlike others, he chose the wrong path.”

Ben blinked as he remembered some of Yhorhan’s words. Of stolen memories, and being under an accursed tree. The academy’s Force tree.  Of those memories returning afterwards and...

“Rey...” Ben took a step back, hand tightening around the hilt of his lightsaber as though it were a lifeline in the sudden sea of tumult he found himself in. “Rey...she’s—”

“Rey was a special case,” Luke quickly interjected, his blue eyes flashing. “It was important that I get her.”

“But her parents are not Dark Siders!” Ben cried out. “I saw the holo.”

“You saw what she needed to see,” Luke refuted and faced his nephew fully. “Rey is strong in the Force. Far stronger than you realize. If I hadn’t done what I did, she would have fallen to the Dark Side by now.”

“And what was it that you did, Uncle Luke?” Ben hissed. His fingers were suddenly itching to press the saber’s activation button. “Did you kill her parents too, like you did these people, in order to get her?”

Luke didn’t reply, and it was all Ben could do to try and swallow back the bile rising in his throat. It all made sense now...Rey’s dazed look under the tree, the way she had screamed at the sight of her Jedi Master, the way she had attacked Luke viciously...and Ben was suddenly struck by the thought that Rey could have witnessed how her parents died.

“You...you killed them.” His knees threatened to buckle beneath him. “You killed Rey’s parents.”

  
[ ](http://s1381.photobucket.com/user/gwendygayle/media/wsw_findingoutthetruth_colored_s_zpsf7yvwijk.jpg.html)   


“I had no other choice,” Luke explained, though whatever edge his voice had taken on earlier was gone. He looked every bit a broken man but Ben could only see it as farce. He was not looking at his uncle. He was looking at a murderer. “It was either them, or me. And Rey...she deserved better. I am giving her a future.”

“No, Uncle Luke.” Ben shook his head. “You’re forcing her into one.”

With that, Ben turned and ran; ran from his uncle’s calls, his explanations; ran from the voices screaming inside his head, ran from everything he knew Rey to be, and everything he knew his uncle to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! Come on, some of you guys already know I'm a huge proponent of the Rey from Dark Side Parents theory as well as the Luke Killed Her Parents theory, so I knew I had to add that in. We're definitely on canon divergent territory now (or are we?). 
> 
> Now you know why Luke is so stressed out lately. He has bigger problems to deal with and unfortunately they will only get bigger from here. 
> 
> Hope you took note of a few things from Bloodline here, but there are a few from the Aftermath series by Chuck Wendig, including "Vader lives" and "The Empire needs children".
> 
> Ben heard a lot of things here which will come into play in future chapters. I already have plans on how I can go about it, so stay tuned for that one. Again, no promises on when it will be, but who knows, it might just be another early update.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for your wonderful reviews guys, especially to those who are frequent commenters. You know who you guys are. Either way, I love you all readers! Thank you so much for the inspiration!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the same dream again. No. Nightmare. He hadn’t had a single dream ever since he left the academy. Ever since he was forced apart from Rey.
> 
> Rey. His little angel Rey. The daughter of Dark Siders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a pretty long chapter guys so get ready. Special thank you to Shwtlee3, who chatted me up and helped me big time with a major timeline hurdle in the original draft. Thank you so much girl! And as always, thank you to the readers new and old who have been following through this roller coaster ride with me :)

It’s the same dream again. No. Nightmare. He hadn’t had a single dream ever since he left the academy. Ever since he was forced apart from Rey.

Rey. His little angel Rey. The daughter of Dark Siders.

Even in his nightmare, it was all that consumed him, his thoughts barely on the blazing inferno that was the academy as he stumbled upon body after dead body, firelight and shadows playing across the corpses, the grounds, his bloodied face.

Rey. Rey. Rey. She was here somewhere. Beyond the toppled structures of stone. Beyond the acrid smoke. Somewhere beyond all the chaos, he could sense the darkness within her. Almost the same as the darkness thrumming from within him.

_These padawans deserved to die._

He shook his head and stared at his hands, horrified. Every night it was the same nightmare but the horror would not abate.

But unlike many nights, wherein the creature would implore him to give in to the power of the Dark, tonight, it was mysteriously absent. He was the only living creature among the dead.

He continued to move weakly through the academy grounds, his muscles aching, his skin stinging, his cloak singed and torn. He needed to get away from the sickening stench of death all around.

He needed to get to Rey.

He found himself drawn towards the Force Tree. The one tree that loomed over the academy, now bursting into flames. At its base, stood a girl in dark, padawan robes, her back towards him, the three buns behind her brown hair distinct under the brilliance of hellfire.

Rey.

He staggered towards her, one palm up to reach for her, to pull her towards him and take her away from all this.

No sooner had he put his hand her shoulder than she spun around, eyes ablaze with yellow and red, lips set in a sneer.

The pain didn’t register at first. It was only when he looked down and saw the plasma blade—glowing an angry crimson—that the pain spread across his chest and burning through his heart, his lungs seizing and screaming for air.

That was how we woke up. Gasping and in cold sweat, mouth and eyes wide open, a hand grabbing at the spot in his chest where Rey had stabbed him.

_She’d tried to kill him._

He sat up from the bed of his private quarters in the shuttle and wrapped his black cloak tight around his shoulders. No. It was just a dream. Just a terrible, terrible dream. Rey could never do that.

A flash of memory. Of her screaming at the sight of Luke, of her robbing him of his lightsaber and attempting to kill her master. No. Rey _was_ capable. Especially as skilled as she was now. But still, she would never try to harm him. She wouldn’t. She loved him. She said so herself.

 _“But what if she finds out the truth?”_ a voice inside him whispered, and he froze. What if she found out? What if another incident like the one in the Force Tree happened again? What if like Yhorhan, she will follow the call of her blood once the truth was revealed?

And why was he even thinking these things? Was he…scared of her?

He shook his head vigorously. Ridiculous. He had to have a little more faith in Rey. He had to give himself more credit for raising her...but that in itself was a problem. Did he do a good enough job raising her? What if he messed up somewhere along the way? What if somehow, without even realizing it, he was negatively influencing her, unknowingly bringing her closer to the Dark Side?

No, no. He wasn’t capable of doing that. He wasn’t born from Dark Siders like she was. He was born from a legacy of heroes. The direct descendant of the great Anakin Skywalker himself. And yet he couldn’t brush off the countless times that creature from his nightmares had told him of the darkness within him. And then there was Yhorhan Barr, who had sensed that same darkness before Luke cut him down...

_“Vader...lives...”_

Ben dragged his palms from his face and up to his ears, pressing them there. No, they’re just trying to get to him, he thought. Trying to make him more frightened than he already was.

 _Fear._ That was what Yhorhan and that creature saw within him. Fear that had been haunting him since his childhood. That was his darkness; a darkness born from his fears and not by blood. He didn’t have Dark Sider inside him. Not one iota.

_“Vader...lives...”_

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!” Ben jumped off of his bed and began trashing his quarters, throwing pillows to the floor, flinging the mattress off the bed before grabbing his lightsaber, activating it, and slashing at the thick, durasteel walls.

He screamed as he slashed wall after wall, yet the sound of plasma against steel couldn’t silence the voices. Couldn’t stop the anger, the rage flowing; rage against his uncle, who had stolen Rey’s parents from her; rage against the deceased Nautolan, Yhorhan Barr, whose words put him in a state of confusion; rage against his parents who were too caught up in their own worlds to be there when he needed them the most; rage against himself, for being unable to reign in his emotions.

He was on his knees by the time he was done, the deactivated lightsaber limp in his hands while the walls continued to crackle with the sounds of damaged electronics, and the room wafted with the scent of burnt wires and singed mattress. This was going to come out of his allowance, but it was a small price to pay for being able to vent out his frustrations. It was better this way, he thought. The alternatives would have graver consequences.

From the corner of his eye, Ben caught a glimpse of his holoprojector, which had found its way on the floor after his outburst. He reached out to take it, scrolling past Rey’s messages and found the last one to be almost three weeks old. No new messages had come in ever since they travelled to the Outer Rim due to terrible uplink signals. But if he were to be completely honest, he was somewhat relieved that he couldn’t communicate with her. He didn’t know what to say to her at this point and he didn’t want to lie. He had promised her years ago that he wouldn’t. Her life in the academy had already started with a lie without him adding to it.

But what if, like those other children, a lie would be what would ultimately save her? Was breaking his promise too high a price to pay in exchange for the Rey he had raised since childhood?

The buzz at his door cut through his thoughts but it wasn’t until Lennett spoke that he rose to his feet. “Ben, we’ll be arriving in Jakku shortly. Master Luke says to get ready.”

He stared at the gray steel door for a moment, as though he could see Lennett Mha beyond it—her pretty, light eyes, her golden tresses, her pink lips—and he found himself unnerved at how what had once affected him so thusly now felt inconsequential. When had he changed so much?

With a sigh, he opened the door, and Lennett immediately gasped at the sight of his room. “Ben! What happened?”

“I needed to vent,” was all he could say as he walked past her, ignoring whatever flash of emotion he had seen in the blue of her eyes.

* * *

Luke Skywalker was no stranger to the settlement of Tuanul. After Gatalenta, this had been one of his destinations in his search for lost Jedi lore, and where he first became friends with the explorer Lor San Tekka as well as some members of the Church of the Force, all of whom lived relatively prosperous lives in the otherwise arid, desert planet of Jakku. Tatooine had a milder climate than this, but seeing and feeling the coarse brown sand beneath his feet offered a brief moment of nostalgia for Luke—a moment too quickly stolen by the last images he had seen of his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.

He took a moment to calm himself before directing his students to do a routine maintenance check on the shuttle, which he had landed on the outskirts of the village. He needed to keep them busy if he were to have a private conversation with Tekka.

Pulling up his hood to shield himself from the scorching afternoon sun, Luke ambled along the path towards the village, waving at Tekka, who stood waiting by the settlement. Once the initial greetings and courtesies were out of the way, Tekka quickly led Luke to his tent.

“So, what ails you my friend, that you should come all the way here to see me?” Tekka asked while pouring Luke a cool drink of water.

“Am I that obvious?” Luke grinned forlornly, raising his cup before drinking it in slow, measured sips.

“I’ve known you well enough these past few decades, Master Skywalker, to know when something is the matter.” Tekka pulled his shoulders up and placed his hands on his knees, as though to brace himself for what’s to come.

Luke pressed his lips together before slowly finishing his water and setting the clay cup aside. “Yhorhan Barr.”

Tekka sucked in a breath. The tent, already not the most sizeable of living spaces, seemed to have grown even smaller to Luke to the point that he felt claustrophobic.

“I see.” Tekka nodded after a time, as though he understood completely the words that were left unspoken. “Are you beginning to doubt the mission, Master Skywalker?”

“The mission? Never. But the methods...”

“I know it must not have been easy. It was never easy when we first started,” Tekka agreed. “But had we not done what we did, had you not helped the Church of the Force in rescuing those children, one can only imagine the number of Force Sensitives that would have fallen prey to the First Order.”

“I wish my nephew saw it the same way.” Luke’s throat felt as dry as the planet he was on, and so he held out his cup to be refilled. “He thinks I’m doing no better than these Dark Siders.”

“Have you tried explaining to him?”

“I did. But he wouldn’t listen. Or maybe he just refuses to understand.” Luke sighed. “Perhaps I should have been straightforward with him years ago, before he became close to Rey. But had I told him then, he might not have been friends with her. And the Force alone knows how much his friendship with Rey has helped him through the years.”

“Rey?” Tekka’s gray brows knitted for a moment before they rose in understanding. “You mean... _that_ girl?”

“Yes. _That_ girl.” Luke continued to nurse the cool water as though it were fine wine. “She’s one of my successes, that one. She has so much light in her now.”

“You’ve had many successes, my friend,” Tekka interjected. “Do not think so little of yourself.”

Despite the encouragement, Luke felt his shoulders slump inwards. “Was I wrong? To take her away from her parents?”

“She was a necessary acquisition.”

Luke winced. He knew Tekka meant well, but calling Rey an ‘acquisition’ chafed at him. He took several more sips of water until nothing was left. “I only wish it didn’t have to happen that way. I had high hopes her mother could be reasoned with, especially since she had the same light as her father. But I was wrong. Growing up under the Empire’s shadow had diminished whatever little light she had left.”

“And therein lies proof, Master Skywalker, of the value of the mission,” Tekka pointed out. “It is not the call of the blood, but the circumstances that will dictate the future of these children.”

“And Yhorhan Barr?” Luke pursued.

“An isolated case.” Tekka waved his hand as if to dismiss the subject.

“I suppose so. It’s just that I’m...afraid,” he hesitated to say the word, “that my nephew might head down the same path if he knew...”

Luke snapped his head up, blue eyes sharp on the shadows painted by sunlight streaming in from the tent’s entrance.

He closed his eyes and willed his temper to subside. “What is it that you want, Ben?”

A brief moment of silence followed before the shadow moved to fully cover the entrance. Luke stood up and turned to face his nephew, whose brown eyes looked at everywhere but him.

“I...just finished checking the shuttle’s engines.” He looked down at the small ship parts in his greasy hands. “Looks like we need some fresh fuel drivers. “

“How long have you been standing outside?”

“I just arrived.”

Luke narrowed his eyes at Ben. If he had just arrived as he claimed he did, Luke would’ve sensed him. But he didn’t. Which meant Ben had cloaked himself from him using the Force, and it was then that it hit home.

His nephew no longer trusted him. 

Suddenly feeling his age, Luke sank back to his stool and let out a deep breath. “There’s an outpost not far from here. Niima Outpost. There should be some spare parts you can trade for portions.”

“Portions?”

“We don’t use credits for trade here,” Tekka supplied, then stood up to take a piece of paper from his small desk table and began writing on it. It was a rare sight, seeing someone use pen and paper in this day and age, and even in his troubled state, Luke was unable to stop from staring. The Church of the Force shunned all forms of technology apparently, even with something as basic as writing.

Once done, Tekka handed over the paper to Ben, who seemed equally surprised at seeing something handwritten. “Here are the directions to Niima Outpost. Look for a Crolute named Unkar Plutt. He’s the junkyard boss so he should have the parts you need. There’s a speeder outside that you can use to get there. Oh, before I forget.” He went to rummage through a beaten old chest and took out a small bag. “There’s around forty portions here. It should be enough for the parts.”

Ben nodded and took the paper and the bag from Tekka before exiting the tent without so much as a second glance. Luke could only stare after him and wonder how in the world he was going to gain back the boy’s trust, yet knowing full well he may have lost it forever.

* * *

Ben drove the speeder faster, his black cloak whipping around behind him as he headed towards Niima Outpost. Even with his dark, protective goggles on, he could still make out the cluster of structures amidst the tan of the desert sand.

Yet even with an important task at hand, Ben’s thoughts still lingered on what he had heard from outside Tekka’s tent. He’d had no qualms then about listening in, and after hearing the conversation between Tekka and his uncle, he certainly felt no guilt except at being caught.

His fingers tightened around the handle bars of the speeder. Despite himself, he began to grow a modicum of understanding about why his uncle did what he did with those children; which was not to say he condoned his actions like the Church of the Force seemed to; kriff, they may have even sanctioned it! And he most certainly couldn’t forgive Luke for what he did to Rey’s parents, though there may be a lot more to that tale than what he had heard earlier.

And then there was the part where Luke had talked about his fears; fear that his nephew would head down the same path as Yhorhan if he knew...what? What exactly was his uncle about to say back there? How many more secrets did the man have?

Ben shook away from his thoughts just as he arrived at the outskirts of Niima Outpost. He slowed down before parking the speeder close to a line of tents, where he could see other beings lining up to a small concession stand. Inside the stand, he could just make out the hulking form of a Crolute, presumably Unkar Plutt, inspecting items given to him by the scavenging aliens before handing out portions.

 _“Must be the place,”_ Ben thought, making sure the speeder was within sight as he made his way to the queue, the bag of portions in one hand, the other holding on to the damaged fuel drivers. His goggles and his hood, he kept on. Despite this being a backwater planet, and him being out of the public eye since he went into the academy, one can never tell if certain unsavoury individuals recognized the son of two famous figures.

He frowned at the sights and smells all around. Many of the scavengers here didn’t seem to know the concept of a bath. Then again, water was scarce here, and if the only ample supply of water available was anything like what that Happabore nearby was drinking from, then he could understand why people here would forego baths altogether.

He couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to live here. Everyone here probably stayed because they had nowhere else to go, he thought.

“Next.”

Surprised, Ben hurried up to the concession stand. The lines here apparently move faster than he realized. “Uhm...do you happen to have fuel drivers? They look like these.”

“Boy, I know what fuel drivers look like. And yes, we do have them,” Unkar Plutt grunted. Ben decided he did not like this Crolute at all. “Twenty portions each.”

Ben counted the portions he had. Just about enough for two, which was thankfully all he needed. He tossed the bag of portions on the counter then grabbed the spare fuel drivers, inspecting them carefully for defects.

A sudden flash of brightness caught his eye, and he turned to see a young woman in the distance, busily scrubbing away at a greasy starship part she must have scavenged from somewhere in this ship graveyard of a planet.

She was a definite beauty—a blooming flower in an otherwise barren desert—with pale skin freckled by the sun, clothes that may have been once paler than their current beige, and brown hair speckled with sand...

...and tied with three buns behind her head.

Ben dropped the parts he had been inspecting as he gaped at the young woman who looked just like the woman who had once visited him in his dreams. The young woman who looked almost like...

A lumbering scavenger crossed his line of sight, obscuring his view of the young woman. By the time it passed, she was gone, as though she had never been there.

Was the sun playing tricks on him?

“What’s she worth?”

“Huh?” Ben turned back to look at Unkar Plutt, who had just finished counting the potions he had been handed.

“I said, what’s she worth?” Unkar repeated, annoyance creeping in to his deep, rumbling voice.

Ben bent down to pick up the fuel drivers, his brows furrowed in confusion. “I...I’m not sure I understand.”

“Your speeder,” Unkar pointed with one pink, bloated finger. “What’s she worth?”

“The speeder...Oh! The speeder!”

“Yes, the speeder. What did you think I was asking about, boy?” The irritation was clear in Unkar’s tone now, but Ben didn’t care. All he could think about was the girl with three buns behind her head; not the one he had seen or not seen scrubbing away at ship parts, but the one he was sure was waiting for him back in the academy.

“The speeder’s not for sale,” he answered with a smile and made his way towards the vehicle. “As for _her_ , well, she’s _priceless_.”

With that, he boarded the speeder and took off, leaving a confused and annoyed Crolute huffing inside the small concession stand of Jakku’s Niima Outpost.

* * *

Lennett found herself uncharacteristically irritated at Ben Solo. He had been morose for the past several weeks, then after their trip to Jakku several days prior, he had become suddenly chipper. Which wasn’t to say she wasn’t glad he was back to normal. But lately, he had been unable to see the state of misery she was in. Usually, he was quick to ask her what was wrong but these days? It was almost as if she didn’t exist. All that existed to him now was that damned holoprojector of his as he waited for signals to get better, for sure so he could contact his little girl friend.

_His little girl friend._

The words resounded in Lennett’s head as she stared at Ben, black cloak, already torn, burnt and tattered in places still hanging over his shoulders, his head turning every which way to watch the stream of stars passing by the shuttle’s windows. She never saw anyone who retained such fascination of streaking stars while in hyperspace, and it made her long for the days when she looked at the world with the same wonder.

Now all she saw was disorder that needed to be set straight.

Lennett retreated deeper into her thoughts, into everything she had experienced in the almost two months of their voyage throughout the galaxy. She was so immersed that she almost failed to hear her fellow female acolyte, Thun Pak, who was taking on the role of Master Luke’s co-pilot, call out from the cockpit.

“We’ll be entering the academy’s star system soon. Prepare for landing.”

“We’re almost there already?” Ben asked in surprise.

“It’s thanks to those fuel drivers you got us,” Master Luke’s voice rang from the cockpit. “Ship’s running efficiently, thanks to you.”

Lennett watched Ben press his lips together and head for the seat next to hers, buckling himself in as he did so. Her eyes darted to the other side of the aisle to lock gazes with Herron Casthre, who simply shrugged before facing forward again. Master Luke had been paying Ben more compliments lately, but Ben always responded with a kind of silence that made it awkward not just for their Jedi Master, but for all the other Jedi Knight Initiates. Thank the stars there would only be a few minutes left to endure before the trip was finally over, she thought.

The ship pulled out of hyperdrive and the planet’s tan, green and blue colors came into view. A few more manoeuvres and they entered its airspace, flying over the sea, the sand and the wastes before landing about fifty feet from the academy’s gates.

Ben was unbuckled and off his seat before Master Luke could tell them it was safe to do so. He ran to the window again then began waving emphatically. Lennett knew without looking who he was waving to.

The ship’s ramp made its slow descent yet even before it could fully touch the ground, Ben was already off the ship and running towards the group of padawans waiting some distance away. Lennett squinted through the sun and saw one of the students make a run towards Ben.

_His little girl friend._

Lennett watched in silence as the two closed the distance between them, her fists and teeth clenching at the sight of Ben dropping to his knees and pulling Rey into his arms. And when he lifted her up to spin her around in his embrace, his tattered cloak flying in the dusty air, it was all she could do not to scream at the spectacle.

Taking in a deep breath, she managed to put on a smile before she hurried towards Ben’s side just as he put Rey down. She wasn’t able to catch their conversation, nor did she care. She didn’t care for anything that made them both equally happy at this point.

“Hi, Rey,” she greeted as sweetly as possible, threading her arm through Ben’s and leaning her head on his shoulder. “We’ve missed you. How we’re things in the academy while we were gone?”

Rey seemed to have paled, but was quick to regain composure, a bright yet shaky smile on her face. “They were okay. A bit boring though without you guys around.”

 _“Smooth,”_ Lennett thought, tightening her hold of Ben’s arm when she felt him shift. “Well, we’re all here now and we’ve got some wonderful adventures to tell—”

Her words were cut off by the frantic screeches and pings of a blue and white droid, hurriedly making its way over the cracked soil and through the throng of students. It rushed past them and towards Master Luke, still beeping away in high-pitched sounds that made Lennett’s blood boil. What in the world was that thing screeching about?

Ben suddenly pulled his arm away from hers. She started to scowl at him when she saw the colour had drained from his face.

“Ben?”

“The Senate Conference Building’s been bombed.” Ben stared at the droid in the distance, and then at her, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “My mom...she’s in there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go guys. Another connection with Claudia Gray's novel "Bloodline". This is the time, it's the so called 'Napkin Bombing'. That's also why I referenced the 'handwriting' thing since that part was also emphasized in that chapter of the book. To those unfamiliar or who have not read Bloodline, the napkin bombing happened during a breakfast meeting at the Senate Conference Building. Leia saw a handwritten note on her napkin that said 'RUN' and the fact that it was handwritten at an age where virtually no one wrote anymore was what made her warn everyone to evacuate the building before it was bombed. 
> 
> There are also reasons why I had them go to Jakku aside from the fact that Luke needed to talk to Tekka. Hope you guys caught wind of that title call out and other foreshadowing stuff here.
> 
> As always, thank you again for your readership as well as your lovely reviews. They have been and still is keeping this fic very much alive and kicking so hopefully the next update won't be too far along. Love you lots guys and see you again soon!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past two months had been a torment.
> 
> She’d tried her best to go about her life in the academy. Tried her best to be attentive in class, to be diligent in her training and her studies yet her thoughts constantly wandered to the tall, raven-haired young man who was several star systems away.
> 
> Her thoughts were never far away from Ben. It was the only way she could keep him close to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So I'm a tad nervous because there's going to be some really huge canon divergent stuff in the end but I'll try to explain it away as carefully as possible, at least in the end notes. Oh, and we'll have another character POV at least partially for this chapter. Hope you guys enjoy :)

The past two months had been a torment.

She’d tried her best to go about her life in the academy. Tried her best to be attentive in class, to be diligent in her training and her studies yet her thoughts constantly wandered to the tall, raven-haired young man who was several star systems away.

Her thoughts were never far away from Ben. It was the only way she could keep him close to her.

Nights were particularly difficult because that was when she would feel the loneliest. And the most frightened. Frightened for reasons she couldn’t comprehend. Frightened for Ben, whom she knew without her, was probably having nightmare after nightmare.

She had taken to staying up late, anticipating his calls, which didn’t take long to come. Then she would stay up even later, calming him down, soothing him until they both fell asleep again.

The calls didn’t do well for her sleeping habits, but she didn’t mind. She would do absolutely anything for Ben. It was the least she could do for the years he spent taking care of her.

The years he spent just being...Ben.

Then came a time when communication was completely cut off. No warnings. No calls. Not even a single message. She’d tried to communicate with Ben, even to the point of begging R2-D2 to let her use the comms room but even the higher end comms equipment could not reach them. One explanation was that they had gone off the grid; no, it was the _only_ explanation she would accept. The other possibilities were far too frightening to even think of.

Yet somehow, even without being able to get in touch with him, she knew he was safe. But this did little to quell a strange innate knowledge that he was suffering a far greater blow than the physical, and this resulted to even more restless nights for her, which more often than not, ended with her crying herself to sleep.

Then, one day, the dark feelings disappeared. She could once again feel calm in her heart, warmth in her skin, and clarity in her mind. Ben was going to be okay.

And he was coming back.

How she knew before everyone else, before any comms came from Master Luke’s shuttle, she didn’t know. She could only chuck it off to woman’s intuition.

And so, she had been the first to run out of the academy gates to wait on the tan, cracked soil of the surrounding wasteland, her eyes darting up to the clear blue skies as though she could see the shuttle coming in from hyperdrive.

Soon, other students followed behind her, Kreio Thorsen, as always, by her side but she didn’t notice him. All she saw, or rather felt was the shuttle entering the planet’s airspace before it finally appeared in the distance, gleaming pearly white under the afternoon sun.

It was a good fifty feet away when it landed, but she could see Ben at the window, beaming and waving at her.

He was off the ramp before it could fully touch the ground. He ran towards her, the black cloak she had given him, already tattered in places, billowing in the dusty breeze. It was the sight of the torn cloak—testament to his having worn it constantly—and his wide, warm smile that finally made her break out into a run.

“Ben. Ben. Ben!” She’d cried out his name, Force knew how many times. She couldn’t get enough of saying it, couldn’t get enough of that huge smile of his that reached all the way up to his brown, soulful eyes, twinkling in them like the stars she used to stare up at while she waited patiently for his return.

Ben had always thought of himself as ugly. If only she could make him see through her eyes how he was not.

She opened her arms and threw them over his shoulders, holding him tight, revelling in his warmth. He was here. She could scarcely believe it. He was here, with her! “Ben...you’re home...”

“Yes, sweetheart, I’m home.” He pressed his cheek against hers then, tenderness blooming in her chest and exploding into a myriad of deep-seated emotions when he picked her up and spun her around in his embrace.

She knew others were watching, but at that very moment while she was flying, floating in his arms, there was no one else in the world. Just her and Ben. Together again.

The moment lasted well after he had set her down, with his eyes searching hers as though he could never get enough of looking at her, just as she couldn’t stop feasting her eyes on him. “You look...different, Ben. More mature for some reason.”

He let out a nervous laugh. “I’m not the only one. Do you realize how beautiful you’ve become?”

She could only laugh in response while hoping against hope that he would blame her blushing on the sun beating down upon them.

 _“Don’t think too much about what he says,”_ she told herself. She had learned through the years that Ben  Solo often said things that could inspire hope but really, was just him being generous with compliments.

Then, the moment was broken by the voice of an angel.

“Hi, Rey,” Lennett greeted, her face serene as she threaded her arm through Ben’s and leaned her head against his shoulder.

In an instant, whatever colour that tinted Rey’s cheeks earlier drained away. So...Ben and Lennett were together now?

“We’ve missed you,” Lennett continued, a sweet smile still on her lips but Rey knew better. She could practically hear her hiss with every word. “How we’re things in the academy while we were gone?”

Rey felt her stomach churn, and she had to fight back tears when she saw how tightly Lennett was holding on to Ben. She couldn’t even thread an arm through his like that. Not with her height.

By some miracle, she managed a wide, if not shaky smile. “They were okay. A bit boring though without you guys around.”

Lennett’s smile widened. Any wider and her face would split. Maybe it ought to, Rey thought with disdain. The grotesqueness would suit her. “Well, we’re all here now and we’ve got some wonderful adventures to tell—”

R2-D2’s robotic cries cut through Lennett’s words and into the air as the droid ambled noisily past them and towards Master Luke, screeching along the way. Rey gasped when she realized what R2 was saying, her eyes snapping at Ben, who had since pulled his arm away from Lennett’s, his face nearly as pale as the robes Master Luke wore.

“The Senate Conference Building’s been bombed,” Ben mumbled, shock and unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “My mom...she’s in there.”

It was all Rey could do to hold on to Ben’s cold, clammy hand as they raced towards the academy together. Now more than ever, he was going to need her by his side.

And she would do absolutely anything for Ben Solo.

 

* * *

 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid comms!” Ben slammed the console repeatedly as though violence were the answer to getting the transmission generator to cooperate. But the radiation interference between their star system and Hosnian Prime was making communication impossible, as had been the case for years.

For a brief moment, he found himself trying to look through the newscasts for word on Lennett’s father before he remembered her telling him the senator of Naboo had resigned a few years back. It unnerved him a little how she never told him such an important bit of information until now. Then again, she really wasn’t entitled to tell him anything. It wasn’t as though they were an item, and with everything that has happened, a relationship with Lennett seemed like a superfluous dream.

“Your mother is alive, Ben,” Luke said calmly from where he stood nearby with Rey. “It’s in the news.”

“Just because she’s alive doesn’t mean she’s not injured,” Ben shot back. “I have to know if she’s alright.”

“All we can do right now is listen to newscasts for updates on her. I’m sure she will be fine.” Luke reached out to pat Ben’s shoulder but he recoiled almost as soon as he felt his uncle’s robotic hand touch him.

“Why are you acting like this isn’t such a big deal?” Ben felt himself thrown between the edge of panic and rage. How could his uncle sound so nonchalant about this? “Mom was almost killed!”

“I am aware of that. But it would be no use if both of us went into unnecessary hysterics,” Luke pointed out sternly, and this made Ben slump back in his chair, his eyes darting at the projections of newscasts in the air, reported in several languages. The entire galaxy seemed to mirror his shock and outrage at this act of terrorism but he had researched enough about the Populist and Centrist factions of the Galactic Senate to know they would be blaming each other in the coming days. He’d begun looking more into politics ever since he overheard about the First Order from his uncle, and how they seemed to be operating from Centrist worlds...

“Why did she have to run for First Senator, anyway?” Ben muttered, eyes misty over an image of his mother projected onscreen by one newscast. “That’s bound to make her a prime target for her political enemies.”

“We can’t jump to conclusions at this point,” Luke said tiredly. “There are still other possibilities to consider...”

“You mean like the First Order?” Ben spat.

Luke narrowed his eyes. “How much did you hear exactly?”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Ben made a show of looking at Rey, who could only stare at both men in confusion. She looked as though she had been hoping they had forgotten she was in the room with them. “You’ve put me in a position where my silence is guaranteed. Come on, Rey.” He grabbed Rey’s arm and dragged her out of the comms room and away from his uncle; away from her parents’ murderer.

“Ben?”

“What?”

“You’re hurting me.”

Ben immediately let go of Rey’s arm, a look of horror in his face when he saw her rub the spot where he had grabbed her. “Oh Force, Rey! I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled weakly, still rubbing her arm. In a small voice, she added, “Do you need a hug?”

She didn’t have to ask. He was instantly on his knees and in her embrace, his head buried in her shoulder. And when he felt her fingers run through his hair, he had to fight off the beginnings of sobs. He needed this. By the Force, he needed this; needed Rey; needed the comfort only she could give. Two months without it was far too long and now all he could do was cling on to her like a raft in stormy seas. So many things happening all at once, in such a short span of time. Will there ever be an end to all this?

He remained in Rey’s arms for the Force alone knew how long, but once it was over, he managed to calm himself down enough to think clearly. “Thank you, Rey. I needed that.”

“I know,” she said with a cocky grin, and he had to reach over to give a light pinch to her cheek.

Then, his smile faded. “Rey, I’m going to need to be alone for a little while. I’ll need to talk to my...dad.”

“Your dad? But you said you hated talking to him.”

“Yeah. But he might know what happened to Mom. Or maybe he doesn’t and I’ll have to be the one to tell him.” Ben clicked his tongue. If he had to do the latter, there would be no guarantee that he wouldn’t be screaming at Han over the phone for not caring enough about his wife. Bad enough he already didn’t care much about his only son...

Ben walked with Rey to the padawans’ quarters before she went into her room and he into his own. He still wasn’t used to their new sleeping arrangements, and for a moment there, he thought Rey might come into their...or rather, his room.

He let out a deep sigh and closed the door. He didn’t know if he would ever get used to it, but for today at least, he didn’t mind the solitude. In fact, he was going to need it.

He rummaged through his bag, past clothes and items he had bought off world before he managed to find both his comlink and holoprojector. He chose the comlink, as he always did when it came to Han. He’d much rather just hear his father’s voice than have to see his annoying face, he thought as he dialled Han’s comm numbers.

It took three tries before anyone answered. This time, it was by a young male staffer, obviously new to the job and very much surprised by the call.

“You’re Han Solo and Leia Organa’s son?”

“Yes, how many times do I have to say so?” Ben growled to the comlink. “Look. Let’s not waste each other’s time here. I just want to know if my mother has contacted my father or if there’s any news about her.”

“Senator Organa is fine,” the staffer assured in a voice that was both chipper and nervous. “She even sent a message to say she only sustained minor injuries.”

Ben breathed out in relief. He wished his mother had contacted him though, but he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that she had tried but failed. “Is my father with her right now?”

“Uh...she specifically asked that he not go.”

“And he didn’t go?” Ben felt his temples throb. “His wife almost died, and he didn’t go to her?”

Silence. It was clear the staffer did not know how to respond to the question.

“Put my father on the line,” Ben ordered. “I need to talk to him.”

“B-But...”

“What? Did he tell you not to let any calls through? Tell him it’s his son.”

“I-It’s not that, Mr. Solo. It’s just that...Captain Solo is still in the med center.”

Ben paused. “The med center?”

“Yes, the med center.” The few seconds of silence made Ben think the staffer was nodding. The idiot probably didn’t realize he couldn’t see him, Ben thought. “Captain Solo is scheduled today for a hadeira serum injection.”

“Hadeira...serum?” Ben repeated, his throat suddenly dry to the point of hurting. He knew about the serum. Had heard his father talking about it years ago to a few pilots, when Han used to take him to air shows and racing circuits. “Isn’t that for...”

“For his bloodburn, yes,” the staffer confirmed. “Captain Solo is scheduled for a dose today. He’ll need it for when we do another rathrar run later.” Another moment of silence, this time longer; and when the staffer spoke again, his voice took on a more panicked pitch. “Oh dear...was I not supposed to say that?”

“Get me the comms to the med center,” Ben demanded. “Now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah....I'm giving Han Solo the Bloodburn Syndrome. I told you there was some canon divergent stuff here.
> 
> To those who haven't read Bloodline, Bloodburn Syndrome was introduced there. As per Wookiepedia:
> 
> Bloodburn Syndrome was a rare, chronic, and often terminal illness of the blood that befell starship pilots. In the most serious cases, fevers would form and graduate in intensity to the point of overheating and death. The precise cause was not known, but it was known to be a result of space travel, appearing most commonly in younger pilots. Pilots found to be affected by bloodburn were commonly grounded.
> 
> A prominent character (not Han) in Bloodline was stated to have Bloodburn and I've always thought "Why the heck would they introduce that disease as a subplot of a secondary character which doesn't even add to the story? Like they could seriously do away with it!" Then I thought...hmm...the disease sounds a lot like something Han would've gotten years ago. And the only reason he's still alive is because of the Force (yeah, I'm one of those who believe Han is force sensitive to a degree). So yeah, I'm putting it here, but it won't be an unnecessary subplot, as you will probably find out in the next chapter. Or the sequel if there's gonna be one. Who knows.
> 
> We also finally have our very first glimpse of Rey's mind :) It won't be the last time we'll have her POV, so I hope you enjoyed this first one.
> 
> As always, thank you to all you readers for your comments and reviews and thoughts of the series! I really appreciate it all and they've been instrumental in helping me churn out these chapters early. Thanks again and until next time!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han Solo had bloodburn. His father had bloodburn. A terminal disease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't going to be a very long chapter, but I hope it's worth your while :)

“You irresponsible, laserbrained, lying moof-milker!”

“I take it you found out, huh?” Han’s voice was casual, almost laughing, and Ben could no longer stop the deluge of curses streaming from his lips.

Han Solo had bloodburn. His father had bloodburn. A terminal disease.

“Now, now, Ben. There’s no need to panic about this.”

“No need to...” Ben dragged a palm across his scalp, fingers curling into a fist in his hair as he bit his tongue to keep himself from cursing even more. “I just learned that Mom was almost killed and now I learn that you’re dying. _And_ that you’re still in the smuggling business. _And_ still flying while you have bloodburn! Flying! The very thing that got you sick in the first place! How can I not panic?”

“Panicking isn’t going to do anything, kid,” Han intoned, and Ben was suddenly reminded of his uncle’s words earlier about there being no point in going into hysterics. “It’s over. I have it. The doctors say I’ve had it for years.”

“Does Mom know?”

“Not yet. The diagnosis was...recent.” Han let out a flurry of muffled coughs, and Ben imagined he’d tried in vain to shield the comlink with a hand. “Sorry about that. Anyway, I went to have a fever checked up a few months back and well...that’s how I found out. I don’t know if I should tell your mother at this point. She has so much on her plate already.”

Ben hesitated to ask the question, but knew he had to. “How long do you have left?”

“It doesn’t matter, Ben.”

“How long?!”

“Six years or less. Longer, if I keep up with the treatment,” Han finally relented, then paused for a moment while everything slowly began to sink into Ben’s head.

Han Solo was dying. His father was dying. And if the prognosis was correct, Han would die before Ben could even reach the age of thirty.

“Probably never going to grow old enough to see my grandkids, huh?” Han chuckled at his own attempt at a joke, and Ben felt a surge of emotions not unlike despair shoot through him.

“That’s not funny, Dad,” he yelled, his eyes already burning. Despite his disappointment and frustrations with his father, he found himself actually...grieving? “That’s not fucking funny!”

“Kid...it’s going to be fine,” Han reassured, and Ben imagined he had on his usual cocksure, if not lopsided grin. “I’m keeping up with my hadeira injections and—”

“But you’re still flying,” Ben pointed out heatedly. “And smuggling...rathtars? Of all things, rathtars?! Do you know the level of stress you’re subjecting your body too? Or are you too stupid to realize that?”

“Look, it’s not like I have long to live anyway. I might as well live my life the way I want it.”

“You know what? Forget it. You’re not going to listen to me anyway so go ahead. _Kill yourself_! See if I care!” Ben ended the call and threw the comlink to the far side of the room, shattering it against the wall. There would be no way he could fix that now but he no longer cared. He wasn’t going to talk to his father ever again. Not after this.

Anger such as he’d never felt before seized his chest, making breathing almost impossible. He began to pace his room, hands clawing at his hair until everything burst forth and he screamed; screamed as Force power exploded from his body, lifting everything in the room, flinging mattresses, tables, shelves, pillows, and bags in every direction. Then he took out his lightsaber, and vented out his frustrations against his belongings, slicing his bed in half, amputating his table and chair, practically slashing at anything within reach.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, someone was yelling for him to stop. But he couldn’t. There was no end to this; no end to the lies, the painful truths. No end to all the suffering. He was going to destroy his room with the same determination the world seemed to have at destroying him.

Just as he was about to make a hole on the wall, he felt small arms encircle his waist, and the warmth of a forehead against his back.

“Ben...please...stop...”

Immediately his hands dropped to his sides, the saber deactivated and falling to the floor. Without another word, he turned around, dropped to his knees and clung on to Rey, sobbing openly against her shoulder, fingers hanging on to the back of her robes. He didn’t know when she had come in, nor did he care. All that mattered was that she was here when he needed her the most, holding him together as he cried torrent upon torrent of long-absent tears.

Rey. She was the one constant in his life; the only one he could bare himself to without fear or shame. The one person who was honest to him despite her life in the academy beginning with a lie, and that made him hold on to her even tighter. He didn’t care anymore if he would have to keep the truth from her. If a broken promise was the price he had to pay to keep her by his side, then so be it. He could never survive this miserable life without her. He knew that now.

It was a while before he stopped crying, and even then she continued to hold him amidst the chaos of the room, laying his head on her lap as his shoulders shuddered with the aftermath of his sobs.

Then, for the first time, he began talking about Han Solo in earnest—how his father used to take him for trips across the galaxy aboard the Millennium Falcon, and how Han would laugh at his fascination towards stars streaking past the cockpit while on hyperdrive. He spoke of the times he saw his father sing to his mother while playing a Corellian String, of the times Han spent teaching him how to box, to speak Wookie, to play Sabacc and how to pilot. Then the monster had begun haunting him relentlessly, and it had pushed Han away to the point wherein he was barely a presence in his life. Ben talked of his frustrations, his disappointments, his resentments, and the truth he had recently uncovered about Han’s condition. That had been the most difficult to talk about of all.

“You love him,” Rey whispered after Ben had finished talking, her fingers running through the dark waves of his hair. “Despite how much you claim to hate him, you actually do love him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be hurting this way.”

Ben couldn’t come up with an answer to that, and so he had simply turned away in silence, fresh tears threatening to spill over but he managed to blink them away.

He felt Rey shift her legs away from beneath him. “W-wait. Where are you going?”

 “To get food for both of us. It’s almost time for dinner.”

“I don’t want to eat,” Ben sulked, pressing the side of his head firmly on Rey’s lap as he curled himself up into a fetal position on the floor. He had no appetite at all.

“You have to eat, Ben.”

“Rey, just...just stay with me. Just let me lie down like this for a while.”

“Ben...”

“Please?”

A long, quiet moment passed before Rey sighed and moved her legs to a more comfortable position for them both. “Alright. There. You happy?”

“As happy as can be given the circumstances.” He turned his head and smiled up at her, then absently reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the tips of his fingers grazing the side of her cheek, his smile fading into a serious line as he said, “I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

He saw the way Rey’s hazel eyes widened, the way her breath seemed to catch in her throat, and for a split second, he thought she was going to break down into tears. But she shook her head and forced his hand back down to his chest.

For several moments, all he did was lay there, his head on Rey’s lap, his eyes mapping the contours of her face as though he hadn’t seen her for years when it had only been two months. But in that time, she seemed to have transformed from a child into the young woman she was now. She was going to be a heartbreaker this one, and his thoughts once again moved towards how many of her suitors he would have to...screen. If she were to have a boyfriend, he was going to make sure whoever that guy would be deserved her.

Then, she began to sing.

 _“Mirror bright shines the moon_  
It’s glow as soft as an ember  
When the moon is mirror bright  
Take this time to remember...”

Her ethereal voice resonated throughout the room, through the havoc he had wrought, and into his heart, his eyes beginning to burn once more.

 _“Those you have loved but are gone_  
Those who kept you so safe and warm  
The mirror bright moon let’s you see  
Those who have ceased to be...”

Calm such as he hadn’t felt in the longest time began to take over him, and he found himself relaxing under the melody of his childhood lullaby, from the warmth of her lap cradling his head, from the gentleness of her fingers running through his scalp.

_“Mirror bright shines the moon  
As fires die to their embers...”_

He was a child once again, using his mother’s lap as a pillow as she sang to him; a nightly ritual long since gone but never failed to lull him to sleep. And it was with the last few lines of the song that he slowly began to drift.

_“Those you loved are with you still  
The moon will help you remember.”_

“I love you, Rey...” he muttered, though he was unsure if he was actually able to articulate the words as sleep came in fast, and his eyes drew to a close, the sheer exhaustion of the day’s events taking its toll, pulling him into deep slumber.

He awoke to the chirping of birds and the brightness of morning sunlight streaming in from between the leaves of a tree. Squinting, he put a hand up to his face, blinking a few times until his vision adjusted enough for him to see that he was on a grassy field by a vast sea peppered with islands and rock formations. Above him was a giant of a tree, its three main branches jutting up to the heavens and spreading out to thinner branches lush with golden leaves and blossoms.

His head was still resting on warm legs, only this time, he realized it wasn’t Rey’s. It belonged to a young woman— _the_ young woman—whom he had seen in dreams and in visions before, and he felt his heart constrict when he caught sight of her face.

He swallowed hard, desperate to find his voice yet hoping he wouldn’t stammer. She was completely mesmerizing, with her brown hair loose on her delicate shoulders and adorned with a flower crown, her gray dress modest yet accentuating her pleasing figure.

Lennett Mha was beautiful. But this young woman right here had the kind of beauty that hit like a lightning bolt; the kind of beauty that somehow went beyond the physical and seared straight into the soul.

It was only after a long while of staring at her that he was finally able to speak. “Are you...an angel?”

She let out a melodious laugh. “No, I’m not.”

He didn’t believe her. She was positively radiating with light, and he reached out to touch her face just so he could prove to himself that she wasn’t an illusion. “Am I...dreaming then?”

Her smile brightened even more than it already was. “Why would you say that?”

“Because...everything here...is just too perfect.”

Again, she let out a laugh. “This isn’t a dream, Ben. Let me prove it to you.”

To his surprise, she leaned down towards him, eyes closed and lips pursed slightly. He felt his heart hammer wildly against his chest before he too closed his eyes and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Then, he opened his eyes and found himself back in his room, a pillow where the woman’s lap had been. He looked around and found that Rey was also gone, a tray of untouched food beside him, his cheek still tingling with something he couldn’t comprehend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So added a bit more fluff for you guys. Hope you enjoyed this :D I certainly enjoyed writing it particularly the part towards the end.
> 
> If you want to hear "Rey" sing, [ here's a video of a 15-year-old Daisy Ridley singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svhoyGL4sHA)
> 
> Now I honestly don't know when the next update will be. Probably not as early as this one, since it looks like I may have some work that I need to pay attention to. Plus I need more time to re-read Bloodline just so I can be sure my timing won't be off in terms of the timeline.
> 
> As always, thank you guys for continuing on this journey with me. I love all your comments, they're a treat to read which is why I do my best to reply to every single one so don't hesitate to throw in your thoughts at the comments section. Love you all and see you all soon!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re awfully quiet today,” he noted, and approached her from behind, which seemed to make her more still than she already was. “Is something wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty long chapter guys, with some necessary reading especially for those who haven't read Bloodline as well as setting up for Ben's eventual opinions as Kylo Ren so just bear with me a bit :)

The next day, Rey helped Ben clean up the mess he had made of his room. She had insisted on doing so despite his protests and so he had little choice but to let her.

As they cleaned in silence, his thoughts once again drifted towards his parents. His mother was reported to be alright, though as he had expected, the Centrists and the Populists were now pointing fingers at each other, hurling accusations and conspiracy theories on the other having masterminded what was now called the Napkin Bombing, named so from the warning his mother had seen handwritten on her table napkin—a warning Leia Organa had heeded and ultimately saved countless lives.

As for Han Solo, Ben opted to not think about him and his predicament too much. Rey was right in that aspect. It hurt to even think about it and he was angry with himself for hurting for the man who was never there when he needed him.

 _“Speaking of Rey...”_ Ben thought as he turned to look at his former roommate, who was using the Force to levitate some of the debris into the trash. They’d been working on the room for almost an hour but she had scarcely said a word. She hadn’t even looked him in the eye when she buzzed his door that morning. “Rey?”

She stopped what she was doing and stiffened, but didn’t turn to look at him. “Y-yes?”

“You’re awfully quiet today,” he noted, and approached her from behind, which seemed to make her more still than she already was. “Is something wrong?”

This time, she did turn around, but kept her head low, her fingers tugging at the hem of her tan robe. “Ben...about last night...”

He raised a quizzical brow. “What about last night?”

His words seemed to startle her into looking up at him, her hazel eyes wide. “You mean...you don’t remember?”

“I remember waking up alone, and that you left a tray of food for me.” Ben continued to study her, folding his arms across his chest and cocking his head to one side. “Why? Was I supposed to remember something?”

“N-no.” She was relieved and disappointed at the same time, though how he knew that, he wasn’t sure. It was a gut feeling he supposed, and it was a strange combination of emotions. “I’m sorry...about leaving you alone like that. I didn’t want to wake you. You looked like you were having a good dream...”

“Yeah...as a matter of fact, I did have a good dream...” he mumbled mostly to himself, his heart skipping a beat when he remembered. That young woman had been so beautiful...and she looked like...

He blinked away from his thoughts and stared at Rey’s face. And the longer he looked at her, the more she seemed to grow uncomfortable.

“What?”

“Rey...do you...still remember your family?”

She shrugged. “Not that much. I mean, I have the holovid of my fourth birthday, but it feels like I’m looking at someone else’s memories, you know?”

That unnerved Ben a little, especially knowing now that the holovid was a fake. He tried not to let it bother him too much. “Do you...happen to recall if you maybe have an older sister?”

Rey frowned. “Why would you even think that?”

“I dunno...just a wild thought,” Ben mumbled, running a finger across a spot on his cheek before moving them across his lips. “But do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Have an older sister.”

“No.” Rey shook her head, then paused for a bit. “At least, I don’t think so. I don’t recall much of my childhood except the memories I have with you.” She looked wistful for a moment before she shook her head and frowned at him once more. “Why are you suddenly asking me this?”

“I...had a dream...” Ben started. “There was this beautiful young woman...”

“Lennett?”

“No. Someone else.” The punch on his shoulder caught him off guard, and he yelped before throwing a glare at Rey. “Hey! What was that for?”

“That’s for dreaming of someone else,” Rey glared back. “You have a girlfriend, for crying out loud! How do you think Lennett’s going to feel if she learns you’re dreaming about another girl?”

“Lennett’s not my girlfriend,” Ben informed, still rubbing his shoulder. Wow, Rey could pack a punch if she really wanted to.

“She’s...not?” Rey sounded surprised, if not incredulous. “But I thought...with you spending months out there...I mean, you told me you really liked her. I would’ve thought you’d pursued her already.”

“You thought wrong.” He sighed, then sank down to the new mattress on the floor before laying down. He was still waiting for the service droids to send over a new bed frame. “For some reason it just...didn’t feel right anymore.”

“I see...” Rey sat down on the mattress next to him, her face turned away so he couldn’t see her expression. “You never really told me what happened out there. During the trials.”

Ben swallowed hard. He was grateful Rey had her face turned away from his, otherwise she would’ve seen the distress in his eyes.  Things had happened so fast, that he hadn’t even rehearsed what he was going to say when she asked.

“A lot of stuff,” he mumbled, trying to grasp for the right words to say. “I’ve had to...kill a few people...” He winced as memories of Yhorhan Barr resurfaced, of truths yet to be spoken, of the lies that had been uncovered. He remembered the sights and smells of cauterized flesh, not unlike those in his nightmares, but had been real and caused by him and his uncle.

It _had_ been _real_. All of it. He had killed people. He was no better than his uncle.

He raised his palms up to his face and planted the heels firmly against his eyes, willing the tears back. He’d killed people. With everything that had happened—his uncle’s involvement in the deaths of Rey’s parents, his mother being injured from the Napkin bombing, his father’s terminal illness—he hadn’t even had time to absorb the fact that he had taken several lives during that one dreadful night in that accursed forest.

There was no elation of victory from that battle; only a sickening feeling knowing that his hands would now never be clean. They were Dark Siders, true; he had killed in self-defense, true; and presumably, they had kidnapped those children, some of which were living happy lives here in the academy. But was that enough justification to take a life?

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He felt his head being lifted and cradled, until he was once again, lying down on Rey’s lap, the familiarity of it quickly soothing him. “It’s okay, Ben. We don’t have to talk about it.”

Her delicate fingers were running through his hair again, and with the heels of his palms covering his eyes, he could just imagine...no, he could actually _feel_ it. That beautiful young woman, her presence permeating the room, making his skin tingle.

Surprised, he lifted his palms away from his eyes but his vision was too blurry to see clearly. He rubbed his eyes free of tears, free of the haze but before he could look again, he heard beeps on his door—override beeps—and the sound of the door sliding open. He turned and saw, through his recovering vision, the shocked face of his uncle, who was flanked by levitating service droids.

Ben shot up to his feet immediately, a bout of unexpected guilt shooting through him. But guilt for what? “Uncle Luke! What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask why the service droids were being called to your room.” Luke answered flatly, then looked around. “I can see why. And what were you two doing exactly?”

Ben didn’t like the note of accusation he heard in his uncle’s voice, and he was about to protest when Rey answered for him.

“We’ve been cleaning,” she said, and stood up next to him. “Then we started talking about his trials...”

Luke shot an alarmed look at his nephew, and Ben let the silence linger on for just a little bit longer than it was supposed to. He was going to take whatever satisfaction he could get at seeing his uncle so distressed, he thought. “I was telling her how difficult it was for me to have killed those people. I mean, you should know. You’ve had no choice but to dirty your hands in the past, right?”

The tension in the room was so thick, one could probably try to slice it with a lightsaber and fail. Clearly unable to find a reply, Luke simply nodded.

“I’ll have a new bed frame brought in later,” Luke muttered, then stalked out of the room as the service droids flew to collect the trash and fix whatever needed to be fixed.

Ben felt a tug on his sleeve and looked down at Rey, whose worry showed on the creases between her brows. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing.” He reached out to grab her hand, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. “Now, let’s go get us some breakfast.”

* * *

Days passed before things started returning to normal. Well, as normal as could be. Things were still quite awkward between Ben and his uncle, though they had somewhat come to a modicum of civility...at least, in front of the other students. Deep down, Ben knew he could never go back to the way things were before the truth about Rey was revealed. He could never forgive his uncle for what he had done; and yet if things hadn’t happened the way they did, he may never have met Rey. Or maybe he would have, in more dire circumstances...perhaps as an enemy...

He shook his head and concentrated again on his datapad. He shouldn’t deal with ‘what ifs’ anymore, he thought. Circumstances were what they were. His uncle killed Rey’s parents. She was with him. But he wasn’t going to use the fact that she practically saved him as an excuse to forgive his uncle. If there were to be forgiveness, it would have to come from Rey.

He flipped through his datapad and continued to browse the holonet. Rey’s thirteenth birthday was coming up in a few days and he wanted to do something extra special for her. Coincidentally, Luke would be away on one of his off world trips on that day too and won’t be back for at least a couple of days, which would give Ben a lot more legroom in terms of the celebration he had planned. And he wouldn’t feel a smidgen of guilt for it.

“Ben?”

Startled, Ben minimized the browsing tab and turned it to political news before raising his head to meet Lennett’s sky blue eyes. “Hey, Lennett. What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you that. I have library duty today.” Lennett set aside the box of datachips she had been holding and sat across Ben, beaming a wide smile his way. “I thought you had a weapons lecture with the younglings.”

“I let them off early,” Ben answered honestly, though he knew his next answer would be a lie, albeit one he could back up. “So I’m just here, reading up on Centrists and Populists. Their ideologies and philosophies and such.”

Lennett clasped her fingers and leaned in closer. Contrary to his expectations, she seemed rather interested. Then again, her father had been a Senator once. “And what did you find?”

“That our current Galactic Senate is in need of a leader.” He tapped his finger on the table, now falling deep in thought about the subject matter. “My mom probably wouldn’t like it, but I think the Centrists are on to something. The Galaxy needs a leader, and a centralized power to unify all worlds. If every world governs itself with nothing to unify them, then that would only lead to chaos. Pretty much the same thing we’re experiencing now.”

To his surprise, Lennett nodded. “Oh, I completely agree.”

“You do? I thought Naboo was a Populist planet.”

“It is. But I’ve come to realize, as did my father, the same faults in our current government which you’ve come to recognize. That’s why he quit the Senate.”

“Shouldn’t he have switched parties instead?” Ben asked, though he wasn’t entirely sure that was even possible.

Lennett’s next words clarified things for him. “Not if the entire population of Naboo can help it. He’d much rather quit than pretend to still believe in the ideals of his party.” She went quiet for a moment, turning every which way as if to make sure no one was in earshot before whispering, “Ben...what do you think of the idea of having an emperor again?”

He was a little surprised at the question, but it wasn’t something new to him. He had asked himself the same question many times before, ever since he began taking a keener interest in Galactic politics—an interest born after the Napkin Bombing that nearly took his mother’s life.

“I think it’s actually a good idea,” he replied, and Lennett beamed. “Provided said emperor isn’t anything like Palpatine. We need an emperor who rules justly. And preferably whose powers and limitations are clearly outlined in the constitution.”

“So it’s not much different from a First Senator, don’t you think?” Lennett pointed out.

“Perhaps,” Ben shrugged. In some ways, she was right. And he guessed this was why the Populists were so resistant to a First Senator. They feared he or she would just turn out to be as tyrannical as Emperor Palpatine. “I just hope the First Senator will be a good one so we can set a precedent.”

Lennett smiled wider and leaned over so close, she was half standing. “I hear your mother has a very good chance at winning.”

Ben backed away in his seat a little. “She does...”

As if sensing his avoidance, she too sat back in her seat. “You don’t sound too happy.”

She didn’t either.

Ben sighed. “It’s just that my mother never really had time for me growing up because of her senatorial duties. If she becomes First Senator, I’ll hardly see her.”

“Ben...we are graduating soon,” Lennett reminded, her face brightening up with an idea. “Maybe you can try for Junior Senator together with me. That way, you can spend more time with your mom.”

“Me? A Senator?” Ben had to laugh, his voice echoing through the empty library and making a service droid shush at him. “I don’t think so.”

Lennett seemed a little miffed, but she was quick to recover into a smile. “Well, what do you plan to do then after we graduate?”

Ben blinked and stared at the browsing tab he had minimized earlier. It hadn’t sunk in to him until that moment how close he was now to graduating. One more trial to go and he would be a full-fledged Jedi Knight and then he would have to leave the academy. Which meant he would have to leave Rey. Unless...

 “Maybe I’ll stay here a few more years,” he mused, fingers itching to click on the minimized tab. “Teach padawans alongside my uncle.”

“Until when?”

“Until Rey graduates.”

Whatever smile Lennett had on faded, and for the first time since he’d known her, Ben bore witness to her anger. “Why are you so attached to that girl? What’s so special about her, anyway?”

 “Rey happens to be like family to me,” Ben shot back, unable to hide his own temper. What in the world was wrong with Lennett today? She wasn’t usually like this, he thought. “She has no one else. If I leave immediately, what’s going to happen to her?”

“Forgive me. That didn’t come out right.” Lennett’s features softened, and she sank back in her chair, shoulders slumped inward. Ben felt his stance against her soften as well. “What I’m trying to say Ben, is that we may not have a say on where we will be assigned to once we become Jedi Knights. We can probably make suggestions, but that’s about it. Master Luke has the final say in all these.”

Ben felt as though his stomach just did a somersault. No, he had not thought about that. Not even entertained the possibility that his uncle may assign him away from Rey. He had become too complacent, believing Luke would never keep them apart. But with their relationship as strained as it was, it was not impossible that Luke may just send him to an outpost in the farthest reaches of the known galaxy.

Then, it came to him. An idea...no, a plan that had been so long in his mind, he literally hit himself in the head. Of course! How could he forget something as important as that? He’d trained Rey for years for it, and she in turn had been working hard for it.

There was no way they’d be apart now. Ever.

With a grin, he pushed himself off his chair and headed out the door.

“Ben, where are you going?”

He didn’t bother to answer Lennett as he exited the library, went down a few steps to the courtyard and headed towards the training room. He’d tapped into the Force and felt Rey there, could practically feel her muscles strain as though they were his own, could feel her spinning, hair and sweat flying as she hit at an invisible enemy.

Yes, he thought. His little padawan was well-trained indeed.

Before he could make the turn towards the pathway that lead to the training room, a frantic voice called out from behind him. “Master Solo, Master Solo! Please, wait!”

Ben paused and turned to see a brown-haired, green-eyed boy run towards him, stopping within an arm’s length of him to catch his breath.

 “You...you’re...” Ben struggled to find the name. He knew who this kid was. Who was he again?

As if reading his thoughts, the boy answered. “Kreio. Kreio Thorsen, sir.”

“Oh, right. Kreio Thorsen.” Ben’s jaw clenched involuntarily, but he did his best to smile. “No need to call me Master. I’m just a Jedi Knight Initiate. What do you want?”

The last statement had come out almost threatening, thought he was sure he hadn’t meant it that way. Still, it was enough to make Kreio more nervous than he clearly was. The boy was all but shaking like a leaf, Ben thought.

“S-Sir, I’m sorry if I’m taking up your time,” Kreio began, “but I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a very long time now.”

“Okay.” Ben folded his arms, a feeling not unlike dread suddenly tugging at the back of his mind. “What is it?”

Kreio hesitated for a while, then took a deep breath and said, “Sir...I would like to formally ask for your permission to court Miss Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it folks. The Centrists want centralized power, and a lot of the Centrists are actually secret supporters of the First Order. Populists on the other hand want every planet to govern themselves. When I initially read the book, I was for Populists but as I went on, I also realized through Ransolm Casterfo that the Centrist Philosophy does hold some merit. Both factions have flaws and benefits. Problem is finding the right balance between the two.
> 
> Anyway, before I bore you guys with all the political talk, yey, we got Kreio Thorsen back! How will Ben react? We shall have to wait and see very soon.
> 
> Oh, one thing I did find out after a re-read is that we're getting pretty close to the big reveal. Probably no more than 2-3 weeks before shit hits the fan but before that happens, there's still a lot more I've got planned for you guys so hope you hang on with me for the ride :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Excuse me?” Ben asked, his tone laced with incredulity as his hands curled into fists and planted themselves on either side of his hips. Did he hear this boy right? “You want to what?”
> 
> “I want to ask your permission to court Miss Rey,” Kreio repeated, his shoulders squared, seemingly bolder now that he had spilled out what he had wanted to say. “I actually asked her first, but she told me that if I was serious, I have to go through you. And sir, I have never been more serious in my entire life.”
> 
> Ben opened his mouth to speak, but finding himself at a loss for words, closed his mouth again. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing; couldn’t believe the audacity of this boy to ask him if he could ask Rey out.

“Excuse me?” Ben asked, his tone laced with incredulity as his hands curled into fists and planted themselves on either side of his hips. Did he hear this boy right? “You want to _what_?”

“I want to ask your permission to court Miss Rey,” Kreio repeated, his shoulders squared, seemingly bolder now that he had spilled out what he had wanted to say. “I actually asked her first, but she told me that if I was serious, I have to go through you. And sir, I have never been more serious in my entire life.”

Ben opened his mouth to speak, but finding himself at a loss for words, closed his mouth again. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing; couldn’t believe the audacity of this boy to ask him if he could ask Rey out.

A surge of emotions so intense welled up inside Ben. Concern. Annoyance. Protectiveness. Anger. Did this kid have some sort of death wish? Yet in all his inner turmoil, his expression did not betray any of what he was feeling. Why that was, he wasn’t entirely sure. Perhaps it was the shock of it. He’d never, in his wildest dreams, imagined anyone would have the guts to stand before him as Kreio Thorsen was doing right now. Through the years, he’d cultivated a reputation not just among his peers, but to their juniors as a volatile and generally disagreeable man. Except when it came to Rey.

Rey. Someone actually wanted to court Rey. _His_ Rey.

Kriff.

“Sir?”

“How old are you again?” Ben practically growled.

“I’m thirteen, sir.”

“Aren’t you a bit too young to even be thinking about going into a relationship?”

“I understand that sir,” Kreio nodded, the brown strands of his bowl cut hair bouncing, “and I fully understand as well that Rey would not give me her answer until she and I are of age.”

“So why the kriff are you asking me this early on?” Ben pressed on. His teeth were beginning to hurt from constant clenching.

“I just want to prove to Rey that I’m serious. That I would brave asking you. And I would like to think that out of all her admirers, I’m the first one to formally ask you.”

Wait...did that mean Rey had many suitors aside from Kreio? The thought made him queasy. Almost sick even, and he began mentally tallying how many graves he would have to dig.

No, no, he shouldn’t think like that. No need to overreact. He just had to keep his cool. Be the adult here and do his duty to protect Rey from heartache, preferably without killing anyone. He just had to make sure this kid wasn’t playing around.

Then again, hadn’t Kreio already taken a giant leap forward by coming up to _the_ Ben Solo and asking a very loaded question? And far as he recalled, especially by what Lennett told him, Kreio was a good kid: studious, well-mannered, though he could be quite timid. But that only added to how serious the boy was. Timid, and yet he had summoned up the courage to do what Rey had told him to in order to prove himself.

Ben felt a grudging sense of admiration grow inside him, but that did little to squelch the irritation throbbing at his temples.

Finally, he asked, “Why Rey? I’m sure there are a lot of other girls in your class. Why single her out, hmm?”

The question seemed to have startled Kreio, and Ben smirked inwardly. If this kid was going to give a litany of Rey’s many attractive features, then a swift ‘NO’ was in order.

But Kreio surprised him yet again. “She’s one of the kindest girls I’ve ever met, sir. She’s smart, very diligent, and always has a ready smile for everyone, even to those who don’t exactly like her.”

“There are people who don’t like Rey?” How could anyone not like Rey?

“Some of our classmates are not...very nice to her,” Kreio spoke carefully, and Ben had a feeling that what he was saying was an understatement. “It was particularly bad when you left for the trials. They don’t seem to like the fact that she’s so close to a senior like yourself, though I don’t understand why they’re saying the things they do. I know for a fact that both of you are like family to each other and nothing more.”

If Ben hadn’t felt sick earlier, he did now, and it was all he could do to fold his arms, warming his cold hands within the sleeves of his tattered black cloak. “How long has this been going on? Them saying those things about her?”

“It’s been going on for years, sir,” Kreio nodded again, this time brushing aside strands of his hair away from his green eyes. “And yet Rey has remained unfazed through it all. She’s very brave. You’ve raised her very well.”

Damn this kid, Ben thought. He wasn’t sure if the kid was genuine or if this was something rehearsed. Because he sure knew which soft spot to hit.

Rey. Rey being bullied because of their closeness. He remembered a few years ago when she had mentioned about some girls in her class whispering nasty things about her, but she hadn’t elaborated nor betrayed that it had bothered her. But had it? It didn’t seem to, just like what Kreio had said. Rey had remained happy through it all.

“Uhm...for what it’s worth,” Kreio added after Ben had remained silent for a while, “I did try to defend her a time or two, but Rey refused. Says she could hold her own, and I believe her.” Then, Kreio’s expression took on a dreamy look. “She’s really the kindest, bravest, sweetest, smartest girl I know. She’s so caring and thoughtful...just beautiful both inside and out. I’ve never met anyone like her.”

Ben’s throat was suddenly dry, and he swallowed hard. Everything Kreio said about Rey was true. Why, if he were Kreio’s age, he would probably...

He shook his head vigorously. Where the kriff did _that_ thought come from?!

“So sir...do I have it?” Kreio asked again. “Your permission to court her, I mean?”

“No. I mean yes. I mean...” Dammit, he couldn’t find fault in the kid. He was just the kind of boy whom he would deem acceptable, and whom he knew wouldn’t dare do anything stupid. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from hesitating. Why the kriff was he hesitating?

Finally, he sighed. “Just...just don’t break her heart. She means...a lot to me.”

“I promise, I won’t sir.” If the sun weren’t up in the skies, it would most certainly have been in Kreio’s wide smile. Ben didn’t know whether to be happy for the kid or to punch the living daylights out of him. “I’ll take care of her. I promise you won’t regret this.”

“I better not,” Ben leaned down, dropped his voice dramatically and said, “or else I’ll break your legs. I mean it.”

Kreio stiffened, but still held his ground. “Y-Yes sir. I understand, sir.”

Ben narrowed his eyes, letting the silence linger for just a few moments. It was only when he saw sweat shining on the boy’s temples that he decided to back off.

“Go.” Ben nodded. “She’s in the training room right now. And whatever her decision may be, you have to respect that, understand?”

“Yes sir.” Kreio did a respectful bow. “Thank you so much for your time, sir. Thank you.”

And with that, Kreio hurried on to the path which led to the training room, Ben’s eyes trained on the boy until he disappeared at a corner.

* * *

Rey spun the wooden staff in her hands, the circular motions giving her an inexplicable sense of calm. Her bare feet slid silently across the shiny wooden floors of the academy’s training room as she switched from one position to the other, still spinning her staff, then positioning it in her hands the way Ben had taught her.

She breathed out evenly, sweat trickling down her temples, pasting strands of her hair to her face. She could feel the heat wafting from her body, the energy—the Force—flowing through her. In these moments of solitary training, she always found the peace that otherwise constantly eluded her in the past few months. Now more than ever, she needed that peace. Needed to still her emotions lest it consume her whole.

Her emotions for Ben.

The mere thought of Ben broke her concentration, and she dropped to her knees, the staff still in her hands. She could feel her muscles shake, her joints throb, her heart beating wildly against her chest.

Tears began to burn in her eyes but she held them back. Ben. Why did it have to be Ben? It would’ve so much simpler if she saw him just as he saw her—only as a sibling. But life, she realized now, was complicated. Sometimes far too complicated for her to bear.

As a child, she had had a silly crush on him. All she had wanted really was to fulfil her dream of becoming a princess. And him being her prince, it was only natural that he should be loyal to her, right? Only natural that she would get jealous of any other girls vying for his attention. Like Lennett Mha.

As the years passed, she had grown out of her dream but not of her crush on Ben. She had hoped she would. Told herself time and time and again that it was just a mere infatuation, that he was the only friend she had, the only one to pay her the attention she needed, which was why she had latched on to him. The feelings would all go away eventually.

But they hadn’t. They only escalated the more she tried to suppress them, and Ben’s thoughtless yet caring words and actions only added fuel to the fire. But it wasn’t until she had seen Lennett kiss Ben’s cheek that she realized she wasn’t just infatuated.

She was in love.

It wasn’t the pain of witnessing the kiss that made her come to that conclusion. It was the fact that she realized she was willing to step aside for Ben’s happiness. To let go of her own happiness for his. To suffer for him.

She was willing to let him go if it meant he would be happy with someone else.

In the past few months of his absence, she had tried to let go. Spent more time with friends—with Kreio—in the hopes that when Ben came back, she would be over him.

She had been wrong. So, so wrong.

His absence had only made her long for him more. Had made her cry night after night after night. And when they had seen each other again, with him spinning her around in his arms like that, it had only made her fall deeper. Even more so when he showed her his vulnerable side. He only ever acted that way around her. She had even given in to her feelings after he muttered that he loved her and stolen a kiss from his cheek that one night while he lay sleeping on her lap. And with him confirming it was over between him and Lennett before it had even begun...

Rey used the Force to put the staff back on the stands before pulling her knees up to her chest, her arms around them as the tears welled up in her eyes. No, she shouldn’t even entertain the possibility. She was too young. She knew it, Ben knew it. The whole world knew it. Ben could and would never see her as anything more than a sister. He had made that very clear for years. But perhaps with a little time, maybe...just maybe...but it was silly to hope. What point would there be to reaching the right age when he couldn’t see her as anything other than family? And he would be graduating very soon. He might be assigned away from her. The only way they could still be together was if he chose to remain in the academy as a teacher. Or...

“Rey?”

Rey hurriedly wiped away unshed tears and stood up to face Kreio Thorsen, hoping her smile would be enough to disguise the fact that she had been close to crying. “Hey, Kreio. Did you come here to spar with me?”

“Actually, I came here to tell you the news.” Kreio hurried on two steps at a time until he was about an arm’s length from Rey, his face bright with a wide smile. “I did it, Rey. I did it, just like you asked.”

Rey’s brows knitted together. “Did it? I don’t understand.”

“I asked him,” Kreio declared, unable to hold back his excitement. “I asked Master Ben if I could court you and he said yes!”

“He...he did?” She tried not to appear crestfallen. But Kreio must’ve seen the way her shoulders fell.

“Rey? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” She chewed on the inside of her lower lip, trying to digest what Kreio had just said. “Ben...actually agreed?”

“Yes. Although he did threaten to break my legs if I break your heart.” Kreio let out a nervous chuckle before his face turned serious. “I promise you Rey, that’s not going to happen. I know we’re both still young but I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes until you’re ready. You’re that special...to me.”

The red in Kreio’s cheeks indicated he hadn’t meant to add the last part, but had gotten carried away, and Rey suddenly felt a bout of guilt wash over her. He was telling the truth. He really did like her, and she could give nothing in return. At least, nothing he would have wanted.

“Kreio...you’re a really nice boy,and I like you, but...” Rey bit her lower lip again before continuing, “I just don’t want you to wait that long for nothing. There are other girls in class who would love to have your affections—”

“But I only have eyes for you,” Kreio insisted, then to Rey’s surprise, took both of her hands in his. “Rey, I really like you. When I’m with you, I just feel...so happy all the time. And I want to spend all my time making you happy too. Making you smile, making you laugh...did I ever tell you how beautiful your laugh is?”

Rey could find no response except to shake her head.

“Well, it is,” Kreio affirmed, clearly thinking she was shaking her head to refute his compliments. “Everything about you is beautiful and I’d be the luckiest guy in the world if you said yes. But like I said, if you think we’re both too young for this, I’m more than willing to wait—”

“It’s not about our age, Kreio.”

“Then what is it?”

Rey looked away and slowly pulled her hands free of Kreio’s grasp before clasping them in front of her. She had to be honest with him. He deserved that much. “There’s...someone else that I like. Someone I’ve liked for a very long time.”

“Oh.” Kreio was silent for a beat. “It’s Master Ben, isn’t it?”

Rey instantly looked up, her eyes wide.

“I suppose I’ve always known.” Kreio’s smile wasn’t mocking. It was however, a little sad. “I mean, I didn’t want to believe it even after hearing the way you talk about him and seeing the way you two were reunited. I mean, he’s...a lot older than us.”

“I know that,” Rey quickly interjected, her eyes burning again at the reminder of her and Ben’s age difference. “And believe me, I’m trying to get over him, but it’s just...so...hard...”

Her voice broke then. She had tried not to let it, and it was all she could do to turn her head and blink her tears away.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She felt the warmth of Kreio’s palms on her shoulders. She didn’t feel intruded. In fact, she welcomed the gesture. “I understand completely.”

“You do?” She looked at him again, her eyes still glassy under the sunlight streaming in from the tall windows. “You don’t think I’m disgusting?”

“No! No, why would I even think that?” That he refuted it so quickly and so heatedly sent a feeling of warmth over Rey. Kreio really was a nice boy. “You’ve known him for far longer and he was the one who took care of you for years. So it’s only understandable that you would fall in love with him.”

“Kreio...”

“I’m still willing to wait, Rey.” This time, Kreio’s smile turned from mournful to reassuring. “If one day...you change your mind about Master Ben, I’ll be waiting on the wings.”

“It might be a long wait.”

“I’m very patient.”

“Yeah, you are.” Rey smiled back, then gently pulled away from Kreio. “Thank you, Kreio.”

“So...does that mean I have a shot?” he ventured, his tone hopeful.

“Maybe...” Rey replied, and was surprised to find she actually meant it.

“Thank you. That’s good enough for me.” Kreio beamed and started heading out, walking backwards so he was still facing her, his green eyes twinkling. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your training. Thank you, Rey. I’ll see you around.” With one last wave, he pivoted and hurried out of the training room. Rey had to laugh at the spring in his steps.

Once he was gone, she walked towards the weapon stands, smiling to herself. Any other guy would have taken rejection hard but Kreio was indeed different from all the other boys. Maybe he really may have a shot, she thought, but she needed to deal with herself first. Needed to get over Ben and—

“Rey?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the voice. She turned and sure enough, saw Ben standing by the open door. “Ben! What are you doing here?”

Ben remained silent. His face was ashen, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly open as if he was about to speak, yet unable to find the words. Rey’s heart lurched to her throat as she realized what might have happened. And when Ben finally spoke, her worst fears came to light.

“Did you just tell that boy that you're in love with me?”

_He knows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Another cliffhanger? Aww you guys know I love cliffhangers :) So Ben hasn't gotten over his recently acquired habit of eavesdropping. So what's going to happen next? Hmmm you'll just have to wait and see.
> 
> The "He knows" line, to those who have read Bloodline, is a call out to what Leia said during the big reveal. I thought I'd use it here as well since that book is one of the cornerstones of this fic.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks as always for your lovely feedback and I'll see you all again in future chapters :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a pretty short chapter compared to the others though, but there will be some much needed plot elements in and a first appearance of a certain character ;)

“Did you just tell that boy that you’re in love with me?”

Time seemed to slow until it eventually stopped, yet Rey could still feel blood rapidly draining away from her face. Her stomach churned, her legs shook and her whole body ran cold. Was this what it felt like to be close to passing out? Maybe it would’ve been better if she did, she thought bitterly, as her panicked eyes focused and unfocused on Ben Solo’s still shocked expression.

 _“He knows. He knows. He heard_ everything _.”_

“Rey...” He took a few steps closer, but thankfully not close enough to touch. She didn’t know if she could take it if he touched her. “Why did you tell Kreio that you’re in love with me?”

Center. She needed to find her center just like she did when she had been training earlier. She needed to concentrate. Needed to...

A wave of calm gently washed over her and she thanked the suns for the idea that whispered in her mind like a gentle breeze.

Time started again, and she stood with confidence, arms folded across her chest and a smirk across her lips. “Isn’t it obvious, Ben?”

Ben blinked, confusion clearly written all over his face. “Obvious? What?”

“Ugh, you’re really dense sometimes.” Rey made a show of rolling her eyes. “I was finding a reason to make him back off. Seems he’s a lot more determined than I thought.”

“So...you’re not in love with me?” Ben ventured. She wasn’t sure what to make of his tone of voice. Or if she could continue to lie her way through this.

Still, she was able to keep her cool and made sure to show him the way she wrinkled her nose. “Me? In love with you? Please, who would want a moof-milker like you?”

“Lennett does.”

The mention of _that_ name put Rey on edge, and it took all her willpower to remain focused. “Of course she does. But I’m not Lennett, am I?”

Ben stared at her, his brown eyes so intense that it made Rey nervous. For a moment, she thought he might be on to her, until he said, “So let me get this straight. You were _using_ me as an _excuse_ to turn him down?”

“Well...” Now that he put it that way, it didn’t exactly sound good, Rey thought. “I...guess?”

Ben folded his arms, his expression severe. “Rey. That’s not very nice.”

“I know it’s not. But I panicked, alright?” she exclaimed, her voice so full of desperation, she even convinced herself of her act. “And he was the one who made the suggestion that I was in love with you,” she said while making quotation marks in the air with her fingers. “I just went with it.”

“Still, you shouldn’t be toying with that boy’s feelings,” Ben continued with a shake of a head. “That’s so...unlike you.”

As if she needed more reasons to feel bad about herself, Rey thought miserably. “I’m not toying with him. I’m just sparing him from the truth. What did you want me to do? Tell him straight out that I don’t like him in that way?”

“Yes. It would’ve been more merciful than giving him false hope.” Again, Ben was using a tone of voice Rey couldn’t comprehend. Was it irritation? Disappointment? Or did she just hear a hint of sadness?

She let out a deep breath and held her hands up as if in surrender. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll go clear things up with him one of these days.”

“Good.” Ben’s eyes searched hers before a smile formed on his lips followed by a chuckle.

Rey arched a brow. “What’s so funny?”

Ben couldn’t stop giggling. “It’s just...don’t you find it hilarious how that kid is stupid enough to assume you’re in love with me? I mean, we only see each other as brother and sister.”

He suddenly burst out laughing, and Rey could only follow him with a soft, if not awkward laugh, her lips twitching as she tried her hardest to keep smiling.

“I’m glad, actually,” Ben said after he had managed to catch his breath. “At least now I know he isn’t so perfect. He’s somewhat of an idiot.”

That irked Rey. “Kreio’s not an idiot!”

If Ben was affected by her outburst, he didn’t show it. “Oh yeah? If he was so smart, he’d know there’s nothing between us.” He moved a finger back and forth as if to gesture what was between them. “I mean, look at us! We’re nothing more than best friends. Practically family. And even if we weren’t, I’m _waaaay_ too old for you. I’m twenty-three and you’re only thirteen...at least, you’re going to be in a two days.”

One blow after the other. Rey didn’t know how she was still standing there with a smile on her face. She had even forgotten her birthday was coming up.

She wasn’t sure if her silence made things awkward for Ben. Maybe it did, because it took a while for him to add, “Speaking of your birthday, I’m going to need you to pack extra clothes on that day.”

“Extra clothes?” Rey repeated, her eyes wide. “Why? Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise,” Ben winked at her. She didn’t remember the last time he ever did that, and she felt her knees buckle a little bit. “Anyway, are you going to be staying here all day?”

“Yeah. I need to train some more.”

“Good. I’ll leave you to it then.” With a small salute and a smirk, Ben began to walk backwards to the door, just like Kreio had done earlier. “If you need me, I’ll be at the library.”

“Studying Jedi Mind Tricks again?” Rey asked. She expected him to confirm it. What she didn’t expect was the sudden faltering of his smile and a flash of distress in his eyes.

“Yeah.” He nodded then turned his back on her as he walked away. “Jedi Mind Tricks.”

Rey watched Ben leave, but it wasn’t until a full minute after he disappeared out the door that she gave in to the weakness in her knees and sank to the floor, sprawling on her back while staring up at the high ceiling. It didn’t take long before sobs shook her shoulders, and she cried from both relief and despair.

* * *

He couldn’t sleep. A couple of days had passed yet he still kept thinking about what he had overheard back in the training room. He really should kick this habit of eavesdropping, he thought. It was only getting him into trouble.

And now he couldn’t stop replaying Kreio’s words in his head.

_“You’ve known him for far longer and he was the one who took care of you for years. So it’s only understandable that you would fall in love with him.”_

And Rey’s.

_“Me? In love with you? Please, who would want a moof-milker like you?”_

A tiny voice within him whispered that Rey was not being entirely truthful, but he didn’t want to believe it. He was not going to doubt Rey’s words. He shouldn’t. But why in the world was this bothering him so much? He’d even gone to the point of saying aloud that Rey wasn’t...couldn’t...shouldn’t be in love with him, and went so far as to list reasons why that shouldn’t be the case. Though if he was convincing her or himself of it...

He growled and turned to his side. If Rey said she wasn’t in love with him, then she wasn’t. End of story. He shouldn’t even give these ridiculous thoughts any more of his precious time. He needed to sleep. Perhaps in the morning, his head would be much clearer...

The buzz on his door made him snap his eyes open, and he groaned when he saw the chronometer. Bad enough it was an ungodly hour, but he’d had only a couple of hours of sleep. Then again, he did tell Rey that they had to leave early, lest they be found. Luke and R2-D2 may be away on some Jedi business, but that didn’t mean tongues won’t start wagging if other padawans saw them leave. Thank the stars there were probably only a couple of people who would notice their absence, and they could be trusted with secrecy.

“Hold on, Rey,” he called, quickly changing from his sleeping robes and into a pair of dark pants and an off-white shirt with a v-collar—not  unlike what his father wore during his younger days—complete with long sleeves which he rolled up to his elbows. Once done, he grabbed his bag of extra clothes and hurried to open the door, only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight of Rey.

It didn’t hit him until that very moment how he had never seen her in anything else other than padawan robes. To see her in something else sent a jolt through his system.

She was wearing a sundress—a yellow one with a frilled collar and skirt, and over her shoulders ,she wore a short-sleeved white jacket of soft-looking fabric. The entire ensemble made her appear luminous in the dark hallway.

“R-Rey! You look...different.” That wasn’t exactly the word he was about to say but it was apt nonetheless.

“Different good or different bad?” Rey pressed on, cocking her head in such a way that Ben had to laugh.

“Different good, definitely.” He closed his door. “Got your clothes ready, birthday girl?”

She turned to show him her backpack. “Got them right here. But where exactly are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” He winked, then reached out to take her hand. “Now let’s go before anyone sees us.”

* * *

Around the same time, in the hallways leading up to the comms room, a service droid ambled along, its directive to leave for the library and do maintenance work on some reported light fixtures issue. It was to be its last task for its shift before it needed to have a maintenance check done on some of its circuitry.

Something caught its eye, and it stopped to assess what it was. A strange bending of light at the corner which led towards the doors of the comms room. Closer inspection would tell its visual mechanism that it saw nothing. Perhaps it really did need to have maintenance done on itself and fast, it thought, as it hurried on to the library, more eager to finish its task at hand.

But light did bend mysteriously at that corner, and continued to do so as the door to the comms room opened by itself. There were no footsteps; not even a breath; only the whooshing sound of the door closing again, and the beeps and whirrs of the comms panel as it came to life without assistance. From behind the comms equipment, something dislodged and floated in the air—a signal jamming device—and settled on to one of the chairs. It would later be lodged back to where it had been secretly tucked away for years, but that would be for much, much later.

Light bended again, and comms numbers were dialled, the connections encrypted so that no record of the call would ever be traced.

Half an hour later, a young Imperial officer with a shock of red hair—not unlike Herron Casthre’s—walked through the dark panelled hallways of a First Order Base. The long line of windows indicated the blizzard was still wreaking havoc, the temperature so low that even the base’s heating system seemed to falter. But this didn’t bother the young man. He was used to the cold.

One more turn, and he opened the door which would take him to a darkened chamber with high ceilings, empty save for the gigantic hologram of a man—or creature—with its face cut up with horrid scars.

“Supreme Leader Snoke,” the young man greeted, taking off his cap to show his respects. “You called for me?”

“General Hux, I believe it is time to gather all of the Knights of Ren,” Supreme Leader Snoke’s voice resonated through the chamber, his tone ominously filled with glee.

“All of them?” General Armitage Hux repeated, trying not to let incredulity seep into his tone. He had never had such a request from the Supreme Leader before, and while he found the task to be daunting, he knew better than to speak his misgivings aloud.

“Yes. All of them,” Snoke affirmed, still in the deep, rumbling voice that never failed to leave Hux with a lump in his throat. “I have just received word from our agent in Skywalker’s academy, and now have reason to expect an addition to our knights very soon.”

“As you wish, Supreme Leader.” Hux bowed and waited for further orders, but Snoke disappeared in a haze of blue, leaving Hux alone in the chamber.

The First Order general put his cap back on and sniffed as he exited the vast room. He could never understand the Force; could never understand the fixation the Supreme Leader had over Force sensitive children, especially those from Skywalker’s academy. But there was one thing he did understand, and wholeheartedly agreed with the Supreme Leader:

_The Empire needed children._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it guys. Rey managed to save the day! I know some of you were expecting that they talk about their feelings, but I've long since planned to extend the fluff for a little bit longer because to be honest, you guys are going to seriously need it. Rey's birthday would probably be one of the last fluff we'll ever see before things happen. Remember that Ben is already at the age where he turns so this is gonna be tough.
> 
> So where is Ben taking her you ask? You'll just have to wait for the next chapter to see :D He's going to make her birthday very special!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this despite it being short. But whoa, did anyone expect to see Hux? I didn't. It wasn't in the outline but the muse wanted him there, so there you have it.
> 
> Thanks again for all the reviews guys, they've been spurring me on to write so thank you. Love you lots and see you in the next chapter!
> 
> PS.  
> The line "The Empire needs children" was spoken by Gallius Rax in the novel "Aftermath: Life Debt" by Chuck Wendig. Gallius Rax is suspected to be the previous identity of Supreme Leader Snoke.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ben, come on. Where are you taking me?”
> 
> “I told you, it’s a surprise.” Ben continued to pull Rey along with him, careful to check every corner of the academy grounds before bolting it for the gate. It was still quite dark, if not a bit chilly, the planet’s sun not even in the horizon, but one can never be too careful. The school had eyes and ears, and even though they both used Force Stealth, there was still the matter of them sneaking out of the academy wearing conspicuously casual clothes and lugging around backpacks. If the other padawans saw them, they might think they were running away together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go guys. Last of the fluff. Plus a wee bit of drama and a dash of romance. Enjoy it while it lasts :)

“Ben, come on. Where are you taking me?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise.” Ben continued to pull Rey along with him, careful to check every corner of the academy grounds before bolting it for the gate. It was still quite dark, if not a bit chilly, the planet’s sun not even in the horizon, but one can never be too careful. The school had eyes and ears, and even though they both used Force Stealth, there was still the matter of them sneaking out of the academy wearing conspicuously casual clothes and lugging around backpacks. If the other padawans saw them, they might think they were running away together...

Ben shook his head inwardly. He must really lack sleep. Or maybe he was still reeling from Rey and Kreio’s conversation in the training room a few days back, even if Rey had only gone along with the boy’s suggestion that she was in love with him.

Still, he didn’t relax until they had gone around the high stone walls surrounding the academy and walked towards two large structures covered in tan tarps which matched the color of the wastes around them. One of the structures was clearly the white shuttle the academy always used during excursions such as Rey and her class’s trip to Coruscant and Ben and his fellow initiates’ cross-galaxy travel for their trials.

Rey tugged at Ben’s hand. “Ben, what exactly are we doing here?”

He grinned at her. “We’ll be flying out of the planet.”

She let go of his hand, and Ben turned to see that she had stopped in her tracks, mouth agape and eyes wide. “F-Flying out? In the academy’s shuttle?”

“No, that one’s garbage.” Ben waved a hand in dismissal of the white ship and held out his hand to the other structure under a tarp. “We’ll be flying out in this.”

One wave of the hand with the use of the Force took down the tarp, revealing the familiar triangular shape of a black starfighter with orange highlights.

Rey gasped. “That’s the academy’s Tandem X-Wing Fighter!”

“Yup!” Ben pulled down the X-Wing’s ladder which led to the two-man cockpit. “The very one you’ll be using for Jedi Piloting Lessons in a year or so.”

“And your uncle’s letting you borrow it?” Rey pursued.

“Uh...yeah.”

“Ben.”

“Without permission.” Ben clarified with an impish grin. “I’m borrowing it without permission but fully intend on returning it. Besides, he won’t be back for a week. He won’t find out.”

Rey folded her arms, clearly not amused. “Ben, I don’t want you to get into trouble for this.”

“What if I tell you...” he reached into his backpack and took out a helmet, “...that you get to pilot it?”

Ben could have laughed at the way Rey’s face twitched as she tried her hardest not to smile, but he held himself together until he finally burst out laughing when she grabbed the helmet and put it on.

After putting on his own helmet, he helped her up the ladder’s steps before climbing to the seat behind hers, cloaking the ship with the Force to avoid detection.

He saw Rey put on her seatbelts and grab the controls of the inert ship, turning it every which way as if she was dodging asteroids. Her excitement was infectious, and even when she voiced out her doubts, Ben’s own excitement refused to wane. “You sure you want me to do this, Ben? I’ve never flown a real starfighter before.”

“You got perfect scores in the sim. I’m sure you’ll do fine.” He reached out to pat her on the shoulder. “I trust you.”

Rey’s laugh was shaky. “Yeah, sure, no pressure.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back,” he assured and sat back in his chair to put on his own seatbelts. “Now close the hatch and start the engine.”

From behind the cockpit, he saw her helmet bob as she nodded and began pressing buttons, flipping switches and pulling levers.

As he expected, she did almost everything to perfection, though the ship did hover uncertainly for a few moments before Rey got her confidence and sent the starfighter out into the wastes, up to the skies and minutes later, out of the planet’s atmosphere.

“I’ve input the coordinates,” he called. “Ready to go into hyperdrive?”

“Ready!” Bleeps and clicks resounded in the cockpit as Rey manned her console before putting her hand on a lever. “Going to hyperdrive in three...two...one!”

One strong pull of the lever, and the stars elongated until they became streaks and blue and white tunnelling around the X-Wing. Rey took out her holorecorder and turned every which way to take holovids of hyperspace, and even with her helmet on, Ben could see the exhilaration on her face.

He propped his face up with a palm and grinned. He loved seeing the world through her eyes, and it made him happy to see her happy. Which was why he was going to make sure she had the best birthday ever.

Minutes later, Ben heard the expected ping from the machine. “We’re almost there, Rey. Prepare to move out of hyperdrive.”

“Okay.” Rey took to the controls again. “Moving out of hyperdrive in three...two...one!”

A push of the lever, and the stars went back to their original positions. A planet appeared before them, its colors a mixture of azure, green and white.

“Wow...” Rey breathed. “What is this place?”

“This, my dear, is Spira, one of the prime resort destinations in the entire galaxy,” Ben presented with as much mock haughtiness in his voice while pressing a few buttons on his console.

“Are we even allowed to enter their airspace?” Rey asked worriedly.

“It’s fine,” he assured. “I already sent a request for entry. We’ve been granted.”

“Just like that?”

“Well...my family owns an island.”

Rey gasped. “Your family owns an entire island?”

“Let’s just say having wealthy parents does have its perks.” He shrugged and flicked a few more switches. “Coordinates have been set for the island. Take us there, Rey.”

The X-Wing dove into Spira’s atmosphere, momentarily heating up and growing heavy as the planet’s gravity pulled them in before Rey managed to straighten the flight path.

Ben continued to watch her as far as his seatbelt allowed him to lean. She appeared completely enthralled by all the green, rocky islands which shot up over vast, azure seas, and it showed in the way she manned the starfighter with one hand while recording the scenery on holo with the other. Friendly-looking silver creatures jumped over the waves as she made the X-Wing cruise a few feet off the water, creating sprays in its wake. She took holovids of the creatures too.

Then, in the distance, was the island. It was just as Ben remembered it—with a pristine white beach, a white, domed beach house snug between sea trees, and a rocky outcrop about a hundred or so feet high peppered with green sea plants and shrubs.

He sucked in a breath. It had been so long since he last went here with family. This was one of the few places he had great memories with them, and he wanted to make sure his and Rey’s time here would be memorable too.

By the time they got to the island, Rey’s confidence as a pilot had grown enough for her to land the X-Wing perfectly. It was already mid-morning in this equatorial area of Spira, so the sun was already high in the skies, but not too high as to be too hot, its rays tinting the seas with golden white sparkles.

“Beautiful,” Rey murmured after they had disembarked and taken off their helmets.

“Yeah.” Ben joined her shortly by the shoreline and looked at her, smiling at the way the water’s reflection played with her face. “Beautiful.”

Rey returned his gaze, but not his smile. Instead, her face seemed to color deeply before she pulled her arm back and punched him on the side.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“That’s for lying to me about owning an island.” Rey jabbed at where she had punched him, and Ben yelped.

“What? I never lied to you,” he refuted. “I just never told you.”

“Lying by omission is still lying.”

That stopped him cold. He hadn’t counted on any reminders that he was still keeping secrets from Rey—secrets far greater and far more devastating...

“Ben?” Rey touched him on the side again, but this time more gently. “What is it?”

“Nothing. It’s just...we have a whole day ahead of us here.” Ben beamed at her, then proceeded to take off his shoes. When he started taking off his shirt, however...

“Ben!” Rey shrieked. “What in the world are you doing?!”

Ben took off the rest of his shirt and turned to see Rey red-faced and covering her eyes with her hands, her fingers still wide apart for him to see most of her face. “What? I’m going for a swim.”

“P-P-Put your sh-shirt back on!” Rey stammered and swiftly turned around. “You look d-disgusting!”

“Disgusting?” Ben looked down at himself and felt his heart sink. “But I worked hard to have this body. And when did me being shirtless bother you?”

“Just put your shirt back on already!”

“But it would be weird swimming fully-clothed—”

“It’s my birthday and what I say goes!”

“Fine.” Ben put his shirt back on in a huff. He wasn’t going to lie; he was genuinely hurt. He’d worked out for years to achieve the kind of body he had now. Isn’t this what girls liked? Not that he was trying to impress Rey or anything, but...

He shook his head and headed for the shore, turning around only when he was waist-deep in water. “Come on in, the water’s cool!”

Rey turned to face him. Even from the short distance between them, Ben could see that she was still blushing. “I...I can’t.”

“Rey, I’ve got my shirt back on and—”

“I can’t swim.”

That gave him a pause. “Wait...you can’t swim?”

“You never taught me how,” Rey reminded, and Ben’s lips formed into a small ‘o’. She was right, he hadn’t taught her how to swim. It wasn’t as though there was a pond or nearby sea in the academy which the padawans could frolic around in during their break time. And they had never really talked about the subject of swimming.

“Go change in the beach house then.” He pointed towards the domed house near the trees. “I’ll teach you how to swim.”

“I don’t want to learn how to swim right now, okay?” Rey made a show of stomping a foot, her voice still a tad shrill. “I just want breakfast.”

“Fine. Whatever you want.” He exhaled loudly, and with one last look at Rey, headed further out into the water.

* * *

Rey watched as Ben waded through the water before he dove under the waves. She wasn’t sure if he was mad at her, but for the moment, she honestly didn’t care. She needed the time to collect herself. To purge her thoughts of the image of him—how the sun seemed to gleam a golden glow over every single one of his muscles, how it painted lights and shadows across the contours of his toned body and—

“Gah!” Rey screamed into the air and started kicking sand. What in the world was wrong with her? It wasn’t as though she hadn’t seen Ben shirtless. He used to change shirts in front of her when she was younger, and back then she had teased him mercilessly because he looked like a stick. Come to think of it, that must’ve been why he had taken to dressing in the privacy of the ‘fresher they once shared. Except now, he didn’t look like a stick. He looked...

_“Glorious.”_

“Aaah!” Rey slapped her cheeks with both hands repeatedly, making them redder than they already were. She needed to stop thinking about that. Think of him with that baggy shirt on. Yes, that’s it. Imagine he was still a stick underneath that layer of clothing and...

A distant splash made her turn towards the water, only to find Ben emerging from the waves, hair plastered to his face, droplets of water glittering around his head like a halo, and his shirt—his white, baggy shirt—wet and pasted over the muscles of his torso that she had tried so desperately to forget.

Now this new image was seared in her head, and it didn’t help when Ben reached out with a hand to comb his hair back over his head. Even his large ears couldn’t take away from the fact that he looked positively beautiful coming out of the water like that.

Wait. Did she just call Ben beautiful?

 She felt her teeth clench behind closed lips. She should tell him to change. She should tell him to dry up. But it was no use. All she could do was stare as he waded through the water, soaking wet and beaming as though he was the sun.

She squeaked when she saw the large, flat purple fish in his other hand. “What in the world is that?”

“It’s breakfast.” Ben shook the unmoving fish by the tail. It seemed it was already dead, though how that happened, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“How’d you manage to catch it?” Rey’s eyes moved over the impressive beast, which was about half her size. This could actually be for two whole meals for both of them!

“My uncle Chewie taught me, back when the family used to go on vacation here.” Ben’s smile turned wistful, as though he were reliving a memory. “These chareebuts have a weakness. Flip them over and they’re basically immobile. Anyway, there are service droids in the beach house. Activate them and tell them to come and prepare chareebut stew for us.”

Rey did as she was told, though aside from bringing the droids back with her, she also brought Ben a towel. At least now, he would be a little dry, and maybe a little covered up, she thought.

While the droids prepared breakfast, Rey and Ben spent the time searching for mussels to add to the stew. Ben, she found, was quite knowledgeable on which ones would taste great with the stew, which ones wouldn’t and which ones were downright poisonous. The highlight for Rey was finding different colored and patterned shells, which she eagerly collected. She could make a necklace or a bracelet from these as remembrance of the day. Maybe she could give one to Ben too.

Later, after a sumptuous meal of chareebut stew and mussels, Ben laid out a mat and a large umbrella on the beach for them to laze around on. Conversation flowed freely until Ben, perhaps from being too full, suddenly dozed off mid-sentence. It irked Rey, but what annoyed her even more was how peaceful he looked in his sleep: how utterly magnificent he was, with his drying hair curling at the ends, and his toned chest—still under a soaked shirt—rising and falling with his breaths.

She buried him neck deep in sand and made sure to record the process. That’s what he got for sleeping on a conversation with her and for being so damned distracting.

It wasn’t until Rey had put on the last of the two ample mounds of sand breasts on his chest area that Ben woke up, saw what she did and broke out of the sand to chase after her. She squealed as she ran, brown hair and yellow skirt flying until he managed to grab her from behind and spun her around, laughingly threatening to throw her out to sea for what she did.

It was an endless day of smiles and laughter. Ben was a lot jollier than usual, and had really prepared for her birthday. He even had the droids take out a layer of chocolate cake for her, and if the words on the cake hadn’t spelled out ‘Happy Birthday to the best sister in the world’, it would’ve been perfect.

“So, what did you wish for?” Ben asked after she blew out all thirteen candles. He was the one who held the holorecorder this time.

“I wished you would stop treating me like your baby sister,” she said with a laugh, but in truth, meant every word.

Ben only rolled his eyes. “You know it’s not going to come true if you say the wish out loud right?”

“It’s not going to come true, anyway. You’ll always think of me as a baby.” Rey stuck her tongue out. How she managed to keep tears at bay, she didn’t know, but she was glad for it. Maybe she was growing up.

“I can’t help it,” Ben protested between mouthfuls of cake. Rey suddenly found herself interested in the streak of chocolate icing at the corner of his mouth. “I raised you. It’s kind of hard seeing you grow up, you know?”

“You’re the one who needs growing up.” Unable to restrain herself any longer, she took one of the napkins and began wiping the chocolate from Ben’s mouth. “You eat cake like a five-year-old.”

She continued to wipe his mouth with the napkin, her eyes so focused on his full lips that it wasn’t until later that she realized how silent Ben had become.

She quickly took her hand away. “There. All clean,” she muttered without looking at him. She could feel her face starting to grow hot again, and not just from the late afternoon sun. Did she overstep her bounds?

“I’m gonna go for another swim,” Ben suddenly announced, and without another word, set the holorecorder aside and hurried towards the water, Rey staring silently after him as he dove and once again disappeared under the waves.

* * *

Ben dove down deep until his ears hurt. He didn’t know what the kriff was going on anymore. Why his heart was beating so fast around Rey today. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he was afraid. But afraid of what?

A flash of light from below caught his eye, and to his utter shock, he saw a young woman in what appeared to be a gray tunic and pants, unconscious and floating deeper into the abyss.

Without a second thought, he dove down after her, kicking as hard as he could and stretching his arms out to her, the need to reach her overwhelming his own sense of self-preservation.

_I lost you once. I’m not about to lose you again._

He shook his head and blinked hard, and found himself already at the sandy bottom, alone with only the fish and corals for company. There was no young woman. No voice inside his head. Only the relative silence of the sea.

His lungs burned and he kicked his way up, gasping when he broke through the surface. What in the world was that? A hallucination? A vision? Either he still lacked sleep or he was down there too long that the lack of oxygen was playing tricks on his senses.

He treaded through the water, making sure that indeed there was no young woman in need of rescuing before he headed back to shore, where he found Rey, knee-deep in the water, hands clasped to her chest and worry etched on her face.

“Rey...”

“You idiot!” She ran splashing towards him to waist-deep water and punched him in the gut again. “You scared me half to death!”

“Ow...what?”

“You were down there so long, I thought you drowned,” Rey cried out, tears springing from her eyes. “I was...so...worried.”

“Hey, hey, I’m fine, see?” He put his hands on her shoulders but she swatted them away. “Rey, come on, don’t be mad at me, please?”

She wiped her tears but refused to look at him. He cajoled some more but it seemed she would have none of it.

Finally, he sighed. “Look...if it’ll help you forgive me, I still have one last surprise for you. Something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a very long time.”

That got her attention, and she finally turned to him, the sunset reflecting in the hazel of her eyes. He would have preferred a better setting to ask her this, perhaps under the umbrella on the beach; instead they were both standing in the water, the waves lapping around them making them unsteady on their feet.

“Remember how I promised you that we’d be together forever?” he began, and her glassy eyes widened before she looked away again.

“Nothing’s forever, Ben.” She shook her head. “Once you pass the final trial and become a knight, you’ll have no choice but to leave me. We both know that.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Taking on a serious look, he leaned down and held her shoulders to make her look at him. “Rey, I want you to be my apprentice.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“B-But...you’re not yet a Jedi Knight.”

“I will be. Very soon, I will be.” Ben felt his grip on Rey’s shoulders tighten a bit when he saw the beginnings of a smile on her face. “And I get to choose a padawan to be my apprentice, provided said padawan agrees of course. Then Uncle Luke will _have_ to let me take my apprentice everywhere with me.”

“Ben...”

“Be my apprentice, Rey,” Ben implored, “and you will never want for a family ever again.”

The teary answer came in a heartbeat. “Yes. Yes, Ben, I will.”

Suddenly teary-eyed himself, Ben picked up Rey and held her in a long embrace. This was it, he thought. This was his final gift to her—the gift of family, and he couldn’t even remember a time when he had been happier. Couldn’t remember when he had last felt this way. He felt...

Different. Something was different.

He pulled back to look into Rey’s eyes, only to find himself staring into the hazel eyes of a young woman.

The young woman from his visions.

The young woman who had cradled his head and kissed him in his dream.

The young woman he had seen floating underwater earlier.

_The young woman who looked astonishingly like Rey._

She beamed a smile that made his heart race and slow all at once, and she started to lean forward towards him when he heard voices call out from the shore.

“Mommy! Daddy! Wait for us!”

Children. A boy and a girl, each with waves of dark hair like his, but with the combined features of himself and the young woman before him.

_His children._

Ben gasped and backed away, finding that Rey was backing away from him as well, her sundress soaked, her brown hair flying along with the strong sea breeze, her eyes wide with an expression he couldn’t define.

It was Rey who spoke first, her voice barely above a whisper. “What was that?”

Ben swallowed hard and tried to find his voice but couldn’t. Why was Rey asking that? Could it be...that she saw what he saw?

He watched Rey open her lips as if to speak, and he waited for her to talk but she only gasped and covered her mouth. He was about to ask what was wrong when he sensed a presence behind him. A familiar one.

An angry one.

Slowly, he turned around, and all the feeling left his body at the sight of Luke Skywalker waiting for them on the shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spira is a beautiful resort planet, though it is currenly available only in Legends. Chareebut is a made up fish because I couldn't find a Star Wars fish that I'd like to use and that is accurately in the planet Spira. Just imagine a purple Halibut but with the tonic immobility of a shark LOL.
> 
> As you see, there are some references here to TFA but I also have taken a few lines from Disney movies such as the little mermaid (I lost her once, I'm not gonna lose her again). There's also reference to some possible Episode 8 spoilers (and maybe Episode 9?).
> 
> Far as I know, there is now such thing as a Tandem X-Wing fighter, although it is part of a phantom toy, never produced. But it would make sense to me that Luke would have one that's a two-seater for Jedi Piloting skills.
> 
> So there it is, Ben's plan to keep Rey with him. Far as my research went, a Jedi Knight can either choose from a crop of padawans for an apprentice, or the council has one thrust upon them (like what happened to Anakin and Ahsoka). In the case of this fic, Jedi Knights are allowed to choose, and in so doing, Ben will be able to keep Rey by his side for at least another 10 years until she too becomes a Jedi Knight...but we all know shit's gonna go down very soon since this is a canon compliant fic. So I hope you enjoyed this one last feel good ride and continue to join me as we go on our descent into darkness. I'm not even going to mince words for you guys. I've tried to extend the fluff and the romance and stuff for as much as I can. It's time to face facts that we will be heading down the dark path now, and I hope you will continue to stay on the ride with me.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your continued readership and see you in the next instalment!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say the ride home back to the academy was awkward would be a complete understatement. In fact, it was so uncomfortable that even though Ben and Rey rode on the Tandem X-Wing and Luke on his old X-Wing together with R2-D2, they remained as quiet as the reprimanded children they technically were.

To say the ride home back to the academy was awkward would be a complete understatement. In fact, it was so uncomfortable that even though Ben and Rey rode on the Tandem X-Wing and Luke on his old X-Wing together with R2-D2, they remained as quiet as the reprimanded children they technically were.

As Ben sat back and contemplated in the pilot’s seat, he began to wonder exactly how Luke had found them. His uncle had certainly taken great pains to cloak his X-Wing with the Force while he landed on the other side of the island, which meant he had intended on being discreet about the discovery until he saw them out at sea in an embrace.

Ben swallowed hard, not even daring to look at Rey, who continued to sit in silence behind him in the co-pilot’s seat. It had been an innocent embrace—one that expressed how happy he had been of Rey accepting his offer to be his apprentice, but he could also understand why it would appear...less than innocent to other people’s eyes. But why was he even considering that as a possible reasoning behind his uncle’s obvious anger? There were worse things he did, like stealing the Tandem X-Wing and flying out of the planet without permission. Why should he even consider the embrace they shared—the innocent embrace—as a reason behind Luke’s rage?

Still, the most pressing question was how in the world Luke found out about the trip to Spira in the first place. Ben hadn’t told a soul, and he was sure Rey hadn’t either, being that she had no idea where they would be going in the first place. He had also taken the precaution of checking the X-Wing for trackers and had found the starfighter to be clean.

Luke’s voice came through the comms, making Ben jump. “Ready to move out of hyperdrive.”

“Yes, sir,” Ben answered in a voice smaller than he had intended and pushed the lever to pull them out of hyperspace. The academy’s home planet materialized before them—all tan with distant blues and specks of white. Nothing at all like the beauty of Spira, but it had been home for the last eight years, though it will cease to be home once he passed the final trial.

Ben’s fingers tightened around the controls as he followed his uncle’s X-Wing into the planet’s atmosphere. He’d never intended to be a Jedi Knight when he first started in the academy, but after today, he could not have wanted anything more. Freedom, adventure, and Rey at his side, with no uncle to suddenly pop out of nowhere with a condescending look on his wrinkled face.

After landing, Ben helped Rey down the Tandem X-Wing before hauling their bags down. They had since changed into dry clothes—him in another shirt and pants, her in the padawan robes he didn’t even know she had brought with her. But on hindsight, that was actually clever of her. At least now she could slip into the academy without anyone asking questions, and he wished he’d thought about that instead of wearing casual clothes.

He handed Rey her backpack while he slung his own bag over his shoulder and started following Luke through the gates. On instinct, he reached out for Rey’s hand, and she instantly clasped his, her grip tight. He could practically sense her fear of what was to come, and he squeezed back to reassure her. He wasn’t going to let her get into trouble, he thought. He was going to take the fall for this. For her.

They stopped when Luke stopped in the middle of the courtyard. Ben watched his uncle turn towards them, blue eyes over his and Rey’s intertwined hands before he looked at his nephew with an expression Ben could only describe as cold.

“Rey, go back to your room,” Luke said sternly. “I will need to speak to Ben alone.”

“Master Luke, I was the one who agreed to—”

“Don’t even try to cover for him,” Luke snapped at Rey, and Ben clenched his teeth. He had never seen his uncle so angry. Not just disappointed, but really angry. “Now, go.”

Rey stiffened for a moment, then with a slight bow of the head, ran towards the academy buildings and towards the path leading to the padawan quarters.

“Ben, follow me.” Luke gestured with his head and stormed into another part of the academy buildings. Ben followed suit, lengthening his strides yet never really able to catch up to Luke. How fast can this old man walk anyway?

They reached a part of the academy Ben had never been to before, but when he realized where they were headed, he felt himself grow cold.

They were headed towards Luke’s office quarters—a place padawans only ever go to when they were really in trouble. Herron Casthre and his lackeys had been there multiple times, and though they never spoke of their experiences, it couldn’t have been good, Ben thought.

After climbing up a short flight of winding stairs and going through a narrow hallway, they reached Luke’s quarters, which if one thought about it, was actually more of the headmaster’s office. What would have once been a sitting room had been converted into such, complete with an office desk, an office chair, and a shelf of data cubes. Hanging on one part of the wall were medals and plaques dedicated to Luke’s service during the war, and on the other side of the room was a shelf of what appeared to be old Jedi relics. To the left of the desk was another gray door, which Ben assumed led to his uncle’s bedroom.

“Sit.” Luke pointed to one of the chairs in front of the desk, and Ben immediately took it. He watched as his uncle took off his gray cloak and placed it haphazardly on the desk before pacing the room, his white robes billowing as he walked.

Finally, Luke stopped pacing and faced Ben, who had pressed his lips so tightly together that it formed a thin, pale line across his face. He fully expected the Jedi Master to start lashing out at him for stealing the Tandem X-Wing, but instead, Luke began asking about the one thing Ben had hoped he wouldn’t. “Tell me...exactly what were you doing with that _child_ out in the water?”

He didn’t like the way his uncle stressed the word ‘child’. “We were celebrating because she just agreed to be my apprentice once I become a Knight.”

“Apprentice?” Luke’s voice was soft, but he might as well have roared. He shook his head. “No. Not Rey. I won’t allow it.”

“Why the kriff not?!” Ben shot up to his feet, his heart suddenly racing, his blood suddenly hot and boiling. “Jedi Knights are allowed to choose their apprentices from among padawans. You said so yourself!”

“Yes, but I’m not blind or deaf, Ben. What you have with Rey is...inappropriate.”

 _Inappropriate._ The word rang over and over in Ben’s head, and he found himself clenching his teeth and fists at the same time. “Which part is inappropriate? The embrace we shared out at sea? We weren’t doing anything wrong! Why, even Grandfather had a young girl for an apprentice yet no one batted an eye!”

“Your grandfather was married,” Luke reminded.

“The rest of the galaxy didn’t know that back then and they still didn’t judge him the way you’re judging me right now!” Ben spat. “Damn you and your stupid Jedi ways! There’s nothing malicious about what we’re doing!”

“You’re a grown man, Ben,” Luke seethed, swiping the air with a finger. “And you’ve grown far too attached to Rey that it’s borderline unhealthy.”

“You’re one to talk!” Ben yelled back. He could feel the muscles in his neck tightening, and it was all he could do to stop himself from throwing things around. “Who encouraged me to take care of her when she was young? Who pushed her into my guidance, encouraged me to take her under my wing? Who willingly allowed her to move in with me? You! And now you’re going to fault me for being too attached to her?”

Luke shook his head. “No. What I’m faulting you for is indecency! She is a child, Ben. A child! And you’re a grown man!”

Ben took a step back. For a moment, he couldn’t feel anything. The shock of Luke’s accusation—his own uncle’s accusation—was numbing. “You...you think that I...that I...to her...”

“The other padawans have been talking,” Luke cut in when Ben couldn’t manage to string together a coherent sentence. “Seems you two are far too close. And that you went to Spira together...”

Ben blinked. “How did you know about Spira?”

“It doesn’t matter how I know.” Luke shook his head then folded his arms, his face a mirror of austerity. “Now you go and tell that child that you will not be taking her in for an apprentice on my orders.”

A myriad of expletives crossed Ben’s mind but none of them made it to his lips. What did make it was a growl loud enough to make Luke stand up straighter.

“You really don’t trust me, do you Uncle Luke?” he snarled, his teeth barred. “You’d rather believe gossipmongers over your own nephew. I should’ve known you’d be no better than Mom or Dad.”

That clearly got to Luke. “Ben, that’s not what I’m trying to—”

“Or is it because you’re afraid of me, that you don’t trust me?” Ben interrupted, shoulders hunched as he made his approach to his uncle like a predator stalking its prey. “You’re afraid that I’ll slip and tell Rey all your dirty little secrets. Is that it?”

“Are you trying to blackmail me?” Luke demanded, though his voice wavered.

“No.” Ben shook his head, eyes blazing. “I’m just reminding you of the horrid thing you did to Rey. I’m only doing what’s best for her: giving her a chance to have a family. Family _you_ took away from her!”

“Fine, you’re going to continue using that against me?” Luke stormed, which made Ben take a step back. There was renewed power in his uncle’s voice, renewed anger that he didn’t expect. “I told you I had to do what I had to do. It was either them or me. But since you’re so hell bent on bringing up the subject, go ahead. Tell Rey! Tell her that I was the one who killed her parents and manipulated her memories. But know this, Ben. It’s not me you’re going to be hurting. It’s her!”

Whatever strength his anger had afforded him left Ben, and his shoulders fell as his fingers and teeth unclenched.

He’d lost. He’d lost his ace. Luke was right. Telling Rey the truth would only hurt her. It would hurt her far more than not being his apprentice.

He was not going to be allowed to have her as his apprentice.

The realization hit him like a tidal wave, and Ben could do nothing more except run out of his uncle’s office and shut his ears out to everything but his own thoughts.

* * *

 

She was going to be Ben’s apprentice.

That was the one thought that had been thrumming in Rey’s mind ever since they left Spira. Certainly, she was concerned for Ben’s situation with his uncle, but at the same time, she couldn’t stop thinking about how he had asked her—how utterly perfect it was, with them standing in the sea, the waves lapping gently around them, the sun setting in the horizon and bathing them in golden light as he asked her to basically be with him for life. It felt almost like...

... _a marriage proposal._

Rey squealed and began rolling around on her bed like a lovesick teenager. Which she was, she thought giddily. The way he had smiled when she said yes, the gentleness and warmth of his embrace...everything had been so perfect if not for Master Luke’s presence.

Then, there was that vision...

Rey shook her head inwardly. Probably just her overactive imagination. Not that she hadn’t pictured a scene like that before, but it had felt so real that she’d blurted out to ask what it was. Why, it felt almost like a memory...

 _A memory_...

Rey patted her pockets, her eyes widening to find them empty. She quickly sat up and began searching through the pillows and covers before grabbing her backpack and rummaging frantically through the contents. Where in the world was her holorecorder? She didn’t leave it in Spira, did she? All those memories in there...

_Her video logs._

Her door suddenly buzzed, and she almost jumped out of her skin. “Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

Ben. Rey couldn’t have gotten out of bed fast enough to open the door but her smile quickly faded when she saw his face. “Ben? Are you—”

“No, I’m not,” Ben answered before she could finish her question and stepped inside. She closed the door and watched as he paced her room and chewed on the nail of his thumb. She’d never seen him do that before.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go very well?” she ventured, and stepped closer. To her surprise, Ben whirled around and knelt to pull her into an embrace so tight, she could barely breathe. “B-Ben...”

“I don’t give a bantha’s ass what Uncle Luke or other people think,” he muttered into her hair. She could feel the warmth of his agitated breaths against her ear. “We’re not doing anything wrong. And you’re going to be my apprentice whether he likes it or not, got it?”

Rey’s heart sank. “So...Master Luke doesn’t want me to be your apprentice?”

Ben didn’t answer. Not immediately, and Rey could feel the tears springing from her eyes. She couldn’t believe it. For years, she had trained so she would be chosen as Ben’s apprentice, and she had been so happy earlier but now...

“Hey.” Ben pulled back and cupped her face, his palms warm against her cold cheeks. “It’s going to be fine, okay? He’s not going to break us apart. I promise.”

 Rey could only nod and nestle her cheeks between his palms some more. The feel of his hands cupping her face had a calming effect, and she once again, allowed herself to believe that they would be together forever. It was the only future she would and could accept.

After one more hug, Ben pulled away. “Anyway, it’s getting late. And I better head out before Uncle Luke catches us and says something again.”

Rey didn’t even want to ask about the things Master Luke might have said. For the moment at least, she would rather remain safe and sound in her bubble of happiness. No one, not even Master Luke was going to ruin the remainder of her birthday.

Ben said his good night and headed out the door when Rey remembered something. “Oh, Ben, can you check in your bag to see if my holorecorder is there? I can’t find it.”

“Sure thing,” he beamed and winked at her, and in that moment, Rey summoned all the courage she could muster to hurry to his side, pull him down and kiss his cheek.

“Thank you for a wonderful birthday, Ben.”

Ben didn’t respond. Only nodded and gave her one last sideways hug before exiting the room.

* * *

Ben tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn’t sleep. So much had happened that day and his confrontation with his uncle had shaken him to the core.

Then there was that unexpected kiss from Rey.

He reached up to absently touch his cheek. Alarming was the best way he could describe the kiss, and not just because she had never done anything like that before.  It had certainly sent an indescribable feeling through him when it shouldn’t, but what unsettled him the most was the fact that the kiss had felt _familiar_.

Growling in frustration, he turned to his side and felt something poke him in the hip. He reached down his pocket for whatever it was and found Rey’s holorecorder. Huh. He must’ve grabbed it from the mat back in Spira after he had to pack up in a huff.

Thunder rumbled from outside—a prelude to an unexpected storm in a planet known for its long, dry seasons. Ben turned his gaze to the chronometer, which was momentarily lit by the glow of a distant lightning. Rey would be asleep right about now, so there would be little point in buzzing her door to return the holorecorder to her. He should just return it in the morning, he thought, and began to toss and catch the device in his hand. They had recorded such good memories of Spira...

_Memories..._

Ben caught the holorecorder in his hand again. Rey wouldn’t mind, would she? No, she probably wouldn’t, he thought. He would just be looking through their holovids of Spira, anyway. No biggie.

He pressed a button and watched the holorecorder come to life with images that zipped on backwards until it began playing...

...a video of when Rey was only five years old.

Kriff, he must have pressed the full rewind button, he thought, but found himself unable to hit the fast forward button, as he watched Rey speak in front of the holorecorder.

“Hi, so today, I am moving into a new room with a new roommate.” Rey wrinkled her cute button nose then turned to her side. “Ben, why do I have to record this?”

“It’s so we can have keepsakes of our memories.” Ben watched in surprise as he saw his fifteen-year-old self make an appearance. He had actually forgotten that he had taught Rey to chronicle their life together. “See? I’m also recording my own. It’s to help us remember big moments in our lives. And you officially moving in is a big moment.”

Ben chuckled and continued watching as holovid after holovid showed memories he had not visited in a long time— Rey attempting and failing to braid Ben’s hair, Rey recording how she drew constellations Ben’s face, the birthdays they celebrated together, Ben taking a holovid of Rey’s training, her using the Force to lift rocks, him using the Force to life boulders and many more. There were also personal logs of Rey, muttering about her studies.

“Whole kyber crystals are very rare but Master Luke says there are damaged ones abound that are generally considered useless,” a ten-year-old Rey articulated. “But I wonder if those crystals can be salvaged. I mean, there’s bound to be a lightsaber design that can help stabilize a cracked kyber crystal, right?”

Ben twisted his lips and nodded. Rey had always been a smart girl, he thought with pride, and lay back down on his bed to watch more of their holos together.

Time flew, and the first drops of rain fell yet Ben didn’t notice. He was fixated on all the recorded memories he had with Rey, and the more he watched both of them grow up in the holos, the more he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without her. He would do all he could to make sure she remained in his life, which meant he was going to have to find a very understanding wife one day, like his Grandfather Anakin did with Grandmother Padme. A wife who would accept Rey wholeheartedly and be a big sister to her. A wife who wouldn’t be driven by jealousy over nothing, which meant that Lennett could not—

Sobbing. He heard sobbing.

Blinking away from his reverie, he sat up and watched as the holorecorder revealed an image of Rey, her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking. The time stamp indicated it had been taken before he had left the academy for the trials, around the time Rey moved into her room across the hall. Her surroundings indicated as much.

Ben waited with bated breath for Rey to say something. He knew he was profoundly affected by her move, but she had never given him any indication to believe that it affected her that much as well.

He gritted his teeth when he she lifted her head to show red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Had he known moving out would make her this sad, he would have insisted for her to stay. Seeing her crying like this was like having a knife twisted in his heart, and he grew even more determined to have her as his apprentice. Once he became a Jedi Knight, he would take her with him regardless of what his uncle said. She would never cry likes this ever again. She would—

Then, Rey began to speak, and the world seemed to stop and shatter around Ben when he heard what she had to say, and heard the words he had been secretly dreading to hear for the longest time.

“I...” Rey sniffled and took a shaky breath. “I think I’m in love with Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a drill guys. It's not like last time. I repeat. This is not a drill.
> 
> Picked your jaws up from the floor yet? Okay.
> 
> So Ben got nosy again and got the surprise or rather shock of his life.
> 
> More cliffhangers? Sorry guys, but this will be something you should expect. Dark times are ahead now. What will happen now that Ben knows? What else is in Rey's holorecorder? How will he deal with this? You'll just have to wait to find out.
> 
> Again, thank you so much everyone for your wonderful reviews and comments! It's knowing that readers like you are counting on this fic that drive me to continue and finish it. Hold on for the ride, it's gonna get really bumpy from here on out. Til next time!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want him to be happy. More than anything else. Even if it’s not with me. Because I...I think I’m in love with Ben...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter compared to the others. Thanks to my hubby jamaeda for reviewing this for me and helping me with the dialogue. Please don't kill me!

_“I just moved out. Just moved out. I...can’t believe that...after over seven years of living with Ben that...I’ve had to move out. But what choice do I have?_

_“He...even marked the date that I moved out, saying it was still an occasion, so here I am, marking the day, recording my thoughts just like he did with both of us earlier. But it’s so...hard. Everything’s so hard..._

_“Oh Force I can’t stop crying, haha!_

_“..._

_“I had to move out. Really it was...it is for the best. When I saw Lennett kiss Ben...the way his face just lit up...I just knew he’d be happier with her. Much happier with her than he would be with me. So...so I..._

_“..._

_“..._

_“I want him to be happy. More than anything else. Even if it’s not with me. Because I...I think I’m in love with Ben...”_

_“..._

_“...no._

_“I_ am _in love with Ben._

_“..._

_“I never wanted this. Force knows I’ve tried for years to think of this as nothing but a childish crush but it’s not. It’s not._

_“Oh Force, I love Ben. I love him so much that I...I just want him to be happy. I don’t care if it’s with Lennett, just as long as he has that light in his eyes and that bright smile on his face. It’s enough for me to watch from afar._

_“It’s enough. It is, it’s..._

_“..._

_“This is all messed up. I’m just a kid. I don’t stand a chance against Lennett._

_“I want to stop loving Ben. It...it hurts too much. I just want to...rip my heart out and stomp it and scream at it. I shouldn’t love him this way but I can’t help it. It won’t stop._

_“I love Ben...I love him so much...”_

Ben closed the holorecorder and stared at the device as he held it in his trembling hands. It had taken three replays for the message to sink in and he still couldn’t believe it.

Rey. His little Rey. The girl he had raised from childhood. His best friend...was in love with him.

His heart began beating at his chest like a caged animal, and he had to toss the holorecorder back on the bed, lest he crush it in his hands.

Without another thought, he shot out of bed and ran out of his room, through the dark hallways of the academy and out into the courtyard, his bare feet splashing and hurting against the wet cobblestones yet he couldn’t feel pain. His mind was in complete turmoil.

Rey. Rey was in love with him. How did that happen? How could it have happened? She was his sister! Not by blood, but still...he raised her! Was practically family to her! What changed? Did he...do something to make her feel that way towards him?

Distant lightning illuminated the trees and bushes around him in the clearing, followed by the roar of thunder. He hadn’t even realized he had gone to his and Rey’s special place in the academy garden, but if there was one thing he realized, it was that this...all of this had been his fault. All those years, he’d never given her any reason to believe that he didn’t care for her in a way that may have led to her falling for him. All the things he had told her...the things he had done for her...how could he have been so blind? So stupid? He led her on! Oh Force, he had led her on! But how could he have known? Or maybe he should have known. But he hadn’t.

 _“Idiot, idiot, idiot! Now you’ve ruined it! You’ve ruined_ everything! _”_

He played it in his mind, over and over, the memories they shared. The inside jokes, the laughter, the smiles—the softness of her hair between his fingers whenever he braided it, the feel of her hand in his, the music in her laughter, the sparkle in her hazel eyes, the glow in her cheeks, the feel of her lips on his cheek, and he suddenly felt a twinge in his heart that was both unfamiliar and intense.

And frightening.

So, so frightening.

Thunder roared once more, and the rain poured down in torrents. It was just as well. He needed the icy droplets on his skin, if only to numb him. Right now, he didn’t want to think. Didn’t want to feel. And so he lay on the clearing, eyes closed, and limbs splayed, welcoming the cold rainwater and the chilly breeze that came along with the storm.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there, nor did he care. All he wanted was to purge his thoughts of Rey’s recording—her tearful confession of love for him. He wanted to free himself of the memory of her—of her infectious smile, her wit, her humor, her tenacity, her gentleness, and most of all, the way she made him feel safe, as though he had finally found home.

And in that moment, he knew he had never been more afraid.

This was a daydream. No, a nightmare. A nightmare far worse than any he had experienced with that monster because this one had real consequences. Consequences that was already tearing him apart.

After a time, he rose to his feet and ran out of the garden, clothes soaked and muddy. He needed to talk to someone. Needed to talk to _her_. And so he ran and ran, back to the academy’s courtyard and to the padawans quarters. To _her_ door. He needed to prove something. He needed to prove that he was...that he wasn’t...

He shook his head and pressed the buzzer. It didn’t take long for her to come out, and the shock on her face was plain as day despite the dark of the night.

“Ben?”

“Lennett...” he breathed out her name as though she were a savior, and in a way, she could be. She very well could be. “I need to talk to you...”

Lennett didn’t speak. Only nodded as she stepped aside to let him in to her room before shutting the door behind them.

* * *

Lennett sat up from bed, pulled the sheets to cover herself and turned her gaze to Ben, who lay with his back turned towards her. On the night stand beside him stood what remained of the Corellian Brandy she had taken out—part of her secret stash—to help Ben relax and maybe even loosen his tongue a little but one thing had led to another and now here they were, naked under the sheets after having slept together, yet they were still not talking.

She reached over for the brandy on his side as an excuse to check if he was still awake. He was, and his dark eyes still held that haunted look she had seen when he appeared soaked and muddy at her doorstep. Whatever it was he had wanted to talk about, it was still eating away at him, and she began to wonder if he would ever want to talk about it.

She poured herself another glass of brandy and took several sips. It had been a long time since she had last been with a man, and finally, she had the one prize she had been vying for for years. Yet she didn’t feel victorious. Certainly, he wasn’t as experienced as she had hoped, but that wasn’t what bothered her. What bothered her was the feeling she was being used somehow. The Ben she knew would never have done this under normal circumstances, even under the influence of hard liquor.

After finishing her drink, she set the glass and the bottle back on the nightstand before hugging Ben from behind and planting a kiss on his shoulder. “Ready to talk yet?”

He didn’t answer. He barely even breathed.

“Talk to me Ben...” she whispered into his skin as she traced a finger across the muscles of his arm. “Tell me what’s troubling you. Maybe I can help...”

She felt him shake his head on the pillow. “You can’t...”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try...”

“You can’t help. Nobody can.”

“Then why did you come here?”

“I don’t know.” Ben sat up and swung his legs to the side of the bed. He was quiet for a time before he suddenly stood up and began putting on his clothes. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

That splintered something inside Lennett, but she managed to hold herself together as she stood to wrap her arms behind him, stopping him short of putting on his shirt. “Ben, this isn’t a mistake. I’ve always loved you. And I know you’ve always loved me too.”

He shook his head vigorously. “I’m sorry, Lennett.”

She felt him pry her hands away, and it was all she could do not to scream. He finished putting the rest of his shirt on and ran for the door, as though he was disgusted with what had transpired.

Desperation such as she had never felt before clung to Lennett, and she jumped out of bed after him, clutching the blanket to her body just as he opened the door to step out of the room.

Then, the world seemed to stop.

Standing outside her door was none other than _that girl_ with those hazel eyes wide, brown hair loose and unkempt running down her shoulders, and her mouth open in shock.

Lennett was the first to recover, and she quickly stepped into Rey’s line of sights, naked save for her blanket, and a wide smile on her lips.

She watched the girl turn from Ben then to her and back to Ben again before shaking her head. “I...I’m sorry. Excuse me, I...I’m s-sorry!”

Rey ran then, and Lennett could only stare as Ben ran after her, calling her name as though they were characters in one of those stupid holodramas those silly girls in class couldn’t get enough of. She continued to watch them run until they disappeared from view, after which she backed away and closed the door to her room before discarding the blanket and walking over to look at herself in her full length mirror.

She stared at curve after pleasant curve which had earlier been under the attention of Ben Solo, and she laughed. She laughed because nothing could have been a more perfect ending to a less than perfect night than seeing Rey with that expression of hurt in her face. She laughed because this—seeing evidence of her and Ben having slept together—would be what would finally push Rey over the edge. She laughed because if the timing was right, she may very well be carrying the most powerful Force-sensitive child in the known galaxy.

 _“After all,”_ she thought, as she ran a palm across her flat abdomen, _“the Empire needs children.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one kills me for this. I still have a lot of plans for this fic.
> 
> And like I said, there's no smut in this fic but I never said there wouldn't be any sex :P
> 
> I also said to watch out for "The Empire needs children" line. Another call out to Aftermath: Life Debt. So, as many of you have already assumed, yes, Lennett is with the First Order. She is the agent of Snoke. And being that she is a Force Sensitive Agent, I'm guessing you guys already know the organization she is a member of (KOR *cough* KOR).
> 
> So Ben went and did something stupid again. To prove what? I'll let you guys read between the lines. You know by now I'm the type to show rather than tell so there are some clues in words. But yeah, Ben has never been one to make great decisions especially when emotions are high. I think a couple of you guys already had a hunch he may do something akin to this just to prove something. Also, I personally do not think Ben is a virgin (ever since Bloodline revealed he basically turned around the age of 23 and not 15) so in this case, he got his cherry popped by a snake :P Let's just think of this as Ben and Rey being Adam and Eve but Adam ate the forbidden fruit first in this case.
> 
> I know this was probably difficult to read. You can probably imagine how difficult it was for me to write this but it has to be done. So much has happened now within only a span of 24 hours so emotions will definitely be running high in the next chapter. We're getting closer to the end, I'm estimating less than five chapters to go before we reach the big Jedi Massacre so stay tuned for more. Hope I didn't lose any readers from this. Love you all to bits!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hallway seemed to spin into a tunnel with no end in sight. Her knees and ankles felt like they were made of jelly, and it took all of her willpower to continue running—away from Ben, away from Lennett, away from everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Read between the lines and look carefully at the choice of words for a better reading experience and insight into the minds of the characters hehe. Coz I'm showing, not telling...

The hallway seemed to spin into a tunnel with no end in sight. Her knees and ankles felt like they were made of jelly, and it took all of her willpower to continue running—away from Ben, away from Lennett, away from everything.

A sob caught in Rey’s throat when she finally saw the door to her room, and she made a mad dash for it before closing the door and backing away, her shoulders heaving with wheezing breaths. She tried to shake off the memory of what she had seen earlier but couldn’t, and if she hadn’t made it to her bed, she very well may have collapsed on the floor.

She was going to be sick.

Sobs wracked her whole body, yet no tears fell. The shock of it all had kept her eyes dry—Ben, in Lennett’s room; Ben, with his clothes damp, muddy and rumpled; Lennett in nothing but a sheet. Smiling.

The tears finally burst forth at the memory of Lennett’s triumphant smile. Whatever it was that woke her in the dead of night and compelled her to follow Ben’s Force signature, Rey would never know, but she regretted it now. She may be young, but she was old enough to know exactly what went on behind Lennett’s closed doors, and she felt as though her heart had shattered into a million pieces, every sliver of painful memories so sharp that there was just no picking herself up together again.

The buzz on her door was expected. “Rey, open the door.”

“Go away!”

“Rey, please.”

“I said, go away!”

Silence. Then a jiggle, followed by the opening of the door, and Rey sighed. She should have known Ben would use the Force.

“Rey, let’s talk about this,” Ben pleaded after he had closed the door, approaching her on the bed.

Rey quickly sat up and angrily wiped her tears away. “What’s there to talk about Ben?”

“Us. We need to talk about us.”

“You mean about you and Lennett?”

“No. You and me.”

She paused for a moment, then shook her head. Her eyes were dry now. Ben Solo—the man she loved the most in the world—had just broken her heart but she wasn’t about to let him see how much. “What’s there to talk about? You lied to me. You said you and Lennett weren’t together. Well, clearly you are.”

Anger was her only shield now, and it ripped into her voice like lightning through a storm cloud. Ben was clearly taken aback for a moment before his own temper flared.

“What is it to you, anyway?” he seethed, slapping his chest with a palm. “I’m an adult! You’re just a kid.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Ben!”

“Yes, you are, Rey! You’re only thirteen. And you shouldn’t have feelings for me.”

Thunder roared from outside, though it may as well have exploded within Rey, and she felt a chilling sensation move down her spine. She knew without looking that she was white as sheet, and she scrambled for an excuse, a retort, anything, but her mind drew a blank. “...I...I didn’t...I don’t...”

“Stop lying, Rey,” Ben cut in and drew himself taller. “I saw your holos.”

That was it. That was how he knew, and the numbing cold spread through her for a few more tense seconds before anger rose forth to give her the strength she was so desperate for.

“How could you!” She ran up to him and physically pushed him away, her palms hot against his damp shirt. “Those are my private records!”

She continued to beat him, to pummel his chest with closed fists until he held her wrists in the air, forcing her to look up at him. She could almost feel electricity from where they touched. “It was an accident. I thought it was more holos of us. I wanted to watch more memories of our times together and found those instead.” She watched him bite a quivering lip, his dark eyes moving to where his large hands held her wrists before he slowly let her go. “Rey, I’m so sorry if I led you on, but you and I...what you feel for me is infatuation. It’s not your fault. I made you think that I...felt more for you.”

“No! No, no no!” She shook her head, stunned. She didn’t think she could be even more broken than she already was, and the tears threatened to burst forth again, but she did all she could to hold them in. _He knew_. He knew the truth; saw her recorded confession and yet he was still in denial. _He knew and yet he slept with Lennett._ “Ben, you don’t understand. I’m not infatuated. I’m in love with you!”

There. She said it. Straight to his face. There was no going around the fact that he had seen her holos, so she was going to face this head on. She had to make him understand. Had to make him know exactly how much he meant to her; how much he had hurt her, and maybe then he’d stop.

Oh Force, please let him stop hurting her!

He backed away, and his expression was one she couldn’t pinpoint. Sadness? Anger? Or...could that actually be...longing? But why? “Rey...please, don’t.”

“I am,” she insisted. Somehow, someway, a spark of courage had ignited within her, and she now took a step forward, her gaze steadfast on his. “I thought I was infatuated too until...until I realized I wanted you to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Then we went to Spira and I saw myself on that island...with you...living out the rest of our days together. We even have two children with us.”

She didn’t know why she had brought up that vision of her older self having a family with Ben. It could have been nothing more than a flight of fancy, and yet it seemed to have shaken Ben, making him take a step back. “You...you saw...”

“You and I, married and with two children of our own,” Rey reiterated after Ben had trailed off into astonished silence. “But more than that...you’re the most...wonderful man I’ve ever known. You’re kind-hearted, caring, smart, funny...”

He winced. “Rey...stop.”

“Don’t you think I want to?” she fumed. Her voice was beginning to break from holding back sobs. “Force knows I want to stop loving you but I can’t.”

“You should,” he said, his own voice breaking. “Because I can’t feel for you the way you feel for me. You and I...we can’t be together. You’re too young.”

“I know that,” she said quietly. “But if you could only have waited a few more years—”

“And Lennett and I are together now,” Ben blurted out and looked away as he added in a low voice, “I...I love her.”

His words didn’t hurt her. It didn’t hurt because she knew it for what it was: a farce. But what hurt was that he would actually go so far as to lie to her to keep her away. “You’re a terrible, terrible liar, Ben. You promised never to lie to me, yet here you are, lying about your feelings for Lennett. You don’t love her and yet you slept with her. And that’s what makes it worse.”

“I...I was drunk, okay?” Ben flared, desperation now clinging on to his every word. “She gave me brandy. I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

“Do you seriously think that’s an excuse?” Rey had never been so shocked by Ben’s words. Were these actually coming out of the lips she had daydreamed countless times would be on hers? She’d never felt so disgusted. “You could have said no. You could have not gone to her at all and yet you did. Don’t you dare try to blame it all solely on Lennett because you were the one who made the decision to sleep with her, not the alcohol!”

“So what if I slept with her?” he stormed, his voice almost as loud as thunder rumbling from outside. “You shouldn’t even care because...because there’s nothing between you and me. You got that, Rey? Nothing! You’re nothing but a sister to me and that’s all you ever should be.”

Another distant roar of thunder, and everything fell into silence. Rey could feel her lips quivering, her shoulders shaking, and her fingers growing numb in her clenched fists.

How she managed to keep the tears at bay, she didn’t know; all she knew was that she would only ever allow one emotion in front of him now: rage.

“You’re right. I am nothing but a sister to you,” she managed in a cold tone. “And you can forget about me being your apprentice because I take it back. Go find someone else. Now, get out.”

“Rey...I...”

 “I said, get out!” With energy spiking from every pore, she threw Ben out with the Force, slamming him to the door to his room before he crumpled to the hallway floor. She closed her door and locked it before he could sit up properly; before the stunned, hurt look on his face made her change her mind.

Palms reaching up to curl fists into her hair, she began to scream; scream as she had never done before as angry tears blurred her vision and ran in hot droplets down her cold cheeks. She screamed as she began toppling chairs, tables and shelves with the Force, fury taking the reigns as she ran for the drawings she had made of herself and Ben and began tearing them down from the walls. She didn’t want to have _any_ remnants of him in her room anymore. Not after this.

A distant lightning strike, and her mind was once again seared with the memory of Lennett’s wide smile as she stood on the door way with Ben, and Rey’s sights locked on to Papa Doll, who was still perched on the only shelf left standing.

She grabbed Papa Doll with the Force and started striking it against the floor. Papa Doll, whom Ben had handmade for her for her fifth birthday. Papa Doll, who had kept her company through the years. Papa Doll, who was more a reminder of Ben than the father she couldn’t even remember, and it was only when she had torn the doll in half that she stopped and realized what she had done.

With trembling hands, she reached out to pick up the pieces of the broken doll and hugged it to her, crying as she did so; crying for the doll that was torn apart in her fury, and crying for all that was, and all that never could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks. The confrontation that ends all. Lennett and Ben got a lot of flak in the previous chapter and I'm pretty certain Ben will get even more flak here. One bad decision after the next. This boy has got to learn and has to learn the hard way.
> 
> As always, thank you for everyone's continued readership. I know that most of you are surprised on the direction which I'm taking the fic, and I actually do hope to continue surprising you guys in the chapters to come. Stay with me as we go through twists and turns down the dark tunnel. If there's light at the end remains to be seen.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit longer compared to the previous chapter...

She had moved out.

Ben still couldn’t believe it. Rey had moved out to another room without telling him, and the only reason he knew was because he had given in to asking his uncle after a frantic search for her the day after their confrontation in her room.

Correction. Her old room.

And now here he was in the wee hours of the morning, stupidly standing in front of the door to her old room, replaying their confrontation in his head. He realized now, albeit too late, that he should have gone about things differently, but how exactly he should have dealt with the aftermath of his reckless decisions, he didn’t know. If only his mother had been around enough to teach him how a girl’s mind worked. If only his father...

But there was no use dealing with what ifs. No use putting any blame on his parents’ absence from his life when he was the one who had made those decisions and said those hurtful things when he should have known better because he was the adult.

To say he had made a huge mistake would be an understatement, and now he had to deal with the consequences. Rey was gone and he didn’t know where she was. Luke wasn’t telling him upon Rey’s request, and thankfully, the older man hadn’t pried as to what had caused the rift between them. Why, he was probably glad it happened, Ben thought bitterly, eyes still fixated on Rey’s door, his shoulders slumped.

She was gone. Gone from his life, perhaps forever. She had even taken great pains to hide from him, both physically and from the Force. More than once he had tried to search for her that way, but to no avail. And with the final trial and graduation coming up, he began to fear she may never give him the chance to speak to her before he left.

“Where are you, Rey?” He whispered as he took a step forward and pressed his head on the door, wishing and willing for her to come to him so that at the very least they would have some closure, if indeed this was it for them, but he stubbornly refused to believe this was the end. The Rey he knew and raised was forgiving and he still held on to the hope that somehow, someway, they would get past this. Holding on to that hope was the only way he could still get up in the morning.

He pressed his forehead harder against the door and concentrated on calling for her in his mind, though he knew such an exercise was futile. He needed so badly to see her; to be around her again. It wasn’t as though he still needed her to keep the nightmares away. Surprisingly, despite her no longer within close proximity to him, he hadn’t had any nightmares as of late; only sporadic dreams of the young woman who had been haunting him, her hazel eyes a mirror of sadness.

_The young woman he now realized was an older Rey._

He gritted his teeth as the memory of the vision from Spira assailed him—the young woman that was Rey, smiling oh so beautifully at him while children— _their children_ —called excitedly for them. At first he’d blamed it on an overactive imagination, but Rey had seen it too and claimed the woman was her.

 There was no older sister; no going around the fact that those visions were of Rey. The resemblance was far too strong, and he wondered what in the world the Force was telling him, if indeed the Force had something to do with those visions. Yet at the same time, he remained terrified of the possibilities. Rey was too young and he had raised her as a sister. He shouldn’t even look at her in that way yet in his dreams, her older self would not leave him alone.

_“...if you could only have waited a few more years...”_

Ben shook away the memory of Rey’s words, his eyes widening at a sudden pull in his heart. He turned to the direction of the pull and saw Rey standing at one end of the hallway, still in her sleeping robes, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair haphazardly done. She looked just as surprised as he was, although she was the one to recover first, and began walking in his direction, though her gaze was on the exit leading towards the mess hall.

“You look like you haven’t been sleeping well,” was the first thing that came out of Ben’s lips when she came within earshot. She didn’t reply, but continued to walk past him. He followed. “You never told me you moved out.”

“I don’t need to tell you anything.” Rey’s tone was so cold, he actually shivered, and he felt his heart sink. Did she hate him so much now?

“Rey, please.” Mustering the courage, he reached out to gently take her hand. It felt cold and clammy to the touch. “Can we just...go back to the way things were?”

She didn’t turn to look at him. “You mean sweep everything under the rug?”

“I’m sorry, okay?” he pleaded. “I was stupid, and I acted irrationally, and I did and said things I shouldn’t have.” He tightened his grip on her hand, but she wouldn’t clasp his in return. “Rey please. I just...want my...my little sister back.”

He felt her fingers twitch before slowly, without turning, she slipped her hand from his grasp. “I’m sorry, Ben. I can’t be your little sister anymore.”

“Why? Because you’re in love with me, is that it?” he demanded. He knew his voice was getting louder, but desperation was clawing away at him. He had to make Rey understand; had to have her back in his life in any way possible. “Rey, I’m a fuck up. I have a temper, I say things without thinking, I’m immature, and I hurt you in the worst possibly way. I’m a horrid person and I don’t deserve the kind of love you have for me. Kriff, I don’t even deserve to talk to you right now, I know that. But I’m asking anyway for us to just...go back to the way we were.” He’d said it all in one breath, and he inhaled deeply before adding, “I miss you.”

His words and the feeling behind it fell heavily around them, and a few tense seconds passed before Rey finally spoke.

“I...I miss you too...” she whispered, and Ben felt his hopes soar until she added. “I miss the you before all this. Goodbye, Ben...”

Ben’s hands dropped to his sides as Rey continued her way out into the hallway. And when she disappeared into a corner, that was when he crumpled to the cobblestone floor, hands on his knees as damp warmth trickled down his cheeks.

He’d lost her, he thought. He’d lost her for good.

* * *

Rey sat up from bed with a gasp, sweat dripping down her chin and onto the blanket. Catching her breath, she pressed a palm against an eye, willing her heart to slow.

When her heart still wouldn’t stop racing, she stood up from bed and began to pace. The chronometer indicated another early morning hour of which she had awoken, and she wondered if Ben had been having nightmares too, now that she had moved to a room far from his.

Her roommate, another human girl named Wela Adair, groaned and looked down from the top of the bunk bed they shared, a grimace on her face. “Not again, Rey. For serious, if you wake me up again like this because of your stupid nightmares, I’m complaining to Master Luke.”

Rey watched Wela shift in her bunk before snoring again, not doubting for a second that the girl would do as she had threatened. Wela wasn’t exactly the most pleasant of roommates, but at least she was civil for the most part unlike other students who had since taken to more vicious whispering ever since Lennett let it be known throughout the academy that she and Ben were an item. That Rey and Ben hadn’t been seen together in days only added fuel to rumors of a big fight, which wasn’t really far from the truth.

Rey sighed and quietly stalked out of the room before making her way towards the garden. It was the only place she could find solace these days, and at this hour, Ben would hopefully still be asleep and there wouldn’t be any more awkward conversations with him.

After a while, she reached her destination: the clearing where she and Ben used to spend their afternoons; the once secret place where he had first called her ‘sweetheart’ after she had made a flower crown for him, where they had talked for endless hours, played and meditated, but a place that had since been marred by the kiss she had seen Lennett plant on Ben’s cheek—the kiss that had made her realize how very much in love she was with Ben.

 _“Emphasis on_ was _,”_ she told herself as she squatted beneath the tree with the purple flowers and began to meditate. She tried to clear her head of everything, to try and find her center but all she could see was Ben’s beautiful smile as he beamed down at her, the golden rays of sunset sparkling in his eyes as their children called for them from the shore.

After a few minutes of trying, she gave up and began to pick up fallen flowers to weave into a crown. She knew doing so would only remind her of the times she shared with Ben; would only bring forth more of the same feeling of hurt and anger from his betrayal but she needed to do something with her hands while she killed time before she set off to an early breakfast. Hopefully early enough for Ben to still not be there.

She heard rustling near some bushes, but she didn’t look up from weaving. If anything, her grip on the crown tightened, but she tried not to let her distress show. “Leave me alone, Ben.”

“Uhm...Rey?”

That wasn’t Ben’s voice. Rey quickly stood up, her eyes widening at the sight of the brown-haired, green-eyed boy making his way to the clearing. “Kreio! What are you doing here?”

“I was out for some early morning meditation. Then I saw you go through here and...” Kreio scratched his head and blushed. “N-Not that I’m stalking you or anything. I just...saw that you looked so sad and had to check up on you...especially with what happened.”

“I guess you’ve heard the gossip, huh?” Rey looked away and sat back down on the grass.

“Ms. Mha hasn’t exactly been secretive about her relationship with Master Solo.” Kreio ventured closer, and when Rey didn’t resist, he sat down beside her. “She’s been telling anyone who would listen that they’re together now.”

Rey didn’t respond. Only tightened a knot she had made on the flower crown.

“Is that why...you and Master Solo haven’t been around together?” Kreio asked.

Rey pulled her shoulders back but refused to look at Kreio. “Whatever happened between Ben and I...it’s just between us, okay?”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Kreio held his hands up, looking genuinely distressed that he had upset her. “I didn’t mean to pry. I just...thought you might want to talk. I’m a good listener.”

She shrugged and tied another tight knot on the crown. “There’s nothing to talk about. Like you said, they’re together now. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

Kreio nodded. “I understand. I know how hard it is...loving someone who can’t love you back.”

This time, Rey did look at him, and when she met his eyes, she quickly looked away. There was just too much sincerity in Kreio. Too much kindness in those green eyes.

_Too much feelings for her._

“Who says I’m still in love with Ben?” she huffed and began pulling away the petals from the flower crown. “He’s childish...” one petal, “...tactless...” two petals, “...temperamental...” seven petals, “...and a liar!”

With her last words, she threw away what remained of the unfinished flower crown as far as she could, panting as she did so before she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in them.

The clearing fell silent save for the birds and the insects, which had since come alive with the sunrise. Rey felt like silencing every creature in the garden in the worst way possible, if it meant she could have a bit of quiet to soothe the turmoil inside of her.

“You still love him,” Kreio whispered after a time, “otherwise, you wouldn’t be hurting like this.”

Rey opened her mouth to speak, to refute what Kreio had said but found herself at a loss for words. Because he was right. Despite Ben’s many flaws, despite what he had done, she couldn’t bring herself to hate him, or fall out of love with him. Oh she’d tried; replayed every hurtful word, replayed everything she had seen and yet Ben was still the only one who made her heart sing.

The tears she had been holding back finally burst forth. She didn’t want to love him anymore, didn’t want to hurt anymore but there was no use denying it. She still loved Ben despite his many faults, despite everything that had happened, and it may very well take a lifetime before she was over him.

A gentle arm found its way around her. Rey sobbed even more and allowed Kreio to comfort her before she finally gave in and leaned her head against his shoulder, staining his robes with her tears. She needed this. Badly needed the comfort of a friend. She had lost Ben and now she had no one, save for sweet, sweet Kreio, who was more than willing to be a shoulder to cry on.

Their moment lasted only for a few seconds before a loud crack reverberated through the clearing. Rey straightened, as did Kreio, her eyes straining to where the sound had come from. She could’ve sworn she saw...

“What was that?” Kreio stood up to investigate. Rey wanted to stop him, but instead followed him into the woods, where he continued to search for the source of the noise.

She didn’t tell him, but she found a dent on a nearby tree which could only have been made by a very strong punch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E/N: Sorry guys, the pain train is not over and I don't see that it will be over any time soon. Lots of drama and plot development are in the future so stay tuned for future updates. Thanks again to everyone for reading and reviewing! I always have fun reading your thoughts on every chapter :D


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His hand was a mess. Bruises and cuts were one thing, but taking out the splinters was a painstaking task especially since it was his dominant hand that was injured. Oh, he could have easily gone to the infirmary and had it treated with bacta, but he wanted to feel and remember the pain of the tree trunk’s impact against his fist. Wanted to remember the way the bark had torn at his skin, the way the hard trunk split his knuckles and drew blood.
> 
> He wanted to remember the pain of seeing Rey being comforted by Kreio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot heavy chapter here guys, and a long one, which was why it took me a while to post. Will be taking a lot of creative liberties from here on.

His hand was a mess. Bruises and cuts were one thing, but taking out the splinters was a painstaking task especially since it was his dominant hand that was injured. Oh, he could have easily gone to the infirmary and had it treated with bacta, but he wanted to feel and remember the pain of the tree trunk’s impact against his fist. Wanted to remember the way the bark had torn at his skin, the way the hard trunk split his knuckles and drew blood.

He wanted to remember the pain of seeing Rey being comforted by Kreio.

Clenching his teeth, Ben took some disinfectant and poured it over his wounds, hissing at the stinging sensation before wrapping his hand up with bandage. The pain from punching that tree was expected, but he never realized how much it would hurt to see Rey with someone else. It wasn’t that he was jealous. No, never. Not in that way. It was because he was supposed to be the one there for her, and he...but he...

He growled as he tightened his bindings. He didn’t know what the kriff he felt then or what he was feeling at the moment. All he knew was that he didn’t like seeing her with someone else.

_She’s mine._

He paused from wrapping his hand and buried his head in his palms. Where in the world did that thought come from? Rey belonged to no one. Not to him, not to Kreio, not to anyone. And maybe...just maybe that was why he felt the way he did. Rey was her own person and should be no one else’s.

Feeling a little better at the thought, he finished binding his wounds before he stood up from bed and walked towards his closet. Today would be the initiates’ final trial before the ascension to Jedi Knighthood. That was why he had followed Rey into the woods earlier, hoping that they could somehow smooth things over, maybe try his hand at another attempt at an apology, and perhaps have her wish him luck. Instead, Kreio had emerged from the woods first and then...

_“You still love him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be hurting like this.”_

Ben put his injured hand over his chest, clawing at it, pain seeping once more from his wounded fingers. His heart was beating fast again to the point of hurting, and it took minutes before he calmed down enough to search through his closet for a cloak.

The first thing he saw was the black cloak Rey had given him. No amount of cleaning and fixing had salvaged the parts shredded and burnt during the trials. Wearing it would probably make him look like a hungry scavenger in some backwater planet compared to the other initiates who were sure to wear their best cloaks, but he didn’t hesitate to grab it and put it on. And for a few brief seconds at least, he was brought back to the first time he slipped his arms into its sleeves, and found it to be a perfect fit.

_“You really like it? You’re not messing with me, are you?”_

_“I love it, Rey. Thank you. I love you, you know that?”_

_“I...I love you too, Ben.”_

The buzz on his door cut through his musings. Letting out a breath, he wrapped one torn part of the cloak around his neck and pulled up his hood before opening the door, only to find Lennett on the other side, also wearing her own cloak, hood and all. Her smile instantly faded when she saw what he was wearing, but her words began with a gasp at the sight of his bandages.

“Ben, what happened to your hand?”

“Training injury,” he muttered and walked past her, bumping her shoulder hard. It seemed she didn’t get the message because she was quickly by his side again.

“You do realize that the final trial tests mental fortitude, right? Not physical strength,” she reminded, trying to keep up with his long strides.

“Whatever.” He made his strides longer.

Still, she wouldn’t take a hint. “You should have worn one of the cloaks I gave you. It’s more suited for the occasion and definitely made of better quality material.”

This time, Ben was no longer able to contain himself and stopped to glare at her. “Look, Lennett. I don’t know what you’re on, but don’t think for a second I haven’t heard about what you’ve been spreading about us. There’s no ‘us’, alright? And I don’t want to be seen around you or even talk to you, got it?”

“Would you rather have let the rumor that you’re in love with a thirteen-year-old spread like wildfire?”

Ben stilled. “What?”

“Those rumors have always been around. Not really taken seriously,” Lennett divulged, then narrowed her eyes. “But that was before you two went to Spira.”

Ben’s eyes widened as realization hit home. “You. You were the one who told Uncle Luke.”

“I just happened upon what you’ve been browsing back in the library days ago,” Lennett explained. “I didn’t think you’d go through with it. And I wasn’t the only one who saw you two leave in the wee hours of the morning. Did you seriously think you wouldn’t get caught?”

“You told my uncle!” Ben bellowed and stood to his full height but Lennett did not appear intimidated. Not one bit.

“I had to. And now I have to let it be known we’re together to protect _your_ reputation,” she said while pushing a pointed finger against his chest. “Do you know the kinds of things people have been whispering about you and Rey? Vicious things. Vile things. And if you really care about that girl, then stay far away from her. The rumors are far more unkind to her than they are to you.

“Now...” recovering her smile, Lennett threaded her arm through his, and it was all Ben could do not to cringe. “Shall we go to the final trial, my dear?”

* * *

 

He should have known this would be the final trial.

Luke had mentioned it a year ago but he had completely forgotten about it until that moment, and now here he was, trying his best not to hyperventilate from the chapel’s stale, stuffy air.

They were back in the Force tree again. One after the other, the acolytes had descended and re-emerged from the dark pits of the tree to face their greatest fears and hopefully come out of the trial unscathed.

Ben doubted he would. He already knew what he was going to have to face down there and even after a year had passed, he still didn’t know how he could possibly cope with it.

His injured fingers tightened around his lightsaber, and he hissed just as Herron Casthre emerged from the hole on the wall, pale but otherwise unharmed and standing tall, though he had yet to switch off his lightsaber. All of the Jedi Knight initiates had their own lightsabers now, thanks to the gift of kyber crystals from Luke and the lightsaber building ritual they had performed days before, of which Ben had not needed to participate in—a fact that was obviously not taken too kindly by some of the initiates.

Casthre deactivated his lightsaber and knelt before Luke. Then, just like the acolytes before him did, stated his success. “I did it. I defeated Darth Vader.”

It was the same line the other initiates had also spoken, and Ben knew why. These were the same acolytes whose lives had been ruined in one way or another by Darth Vader, so it was understandable that their greatest fear would involve the mass murderer who had once ruled with Emperor Palpatine. What Ben couldn’t understand was how Luke seemed to flinch every time he heard the same statement from his students.

Just like he did with the others, Luke activated his lightsaber, moved the green plasma blade over one of Casthre’s shoulder to the other before cutting off Casthre’s padawan braid and declaring him a full-fledged knight.

Then, it was Ben’s turn. He would be the last to go.

“Good luck,” Lennett called, but he didn’t turn. Hers wasn’t the well wishes he needed, but he knew he would need all the luck he could get.

He wasn’t going to face Darth Vader. He would be facing something else.

With a deep breath, he stepped into the narrow passage way of roots, lighting his way through the darkness with his lightsaber. It was still the same as before—gnarled, bark walls, low lying tree roots, and the spiral stone steps that would lead down to the cavern suffused with dark energy. He could already feel the sensation of foreboding permeating in the air, and he hesitated for a while before making his way down the steps.

The journey seemed to take much longer than he remembered, and the air around him echoed and sighed as though the tree itself could breathe. And when he finally reached solid ground, the darkness quickly engulfed him, his lightsaber illuminating only within an arm’s length from him.

He swallowed hard and began taking tentative steps forward, willing himself to calm down. He knew what would be waiting for him here, so when the voice spoke, it came as no surprise. It did, however, still send a chill right to his bones.

“We meet again, dear boy...”

Ben slowly closed his eyes, gathered all the courage he could before turning around to face his monster.

The creature was human sized, floating inches off the ground and surrounded by a glowing mist of gray. It cracked a smile which seemed to distort its features even more, making grotesque tears and lines crisscross its ashen face. “Come to face your darkest fears?”

He readied his lightsaber, confidence now coursing through his veins. He could do this, he thought. He could defeat this creature. He was not a little boy anymore. He just had to tell himself that none of this was real. This was just a test. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“I can see that you’re not...” the creature noted. “You have grown in more ways than I can imagine, Ben Solo. You now have...so much light in you. So much bravery.”

The creature’s words gave Ben a pause. This was not what he had expected. The words were intelligent. Eloquent. As though it had come from an actual being and not simply a manifestation of the dark nexus.

“And yet despite this...” the creature continued, its voice now taking on a menacing tone, “...there is still one thing you fear most of all.”

“I’m not afraid of you!” Ben screamed and rushed to attack, only to have the monster dissipate into smoke, its laughter echoing through the dark cavern.

Ben sensed a dark force behind him and spun around, and found the gray smoke materializing into the creature again.

Sense...he could sense it. It was real!

“You’re trembling,” the creature intoned. “And here I thought you had made such progress. To think I have yet to show you your greatest fear.”

Ben’s fingers tightened around his lightsaber. He could feel his heart ramming against his rib cage and he felt his shoulders draw up in anger—anger not for the creature, but at himself for being afraid. He shouldn’t fear. Fear was the path to the Dark side. “I...I’m not afraid of anything! I’m not the same boy you used to haunt every night!”

“No, you are not.” The creature shook its head, its beady eyes luminous even in the dark. “You are a man grown, whose fears run far deeper than mere nightmares. What you fear the most is...loss.”

With a slow wave of an outstretched arm, the creature revealed what was hidden behind its long robes, and Ben almost let go of his lightsaber.

The creature was right. This was his greatest fear.

“R-Rey...”

She did not respond to her name, but continued to stare at him, eyes burning in flashes of gold and red, her dark robes billowing around her like the luminescent gray mist surrounding the near-skeletal creature floating beside her.

“You fear losing her...” the creature continued, reaching down with a bony hand to plant its palm on Rey’s shoulder. “You fear losing her to your temperament. You fear losing her to death. But your greatest fear is losing her...to the Dark side.”

“N-No!” He wanted to run. Wanted to run and take Rey away but he couldn’t even move a muscle. This...all of this wasn’t real. Wasn’t supposed to be real. Why couldn’t he convince himself of that? “You can’t have her!”

“That’s where you’re wrong dear boy,” the creature cackled, then moved lower so now its face was next to Rey’s, both long fingered hands now on her delicate shoulders. “The Dark side has had her from the moment of her birth. Or have you forgotten where she came from?”

“No!” Ben shook his head vigorously, sweat flying off his brow. “This isn’t real. None of this is real!”

“Is it?” the creature challenged, tightening its grip on Rey’s shoulders. “True, the cavern manifests your fears. But once you emerge...once you get back to the reality of the surface...you will come to realize that everything I say rings true. This girl has always been, and always will be of the Dark side. She belongs to us. We will be taking her. And nothing you do can change that.”

Nothing he can...no. There had to be something he could do. Something he could bargain for...

“Take me.” Ben lowered his lightsaber. “Take me instead!”

“You...” the creature arched what could pass for a brow, those small luminous eyes seeming to appraise him. “You, who now have so much light in you, would take her place by my side?”

“I can shun the light!” Ben cried out, even though part of him screamed for him to stop, to take this for what it was—a test, but he would not heed. He had to do something. He had to save Rey. “Just...just leave her out of this!”

“If so...” the creature’s eyes flashed, and it reached out with a bony hand, “...prove it.”

The cavern suddenly came alive with a blaze of artificial blue and red lights, the darkness dissolving into high walls of metal as the ground he was standing on became a steel bridge.

“Ben!”

He spun around and saw through his narrow field of vision, his father, Han Solo, walking up towards him.

 _“This, my boy, is your real test,”_ the creature’s disembodied voice echoed through the vast metal chamber. _“Deny the light. Deny your father and accept me as your new master.”_ Then, almost in a hiss, it added, _“You know what you have to do...Kylo Ren...”_

* * *

 

Something was terribly wrong. Ben was taking far too long down the cavern, and Luke was starting to feel concerned. Even the newly minted Jedi Knights appeared restless, save for Lennett Mha, who was meditating in a corner.

Luke waited for a few more minutes but when Ben still didn’t emerge, he made his decision and turned to R2-D2. “Call the med droids, R2. We may have a situation.”

Whispers quickly broke out as the droid beeped and whirred its way out of the chapel. Without another second to lose, Luke activated his lightsaber and rushed inside the passageway, taking the spiral stairs two steps at a time until he finally reached the bottom and used a Force Barrier to protect himself from the dark nexus. Still, it would take him minutes to find his nephew’s supine and trembling form, deactivated lightsaber by his side. And when Luke managed to cradle him, he found Ben ghostly pale and wide-eyed under the light of Luke’s green lightsaber, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Ben!” Luke shook him. “Ben, snap out of it!”

Ben blinked and stared at his uncle for several moments before he began shook more viciously with his sobs. “U-Uncle Luke...I...I killed him...”

“Killed who?”

“Dad...I killed Dad.”

Luke sucked in a breath, his mind scrambling for an explanation. Why in the world would Ben’s final trial involve Han Solo? And most importantly... “Why, Ben? Why did you kill him?”

“B-Because...S-Supreme Leader Snoke told me to...”

It was as if a lightning bolt had hit all the way to the dark pits of the tree and struck Luke. He knew that name. Had heard of it in whispers for years, and it made him cold all over.

It was a while before he was able to speak again. “How...how do you know that name?”

“The creature...” Ben shivered, “...the creature from my nightmares...told me...that was his name...”

The creature. The one Ben had spoken of years before. The one Luke had passed off as a mere manifestation of Ben’s fears. The claim Luke had brushed off for years.

Suddenly, everything made sense—Leia’s stories of Ben’s night terrors, Ben’s claims of a creature with scars on its face, of Rey’s effect on him, and it was all Luke could do to keep himself from being sick.

He had to talk to Leia. He had to reach her somehow to let her know how they had been wrong all this time. How they had all been...so horribly, terribly wrong.

“Did I...fail, Uncle Luke?” Ben croaked.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” was all Luke could muster as he took one of Ben’s arms and put it over his shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Luke finally realizes his and Leia's mistake of not listening to Ben. The question is, is it too late?
> 
> Anyway guys, I'm going to be vacationing with my family for the rest of the week so the next update, which is also plot heavy, may take a while but I hope you enjoyed this long read. Meanwhile, thank you again for your patience and for your readership! Really appreciate your thoughts on this matter and I will do my best to answer all your comments in the replies. Love you guys as always!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had failed. He’d failed the final trial.
> 
> Rey could scarcely believe her ears. Ben Solo, one of the academy’s finest students had been the only one to fail the trial. Or at least, been unable to complete it from what she’d heard. That didn’t equal failure, she thought, but everyone else seemed to think so, and it was all the padawans could talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I would like to thank everyone for their patience in waiting for this next chapter. I know this update took a lot longer than my previous ones so I'm glad you guys are still sticking around despite nearly a couple of weeks of my absence.   
> I would also like to thank everyone for helping this fic reach over 1000 kudos. I am totally blown away by the support you guys have shown and I never thought such a milestone would be reached so thank you, thank you, thank you!  
> I'd like to also give special thanks to Erika and Shwtlee for our lil chats which helped and encouraged me through the troubles I've been having with my writer's block.  
> And finally, thanks again to my husband, alias Jamaeda, for bearing with me as I ranted off my frustrations and also for helping beta and read this story. Many of the plot points wouldn't have come about where it not for his insights and listening ear as well as his suggestions. Love you hon!  
> And now, without further ado, here's the 30th Chapter of What She's Worth

He had failed. He’d failed the final trial.

Rey could scarcely believe her ears. Ben Solo, one of the academy’s finest students had been the only one to fail the trial. Or at least, been unable to complete it from what she’d heard. That didn’t equal failure, she thought, but everyone else seemed to think so, and it was all the padawans could talk about.

The descendant of the great Skywalker lineage. A failure. It was absolutely excruciating to hear others especially the new Jedi Knights whisper and gloat about it, and so Rey had chosen to keep to herself, even shunning Kreio’s company. If there was anyone she needed to be with right now, it was Ben, but she wasn’t sure how to go about it given their fallout. But when word got out that he had been taken to the infirmary because of shock, she knew she had to see him.

“You can do this, Rey,” she told herself as she made her way down the white-walled corridors which led to the infirmary. She paused by the side of the door, put her hand over her rapidly beating heart and took in a deep breath before stepping inside.

She stopped almost the instant she walked in. Ben was lying on a cot, apparently sleeping but that wasn’t the reason she stopped. Lennett was there, sitting on a chair beside him.

_The very place Rey should be at right now._

Rey felt her fingers involuntarily clench, and in that moment, Lennett raised her head, stared back at her and smiled. It was the same triumphant smile she wore when she was covered in only a sheet a few nights back, and Rey had the greatest urge to run, lest she did something she might regret but she held her ground. She wasn’t about to let Lennett chase her away again.

No sooner had she taken her first step when Lennett stood up and walked towards her, stopping her in her tracks. She watched the approach with narrowed eyes until Lennett stood before her, arms crossed over ample breasts.

“So...came to see Ben, did you?”

Rey didn’t reply, but continued to glare at Lennett, to which she responded by widening her smile.

“My, you have grown to be a defiant little thing, haven’t you?” Lennett crooned then lowered herself to Rey’s eye level, propping her hands against her knees. “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by coming here, Rey, but I would appreciate it if you left. Ben, as you very well know, is my man now.”

“Ben doesn’t belong to anyone,” Rey replied through gritted teeth. “He is his own person. One night with you doesn’t make him yours.”

Lennett giggled. “You keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that!” Rey stomped her feet. No one was allowed to call her that except Ben. No one!

“Oh? Is the little bird angry?” Lennett cooed and smirked. “Do you hate me now, Rey? Do I make you angry? If so... _do it_. Give in to that anger. You know you want to.”

Rey’s eyes widened. She had heard those words before. In the nightmares she had been having nonstop. Those words...those taunts...they were not the Jedi way. And the more she stared at Lennett, the more her anger evolved into fright.

Lennett must have seen the change in Rey’s expression because her smile suddenly disappeared, and she drew herself up to her full height.

Rey didn’t wait for Lennett to say anything more as she turned and ran; ran from her nightmares personified; recoiled from the stranger she had known for years.

_Recoiled from the Dark Side._

* * *

He had failed. He’d failed the final trial.

But how else could he have gone about it? He had made the choice to kill his father in order to save Rey. Made the choice to end the life of a dying man—given him a swift, merciful death rather than leave him to suffer for more years and at the same time save the life of the girl who meant so much to him. How was that the wrong choice? How was letting the creature—Supreme Leader Snoke as it called itself—take her to the Dark Side the better alternative?

Or was it because he had given in to his fears—given in to Snoke’s mental manipulations—that he had failed?

_“Did I...fail, Uncle Luke?”_

_“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m so, so sorry.”_

Ben took his padawan braid between his fingers and stared at it. He was the only one in his class who still had one; the only initiate left.

The only failure.

He shouldn’t let it bother him. The only reason he wanted to be a Jedi Knight in the first place was so he could have Rey by his side as his apprentice. But she had refused him. There was no point in being a Jedi Knight anymore, yet this failure loomed over him like a dark cloud.

He needed answers. He needed to know what exactly would have been the right choice. He needed to try again. He had to ask Luke for another chance.

His decision made, Ben stood up from bed, grabbed his lightsaber and exited his room to make his way towards his uncle’s quarters.

* * *

Luke couldn’t think straight. Hadn’t been able to for a good number of hours. Not since he pulled Ben out of that Force Tree.

_“Dad...I killed Dad.”_

_“Why, Ben? Why did you kill him?”_

_“B-Because...S-Supreme Leader Snoke told me to...”_

Snoke. Supreme Leader of the First Order. All of the rumors were true. That man...that creature _was_ Force sensitive and had been manipulating Ben from the shadows. Right from under his nose! If only he had listened to his nephew all those years ago, maybe...

He stopped pacing and shook his head. No. There was no use dealing with what ifs. No use dwelling on past mistakes. He needed to move forward. To find a semblance of a remedy or at least some damage control, if it was still possible, to ensure Ben didn’t get seduced to the Dark Side.

“What do I do, Father?” he muttered, not really to himself, his blue eyes on an object at one corner of his room as though it had the answers he was looking for. And after a few beats, an answer did dawn on him.

He needed to talk to Leia. She needed to stop running away from their family’s legacy lest it be used against them. He had to convince her to tell Ben the truth, or allow him to tell the truth before it was too late.

And so, having decided to confront his sister with the truth about Ben and Snoke, Luke stepped out of his quarters and strode determinedly towards his X-Wing outside the academy grounds. It would take a couple of days’ travel even on hyperdrive with stops along the way, but he had to leave for Hosnian Prime right away.

He didn’t know it, but in his haste, he had forgotten to lock the door to his room.

* * *

Ben hurried through the darkened hallways of the academy, momentarily lost in its corridors. He may have lived in there for a good number of years but he had only gone to his uncle’s quarters once, and that wasn’t enough to help him navigate expertly through the maze of halls. For a second, he thought he heard the distant noises of an X-Wing’s engines but he chucked it out to imagination and continued on his way.

After a long while, he was able to remember a turn he needed to take and started in what he knew to be the right direction. He recognized the short flight of winding stairs and after passing through a narrow hallway, found himself in front of the door leading to Luke’s quarters. He hurried to it, his hand ready on the buzzer when the door unexpectedly whooshed open.

 _“Huh,”_ he thought. _“I guess Uncle Luke forgot to lock up.”_

“Uncle Luke?” Ben stepped inside and found the converted office brightly lit but empty, his eyes scanning through the shelves, the plaques and medals on the wall until his gaze settled on the door to Luke’s bedroom.

He started towards it. “Uncle Luke, it’s Ben. I need to ask you some—”

Again, the door whooshed open without any prompting. His uncle really needed to learn to keep his doors closed, Ben thought with a hint of dismay and stepped inside, turning the lights on as he did so.

The room was smaller than he had expected and quite sparse, with only a small, simple bed at one corner, a nightstand, a closet and something else at another corner of the room. But no Luke Skywalker. So did that mean he hadn’t imagined the X-Wing noises he heard earlier? What reason would Luke have to leave in the middle of the night and in such a hurry by the looks of it?

Ben shook his head and started to leave when the object at the corner of the room grabbed his attention. There was...something familiar about the shape of it. Something he had seen in holos and holobooks. Really old holos and holobooks. Something he had seen during Jedi Lore and History class from years before.

His curiosity piqued, Ben approached the object, which was placed atop a wooden corner stand. And when he realized what it was, the horror he felt was so great, he backed off so quickly that he lost his balance and fell to the floor.

There, on the corner stand of the great Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker’s room, was the gnarled, melted helmet of the most infamous mass murderer in recent history.

_Darth Vader._

Ben began to hyperventilate. What was his uncle doing, keeping Darth Vader’s helmet? Wasn’t this the same man who helped in the near extinction of the Jedi Order? The same man who tortured both Han and Leia, cut off Luke’s hand, ruined the lives of several students in Luke’s academy and so much more? Why keep this relic from one of the most hated, most evil men in the entire galaxy? It just didn’t make any sense. And to put it into a seemingly special pedestal in his private quarters...

No, no, it couldn’t be real, Ben thought. It had to be fake, that’s it. Just some prop or a replica Luke kept for whatever twisted reason.

He started to laugh. Of course it was a fake. Darth Vader perished with the destruction of the second Death Star. There was absolutely no way for Luke to have gotten a hold of this helmet and even if he did, there was no logical explanation why he would keep such an item. Right?

Standing up and dusting himself off, Ben approached the helmet once more, feeling absolutely silly. He supposed his uncle must have some sort of quirk or a funny side after all if he bought a replica from somewhere—

He touched the helmet and immediately he was thrown into a whirlwind of memories. Of twin suns and sand, of a loving mother carved and aged by hardship, of droids and pod races and slavery. Of a boy with sandy blonde hair whisked away by two men—one a father figure, the other as close as he would have to a brother. The boy turned man spirited into the world of Jedis—a world of excitement and adventure but one he would soon find to be full of hypocrites, liars and manipulators especially after the horrific death of his mother; a world full of powerful men and women from many sentient races who were so blinded by their creed—and their greed for power over the galaxy.

Then there was her—the kind and beautiful queen; the breathtaking senator who had stolen this young man’s heart away. A secret marriage forbidden by Jedi laws; a spark of happiness at the knowledge of her pregnancy; fear such as no world had ever known upon visions of her death by childbirth.

He would do anything to save her, even if it meant tapping into powers the Jedis considered to be unnatural. He would do absolutely anything and everything.

Even turning to the Dark Side.

And then, once he was strong enough, he would overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy together with his beloved.

_He would annihilate Supreme Leader Snoke and take his rightful place in the galaxy with Rey by his side..._

Ben screamed as he let go of the helmet, thrown off from where he stood and back to the floor by some unseen force. He’d seen and felt so much more. Deaths. _Her death by his hands._ Murders. Children. Genocide. Traitors. Betrayal. Severed limbs. Searing heat. Hatred. So much hatred. Anger. And darkness. And though the memories he saw were fleeting flashes, he had been aware enough to recognize certain people in that haze.

His biological grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. His biological grandmother, Padme Amidala. His grandfather’s master and who would be his namesake, Obi Wan “Ben” Kenobi. The Sith Emperor Palpatine among others. Why would those people be within memories imbued upon the mask of a man who did not make his appearance until after Order 66? After the death of Anakin Skywalker during the Great Jedi Purge? Why did the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker keep Darth Vader’s helmet?

Why?!

A semblance of an answer. Nagging at the back of his head. But it hadn’t even stepped further into the light of his consciousness when he outright denied it. It’s not true. It’s impossible! And yet...

_“Vader lives...”_

“NO!” Ben picked himself up from the floor and ran away from Luke’s quarters; away from the helmet, away from the flashes of memories, away from his own thoughts.

Escape, unfortunately, would not be something granted to him, and he would spend the rest of the night wallowed in his thoughts until sunlight shone through the window of his room.

He didn’t know it at the time, but it would be the last sunrise he would ever see in Luke’s Jedi Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand that one of the more accepted theories of the acquisition of Vader's helmet was through a package delivered by Bazine in the canon short story "The Perfect Weapon", but this is another theory that I like which was suggested to me by my hubby and we worked it together so that it would help explain Kylo Ren's motivations, especially the whole 'finishing what Vader started'. There. A clue for future chapters ;)
> 
> So it's safe to say next chapter will be the beginning of the end, the inevitable event that has to happen. It has taken 30 chapters to get there but I hope you guys have found this ride to hell engaging. I'll be heading back to the drawing board for the outline so I can't promise that the next update will be quick, as again, it will be plot heavy. We all know what's gonna happen next. So in the mean time, stay tuned, get your hearts ready, because the Jedi Massacre is now right around the corner.
> 
> As always, I thank you for your continued readership, the support, the comments and the kudos. It has continued to be a very fun ride with you and don't worry, we still have more chapters to come before the end. Until next time!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Luke Skywalker had left with R2-D2.
> 
> Rey and the rest of the students in the academy had learned about the unexpected departure from droid announcements earlier that day, and it had fuelled speculations on whether it had something to do with Ben Solo’s failure to advance into Jedi Knighthood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be quoting some lines verbatim here from Bloodline for those who have not read the book so you'll have a better understanding of what's going on. You'll know what those lines are when we get there.

_“What are you saying?”_

_“Supreme Leader, I believe it would be imperative that we look beyond Solo. There is one more powerful than he who could prove to be a far better asset to the First Order.”_

_“You want me to disregard the years we have spent in grooming Skywalker’s nephew in order to go after someone you cannot even prove is a better alternative?”_

_“I can prove that she’s more than just a pawn we could use. I just need more time.”_

_“If what you say about this girl is true, Mha...then give me proof and bring her to me...”_

* * *

Master Luke Skywalker had left with R2-D2.

Rey and the rest of the students in the academy had learned about the unexpected departure from droid announcements earlier that day, and it had fuelled speculations on whether it had something to do with Ben Solo’s failure to advance into Jedi Knighthood. Certainly the things Rey heard continued to be unsavoury, and so once the suspension of classes was announced due to Luke’s absence, she quickly stood up from her desk and left ahead of everyone else from the classroom.

She walked briskly along the corridors until she found herself alone in the hallway which led to the padawan’s quarters. With a sigh, she reached into her pockets and took out the two halves of Papa Doll. She had taken to taking the two pieces everywhere with her, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. She supposed she should already start sewing the pieces back together, but with her and Ben’s relationship still in tatters...

“Rey! Rey!”

Hastily putting Papa Doll back in her pockets, she turned and smiled at Kreio Thorsen, who ran and waved frantically at her before stopping to catch his breath. “Kreio, what’s up?”

“Where’s...Master Solo?” Kreio panted before drawing himself up, excitement shining in his green eyes. “He needs to see this. His mother’s on the news.”

“His mother?” Rey parroted, her stomach becoming a bit queasy. She knew of Senator Leia Organa Solo of course. Ben had talked about her enough, but Rey also still recalled how Senator Organa had been so against them sharing a room back then. Maybe they should’ve listened to her, Rey thought ruefully. Maybe if they had separated earlier, she wouldn’t have come to feel this much for Ben...

“Rey?”

Rey shook away from her reverie. “I’m sorry, Kreio. What was that?”

“I said they’re going to be announcing Senator Organa’s candidacy for First Senator today,” Kreio reiterated, his smile still in place. “I thought maybe Master Solo would find the news exciting. And I know like many of us, he hasn’t seen his mother in a while.”

Rey’s smile turned wistful. Kreio was really trying his best to be on Ben’s good side, she thought. “I’m not sure he’d want to see that, Kreio. Last time we talked about it, he wasn’t exactly keen on his mother’s candidacy.

“Besides, he and I still aren’t on speaking terms,” Rey added, not without a hint of sadness. “I don’t even know where he is right now.”

“Oh.” Kreio seemed genuinely disappointed, much to her surprise.

“But you know what? Why don’t you and I both watch it?” she offered. “How does that sound?”

“Cool!” Kreio’s smile was back in an instant. “Most of the students are in the mess hall right now, watching the news via holos. Let’s go!”

Kreio talked animatedly as they walked the path leading to the mess hall. She learned then that his father was a staunch Populist supporter, and that the Thorsen family were big fans of the Skywalkers.

“My father used to be in the Rebel Alliance too,” Kreio added. “I mean, he wasn’t a big deal like Senator Organa of course. He was one of the maintenance personnel back in Hoth and he has nothing but kind words to say about her. If she becomes First Senator, maybe she can help unite the Populists and the Centrists.”

Rey had to smile at his enthusiasm. Kreio was the only person she knew in the academy who actually enjoyed talking about Galactic Politics. Why, she could picture him growing up to be a senator one day. She wouldn’t be at all surprised if he decided to be a Junior Senator instead of a Jedi Knight once they graduated.

As for her...what was to become of her? She had never really thought about a life without Ben. Hers had been so entangled with his that she hadn’t even thought about the possibility of going through the rest of her years alone. Gone were the dreams of tagging alongside him as his apprentice. She had rejected him, and for good reason, she thought, her heart once again breaking at the memory of what had occurred on that fateful night. Ben had broken more than her heart. He’d dashed all her hopes and dreams, her goals in life.

So why couldn’t she stop loving him?

“We’re here Rey.” She felt Kreio nudge her shoulder, and she looked up to see that they were already in the mess hall, with about fifty or so other students along with a few newly minted Jedi Knights, some eating their lunches, but most staring at the large screen projected in the air by a droid at the front of the hall.

On the screen were images of the vast Senate floor, which housed thousands of senators from almost every quadrant of the known galaxy. At the center of attention was a Loneran senator named Varish Vicly, who was singing praises for Senator Organa’s heroism during the war:

_“When the first Death Star was built, even before the galaxy at large had learned about this monstrosity, Princess Leia received the station’s plans: the very ones that revealed the weakness leading to its destruction.”_

Broadcasted on a side panel on the screen was the face of Leia Organa herself, looking elegant in her snowy white gown and heavy necklace. Though she had aged from the old holos Rey had seen her in, Senator Organa was still a beauty, and she could see where Ben had gotten some of his looks from...

Her heart suddenly skipped a beat, and without knowing why, she looked up at one direction in the mess hall and found Ben Solo entering through the doorway, the black cloak she gave him swathed around his shoulders.

* * *

 

He didn’t want to be here. Not with so many people around. He’d meant to stay in his room and rot, but there was only so much hunger that he could take, and he hadn’t had anything to eat since the night before. That he hadn’t had a wink of sleep wasn’t helping, and so he had trudged to the mess hall, only to find students watching a broadcast of the senate floor as his mother was being praised for her contributions during the war.

_“As the Star Destroyer Devastator closed in to capture her vessel, it was Princess Leia who had the presence of mind to extract the plans from the Tantive IV’s main computer core and hide them within a droid that could be jettisoned to the nearest planet undetected. Had she not, we would no doubt be living under Imperial Tyrrany still!”_

Ben wrinkled his nose and started for the server droids, whispers following in his wake. He’d never been fond of the idea of his mother’s candidacy, mostly for selfish reasons. He’d been hoping for years that after he graduated, he’d get to see her more often but with the position of First Senator practically in the bag, that quashed any hope he may have had of spending more time with Leia.

With a sigh, he continued on to the server droids. Some bread and blue milk would do. He’d just grab it quick so he could get back to his room and...

He felt a strange, familiar twinge in his chest, and for no reason he could comprehend, he looked up to one side and saw Rey, staring at him from across the room, Kreio at her side.

Ben felt his breath catch and his chest constrict, his hand instinctively clutching the fabric of his tattered cloak. It felt like he hadn’t seen her in months instead of days, and to see her with Kreio again...it felt like a saber through his heart. Hadn’t he sacrificed himself for her in the Force Tree? Then again that was a sacrifice she would never even know of.

The question as to whether or not he had made the right choice stirred through his thoughts once more. Saving her was supposed to be the right choice, wasn’t it? But he had ended up failing the test. He had hoped for a second chance but Luke had disappeared to who knew where.

And then, there was Darth Vader’s helmet in his uncle’s room.

Ben tore his eyes away from Rey’s and absently reached into his pocket for his comlink, his fingers tightening around them yet he didn’t take the device out. He’d debated for hours on whether or not to call Luke about the helmet but he wasn’t sure how to go about it. What should he say anyway? _‘Hey Uncle Luke, I was snooping inside your room and found Vader’s helmet. What’s up with that?’_ No, that wouldn’t do at all. But he needed answers. Because some of the answers he was coming up himself were too horrifying to even think of.

He cleared his thoughts and concentrated on his quest to procure food, his ears now taking in the din around him. There were casual conversations from those who weren’t really interested in the senate broadcasts, with topics ranging from the latest trends and fashion, to inside jokes and war history. Nothing really worth listening to, and so Ben had decided to tune his ears to the broadcast. He needed something to distract him from thinking too much.

From thinking about Rey, who he knew was still looking his way.

_“And so it is with the greatest confidence and pride that I hereby nominate Senator Leia Organa, hero of the rebellion, to stand as First Senator of the New Republic!”_

With the conclusion of Senator Varish Vicly’s speech came the cheers and applause from the senate floor. Ben looked up in time to see his mother stand up to acknowledge the crowd with nods and smiles before she took her seat once more.

Then came the flat voice of a moderator droid. _“Does any person present know of any fact that would disqualify Senator Organa from higher office?”_

Ben started to look away at this. The droid would just be following the next step in the process after all. No one could possibly object to his mother’s candidacy.

That was, until a voice rang out through the speakers: _“I must take the floor!”_

Ben stared up at the holo again and saw a Centrist senator, indicated as Ransolm Casterfo of Riosa, being broadcasted onscreen. He frowned. Wasn’t this the same senator who had been on a bi-partisan mission with his mother a few months back? Weren’t they reported to be good friends?

 _“The First Senator of the New Republic can only be granted supreme authority if we the citizens feel that person deserves our trust,”_ Casterfo declared, his narrow face ashen, his sandy blonde hair dishevelled and his blue eyes wild as he braced one hand on his console as though to keep himself from falling to his knees. _“To my deepest regret, I have learned that Leia Organa does not deserve that trust.”_

Murmurs broke out, not just on the senate floor, but in the academy’s mess hall itself. Ben could feel eyes starting to turn towards him. _Does not deserve that trust?_ His mother, one of the greatest heroes in recent memory, who had fought in the war and had served the in the senate for almost a quarter of a century not deserving of trust? It was ridiculous to even think of, he thought. What was this man up to?

 _“Princess Leia’s lies have protected her long enough,”_ Casterfo continued. _“Her deception cannot be permitted to endanger the entire galaxy. If people are considering electing her as First Senator, they have the right to know exactly who they’re voting for.”_

Something stirred within Ben. A feeling that was rapidly evolving from discomfort to terror. The same feeling he felt after touching Darth Vader’s helmet.

And when Casterfo pointed a finger at Leia, every horrific piece that led to the answer that had been plaguing him since his discovery in Luke’s room clicked into place. _“Senator Leia Organa is none other than the daughter of Darth Vader himself!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who have read Bloodline, yes I ended this chapter exactly where Chapter 22 of that novel ended it. And here we have Ben, actually hearing the broadcast together with a lot of the students of the academy.
> 
> This can only end well...
> 
> Anyway, I have an announcement guys. I just recently got a new job, so this may affect updates. But I'll try my best to still give you guys weekly updates at the very least.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it's not as long as expected. It's the beginning of the end...


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gasps and shouts surrounded Ben, warping into a cacophony of voices he couldn’t understand. He felt the blood drain away from his face and his whole body felt as though it had turned into ice.
> 
> His mother was Darth Vader’s daughter.
> 
> Which made him...Darth Vader’s grandson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all guys, I'm really sorry for the huge delay in the update. Work has taken over much of my time so I wasn't able to find any time at all to continue. But now I did, and I hope you guys will forgive me for the late update.

Gasps and shouts surrounded Ben, warping into a cacophony of voices he couldn’t understand. He felt the blood drain away from his face and his whole body felt as though it had turned into ice.

His mother was Darth Vader’s daughter.

Which made him...Darth Vader’s grandson.

Grandson. He was the grandson of a Sith. He had Sith blood in his veins, and suddenly, everything he had felt throughout his years, everything that creature, Supreme Leader Snoke had said...everything the deceased Yhorhan Barr and his followers had said...it all made sense.

 _“The_ darkness _in you...and the light. You who are born equal parts of_ both _sides of the Force. You have no idea, the_ power _coursing through your body...the allure of it.”_

_“Vader lives...”_

Despite his ever growing turmoil, he managed to look up at the only person whose opinion mattered; the one person who would understand him if she knew the truth about herself. And so he looked up at Rey, who stared at him with wide, hazel eyes, her shock mirroring his.

No, they weren’t the same. She was born of Dark Siders whereas he...he was born of an actual Sith; a Sith responsible for the deaths of millions. Nothing, absolutely nothing could be worse than that.

The broadcast continued, with Ransolm Casterfo declaring he had proof but it was evidence Ben didn’t need to hear. He had already seen and felt Anakin Skywalker’s fall, his horrific transformation into half-man, half-machine, and he didn’t need to hear more. Didn’t want to hear more, and so he ran out of the mess hall, shoving shoulders aside, gasping for air through the crowds until he spilled out into the hallway and ran as fast as his wobbly legs could take him.

Anakin Skywalker, hero of the Clone Wars, had become Darth Vader.

His grandfather was Darth Vader. All along.

And none of his family ever told him.

He stopped to catch his breath and found himself somewhere deep inside the academy’s garden. He didn’t know exactly where, nor did he care. What he needed now were answers, and so he took out the comlink from his pocket and contacted his uncle.

Luke answered almost immediately, but Ben spoke before he could.

“Uncle Luke, is it true?”

“You...heard the broadcasts?”

“Is it true?!” Ben demanded. “Is Darth Vader my grandfather?”

A long silence, followed by a deep sigh and the smallest voice Ben had ever heard Luke use. “Yes.”

He swallowed and blinked away the sudden burning sensation in his eyes. “Do my parents know?”

“Yes.”

“How long?” Ben gritted his teeth, his voice now coming out as a hiss. “How long have you all known?”

“Since the Battle of Endor. But Ben,” Luke quickly interjected before Ben could say more, “your grandfather returned to the Light before he died. I was there. And believe me when I say your mother wanted to tell you, but she couldn’t find the right time—”

“Right time?” Ben cut in, his eyes wide and incredulous. “Do all of you think I’m still a child? There was no right time! And now, I have to find out like this?!”

“Ben—”

“You’re all liars!” Ben screamed into the comlink. “Liars, all of you!”

“Ben, listen to me—”

He turned off his comlink and hurled it as far as he could into the bushes before he fell to his knees, screaming his anger to the world. His fingers curled and clawed at his raven hair as he rocked back and forth, screaming and sobbing though no tears fell.

How could they do this to him? His own family? How could they lie to his face, tell him stories of the great Anakin Skywalker yet leaving out the parts that mattered? How could they keep the truth from him all these years? Did they really not trust that he could handle it? How could they leave him to find out like this?

And Darth Vader? Turning back to the Light? Impossible! Turning to the Light after falling to the Dark...it just couldn’t be done. Probably just another one of Luke Skywalker’s lies. And he had many.

A small hand touched his shoulder, and even without looking, he knew whose it was.

“Ben...”

“Get away from me, Rey.”

“No.”

“No?” He rose to his feet and turned around. In the haze of his vision, he saw her standing before him, hands clasped to her chest. “Rey, didn’t you hear? I’m Vader’s grandson! Vader! The galaxy’s most infamous mass murderer! Me, his grandson!”

“Do you really think I care about that?” Rey shot back, much to Ben’s astonishment. “You may be his grandson, but you’re not him, okay? You’re Ben Solo. And what we need to do right now is leave.”

“What?” Leave? Why would they need to leave?

As though she could read his mind, Rey answered, “Casthre and the others could be coming here any minute to get you. He’s rallying the others as we speak. Come on, let’s go!”

“Go where?”

“Anywhere but here!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her, past bushes and shrubs and to the path leading outside the garden.

“Rey, you can’t come with me,” Ben protested and tried to tug his hand away but Rey’s grip was strong. “They’ll get you too.”

“I don’t care.” She didn’t turn, but continued to pull him down the path and past the garden’s archway. “I’m going with you. We stick together. You promised me.”

“Rey...” Tears threatened to spill forth again, and Ben had to swallow back a sob. “I...I hurt you.”

“Let’s not talk about that right now—”

Rey stopped, as did Ben. They had arrived at the academy’s circular grounds and found themselves surrounded by all the new Jedi Knights and almost every padawan in the school. Some, like Kreio, looked frightened. But most, especially the Jedi Knights stared back with unmistakeable hatred.

And most were carrying lightsabers and vibroblades.

“Get behind me, Rey,” Ben whispered and stepped in front of Rey, adjusting the torn cape of his cloak so he could have access to his lightsaber.

Casthre stepped forward and ignited his saber, its yellow glow casting menacing shadows across his pale, livid face. “Where do you think you’re going, Vader’s spawn?”

Vader’s spawn. The term spread in whispers throughout the crowd, and Ben found himself tightening his hands around his lightsaber, yet he didn’t activate it. “I don’t want any trouble, Casthre. Just...just let us go.”

“Let you go?” Casthre parroted with a snort as he paced to and fro, brown eyes never leaving Ben’s. “Why? So you could tell your Dark Sider uncle that you’ve both been found out?”

“My uncle’s not a Dark Sider!” Ben yelled. “We’re not Dark Siders!”

“Liar!” Casthre yelled back and took on a ready stance. “You...both of you are of Darth Vader! The monster who killed my mother!”

And with that, the other Jedi Knights stepped forth, lightsabers activated as they reminded Ben of the atrocities committed by Darth Vader.

 _His grandfather_.

“He slaughtered my entire village!”

“I lost my parents because of him!”

“He almost killed us!”

“He had my grandfather tortured!”

“My entire family was enslaved because of him!”

Hayr Fontu. Luthra Rim.Lii Garuda. Kou Rii. P’qor Loshan. Thun Pak. Names he had remembered from their time during the Jedi trials, now seared in his memory for this moment of pure terror.

All at once, the Jedi Knights rushed forth, weapons drawn and pulsing with energy. Ben pushed Rey aside, activated his lightsaber and began fending off plasma blade after plasma blade, with most blows coming from Casthre.

Six to one. That was how it had come to be. An unfair fight with several strikes coming in at once. But Ben was not considered one of the best in the academy for nothing. He’d fought a greater number of skilled fighters before. Back in that planet. With Yhorhan Barr and his fellow dark siders.

_“Vader lives...”_

Ben roared as a saber grazed his side. He rolled on the ground to get away, his hand on a freshly cauterized wound.

Panting and in pain, he rose to his feet once more and continued to defend himself but the Jedi Knights were relentless. Soon he would have more grazes and fresh wounds. And too many close calls.

Calling upon all the Force power he could, he threw them all off their feet, grabbed Rey’s arm and ran with her towards the academy gates. He prepared to use the Force once more to clear a path through the crowds when Herron Casthre suddenly appeared in front of him, striking him.

Ben parried and clashed sabers with Casthre, the impact of the blades sending blue, white and yellow sparks flying.

“Casthre, please!” Ben pleaded. “Let us go!”

“You’re grandfather didn’t spare my mother’s life!” Casthre seethed and struck again and again. “Why should I spare yours?!”

Each blow from Casthre seemed more powerful than the next. And Ben was starting to feel weak. The others were getting back on their feet and readying their sabers while all around rang chants.

Chants for his death.

“Kill him! Kill Vader’s spawn!”

With renewed strength and vigor, Ben began to fight with more viciousness. More relentlessness. More desperation. He wasn’t just merely defending himself anymore. He was fighting for his life!

Blow by blow, one by one, he struck and wounded his opponents, felling them to their knees and throwing them off their feet with the Force. He didn’t care anymore about the severity of the injuries he inflicted. He wanted to save himself. Wanted to save...

Rey.

He spun around and froze. Herron Casthre had a crying Rey by the shoulder, his yellow plasma blade inches from her neck.

It took a while for Ben to find his voice. “Casthre...you leave her out of this.”

“No...” Casthre shook his head and brought the plasma blade closer to Rey’s neck. “Not until you drop your saber.”

“You call yourselves Jedis?” Ben stormed, turning every which way to every Jedi Knight. “Fighting unfairly, taking a hostage—”

“You’re one to talk, Sith descendant!” Luthra Rim shouted back, his thick lips set in a snarl. “Did you think Darth Vader thought about fairness when he systematically had everyone in my village slaughtered? Did you think he thought about fairness when he destroyed our lives?”

“Revenge is not the Jedi way,” Ben called out, though he knew it was a poor attempt at reasoning with men and women who looked upon him with such hatred in their eyes.

“You are a fool to think that after this, we would still be Skywalker’s Jedis,” came Hayr Fontu’s shrill voice, her dark hair flying as the wind began to howl all around them.  “No, we are his Jedi Knights no longer. But we will do as Jedi Knights before had done, and that is to eliminate all of you Siths!”

“Drop your weapon, Solo!” Casthre pulled Rey’s head back , exposing more of her neck to the plasma blade. “Or your little girlfriend gets it.”

Rey sobbed.

“Do it!”

Teeth clenched behind closed lips, Ben deactivated his saber and tossed it to the ground. Almost immediately, the Knights ganged up on him, taking turns punching and kicking him while two held him up by the arms; while Rey’s screams for them to stop rang through the air; while chants for his death continued.

One hard kick to the stomach, and he coughed up blood, bright red staining the cobblestones.

“Enough,” Casthre called, and Ben looked up blearily to see Rey still screaming and struggling as other padawans held her back while Casthre made his slow approach, a blue lightsaber activated in his hand.

The Skywalker lightsaber.

His grandfather’s lightsaber.

Casthre looked at the saber in disgust. “If evidence presented by my world’s senator is correct, this is the very saber used to kill all those younglings in the Jedi Temple of Coruscant.” Then, after a moment of quiet contemplation, he turned to Ben. “Wouldn’t it be fitting if it were the instrument of your death, Vader’s spawn?”

The hands around his shoulders tightened, and he was forced to put his head down. The blue glow of the saber dimmed from his surroundings, and he knew Casthre was raising the weapon high, preparing to deliver the death blow.

He closed his eyes and bit at a split lower lip, allowing the pain to seep through. This would be the last time he’d feel the sting, the last he would taste of his own blood. His death would be painless. In seconds, he would feel nothing.

The glow of the saber brightened as Casthre brought it down upon his neck.

He shut his eyes tight and felt...

...nothing. Only the sting of a cut lower lip, the throbbing of his bruised and battered body, and the warmth of his own blood dripping down from his mouth.

Ben raised his head, and found to his shock, Herron Casthre, still in striking stance yet unable to move.

Then, the Skywalker saber flew from Casthre’s hands...

...and into Rey’s.

“Rey...” Ben’s eyes widened when Rey broke free from her captors, disarming them of their vibroblades before turning towards him with an open palm. He felt the Force rush past him then hit the Jedi Knights, throwing them all on the ground.

“Run, Ben!”

He wasn’t even able to get back up on his feet when he saw Casthre suddenly appear before Rey, and clash sabers with her.

“Rey!” No. She can’t fight with Casthre. He was one of the best saber fighters in the academy! And yet Rey surprised Ben when she held her own, using her small stature and speed in dodging blows, rolling away and swiping at Casthre’s feet when she could.

One swing of the saber, and Casthre howled, clutching the wound Rey had slashed on his shoulder.

Ben almost smiled. He’d taught her well.

“Bitch!” Casthre spat, and with a wave of an arm, sent Rey flying through the air and towards a stone pillar, the impact making an awful noise before she fell to the stone ground, out cold.

“No!!!” Ben scrambled to Rey’s side and took her limp form in his arms. “No, no, no. Rey!”

It was then he felt something warm seep through the hand he used to cradle her head.

He slipped his hand into view and saw blood.

 _Her_ blood.

_“What you fear the most is...loss...”_

He could hear Casthre behind him, yelling for the others to stand up and fight.

_“You fear losing her...”_

He closed his eyes and held Rey to him for a moment, feeling the warmth of her silent breaths against his neck before setting her ever so gently back on the ground.

_“You fear losing her to death...”_

His body seemed to move on their own accord as he grabbed his inert lightsaber and rose to his feet, arms limp on his sides, head hung so low that his hair covered his eyes.

_“Deny the light...”_

He could hear their shouts. Could hear their footfalls as they rushed in closer from behind, ready to attack.

Could still feel the warmth of Rey’s blood as it trickled down his hand and on to his lightsaber.

_“Accept me as your new master...”_

He looked up then, and his eyes felt as though they were on fire, the Force coursing through his body, rage pumping in his veins as he turned around and faced the former Jedi Knights.

_“You know what to do...Kylo Ren...”_

Then came the shouts. No, the roars. Booming and loud like the thunder that rolled through the dark clouds above.

It wasn’t until his throat hurt that he realized the screaming was his own.

Activating his lightsaber, he made a mad dash for the Knights.

One strike, and he lopped off Kou Rii’s arm.

Screams and shouts filled the air as he moved through the Knights one by one, his blazing eyes on Casthre even as he clashed sabers with the others.

Another strike, and his lightsaber found its way through Luthra Rim’s gut.

A slice at Lii Garuda, sending two halves of his body thudding to the ground.

Using the Force against Hayr Fontu, smashing her skull against the pillar.

A punch in the face of P’qor Loshan.

A slice to the back of Thun Pak.

More screaming. More shouting. The smell of cauterized flesh that was not his own. The sounds of bodies and limbs thudding to the ground. Mere nuisances.

He maimed. He killed. Yet he felt no remorse. Not anymore. Not after what happened to Rey.

He had his goal. He wanted Casthre’s head. The others were simply in his way.

Kicking Lii Garuda’s corpse aside, he advanced towards Herron Casthre, who by now, was quivering as much as the next student still surrounding them in the grounds. Ben didn’t even give any of them a glance. Even if they had the courage to use their vibroblades against him, which they now clearly didn’t, he’d cut through them like a knife.

He was out for blood.

Casthre was dead even while he still breathed.

Roaring, Ben brought his saber down on Casthre, who quickly parried and took on a defensive stance. The tables had turned, and now Ben circled Casthre, his heated gaze already pinpointing his opponent’s weaknesses, his mind closing in on the best mode of attack.

Without even turning, he thrust his saber to the side, stabbing P’qor Loshan and foiling his attempt at a final attack.

He pulled his saber out of Loshan’s gut, eyes still on Casthre. It was just them now. None of his so called friends could save him. Even the other padawans had begun to disperse, dropping their vibroblades and scurrying away like rats.

Ben swung his saber. Casthre deflected. Ben struck again and again, warding off Casthre’s blows and thrusts effortlessly. He needed to make this man suffer, to hurt him like he hurt Rey. 

Seeing opportunity, Ben called to the Force and pushed Casthre, slamming his back against one of the stone pillars before he fell face first to the cobblestone ground. Ben strode over to him, lightsaber ready and humming in his hand, his mind filled with images of Casthre’s severed head.

Casthre saw his approach and began to reach for his lightsaber but Ben stomped on his hand, eliciting a screech.

“You...” Ben hissed, lightsaber raised high, “...you’re dead!”

“Ben, no!”

Ben froze mid strike. Casthre was still below him, brown eyes wide and horrified but the shout hadn’t come from him.

He turned and sure enough, saw Rey struggling to her feet.

“Rey...” Deactivating his saber, Ben ran as fast as he could to Rey’s side. The burning sensation in his eyes had evolved to a different kind of burn—no longer heated in anger, but a damp warmth which threatened to roll down his cheeks. “Rey!”

“Ben...” He watched her run to him, and he ran faster until he felt her slam her small body against his torso, her arms around his waist, her head buried in his abdomen. “Please...no more...”

He cradled her head then, his anger blooming once more when he felt the sticky sensation of blood on her scalp. “But Rey...he hurt you.”

“No more killing,” she spoke into his bloodied robes before staring up at him, eyes imploring. “This...this isn’t you...”

Ben could find no response except to cup her face and wipe her tears away with his thumbs. And as he stared at his reflection in her glassy eyes, it dawned on him how wrong she was.

This _was_ him now. The real him. The grandson of Anakin Skywalker. Of Darth Vader. And just like his grandfather, he would do anything to save the one he loved the most.

Even killing.

And then, it came—a searing heat penetrating his chest, the sensation overwhelming his senses that Rey’s screams didn’t even register. The only thing that did was the white hot pain that bloomed from where Casthre’s yellow plasma blade penetrated through his chest before the lightsaber was pulled out from behind him, and he crumpled in a heap on the cobblestone grounds.

As a child, he had asked his mother what it was like to die. And she had told him stories from other people who came from the brink of it—of a tunnel of light and those long gone welcoming them into the stream of the Force.

He saw none of that.

What he saw instead was his worst nightmare.

Of the one girl who mattered, screaming into the void, her hazel eyes now blazing yellow as dark energy burst forth from her body.

Then came the shadows. Cold and evil. Then the darkness came to claim him.

And Ben felt nothing. Nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. I think some of you have suspected something like this was in the offing. That's mostly why I couldn't answer comments like those, just to keep things from being spoiled. But man, some of you really were on the money since several chapters ago XD
> 
> As for the next update, I'm not sure when it will be. I don't want to make promises that I can't keep but definitely I'll be writing it as soon as I can. 
> 
> As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! You have no idea how much I appreciate all the feedback from you guys. Until the next update!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on, come on,” Luke muttered under his breath, his eyes moving all over the controls of his X-Wing’s console. Outside, R2-D2 continued to beep frantically from the droid port on one of the wings, as though he could sense his master’s turmoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys and for my lack of replies to your previous comments. I've been quite busy with work. I'll try to answer your comments in the coming chapters.  
> Anyway, we're almost to the end of the hell ride so here you guys go :)  
> Big thanks to alikssepia for beta reading this chapter :D

“Come on, come on,” Luke muttered under his breath, his eyes moving all over the controls of his X-Wing’s console. Outside, R2-D2 continued to beep frantically from the droid port on one of the wings, as though he could sense his master’s turmoil.

It was no use. This was the fastest the X-Wing could travel even in hyperspace and it would still take several more hours before he reached the academy.

He tried to calm himself but failed miserably. He had pictured several scenarios in his head, none of them good. The results of this revelation—this public revelation of the Skywalker lineage—were bound to be disastrous, not just for Ben, but for the entire academy.

That was when he felt it—a disturbance in the Force. The darkness stirring, of lives violently ripped away, of terrified screams before all was silent.

And Luke knew then he was too late.

Far too late.

* * *

He felt nothing. No pain, no fear. Only...peace.

Was this what it was like to die? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he had never felt so calm, so free from pain and suffering, from all the tumult he had experienced these past several years.

He opened his eyes and found himself floating. Floating in oblivion as light shone down on him from up high.

The light...the warmth...

_“Come back...”_

He blinked. That voice. It was coming from the light.

_“Come back to me, Ben...”_

“Rey...” He raised his hand then, reaching out to the light, to the warmth until...

He gasped when he felt the full force of pain welling up from his chest, the wound from Casthre’s plasma blade throbbing...

...and healing?

“Ben!”

Ben sputtered as Rey lifted her hands from his chest and threw her arms around him, his still healing wounds pulsing with pain. “Oh, Ben...I...I thought I lost you...”

He groaned in response. That he felt pain and discomfort was a good sign. He was alive. Exhausted, wounded, but very much alive. And he knew without asking that it was all thanks to Rey.

Rey...

Mustering the strength, he gently pushed Rey off him so he could look at her eyes, relief washing over him when he found them to be the same hazel colour he had always known them to be. They weren’t the eyes of someone who had tapped into the Dark Side. So perhaps she hadn’t...

Rey shook her head and looked away, tears coursing down her cheeks.

“R-Rey...what...is it?”

It took a while before Rey answered, and when she did, it was in a voice so small, Ben had to ask her again to repeat what she had said.

“I killed them,” she blurted, and Ben froze. “I killed them all.”

He started to shake his head. No. Not Rey. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. This was just one of his many nightmares. It wasn’t real. And yet even as he tried to deny it, the scent of blood and cauterized flesh was thick in the air. From the corner of his eye, he could see lifeless bodies...bodies upon bodies, toppled pillars and fires coming from the distance...but he dared not look.

Looking would make it real. Make the nightmare real.

“It’s true, Ben. I killed...everyone,” Rey sobbed, her fingers tightening around the black cloak he still wore over his shoulders. “When I saw Casthre stab you...I lost control and I...killed them. All of them, even...even Kreio...”

This time, Ben did turn to look at his side. He didn’t know what made him turn to that specific direction, but a mere few feet from them, lay Kreio Thorsen, his green eyes lifeless and wide open even in death.

The world began to spin, the sounds around him dulling until he could barely hear Rey’s explanations, of dark, shadowy creatures bursting forth from her body and enacting her malicious intent for her.

It didn’t matter to Ben how it happened. What mattered was that it did, and one innocent soul, Kreio, had paid with his life.

Ben swallowed and tried to speak, tried to find some way to comfort Rey, but found himself at a loss. All those horrid dreams, of fires and dead bodies all over the academy grounds, of Rey with eyes that glowed with malevolence...it had all been a premonition. And he wasn’t able to stop it.

“I’m of the Dark Side.”

Ben felt his breath catch in his throat, and he tore his eyes away from Kreio’s body to look at Rey once more.

“I’m of the Dark Side,” she repeated, her words still heavy with sobs. “I...I remember everything. About my parents...about how Master Luke...how he...my parents...my memories...”

Ben tried to keep his face still. Tried to keep himself from giving anything away but it was almost as if Rey could read his thoughts, and her glassy eyes widened.

“You knew,” she whispered. “Didn’t you?”

He tried to open his mouth to speak, but even that took so much effort. It was as if all energy had been zapped away from his body, and all he could do was stare back at her, willing her to understand why he had kept it a secret. But how could he even begin to explain everything? How could they even begin to pick up the pieces after everything that had happened? Where would they even start?

Rey suddenly gasped before falling on her side. Ben tried to sit up and catch her but he was still too weak, his wounds not fully healed, and so he could do nothing except watch her fall to the ground unconscious.

Before he could even figure out what was happening, he saw a strange bending of light before him before it slowly materialized into a person. And somehow, he knew who it was even before he saw her sneer, even before she fully revealed herself from using Force Cloak—a rare ability he didn’t even know she had.

“L-Lennett...what are you...” He paused when he saw hypo-syringe in Lennett Mha’s hand. “You...what did you do to Rey?!”

“Just gave her a little something to calm her down,” Lennett answered with a shrug before picking Rey with a swoop of an arm, carrying her as though she weighed nothing. “Can’t have her going ballistic again while I transport her.”

“Trans...port...?” Ben repeated, and tried to call on his strength to help him stand but failed. All he could do was turn himself on his stomach and try to crawl. “Where are you...taking her?”

Lennett laughed. Her laughter—melodious to his ears so long ago—was now full of malice. “You’re a fool if you think I would tell you, Ben Solo, but let’s just say that once I bring her there, I will for sure be hailed as the next Kylo Ren.”

Kylo Ren. He had heard that name—that _title_ —before. Had heard the creature call him that, and the realization hit him like lightning. “You’re taking her to Supreme Leader Snoke.”

It wasn’t a question, but a statement, and it took Lennett aback for a moment. “How did you—”

“You’re not taking her,” Ben seethed as he crawled and made a grab for Lennett’s ankle but she quickly kicked his hand away.

“Oh, but I am,” Lennett taunted, her smile serene, almost benevolent. But Ben knew it couldn’t have been farther from reality. “You know...I was supposed to take _you_ to the Supreme Leader. All those years of trying to seduce you to the Dark Side...yet you had a far more powerful Dark Sider by your side all along.” She nodded to Rey, who was hanging limp at the crook of her arm. “And once the Supreme Leader sees what this child can do, sees what _I_ have brought him, then I’ll be the next Master of the Knights of Ren.”

“To hell with your ambitions,” Ben spat and tried to stand again, this time succeeding in bringing himself on all fours. “You’re not taking her!”

“Watch me,” Lennett cackled, and with one swing of an arm, sent Ben hurtling towards one of the fallen pillars.

* * *

Lennett listened to the crunch of spine against stone as Ben hit the pillar and fell face first to the ground, her lips curling up into a smirk when she saw him stiff and unmoving.

“Good riddance,” she muttered and adjusted her hold on Rey. Yes, she thought. The Supreme Leader will be most pleased especially when she showed him the holo of the carnage Rey had wrought upon the academy. She had to admit, Rey’s uncontrolled use of the Force Wraiths had terrified her, but she was a master at concealment and those shadowy creatures had been unable to see or detect her through the Force.

As for the students dying, well, she never really cared for any of them. Sure, she had hoped for her fellow Jedi Knights to turn too, which was why she had fed on their anger for Darth Vader—constantly luring them in to conversations of their respective broken childhood, reminding them of their hate, taking advantage of the fact that Luke Skywalker was so overwhelmed with so many responsibilities to notice...but that plan had crashed and burned too when, in giving in to their anger, they had all died by Ben’s hands, Casthre by Rey’s.

Lennett began walking away, Rey’s limp body tucked under an arm. Watching the students perish the way they did may have been terrifying, but at the same time, it was awe inspiring how much power this child had—how much she would be an asset to the Knights of Ren and the First Order as a whole. And Supreme Leader Snoke would _have_ to reward her for all the effort she put in through the years. He would have to hail her as the new Kylo...

Lennett coughed. Why was her throat suddenly tight?

She tried to clear her throat again, but found that she could barely breathe.

Lennett gasped when she was suddenly lifted off the ground, Rey’s limp body falling to the cobblestones as she put both hands on her throat to try and claw at whatever was choking her, but to no avail.

 It wasn’t until she saw Ben Solo approaching, with his arms outstretched and fingers curled that she realized what was happening. And when she caught sight of the blazing yellow of his eyes, she felt fear such as she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Ben was tapping into the Dark Side again.

“You...will not...take her from me!” Ben curled his fingers, and Lennett gurgled as her throat tightened even more, her legs kicking beneath her for the ground but found only air.

Her face began to grow hot; her eyes beginning to bug out of their sockets. She was suffocating. _Dying_.

“ B-Ben...don’t...” she managed to croak as she shook her head. She couldn’t die. Not now. Not now when she was so close, and she knew then there was only one thing left to do. “Ben...I’m...I’m pregnant!”

The choking sensation instantly stopped, and she dropped three feet to the ground and unexpectedly, into Ben Solo’s arms, and her own arms instantly snaked around his waist, clutching at his cloak as she took in lungful after lungful of precious air.

It took moments before Ben spoke, his voice hoarse against her ear. “You’re...pregnant?”

“Yes,” Lennett said breathlessly, her throat still throbbing but otherwise intact. “It’s yours, Ben. I’m pregnant with your child.”

She tried to pull away so she could look into his eyes but he wouldn’t let her. Instead, he tightened his grip around her, and it was all Lennett could do to rest her head on his shoulder and sigh with relief.

She was saved.

That was when she felt it—sharp tendrils probing into her mind and causing her head to throb. What was this?

Before she could even form another thought, she felt something press against her belly and ignite.

The sound had registered first before the burning sensation did, and it wasn’t until she looked down that she saw Ben’s activated lightsaber, the blue plasma blade searing into her abdomen.

She couldn’t even scream; only gape as Ben Solo thrust his saber deeper into her gut, his eyes so aglow with fury, she may as well burn alive just by staring back at him.

“Liar,” he hissed. “I can see into your mind. I can see _everything_. And you are _empty_. As empty as your soul!”

And with one more swift movement of the saber, Lennett gasped her last before falling to the ground with a thud, the glowing rage in Ben’s yellow eyes the last image she would ever see.

* * *

Ben deactivated his saber, his shoulders heaving from ragged breaths as he continued to stare at Lennett’s body through the haze of his anger. How dare she try to fool him? Did she really think he wouldn’t see through her lies? Her manipulations? She deserved to die...

...but did she really?

Did anyone in the academy deserve to?

Ben shook his head and blinked. The burn in his eyes was now gone, and reality came back with a vengeance.

All around him was carnage.

Dead bodies of those who had tried to kill him and harmed Rey.

Dead bodies of the young padawans who had been his students in classes.

Dead bodies of those who had been hostile towards him.

Dead bodies of those who had done nothing wrong except being in the wrong place at the terribly wrong time.

Death by his hands. Death by Rey’s hands.

No. Not Rey’s, he thought. He wouldn’t accept it. This...all this would be his fault. He was to blame, not her.

_Rey._

Tearing his eyes away from the corpses around him, he turned his attention towards Rey, who still lay motionless on the ground. He hurried to her side, relief washing over him when he found her still breathing.

It was a while before he moved to scoop her up in his arms and carry her away from the grounds, away from the bodies, the massacre _he_ had committed. He did all this; not her, and he refused to believe otherwise. Everything had been his fault from the beginning. And Rey...she was innocent.

He would take the blame.

He wouldn’t allow her to be tarnished.

His entire life had been ripped away and all he had left now was her.

She was all that mattered now.

He needed to find a safe place for her. For them.

He needed to find sanctuary.

And he knew there was only one place, one person he could go to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this story, "Kylo Ren" is actually a title. In the BTS videos of TFA, the crew was pronouncing the name as "Kilo Ren" which can translate to One in a Thousand Ren. 1/1000 Ren = Master of a Thousand Ren so I decided to go with that as the reason why the name Kylo Ren came about. 
> 
> Well, that's that guys. It's over. The academy, the dreams of rebuilding the Jedi Order, gone. But we still have five chapters remaining. So stay tuned for that, hopefully I can have it up soon. I hope you guys will stay with me despite the sporadic updates. Love you all very much and thank you so much for your continued readership!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’d seen the saber’s plasma blade go through him. Felt the heat of it as it glowed above her before Casthre pulled the lightsaber out from behind Ben.  
> Then Ben had fallen to the ground, and she had screamed like a wounded animal, shocked and in despair.  
> Then, despair had turned into anger. Into fury that raged through her body like wildfire, consuming her until nothing was left except surrender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would first and foremost like to give thanks to my awesome beta alikssepia for her wonderful job at helping polish this and other upcoming chapters. Her suggestions and comments have truly helped me get past hurdles I experienced during the writing process so thank you from the bottom of my heart! And also for those who wish to read the Russian version, alikssepia also translated What She's Worth here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9475061/chapters/21436778
> 
> I would also like to give thanks to erikajakole as well as my husband for hearing me out as well when I needed to talk more about WSW to get the story going. Thank you so much guys!
> 
> And last but not the least, I would like to thank you readers for sticking by this story despite the extremely late update. The next few updates won't be that long since I've already written the next two chapters. Expect the next update by next week.
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy reading the continuation of the story. Thank you so much!

She’d seen the saber’s plasma blade go through him. Felt the heat of it as it glowed above her before Casthre pulled the lightsaber out from behind Ben.

Then Ben had fallen to the ground, and she had screamed like a wounded animal, shocked and in despair.

Then, despair had turned into anger. Into fury that raged through her body like wildfire, consuming her until nothing was left except surrender.

And so she had given in. Given in to the anger and unleashed a power she never even knew she had.

A power her mother and her father had imbued upon her so long ago.

This was her. The real her. The daughter of Dark Siders. Dark Siders who had met their demise by Luke Skywalker’s blade.

This was her. The girl who loved and lost Ben Solo to Luke Skywalker’s students.

This was her. The girl whose darkness covered the academy and killed every last one of Luke’s students.

This was her.

She was...

...screaming. At the top of her lungs, she was screaming, fighting off whatever it was that was covering her. She needed to get away. She had to get away! She had to...

“Rey!”

Rey stopped struggling and opened her eyes to see Ben, kneeling beside her, his hands gripping her shoulders, his face a picture of concern. “Calm down, Rey. It’s just me.”

She stared back at him in silence before sitting up from bed and looking around. The quarters, with its durasteel walls, blinking control panels and the bunk bed she was currently on was familiar, but she hadn’t been in one of these rooms since her last academy trip to Coruscant. “We’re...in the academy’s shuttle?”

Ben nodded. “We are. Now, just lie down and rest. I don’t know what else was in that drug. How are you feeling?”

“Drug?” She blinked and took a moment to think before it finally hit her. “Lennett.”

She saw Ben’s jaw tighten. “Yes. Lennett.”

She swallowed. “Did I...kill her too?”

“No,” Ben quickly cut in and rose from the floor to sit on the bunk with her. “ _I_ killed her. Not you.”

“But everyone else...” Rey tried to swallow back her sobs but failed, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “I killed everyone.”

“No, no Rey. This is all my fault.” She felt Ben’s hands grip her shoulders again. “Hey, look at me. Sweetheart, look at me. You weren’t in control of yourself. Alright? I was. This is my responsibility.”

“No, it’s not.” Rey shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. “I killed them. All of them!”

“No, you did not.”

“But I did, Ben!” she shrieked, pushing his hands away from her. She didn’t deserve any comfort. Not from him, not from anyone. “I killed everyone. Those padawans...they had families! Siblings...parents...”

The sleeping quarters grew quiet as Rey continued to sob. Ben remained still by her side.

After a time, she wiped her tears away with the sleeves of her robes. “My parents...you knew.”

She saw him shift his eyes away. “Yes. I knew about it.”

She felt anger spark inside of her, and it put an edge in her voice. “Since when?”

“Since the trials. Rey, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he quickly added. “But I didn’t think it mattered.”

“Yes, it does,” Rey said, her words still sharp. “I’m a Dark Sider. That _does_ matter.”

“Well, it doesn’t to me,” Ben thundered, and Rey felt herself shudder at the anger and determination in his tone. “ _I_ was the one who raised you; not them, alright? And between the two of us...I’m the grandson of a Sith, Rey. An actual Sith. Do you really think it would matter to me knowing you’re the daughter of Dark Siders?”

“But you didn’t know about your grandfather until today,” Rey pointed out. “And you knew about my parents since way back.”

“Yes. And it didn’t matter to me then, it doesn’t matter to me now. What’s important is that we both still have each other.”

“Right. Because we’re the only ones left. Because I killed _everyone_.”

Silence. Rey could feel tears brimming again as she looked down at her shaky palms. “I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re not.”  Ben reached out and took her still trembling hands in his. She didn’t bother to pull away anymore. She didn’t feel like she had the strength to. “You didn’t kill willingly, Rey. Not like I did. If anyone’s the monster here, it’s me.”

“I still killed them, Ben.” All fight gone out of her, she looked up at him with glassy eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek when she saw he was still wearing the cloak she gave him, albeit even more tattered and torn than before. “Nothing you say can change that.”

She saw him tighten his lips before he wiped her tear away with his thumb. “You’re right. I can’t change what happened. All I can do is try to move on, and to be here for you, if you’ll still have me.”

She stared back at him then. There was such sincerity in his voice, such intensity in his eyes that she felt heat rise up to her cheeks. She wasn’t sure what to make of his words or how to respond, but before she could even gather her thoughts, a beep from the ship’s internal communications broke the silence.

Ben stood up from the bunk. “I’ve got to get back to the cockpit. I think we’re almost there.”

“Almost where?”

“Jakku.”

* * *

Rey looked out the window of her quarters, her eyes scanning the horizon. The shuttle was flying low enough that the thrusters kicked up sand as it went. All around them was nothing but desert, peppered with the occasional distant shipwreck.

She’d never been to Jakku before, or any desert world for that matter. She knew quite a bit about this planet’s war history from Jedi Lore and History class, and that this was where one of Master Luke’s friends and an occasional teacher in the academy, Lor San Tekka, resided.

Lor San Tekka...

Realization dawning, Rey stood up from her bunk and began making her way towards the cockpit. There, she found Ben hovering over the controls, pressing a button or two and checking the navigational charts from time to time. He appeared to be quite in control, confident in their destination.

“Ben?”

“Get back to bed, Rey,” Ben said gently without looking up from the controls. “We’re still a little ways off from Tuanul village.”

“We’re going to see Lor San Tekka, aren’t we?” Rey asked. Ben seemed to stiffen at that, before he slowly turned his seat around to look at her.

“Yes,” he admitted after a time. “I’m going to see Tekka. There are...some things I need to ask him.”

“Like what?” Rey walked further into the cockpit before sitting on the co-pilot’s seat. “Ben, we don’t have time to ask questions. If we’re trying to get away, Jakku isn’t exactly the last place anyone will look for us. I mean...Master Luke is good friends with Tekka.”

“I know that,” Ben agreed. “We’re not going to stay here long. I just really need to talk to Tekka.”

“About what?”

“About you.” He sighed in such a way that made Rey think he hadn’t wanted to tell her. “Look. Tekka knows about you. About who you are and where you’re from. If anyone has answers, it would be him.”

“I don’t want answers.” Rey found herself looking away and biting at her lower lip as memories long ago buried resurfaced. “I remember enough to know that I don’t want to know more.”

The cockpit grew quiet for a moment, the silence peppered only by the occasional beeps of the control panel.

Then, Rey felt Ben take her hand in his.

“Rey...this isn’t easy for me to explain,” he began, “but... maybe Tekka has an idea on how we can control your powers.”

“You’re scared of me,” Rey accused.

Ben shook his head. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” she insisted, her gaze defiant and hurt at the same time. “You think I’m a monster.”

“I don’t think that, Rey.” His grip on her hand tightened. “And I’m not scared of you. Do you know why?”

She didn’t answer.

“Because I know you would never hurt me,” Ben finished in an earnest tone.

“Not intentionally,” she added softly, all defiance replaced by resignation.

“Exactly.” Ben agreed. “Not intentionally, no. And we can’t risk another...”

His hesitation was palpable. Rey looked at him then added flatly, “We can’t risk another massacre?”

“I’m sorry, Rey.” Ben gave her hand one more squeeze before letting her go. “But if Tekka and the Church of the Force know of some Jedi Lore or ritual we can perform, something to keep you from losing control again, then we have to find out, right?”

Again, Rey didn’t answer. She couldn’t. What else could she say?

“Rey...”

“You’re right,” she finally relented, her face lined with a deep frown as she recalled something from her childhood. “My parents...I remember they did a ritual on me...to imbue me with these powers.” Her gaze dropped down to her open palms before she looked up at Ben again. “You think...it’s possible to take these powers away?”

“I don’t know. But that’s what we’re here to find out. Now, get ready. ” Ben turned his attention back to the controls. “We’re almost at Tuanul.”

Rey nodded and stared straight ahead, into the vastness of the desert before her eyes adjusted enough to see the tiny speck that was the settlement in the distance.

Then, a question began to nag at her. “Ben?”

“Yes, Rey?”

“What do we do after all this is over?” she asked, turning her sights on the profile of his face. “After we take away my powers, what then?”

“Then, I...” he stopped and pressed a button or two, dark eyes trained on the controls, “...we’ll take it one day at a time, okay sweetheart?”

She felt her heart skip beats, but not in a good way. There was something in Ben’s tone. Something...elusive. She tried to catch his gaze but he wouldn’t even look at her. “Together, right?”

“What?” Ben finally looked at her, though he seemed rather surprised. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Together?” Rey repeated. “We’ll take everything one day at a time together?”

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded before gazing out at the window.

She should be at ease. She should feel hopeful now that there’s a possible solution to her predicament. Instead, she felt anxious. Because deep down, she knew.

Ben was keeping something from her.

* * *

“This place hasn’t changed since I was here last,” Ben muttered under his breath as he landed the shuttle at the outskirts of Tuanul.

“You mean you’ve been here before?” Rey asked, looking through the window towards the curious onlookers from outside the village’s entrance. The village was comprised of a number of tents as well as domed dwellings made out of stone. Villagers went about with their day under the afternoon sun, mostly working on what appeared to be ship parts.

Ben nodded. “Once. During the trials. Uncle Luke had us stop by so he could visit Tekka.” Rey saw him wince. “I eavesdropped on one of their conversations. That’s when I heard about what happened to you.”

“Me?” Rey’s brows rose to her forehead. “What about me?”

“Seems the Church of the Force were the ones to have the idea of taking the children away from Dark Side parents,” Ben explained, his voice taking on a sharp edge. “You’re not the first one my uncle has taken, nor the last. Some of the students in the academy were acquired in the same manner.”

Rey suddenly felt a bit faint. Ben had just told her what she already knew—that Luke Skywalker had been the one to take her away from her parents and manipulate her memories. But to learn that Master Luke had done the same to who knew how many children? And with the sanction of the Church of the Force?

Then again, if Master Luke hadn’t done what he did...

“Rey?” Ben turned his seat to face her. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m glad,” she said in a small voice. “I’m glad your uncle took me. Otherwise, I never would’ve met you.”

Ben opened his mouth as if to say something, then ran his fingers over his dark hair before looking away, cheeks flushed.

It was a while before he said anything. “If you hadn’t met me, you wouldn’t be in this mess with me either.”

“I would’ve been a Dark Sider,” Rey pointed out. “Maker knows what my parents would’ve had me do. Your uncle may have kidnapped me, but he gave me a chance for a better life. And despite what happened...” she recoiled as she tried her best not to recall the events that took place in the academy, “Despite it all, I don’t regret knowing you.”

Ben still wouldn’t look at her. If anything, his face was even redder, though from his profile, Rey could see a hint of sadness, and it showed in his voice when he next spoke. “Don’t say that.”

She tilted her head in askance. “Why not?”

“Because...” he trailed off, his gaze moving to boots. Then, before Rey realized what was happening, Ben had her in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair before letting her go and walking out of the cockpit, leaving her to gape at him, a hand on her chest to calm her rapidly beating heart.

But it wouldn’t stop. This feeling of dread, of sudden loss...

“Stay here,” Ben called without looking back, and Rey blinked away her thoughts before hurrying after him.

“Ben, I want to come too!”

“No. Stay by the ship,” he insisted, still not turning to look at her as he pulled his hood up to shield himself from the harsh rays of the sun. “We don’t want anyone stealing it or scavenging it for parts.”

That made sense, Rey thought, and watched him make his way inside the village, torn black cloak billowing in the hot desert wind. She continued to follow him with her eyes as he approached a tent and saw a man who looked like Tekka emerge from inside before welcoming Ben into his dwelling.

Rey bit her lip and passed the time pacing by the ship, kicking up sand with her boots as she did. What did Ben mean when he said sorry earlier? Was he asking forgiveness for everything that happened in the academy? Was it because of what she had said about having no regrets meeting him despite everything? Or was it for something else? And why did she feel as though he were drifting further away?

Why did she feel as though he was hiding something?

And then there was the matter of her real parents...

[](http://s23.photobucket.com/user/g_girl143/media/tumblr_inline_o8ba1s2DQw1qj5ljh_500.jpg.html)

Rey shut her eyes as she felt the tears burning through. She remembered their faces. Remembered the darkness in her father; the dimming light in her mother. Remembered how cold they were beyond the parental task of seeing to her survival. They were nothing like the recollections of the kind, loving pilot and his wife that Luke Skywalker had embedded into her mind when he had manipulated her memories.

That was when she remembered something else.

Reaching into her pockets, she took out the two halves of Papa Doll and stared at them. So...it was true what she had thought of all these years. That this doll was not a representation of a father that never existed, but rather a representation of Ben Solo: the one who had truly raised and loved her for most of her life.

Oh Maker, what had she done to this doll? She’d destroyed it in her anger, towards Ben and towards Lennett...but that was over now, and so she turned every which way, looking for something to fix the doll with. There was a fair amount of scraps all around, sticking out from the desert sand so there was bound to be something she could use.

In seconds, her eyes zeroed in on a burlap sack with some twine, and she hastened towards it, unfastened the long piece of twine and used it to wrap around the doll’s waist, binding it together. It didn’t look like much, but this would have to do for now.

Then, a commotion from the village interrupted her musings. She looked up to see Ben bursting out of the tent and turning with hands up in the air as Tekka and several other villagers emerged, blasters drawn and trained on him.

“Ben!” Rey put the doll back in her pocket and instinctively made a run for Ben’s side, but he moved a hand to stop her.

“Stay back!” he commanded before turning towards Tekka again. “Sir Tekka, you don’t want to do this.”

“I don’t.” Tekka readied his blaster. “The last thing I want is to capture family of a good friend. But did you really think word of what happened in the academy would not reach us?” Then, Tekka stopped moving forward and stared at Rey. “That child...why is she here?”

“I spared her,” Ben said before Rey could say anything. “Look. You’ll only make things worse by trying to capture me.”

“Is that a threat?” a burly humanoid hissed from behind Tekka.

“I murdered all of Luke Skywalker’s padawans,” Ben declared. “Take my statements as you will.”

Rey gaped at Ben. He was lying. He was lying to cover for her.

The burly humanoid growled and turned to Tekka. “Let’s just kill him. He’ll be executed for his crimes anyway.”

“No,” Tekka shook his head. “He still deserves a fair trial.”

“You’re talking as if you’ve already captured me,” Ben seethed, the darkness in his voice making Rey’s heart lurch to her throat. His anger...she could feel it. Swirling around him like the arid air. She could see it in his darkened eyes, his gritted teeth.

Then, she felt the Force—dark and foreboding—bursting forth from him and rendering everyone in the vicinity immobile save for herself.

Then, Ben raised a curled hand, and one by one, Tekka and the villagers began rising to the air, choking.

“Ben, don’t!” Rey cried out but it was as though he couldn’t even hear her. And now she saw his eyes flash a bright yellow.

She’d seen those eyes before...

She heard shouts from all around, and turned to see several other villagers running towards them, blasters drawn.

Blaster fire began to cut through the air but Ben, using his free hand, stopped the blaster bolts mid-air before releasing them in almost every direction, hitting some of the villagers who had shot at him and with one bolt going astray and hitting the shuttle.

Rey raised her head from where she was huddled on the ground in time to see Ben curse and turn his attention back to the villagers still suspended in mid air, choking them until their eyes bulged.

Rising on shaky feet, Rey rushed towards Ben and slammed her body against his, her arms tight around his waist as she buried her face on the small of his back.

“Ben, please,” she implored, pressing her forehead against his cloak. “Enough.”

She felt Ben freeze. It seemed like forever, but he finally let Tekka and the villagers go, leaving them to crumple to the sand, coughing and sputtering.

“I’m not through with you yet,” Ben spat, then turned every which way to point a finger at the villagers, who were just getting back on their feet. “One day, you...all of you will pay. You mark my words. You will pay!”

“Ben...” Rey tightened her grip on him, and he heaved a heavy sigh before she felt him calm down enough for her to let him go.

“Let’s go, Rey,” he muttered, and without another word, marched back to the shuttle with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pretty much there's no love lost between Ben and the villagers of Tuanul. What happens now to our two space fugitives? You'll just have to wait for next week's update to see :) Thanks again guys!


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sits across the old man, his nerves causing his hands to shake. He hid them from view within his cloak and tried to return the same beatific smile that Lor San Tekka is beaming to him now.
> 
> “What brings you here, Young Solo?” Tekka asks while pouring him a cup of water. He doesn’t really want to take it, but does so to be polite.
> 
> “I’m here to ask about a student in the academy,” Ben says, hesitating for a moment. “Rey. You know her well I think. I believe you once referred to her as…a necessary acquisition.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay guys. But I had to go through a lot of revisions for this one. I would like to once again thank my dear beta alikssepia for helping me get through the hurdles, plot holes and writer's block I experienced in writing this chapter. Thanks for the patience and the listening ear! I would also like to thank erikajakole for her help as well, for listening to me as well as making suggestions. Thank you so much to both of you girls!
> 
> And as always, thank you to all the readers who have stuck by this fanfic through thick and thin! We're almost at the end so please do stay tuned !

_He sits across the old man, his nerves causing his hands to shake. He hid them from view within his cloak and tried to return the same beatific smile that Lor San Tekka is beaming to him now._

_“What brings you here, Young Solo?” Tekka asks while pouring him a cup of water. He doesn’t really want to take it, but does so to be polite._

_“I’m here to ask about a student in the academy,” Ben says, hesitating for a moment. “Rey. You know her well I think. I believe you once referred to her as…a necessary acquisition.”_

_His voice has taken on an edge, and it is not lost on Tekka, though it takes a while for the old man to formulate a response. “My, my…you are not one to forget. Or mince words.”_

_“Rey,” he repeats, as though saying her name again would jog Tekka’s memory. “I need to know what happened to her as a child. How she came into my uncle’s…tutelage.” Possession is the more appropriate term, he thinks._

_Tekka’s brows rise to his wrinkled forehead. “Why do you need to know? Has something happened to the child?”_

_“Nothing’s happened,” Ben says quickly. Far too quickly, he berates himself, but if Tekka noticed, he doesn’t let on. He tries to think up of a story. “But she has…remembered her past. Remembered her parents—”_

_“Impossible.” Tekka waves his hand, dismissing the claim. “Master Skywalker has expunged her of every shred of her memory to seal off her powers.”_

_“Seal off her powers?” Ben repeats. “I’m not sure I understand.”_

_“My boy, a Dark Side ritual was performed on that child by none other than her own parents,” Tekka says, and Ben has to feign mild shock from information he has since been privy to. “A ritual that imbued her with a horrific power, one that Master Skywalker only managed to seal off by making her forget how to use the Force in the first place. So what you said about her remembering her past is impossible. Unless…” Tekka narrows his eyes. “Something_ has _happened hasn’t it?”_

_Ben tries to find a reply, but is interrupted by the frantic entry of a villager into the tent._

_“Sir Tekka! Master Luke’s academy,” the villager says hysterically, “There’s been a massacre at Master Luke’s academy. All the padawans are dead.”_

_Ben freezes from where he sits, and watches the small spark of understanding in Tekka’s eyes burst into flames until the old man says in a low voice, “That child…”_

_Ben rises to his feet._

_“It was me,” he says so convincingly that he has himself believing every word. “I was the one who killed everyone in the academy.”_

_Tekka stares at him for one long moment and before Ben could take his next breath, the old man is already up on his feet, a blaster aiming at his heart._

_And Ben knows then that for better or for worse, he has sealed his fate._

* * *

Rey continued to assist Ben in assessing and repairing the blaster bolt damage to the ship. They had flown a few miles away from Tuanul before the ship broke down, and they had had to stop to make repairs.

In silence, she continued to hand him one tool after the next while he remained perched on the ladder, his attention towards the blackened hole on the shuttle’s side. She had so many questions about his encounter with Tekka, but she could still feel his anger brimming at the surface. And if she had to be completely honest, she was a bit fearful especially in light of what he had done to the Tuanul villagers. Not that he would do anything to harm her, she knew that. But perhaps it would be best to ask at a later time, she thought.

“How’s the ship?” she asked instead.

“Intact,” Ben answered without looking at her. “But there’s some damage to the ship’s thruster mechanisms. I’m going to need spare parts to repair it or else the ship won’t fly.”

“And where do we get that?”

“Only one place in this forsaken planet we can get working parts.” He stopped working and finally turned to her, though not really at her. It seemed his mind was still so far away. “Rey, prepare some water and rations. A lot of rations. I’ll turn on the ship’s cloaking device so no one can steal it while we’re away.”

“Away?” Rey repeated. “Where are we going?”

“Niima Outpost.”

* * *

To say the walk was arduous would be an understatement. Even in the late afternoon, the sun was merciless, and if it weren’t for Ben offering his cloak to her, Rey felt her skin might have melted off her face.

“Won’t be long now,” Ben said for what seemed like the thousandth time. Rey didn’t want to complain. After all, he had been trying to keep her as comfortable as possible, what with him giving up his cloak for her, handing her most of their water and carrying their bag of ship parts and supplies. But the journey was beginning to take its toll on her, though she did her best not to show it.

Ben stopped abruptly, causing her to collide with him. She frowned when she saw him putting a hand against his temple. “Ben? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he said in a gruff voice. “Just this heat, that’s all.”

She started to take off the cloak to give it to him when he held her hand, stopping her. “No, leave that on.”

“But—”

“I said leave it, Rey!”

Rey almost jumped. Ben rarely, if ever snapped at her, and by the look on his face, it was clear he hadn’t meant to.

He loosened his grip on her hand, his features softening. “I’m sorry. I...I just have a little headache, that’s all. Just leave the cloak on. Can’t have both of us having headaches from this heat.”

Rey nodded, quietly accepting his apologies though for some reason, she sensed there was more to his temper spike than just a headache.

“There.” Ben pointed once they had risen over a particularly steep dune. Rey squinted, and through the heated haze, saw a settlement larger than Tuanul. It was still some distance away, but she could already tell there was a lot more activity in Niima Outpost than in Tuanul too.

“You’ve...been there...before?” she huffed as they made their way in quick steps down the dune. She would’ve tripped too had it not been for Ben quickly breaking her fall with the Force.

“I used to do that for you when you were younger,” he quipped as he set her back on her feet again, and Rey was surprised to find genuine mirth in his voice. Even more surprising was the first real smile on his face that she had seen since...well, since the time they spent in Spira.

The thought gave her a pause. Those happier days seemed so long ago. Almost as if it were a different life. And now here they were, fugitives on a foreign world after having committed atrocities...

The smile on Ben’s face disappeared. “Rey? What’s the matter?”

She took a deep breath. Better to ask now while she still could, she thought. “Ben...back in Tuanul...why did you tell Tekka you were the one who did the killing at the academy?”

She watched him open his mouth, but when no words came out, he closed his lips and pressed them into a fine line.

Then, he looked away. “I had to. He and I were talking about you when one of the villagers came in and told him about the massacre. And I guess since he knows about your Dark Side past, he instantly suspected you had something to do with it. So I had to tell him I did it.

“It was a bad idea, coming here,” he continued before Rey could ask more questions. “I thought...since the Church of the Force shun technology, they wouldn’t hear about...about what happened. I guess I was wrong. Word got out fast.”

 Rey looked down at her hands. Word already got out of the massacre. The massacre _she_ had committed. Were they broadcasting the news all over the galaxy now? Were they interviewing grieving families right this moment? Were senators convening to initiate a manhunt for those responsible?

Were Kreio Thorsen’s mother and father shedding tears for their son?

She bit back a sob. “Ben...what if...what if I surrender?”

Ben whipped around so fast, Rey was afraid he would snap his neck off. “What?”

“Surrender,” she repeated quietly. “We can set the truth straight. Tell them I did it. And surrender to the authorities.”

“Are you crazy?!” Ben thundered. “They’d execute you!”

“It’s not like I don’t deserve it—Ah!” Rey gasped when Ben suddenly took hold of her shoulders, his face inches from hers as he knelt before her, his eyes intense.

“That is out of the question, Rey,” he said in a grave tone, his fingers digging into her shoulders. “Don’t even think for a second that you deserve to be punished for this. I told you, you weren’t in control. And the last thing I want is for you to die for something you couldn’t help. Did you even stop to think what it would do to me if that happened?”

Rey didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Not with the ferocity of which Ben was addressing her now.

“It would kill me,” he finished, his voice breaking. “You dying would kill me, Rey. And I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever.”

She was going to cry. She could feel the tears burning at the corners of her eyes. Ben’s ardent declaration had gotten to her, and she realized now he would absolutely refuse for her to take responsibility for what happened. Still, he could never really sway her from the truth. Ben may have taken the lives of Casthre’s lackeys and that of Lennett Mha, but Casthre himself and the rest of Luke Skywalker’s students—including dear, innocent Kreio—had died by _her_ hands.

But what use was there to cry over things that couldn’t be changed? If she weren’t to accept punishment for what happened, how else could she move forward?

As though he could read her thoughts, Ben chucked her chin up with his thumb and forefinger and said, “You want to atone for what happened? Then live. Just as I will live. Atonement can’t just happen in death. In your case, the first step is to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“And the lore?” she asked, trying her best to steady her voice even as the heat from where Ben held her chin spread up to her cheeks. “The ritual that would help me get rid of these powers?”

Ben blinked, his grip on her loosening. “I...didn’t get to ask before they had blasters on me.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll find a way.” Ben slid his hands down and took her small, clenched hands in his large ones. “You believe me, don’t you?”

No. “Yes.”

“Then, that’s settled.” He rose to his feet, but kept one of her hands in his. “Come. Let’s head on to Niima Outpost.”

* * *

As Rey had anticipated, Niima Outpost was abuzz with activity, with scavengers of all genders and species scurrying about with their wares, some selling items in small stalls, others cleaning and scrubbing away at ship parts. But the most activity came from a concession stand, where people—scavengers, Rey now realized—lined up to have their acquired ship parts traded in for supplies. Ben had explained earlier how he had done the same during the trials, and assured Rey that Unkar Plutt, the crolute Junkyard Boss, had the parts they needed.

“They don’t trade with credits here. They trade with portions,” Ben continued explaining. “But fresh rations have a higher value, which was why I had you prepare a lot.”

“Ben...do you think...people here have heard...?” she trailed off. She didn’t have to continue to know he knew what she meant.

“Probably,” he answered. “But don’t worry. I’m sure only the people in Tuanul know about me and I doubt word has gotten this far yet. We’ll just have to hurry.”

Rey nodded as they approached the concession stand. Through the grills, she could see the crolute, Unkar Plutt, lean forward, his fleshy pink flab jiggling as he moved.

“Afternoon, Mr. Plutt,” Ben greeted.

The crolute raised what could pass for an eyebrow. “Do I know you?”

“Uhm...yeah, I was here a while back,” Ben replied a bit more nervously than Rey would have liked.

“I wouldn’t remember,” Plutt sniffed. “What do you want?”

“Spare parts.” Ben heaved the bag he was carrying onto the counter and showed the damaged parts. “For my ship’s thrusters. Do you happen to have these?”

“Indeed we do. But it will cost you.”

While Ben and Plutt negotiated, Rey turned her attention to her surroundings, glancing at the variety of beings around her until her eyes settled on a small human girl in one of the cleaning stalls. She couldn’t be older than five, yet she was working alongside an older woman, probably her mother, scrubbing away at ship parts ‘til her hands were raw.

She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in the little girl’s shoes. Then again, perhaps it was a better life than having parents who did Dark Side rituals to instil their young child with unspeakable power...

“Good price. Here,” she heard Plutt say, and turned in time to see him hand over fresh parts while Ben plunked handfuls of rations on the counter top.

Then, Plutt stood up straighter. “Hmm...you know what, I do remember you. You’re a slave trader, aren’t you?”

“What?” Ben stopped counting rations. “No, you’re mistaken—”

“How much for the girl?”

Rey froze, and so did Ben. “What?”

“You. A slave trader,” Plutt repeated, then pointed a swollen finger at Rey. “Isn’t she merchandise?”

Anger. A spark of anger, but not from her. It was coming from Ben.

“No, she is not,” he said through gritted teeth. “And I am not a slave trader. So you best get your facts straight or I’ll—”

“Easy, boy.” The crolute held both of his palms up. “I’m just in need of more scavengers you see. Well, if you’re not a slave trader, perhaps _you_ would be interested in scavenging for me?”

“Not interested,” Ben said through clenched teeth before taking hold of Rey’s hand. “Come on, Rey.”

“Tourists,” Rey heard Plutt mutter as Ben pulled her past the queue. He didn’t let go of her until they reached the outskirts of the settlement and onto the desert dunes once more.

Another long journey lay ahead, once again riddled with silence save for Ben occasionally asking her how she was faring. She gave monosyllabic answers, but despite that, Ben didn’t appear to mind. He too seemed too preoccupied with his own thoughts, though what he could be thinking, Rey had no idea. All she knew, or rather felt was that he was still angry. With Tekka? With Plutt? Perhaps both or something else?

“You seem awfully quiet,” Ben remarked. Rey looked up to see he hadn’t even looked back at her as they walked.

She didn’t answer. Not right away, but stopped walking after a few minutes. Ben, perhaps hearing her stop, turned around and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Ben, what’s going on? Really?” she asked.

“Nothing, Rey. It’s just...Plutt got on my nerves, that’s all.”

He was telling the truth. But not all of it. She just knew. “No, it’s not just that. I feel like you’re...being secretive or something.”

That startled him, but it didn’t show. For all intents and purposes, he still appeared calm. Confident even. But Rey knew something was up. Call it instinct, but she knew Ben was definitely not being forthcoming about something. But what?

After a time, Ben sighed, and she could feel his facade crumble. “Rey…about your powers…”

Her ears perked up. “Yes?”

“Would you...would you do anything to be rid of it?”

The answer came without hesitation. “Yes. Yes, I would.”

“Even forget me?”

Rey’s brows met. “I don’t understand.”

“Tekka told me about what my uncle did to you,” Ben explained. “How he managed to seal your powers by making you forget how to use them.”

Rey nodded, but was still not sure if she understood. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that...” She watched Ben pause. Watched him lick his lips which had become chapped in the arid desert air; watched as he took a moment to compose himself before continuing, “The only way for you to no longer have your powers is for you to forget how to harness them. And to do that I would have to...do as my uncle did.”

Rey’s eyes widened. She knew the answer. She just couldn’t say it. Saying it would make it real, but Ben was relentless.

“I would have to wipe your memories clean,” he continued. “Starting from when you first learned to use the Force.”

“But that would mean I would...”

“You would forget me, Rey,” he finished, the anguish in his eyes as clear as the late afternoon skies. “You would forget me.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No.” The word was firm on Rey’s lips, her voice unyielding even as her fists shook at her side. “That’s out of the question.”
> 
> Ben looked at her, his expression a strange mix of relief and pain. “Rey...”
> 
> “I’m not forgetting you just so I could be rid of this...this curse,” Rey said, throwing her arms out for added emphasis. There was no way she was going to allow herself to forget Ben. Not even for this. “There has to be another way.”
> 
> “What if there is no other way?” Ben pointed out. “What if making you forget is the only way to rid you of your powers?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would like to thank my beta alikssepia for her discerning eye in beta reading this chapter especially in helping me improve the overall tone of the chapter. Couldn't have done it without you :)
> 
> Thank you as well to readers both new and old for reading this fic :) We're getting closer to the end so just stay tuned!

“No.” The word was firm on Rey’s lips, her voice unyielding even as her fists shook at her side. “That’s out of the question.”

Ben looked at her, his expression a strange mix of relief and pain. “Rey...”

“I’m not forgetting you just so I could be rid of this...this curse,” Rey said, throwing her arms out for added emphasis. There was no way she was going to allow herself to forget Ben. Not even for this. “There has to be another way.”

“What if there is no other way?” Ben pointed out. “What if making you forget is the only way to rid you of your powers?”

“Then I’ll live with it,” Rey said with confidence, even though she didn’t feel confident at all. “I’ll train. I’ll meditate. I’ll do whatever I can. Just...don’t let me forget you.”

Silence fell thick between them, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Rather it was a silence wrought with an understanding that neither of them wanted to go through with the solution.

After a time, Ben released a trapped breath. “Alright, sweetheart. We’ll find some other way.”

“So...no more secrets?” Rey asked.

“No more secrets,” Ben repeated with a small smile on his face.

She wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe he was being completely honest with her again, but deep down, something was telling her he was still being guarded about something. But she would let it pass for now.

* * *

The sun had set by the time they reached the shuttle, and had Ben not brought his tracking device, they might have missed the ship entirely. At least the ship’s cloaking device was working perfectly, Rey thought. As for the damage, it would have to wait in the morning, when it’s light out and definitely less dangerous.

Dinner consisted of the same rations they had traded with Unkar Plutt earlier. It didn’t taste like much but it was filling, and that was the important part.

Ben suddenly groaned and put both his hands in his hair, clawing them into fists.

Rey stood up from where she was seated on a storage box and put a hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch. “Do you still have a headache?”

He didn’t answer. Not for almost a full minute. Rey could actually feel a dull ache behind her own eyes and she wondered if somehow Ben was projecting what he was feeling to her, though how that could be possible she wasn’t sure.

After a time, Ben let out a deep breath and whispered, “Water...”

Rey nodded and hurried to the ‘fresher to retrieve some water from the sink. By the time she got back to Ben, he was sitting upright on the storage box, his face still wan but otherwise he seemed almost back to normal.

He thanked her and downed the glass of water in a few swallows.

“Are you okay now?” Rey asked once he had finished drinking.

“Yeah. Just a headache. Nothing a little sleep can’t fix.” Ben stood up from the storage box and stretched his arms up over his head. Rey had already returned the cloak to him, and even though he clearly had no need for it inside the shuttle, he still decided to wear it. She allowed herself to be flattered. “Let’s head to bed. We still have to fix the ship in the morning. Get out of this hellhole.”

“And what happens after we fix the ship?” Rey continued to ask. “Where do we go?”

“I...don’t know.” He dropped his arms. “Probably to Jedha. There’s bound to be some Jedi Lore remaining there. Maybe we can find something to help you with your powers.”

Rey nodded. Jedha, from what she remembered in Jedi Lore and History class, was a desert moon considered as the spiritual home of the Jedi Order. Ben was right, she thought. They were bound to find something there.

“Okay now, off to bed with you.” He put a palm on her shoulder and led her down a short corridor towards one of the sleeping quarters. “We still have an early start in the morning.”

“What about you?” Rey turned to him just as she reached the door. “Where will you sleep?”

“In the quarters next door.”

“Oh.”

“Well...good night, Rey.” Ben nodded and started to walk away.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Will you...will you sleep in my quarters with me?”

She was met with silence. And it stretched on further than what she felt was comfortable.

“It’ll be just like old times,” she added, trying to insert some light in her voice. “You can sleep on the other bunk.”

Ben shook his head. “I...I can’t, Rey.”

“Why not?”

“Because...you’re not my little sister anymore.”

Rey’s eyes widened, her heart pounding and her cheeks flushing when she saw Ben’s face redden. She wasn’t sure how to respond. What did he mean by that?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m tired. I don’t know what I’m saying.” He gave her a weak smile. “What I mean is...you’re a big girl now. You can sleep on your own. Good night, sweetheart.”

Rey watched him walk hastily down the corridor and through the door to the next quarters. Only when his door closed did she enter her quarters, head to one of the bunk beds and slip under the blankets.

Then, she felt something poking from one of her pockets and remembered.

Papa Doll.

Reaching into her pocket, she took out the doll she had hastily fixed and stared at it, her thoughts fastening on the memory of Ben’s flushed face when he had said she was no longer his little sister.

She knew he probably meant nothing by it, but for the first time in a long while, she allowed herself to indulge, her heart fluttering in her chest and a small smile dancing on her lips until she fell into a deep sleep with the doll still tucked in her arms.

* * *

Ben lay awake in his bunk, his hands behind his head. It had been well over a few hours since he attempted to sleep but he had so many things to think about, not the least of which was planning a trip to Jedha. At least that was a start, he thought. A solid plan. They would have to disguise themselves of course, to make sure they won’t be recognized in case the Senate did initiate a manhunt for the ones responsible for the massacre at the academy. No doubt his disappearance would be on the news right now, and Rey...she was an orphan. No one knew her beyond those in the academy, so he doubted her disappearance would even make the news.

He turned to his side and bit at his thumbnail. How long could they keep this up, he wondered, hiding away like this, running away together like the fugitives that they were. He’d do this for years if he could get away with it. And time would only make them better at hiding. They’d wear disguises, change their names, eke out a living in some other backwater world. They could survive. Together. Away from the rest of the galaxy, away from—

_“Kylo Ren...”_

Ben yanked the pillow from underneath his head and buried his head beneath it, trying to shut out that monster—Snoke—from calling him but it would not abate. He could feel those tendrils again—like sharp claws tearing its way into his mind, his head throbbing from the effort of trying to keep it at bay.

_“You swore yourself to me, Kylo Ren...and now you must fulfil your end of the bargain...”_

_“Shut up, shut up, shut up,”_ Ben repeated in his head, just as he had done intermittently for the past day, but this time Snoke was persistent, probing his mind and reminding him of his promise to render himself to him. But no, he couldn’t surrender. Not now. Not when he had Rey to take care of.

Then, the attacks stop abruptly. If it was because of Ben’s growing prowess at blocking him out or if it was Snoke himself who stopped, he didn’t know. But it left him aching and out of breath as he sat up from bed, shoulders heaving, and sweat dripping down his temples.

He closed his eyes and dragged a palm down his face. This. This was what he hadn’t told Rey: Snoke’s continued assault on him ever since they left the academy. He didn’t want her to worry needlessly, but now he was beginning to wonder how long he would be able to keep the monster out of his head.

Still, what would be the point of telling her? She would only blame herself and her Dark Side powers for Snoke’s unrestricted access to him. And the last thing he needed was for Rey to carry more guilt on her shoulders.

_“You swore yourself to me, Kylo Ren...and now you must fulfil your end of the bargain...”_

Bargain? Ben thought. What bargain was that creature talking about?

And then he remembered.

_“Take me. Take me instead!”_

_“You...you, who now have so much light in you, would take her place by my side?”_

_“I can shun the light! Just...just leave her out of this!”_

Oh maker...he _had_ made a bargain! He had sworn himself in exchange for Rey!

Without thinking more, Ben burst out of his quarters and opened the door to Rey’s, where he found his worst fears come to light.

There was nothing on the bed except Papa Doll.

Rey was gone.

* * *

“Rey!” Ben stumbled out of the shuttle and into the night. Illumination from inside the ship filtered out to show small footsteps on the sand leading into the desert. To how far, he didn’t know, but the only way to find out was to follow it.

Unclasping his lightsaber from his belt, he activated it and used the blade to light the way, running alongside the footsteps as he did. The night was bitterly cold despite the cloak he wore, and he wondered how Rey must be faring out here in only her padawan robes.

But most of all, he wondered why in the world she would leave in the middle of the night like this, on a foreign world no less. That was not like her at all.

Unless...

Ben stopped following the footsteps and closed his eyes for a moment to have a feel through the Force. He hoped and prayed his suspicions would prove incorrect, but when he found her Force signature, he felt his heart sink.

Her Force signature was heavily tainted with Dark Side energy.

He started running again, deeper and deeper into the darkness of the desert, with only the lightsaber to light his way.

Then, he saw a dark shape on the sand. He hurried to the shape and moved his saber over it, only to find a large dead carrion bird, its beak wide open and its throat twisted in a grotesque way.

And there were more dead birds, situated alongside the footsteps.

“Rey!” Ben now followed the footsteps and the dead birds, running as fast as his feet could carry him across the coarse sand until he found her down a dune, on her knees and clutching her head as though in pain. Her body was glowing red as dark shapes—shadowy creatures—emanated from her like wisps of smoke.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he slid down the dune and ran towards her, only to have one of the shadow creatures fling him back with a swing of its clawed hand, sending him flying towards the side of the dune.

He sputtered and pulled himself out of the sand. “R-Rey! It’s me!”

“Don’t come any closer,” Rey spoke in a voice that didn’t sound like her own. “Get away!”

“No!” Ben refused. “I’m not leaving you!”

“I said get away!” Rey screamed, her red aura intensifying to the point of almost blowing Ben away, but he did his best to hold his ground, even as the light from her aura nearly blinded him, even as the sand nearly suffocated him.

Then, the shadows began to attack. Ben inched forward, slicing the attacking shadows with his lightsaber, surprised to find them tangible. Made of flesh and blood. But every time he felled one, another creature would form and go on the attack. He didn’t know how long he could hold them off, but he had to try. At least until he could get to Rey. But how?

He turned and saw Rey, still kneeling on the ground, screaming into the night, her eyes a bright yellow, her body still pulsing with red energy.

Ben closed his eyes and began to concentrate. Perhaps he could reach Rey through the Force, he thought, and so he focused on her, doing what he could to create a bridge to her mind even as the shadows continued their attack.

All of a sudden, he could hear her voice...no, her _thoughts_. Beyond her screaming, the gusts of wind, the waves of energy emanating from her, he could actually hear her thoughts. And in them, she was...

...crying. And this heaviness in his heart. This burden of guilt...was he feeling what she was feeling too?

_“It’s my fault...all my fault...Kreio...everyone...I killed them all...”_

“Ahh!” Ben cried out as a shadow creature clawed at his shoulder, drawing blood. He immediately dispatched the creature and concentrated once more on his and Rey’s connection.

_“You’re right...Supreme Leader Snoke. I belong to the Dark Side...”_

Snoke. Snoke was in Rey’s head!

“Rey, don’t listen to him—Ahh!” Once again, Ben was flung back with the swing of a shadow creature’s arm. He hastened to his feet and watched in horror as Rey stopped screaming. Watched as the glow around her dimmed and she began to levitate, her face expressionless, yellow eyes towards the starlit heavens.

Ben felt the blood drain away from his body as he realized, through his connection with Rey, what Snoke was trying to do. He was trying to pinpoint their location!

Using all the Force Power he had, Ben ploughed through the shadows with his lightsaber, his hands moving almost on their own accord as he swung and thrust his way forward, breaking past the waves of energy that kept him at bay until he finally reached Rey and pulled her into his arms, dropping the saber as he did.

He didn’t know how or why it happened, but the instant he had Rey in his embrace, the shadows dissipated and he was left with her weight in his arms, all the turmoil from earlier disappearing and the night was quiet once more.

He dropped to his knees, exhausted from the ordeal. Rey gasped as they fell and opened her eyes. From the light of Jakku’s two moons, Ben could see her eyes were no longer aglow, but instead were glistening with tears. And when she moved her gaze over his wounded shoulder, she began to wail and cling to him, as though he were a raft in tumultuous seas.

“Ben...oh Ben...I...”

“Shh, shh...it’s okay,” he whispered, rocking her in his arms. It was the only comfort he could give, the only thing he could do to help her through the pain, through the memories of Kreio’s dead eyes, of death and destruction and the guilt that bled from her to him. Her thoughts were still open to him, and though he could see that Snoke had not managed to get their location from her, he also saw that the damage had been done.

Snoke had gotten a foothold on Rey’s mind. Made her completely blame herself for everything that had, happened and made her believe she belonged to the Dark Side, which would give him easy access to her. And that was when he realized they would never truly be free of Snoke’s grasp.

Unless he did what had to be done.

Painful as it was, it would have to be done.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben continued to stare at Rey’s sleeping form, Papa Doll tucked tight in her arms as early morning sunlight peered through the window of the shuttle. He had not slept again since the incident in the desert, but Rey, clearly weakened from the ordeal, had fallen asleep almost the moment he led her back to bed. He had then cast a protective barrier around her, which seemed to work seeing as he saw nothing in her dreams, good or bad. He knew, however, that it would not hold for long. And that he knew what needed to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again guys! I'll be going on week long vacation with my family today so there won't be much update on the fic after this so I hope this chapter will suffice for now. As always, I would like to thank my lovely beta alikssepia for all her help in shaping this chapter. For now, I leave you with this piece and will get back to you with a new chapter in a few weeks time. Thank you for your patience and read on!

Ben continued to stare at Rey’s sleeping form, Papa Doll tucked tight in her arms as early morning sunlight peered through the window of the shuttle. He had not slept again since the incident in the desert, but Rey, clearly weakened from the ordeal, had fallen asleep almost the moment he led her back to bed. He had then cast a protective barrier around her, which seemed to work seeing as he saw nothing in her dreams, good or bad. He knew, however, that it would not hold for long. And that he knew what needed to be done.

 _“To protect Rey,”_ he repeated to himself, standing up from where he had been sitting across the room to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her cheek. But no matter how many times he told himself that this was for the best, it didn’t stop his heart from aching at the thought of it. But what choice did he have?

With a deep sigh, he walked out of the quarters and down the shuttle’s ramp, his eyes instantly on the hole that still needed fixing. It wouldn’t be long before he had this ship up and running again, and after that he could proceed with his plans.

He took out the ladder and spent the morning fixing the ship. It was almost noon by the time he was done, and yet he could sense that Rey was still fast asleep.

Good, he thought. It was better that way.

Hurrying back inside, he went to the cockpit and flew the shuttle to Niima Outpost, landing it at the outskirts of the village. There was no queue at the concession stand, perhaps because the scavengers were yet to return from their day’s work but Ben could see Unkar Plutt out and about, stubby hands on his hips as though he were waiting for something.

After checking on Rey one more time, he hurried out of the ship and walked towards the crolute. “Plutt.”

“You again.” Plutt harrumphed and eyed him from head to toe.” Changed your mind about scavenging for me, eh?”

“No. I have something that may interest you,” Ben took a deep breath and presented Plutt with his lightsaber, “in exchange for a monumental task.”

* * *

Rey fluttered her eyes open and stretched on the bed, yawning as she did before staring out at the bright sunlight streaming in from the window. She was surprised she had been able to sleep, let alone a dreamless one. Last night she’d had a terrible nightmare and...

She blinked. No, not a nightmare. It _had_ happened. That monster...Supreme Leader Snoke as it called itself...had been in her head. And Ben...he’d saved her.

“Ben?” Taking Papa Doll and putting it inside her pocket, Rey stood up from bed and raced to the cockpit, only to find it empty. Through the window, she could see that they were at Niima Outpost, though why Ben would fly out here was beyond her.

Fly...did that mean Ben already fixed the ship? Then why go back to Niima Outpost?

Rey peered through the cockpit window, her eyes instantly zeroing in on Ben, conversing with Unkar Plutt in the distance. He seemed to be holding something shiny before the crolute. It looked like...the lightsaber? Why would Ben be showing Plutt the lightsaber? Surely he wasn’t going to sell such an important item, Rey thought.

Then, an unexpected feeling of dread fell over her—the same feeling she felt when Ben was being secretive with her, only this time, intensified tenfold.

She turned and ran out of the cockpit and stopped by the ship’s ramp, watching in dismay as Plutt now held the lightsaber, examining it. “Ben!”

Ben turned to stare at her. He was still some distance away, and she couldn’t make out his face in the harsh sunlight, but somehow, she could tell he was distraught at the sight of her.

She watched him take the lightsaber back, excuse himself from Plutt and hurry towards her, stopping only when he was within arm’s reach. “Rey I...”

The words tumbled out of her lips before she could even think. “You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”

She didn’t know why the thought had even crossed her mind, but it felt as though there was something whispering in her head—whispering the _truth_. The truth she didn’t want to believe. But it showed in the way Ben’s shoulders sagged, the way his face fell, and the way his voice broke with his next words.

“Rey...as long as Snoke’s alive, we will never be free. He will always be after me, and now you.”

“So you’re going to face him alone?”

“No. Not yet.” He shook his head then took a step closer. “I need to bide my time. Until I’m stronger. Stronger than my grandfather. So one day, I can defeat him.”

“What about me, Ben?” Rey managed to keep her voice steady, even as the turmoil inside her threatened to overtake her senses. “What’s going to happen to me?”

“I’ve arranged for Plutt to take care of you. Give you a place to live while I’m away.”

“What? But...” Rey tilted her head a little so she could look over at Plutt, who stood some distance away, swollen arms crossed. No. She didn’t want to be left behind with that brute. She had to stay calm and reason with Ben. He was just...confused, that’s all, she thought, despite something telling her that he had already made up his mind. “What about my powers? What if what happened last night happens again? What if—”

“Rey...it won’t happen again.”

There was something in the way he had said it. The sureness in his words. And Rey just knew. She knew what he was planning to do, and she felt something break inside her.

Tears finally flowed free as she threw her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. “No! I don’t care if I have this curse! I can’t bear to forget you!”

Ben didn’t respond. Not immediately, and it made her sob harder. He really was going to go through with it!

She tightened her grip around his waist, wishing and willing for him to change his mind but he gently pushed her away until he was kneeling in front of her, both hands on her quivering shoulders. “Rey...it’s also the only way for Snoke to no longer reach you. If he can’t find you through the Force...if I can make him think you’re dead, you’d be safe from him.”

She shook her head vigorously, loose tendrils of her hair swaying back and forth. “No! I’m coming with you. You promised me, Ben! You promised me we’d be together forever!”

“And we will, Rey. But for now...stay here. I’ll come back for you.”

“No! No! No!” She stomped her feet. It was childish, she knew, but she was getting desperate to make Ben understand. Why couldn’t he understand that this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go? Why couldn’t he understand that this...what he was going to do was going to destroy her? Destroy everything she was? “You said you wouldn’t leave me! You told me you’d never—”

“Rey...” Ben pulled her towards him and rested his forehead gently against hers, their noses almost touching. Heat radiated from where their foreheads met, and suddenly, Rey was awashed with thoughts and feelings which were not her own; thoughts so complex and feelings so deep, she couldn’t even begin to fathom them.

Then she realized...they were Ben’s. She was seeing his thoughts and slowly, her mind came to understand what he was trying to do for her. It was logical. It was sound.

It was excruciating.

Her mind understood but her heart...it was physically hurting, even more so when his feelings projected to her through this inexplicable connection, and what would have once made her delirious with bliss now filled her with pain.

“Why Ben?” she whispered between sobs, tears running down her cheeks in torrents. “Why now?”

Ben remained silent as he lifted his forehead from hers and embraced her then, and a well of panic seized her when she sensed his hand behind her head.

“Goodbye, Rey...”

“Ben, don’t!”

One wave of a hand, and everything disappeared into oblivion.

* * *

He’d learned. For some time, he had buried himself in holos, datacards and even scrolls just to understand what his uncle had done to Rey so he would one day be able to reverse the effects.

He never once thought he would have to do the exact same thing Luke Skywalker had done.

What Luke Skywalker had had to do.

With one more tight embrace, he pulled back to see Rey, standing before him, her eyes wide open, her expression dazed. She was catatonic now. Mindless. But her tears continued to flow, and Ben found it impossible to hold back his. He tried to tell himself this was for the best, that there was no other choice but nothing could stop his heart from breaking, or the tears from falling.

“You know what you’re worth?”

She didn’t answer. She couldn’t hear him now, he knew that, but he had to say it. Had to let her know even if it was too late, and so he took her hands and pressed the lightsaber into them, closing them with his own palms.

“You...are worth... _everything_ that I am,” he sobbed. “But I can’t be that man anymore.”

No answer. Only silence, and the soft whispers of a passing desert breeze.

“I can’t have you,” he continued, taking the lightsaber away and activating it, “not as you are now, nor as I am now.” With the saber, he cut off Rey’s padawan braid as well as his own, leaving both braids to fall to the sand, discarded. “Perhaps one day...one day...but not until the time is right. Not until I’ve defeated Snoke.”

He clipped the deactivated lightsaber back on his belt, cupped her face in his hands and pulled her towards him. And in that brief moment when his lips touched her forehead, he knew he was damned, for there was nothing brotherly in what he had allowed himself to do, in the feelings he had finally surrendered himself to.

The moment ended almost before it began, and he pressed his forehead against hers once more, hot tears streaming down his cheeks as he took her hands and pressed it against his face.

“Forgive me, Rey. Forgive me...”

He pulled back and placed both his hands at her temples. Remembering everything he had learned studying Jedi mind tricks, he began the process of sealing Rey’s memories to the deepest corners of her mind, tendrils of his Force power seeping into her, locking away every memory she had for the past nine years—including every single moment they had shared—until all that was left was the mind of a child.

Then, he embedded her with new memories—of being left by her parents in Jakku at age five under the care of Unkar Plutt, of a rough life as a scavenger, each day melding into the next until she was no longer his Rey, but Rey of Jakku.

A scavenger.

A survivor.

A lie.

He moved his hand down from her temples to cup her face and stared deep into her glassy eyes. Even in tears, she was so beautiful that he could already see how she was going to grow up to break hearts.

She was already breaking his.

“I’ll come back, sweetheart. I promise,” he whispered solemnly, and it was a promise he intended to keep. A promise he would stake his life on.

With one last kiss to her forehead, he stood up then and backed away. She was still catatonic, but she won’t be for long. Which meant he didn’t have enough time left. And so he hurried back to Unkar Plutt, handed over the lightsaber and said, “Take care of her. I’ll come back for her in a few years.”

“Yeah?” Plutt raised an almost absent brow. “How long?”

“As long as it takes,” Ben muttered, almost to himself. “But you better keep your end of the bargain or else...”

“Or else wha—” Plutt didn’t get to finish his sentence before he began to choke. He sputtered and fell on his knees, and only when he realized what was happening did Ben let the crolute go.

“And that’s just a sample of what I can do to you,” Ben hissed and put his hand down. “So hold your end of the deal or you’ll end up with your guts spilled all over the sand. You hear me?”

Plutt could only nod, his large form almost flopping around the sand like a fish out of water.

Ben stepped away and headed to the ship, but not before throwing one last look at Rey. He could no longer sense her through the Force, yet here she was, still very much alive. And he intended to keep it that way.

“Goodbye, Rey,” he whispered one last time before heading up the ship and flying the shuttle into the bright blue skies.

Only once he was out of Jakku’s atmosphere did he put the ship on autopilot and sit on the floor of the cockpit.

He had one last thing he needed to do.

Assuming the lotus position, he closed his eyes and concentrated hard on his own memories, manipulating them until every recollection of Rey was sealed away. Until every tender emotion fell away to anger and determination.

And with that, he destroyed Ben Solo.

All that was left was Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it. I did say there are going to be a lot of tears, and apparently not just from Rey, but Ben as well. This chapter will probably be controversial, but I feel that after 30+ chapters of What She's Worth, that Ben's acceptance of what he feels is the culmination of everything that has gone on in this fic. Thank you readers for staying with me through this journey. The end is near, only two chapters left and WSW will be wrapping up. Stay tuned until then, love you all!


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm very sorry for this late update. I struggled with months of writer's block, add to that a lot of stuff happened in real life that I needed to deal with. Anyway, I thank you for your continued readership and patience with me. Finally, we have a new chapter! No worries about the epilogue, it's already written and will probably post sometime next week. Again, I would like to give my thanks to my beta reader alikssepia for her patience with me as I barreled through the last two chapters and for helping me add more to the story.

Armitage Hux walked through the corridors of Star Killer Base, his footfalls echoing through the empty halls as he made his way towards Supreme Leader Snoke’s holo chambers. He had been summoned from an important meeting, so to say that it was irksome would be putting it lightly. But this was the Supreme Leader. Anything he said went.

Combing back his striking red hair and straightening his uniform, Hux approached the doors which led to the chamber when it whooshed open, paving the way for six Knights of Ren—the Supreme Leader’s elite. He had seen these knights before—clad in black, faces hidden behind intricate masks—so he wasn’t too surprised to see them emerge from Snoke’s holo chambers. What did surprise him however, was seeing a young man in tan robes emerge along with them. The man was pale, with a full head of dark hair reaching down his nape, and had a pair of dark, haunted eyes which now, for some reason, met his.

That look in the young man’s eyes was familiar. Hux had seen it far too many times from others to know it couldn’t be anything else but loathing.

Hux wrinkled his nose. “What are you staring at?”

“Nothing,” the young man replied. “You remind me of a pathetic red-headed wretch I once knew.”

Hux had not expected a reply, much less one of that kind. But before he could speak further, the young man turned away and left with the knights without another word.

_“General...”_

 Shaken from a bout of sudden rage, Hux straightened himself once more and entered the chamber, where the holographic image of Supreme Leader Snoke loomed large over a gigantic throne.

“Supreme Leader.” Hux bowed.

“General...” came the Supreme Leader’s voice, which reverberated throughout the chamber, “We have a new Kylo Ren...”

“That young man?” Hux almost sputtered from disbelief.

“You have met him.” It was a statement, not a question. “General...that young man has powers that you cannot begin to fathom. But...”

“But what?”

“I perceive a problem...” the Supreme Leader trailed off for a moment, his beady eyes seemingly elsewhere. “It appears the new Master of the Knights of Ren...is keeping something from me.”

“Keeping something from you, Supreme Leader?” Hux repeated, his incredulity showing. No one and nothing got past the Supreme Leader. Hux knew that much of Snoke’s powers, even from wherever it was in the far reaches of the galaxy he was broadcasting from.

The Supreme Leader seemed distracted still. “That girl...he claims he knows nothing of her...and I see nothing in his mind...but she existed!”

Snoke’s bellows made Hux cringe. Whatever it was the Supreme Leader was talking about made no sense to him but he knew better than to ask, and so he waited for the humanoid to return to his usual eerie calm.

Snoke exhaled. “General...I need you to keep an eye on Kylo Ren. You must be aware of his whereabouts at all times. And should he do anything that may be of suspect, inform me straight away.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Hux’s answer was swift, just as the Supreme Leader would want it, though he had his reservations about the task. But despite this, he had little objection. Nothing gave him greater satisfaction than bringing others down in order to bring himself up in the Supreme Leader’s eyes.

* * *

 

Leia felt as though the floor beneath her feet had morphed into a sarlacc pit. The massacre at Luke’s Jedi Academy and her son’s disappearance had been devastating, and she had thought nothing could come close to that feeling of helplessness and despair.

She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Her fingers curled around the arm rests of her chair as she watched the feed from the First Order, streaming live to every holo news network in the known galaxy. On the screen flickered the image of General Hux, introducing a young man clad in black as the new Kylo Ren.

Or as Leia knew him, Ben Solo.

Hux continued on with his diatribe, on how the Resistance should bow down to the First Order especially now that the son of the great Leia Organa had become one of its foremost champions, how it was Kylo Ren who had committed the massacre at the Jedi Academy but Leia heard none of this. All she could do was stare into Ben’s dark eyes, asking herself why. Why had he gone down the same path as his grandfather? Was it because of the revelation of his bloodline? Or something more? Was he being coerced into this? Or did he, as General Hux had mentioned, join the First Order by his own free will?

And as Ben symbolically donned his dark mask—just like his grandfather—Leia realized she may never find the answers, and slumped back to her chair, suddenly feeling her age.

Her son was gone. He was now Kylo Ren, and as the shock of it ebbed away along with the First Order’s newsfeed, she began to wonder just how much of what she had built—the Resistance—would crumble into dust, just as her career and her whole life had crumbled at the exposure of her relation to Darth Vader.

Then, just as she was about to fall further into despair, the warmth of a hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up to see the kind but determined face of her best pilot, Poe Dameron.

“I still believe in you, General.”

The words were not what she had expected, and she turned to see every Resistance fighter in the war room face her with the same determination and acceptance in their faces.

“We believe in you, General.”

“Let’s continue the fight!”

“The First Order will not get away with this!”

“We won’t let them bring us down!”

And as the chorus of support grew louder and louder, Leia held back her tears—a mixture of happiness and relief for her peers, and great sadness for the loss of her only child. But for now, she allowed herself to be overwhelmed with the joy of having people she could trust, and who trust her in return.

* * *

 

Han sat back in his chair, his body suddenly feeling weak.

It wasn’t because of his bloodburn. He’d recently gotten his dose of hadeira serum so he shouldn’t be feeling any symptoms.

But he might as well be.

Beside him in the co-pilot’s seat, Chewbacca purred in an attempt to comfort him but it was no use. Nothing could comfort him after the bombshell he’d seen from the news holos.

His son, whom he had been scouring the galaxy for ever since his disappearance, was now Kylo Ren of the First Order.

His son. The Jedi Killer.

Chewbacca grunted and prodded his shoulder, telling him there was an incoming call. True enough, he looked up to see a signal coming in from Leia.

He watched the bluish signal bleep in the air, waiting for an answer. He rubbed a forefinger across his chapped lips before accepting the transmission, and he watched the haggard face of his wife materialize in a haze of blue before him.

“Did you see it?” Leia asked.

“What? Not even a ‘hello darling’?” Han beamed a lopsided grin to pair with his attempt at levity.

“Han, I’m serious,” Leia intoned, her face stern.

“Yes, I saw it,” Han sighed, his grin disappearing. “So...what do we do now?”

“What else can we do?” Leia released her own deep sigh as she sat back in her chair. “We don’t know where he is and even if we did, we can’t just storm in to take him back. And it seems like he went into this willingly after the massacre...” A brief pause. Then Han watched his wife’s face contort as though she were trying to keep herself from crying. “Oh Han...this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have sent him to Luke. I...”

“It’s not your fault.” Han shook his head. Absently, he muttered, “Maybe there’s just too much of Vader in him.”

Leia looked up, her expression hard. “Han.”

“What?”

Leia looked like she was about to say something more but seemed to decide against it as she made a slight shake of the head. “Never mind.”

Then, another moment of silence. These pauses between them were making Han anxious. Awkward silences were a rarity in their conversations and never a good sign. Had he said something wrong?

He shifted in his seat. “What are you doing now?”

“Just...trying to keep morale high here in the Resistance,” came Leia’s  reply. “I suppose I should count my blessings. The people here have been nothing but supportive in the wake of it all.”

“You need me to come over?” Han offered. He’d rushed to her side when news of the massacre and their missing son broke out. He was ready to hurry to her side again if she needed him.

But Leia shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine. I’ve got people to support me here. You on the other hand, need to get back to your work. There’d be no point holding up our respective lives trying to find him now. Despite the circumstances, we found Ben. Alive.”

Something about that sentence rubbed Han the wrong way; as though Leia was saying his work was more important to him than family. Hadn’t he practically stopped working to look for his son? Granted he still did some work while searching, but still...

Or maybe what he was feeling was guilt—guilt from the fact that he had, more often than not, prioritized work over family, even to the point of barely seeing Leia more than a few times a year.

Even to the point of neglecting his son.

Han shook off the feeling and said, “Are you sure? I can take a day off or two you know.”

“It’s fine, Han,” Leia insisted. “There’s no sense in dropping it all when there’s really nothing we can do about Ben.”

Han pressed his lips together. She was right. There was nothing they could do about Ben. And it seemed there was nothing he could do for his wife either, and he suddenly felt old and useless.

Han watched Leia acknowledge someone off holo, nodding to whoever was speaking to her before she turned back to him. “I have to go. We’re going to have an emergency meeting because of this latest development from the First Order.”

“Don’t let me hold you up, sweetheart,” Han waved. “I love you.”

“I know.” For the first time since the call began, Leia smiled. But it was strained. “I love you too. I’ll call you when I can.”

With that, the transmission ended, and Han gritted his teeth. There had been unease in his conversation with his wife, as though what Ben did had thrown a cloud over their relationship, and he could feel it growing more fragile by the second.

He shut his eyes tight as a bout of nausea befell him. He always knew there was too much Vader in Ben, and he wondered now if he should have done something about it.

Or would he even have been able to? He didn’t have the Force. He didn’t have the same connection to his son the way Leia did. And that had led him to wish at times that Ben had been born normal. Maybe things would’ve turned out better for them.

Had Ben been born without the Force, maybe none of this would’ve happened.

Chewbacca prodded him, asking if he was alright, but Han ignored him and took the controls over the ship. Now was not the time to talk to Chewie about this. He had too much to mull over right now, too much to think about.

Too much grief to process on his own.

* * *

 

The ship’s landing was not quite decent, but Maz Kanata had no time for such luxuries. She was in a hurry. She had to be if she were to snatch the item up before anyone else could. Sure, it could be a fake. She had encountered more than a few counterfeit items listed in black market listings but there was something about this particular item’s description that had caught her attention.

After turning off the engines and leaving the ship to be guarded by one of her companions, Maz hastened down the ramp and onto the desert planet of Jakku. She was just shy of the borders of Niima Outpost, though with her small legs, the trek may take longer than she had anticipated. To make things worse, a light desert storm was wreaking havoc in the area. If only she had landed a bit closer...

Maz shook her head and adjusted her spectacles to see the distant outpost clearer. No use worrying about the distance now, she thought. The item, which had hit the black market listings hours ago, was waiting for her.

Pulling her hood close and putting on a mask so she could breathe through the onslaught of wind and sand, she began her trek towards Niima Outpost, cursing herself for not wearing something more suitable for the desert, especially in weather like this.

Patting her pockets to make sure the credits and her blaster were still accounted for, she continued with her journey, grumbling to herself most of the way until she finally reached the outpost’s archway.

The outpost itself saw little activity because of the storm, with a few individuals, perhaps desperate scavengers, still lining up towards a concession stand.

She assumed that would be where the junkyard boss, Unkar Plutt would be.

Straightening herself, Maz walked over the the queue forming in front of the stand, when a flurry of legs and garments swam through her vision and knocked her to the ground. She sputtered and readjusted her mask, ready to give whoever it was that ran over her a verbal lashing until she saw a hand reach down to her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” came the voice of a girl, clothed in pale garments, her face hidden behind a mask which wrapped around her head like a hood. The girl’s eyes were shielded behind a pair of clearly home-made goggles, which was attached with a small lighting apparatus. “I didn’t see you. I’m so sorry. Let me help you up.”

Maz allowed the girl to help her up to her feet, her fingers closing around the girl’s offered hand.

Maz paused. What was this sudden feeling at the pit of her stomach?

“Are you alright?” the girl asked, and that’s when Maz realized she was holding on to the girl’s hand for far too long.

“I’m fine.” Maz took her hand away and squinted at the girl. That feeling that washed over her...it had been familiar. As though she was sensing something from the Force... “Who are you?”

Despite the mask, Maz sensed the girl’s strained smile. “I’m no one. Just another scavenger of no consequence. And you? You’re not from here, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” Maz admitted, suddenly reminded of the situation at hand. “I’m here to see Unkar Plutt.”

“Well, we’re going to have to get in line,” the girl said. “The others won’t take too kindly if you cut in.”

“I don’t have time to get in line,” Maz sighed. “I’m here to see Plutt about an item he’s selling. It’s very important that I meet him immediately.”

“Oh. Yes, I’ve heard he was selling something.” The girl seemed to think for a moment. “I’ll take you to him then. Who knows, maybe he’ll give me something for it.”

The girl sounded as though she was joking, but Maz sensed it was half meant. Either way, it didn’t matter as long as it got her to Plutt.

As long as it got her to the Skywalker lightsaber.

* * *

 

Days had passed since the desert storm, and all was back to normal at Niima Outpost, with scavengers dragging with them their wares and exchanging it for portions at Plutt’s concession stand.

One such scavenger—a girl barely into her teens—just finished her own exchange and looked at the pitiful amount of portions she got. Plutt had changed prices again, and so she would have to work harder in order to at least get herself a satisfactory meal tonight.

Unbeknownst to her, two pairs of eyes stared at her through macrobinoculars from atop a distant sand dune. The eyes followed her every move until she mounted her speeder and rode off into the sunset.

“So...she doesn’t remember anything?”

“Not a single one, Master Skywalker,” Lor San Tekka said to Luke and put down his own pair of macrobinoculars. “Ivano Troade and Mashra confirmed this from when they talked to her. She thinks she has been left on this planet since she was five.”

“And her powers?” Luke continued, now putting his macrobinoculars away.

“She doesn’t appear to exhibit any Force ability.”

“Must be Ben’s doing,” Luke muttered, almost to himself, blue eyes on the tiny speck that was Rey, riding off in the distance. He closed his eyes and tried some more, trying to feel her through the Force but just like earlier, he sensed nothing. Rey had indeed been stripped of her powers.

Luke sighed and opened his eyes. If circumstances had been different, he may have held some fascination with what his nephew was now capable of, with how Ben Solo had come up with a solution in regards to dealing with Rey’s powers but all Luke could feel now was grief—grief over the burning embers that was his Jedi Academy, over his lost padawans, and over his nephew, who had now taken on the mantle of Kylo Ren.

“This is for the best,” Luke muttered under his breath as he gave up on trying to sense Rey through the Force.

“We are just going to watch over her then, yes?” Lor San Tekka queried.

“If you would be so kind as to do so. In the mean time...” Luke fumbled with his pockets, took out a small device and handed it to his old friend. “I entrust you with this.”

Tekka took the device in his hands, staring at it for a moment before saying, “Is this...the map to...”

“Yes.” Luke nodded, eyes full of pain and regret. “I’ve failed. I’ve failed my family and the galaxy. I will need to atone for what I have done, and I can only do that by finding a way to defeat the enemy. Defeat Snoke. But should I be needed, give this to my sister. To the Resistance.”

It took a while for Lor San Tekka to respond, and when he finally nodded, Luke reached out to squeeze his shoulder with a robotic arm before heading towards his X-Wing.

It would take another six years before the Resistance pilot Poe Dameron would arrive at the doorstep of Lor San Tekka to retrieve the map which would lead to Luke Skywalker.

Another six years of conflict and turmoil in the galaxy before the dawn of an awakening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there isn't much Ben and Rey in this part, but we're tying up loose ends now. Next week, we will have the epilogue and I hope you will find the ending satisfying. In the meantime, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for going through this journey with me. We're almost at the end now and I can hardly believe it myself. But stories have to come to an end and this will soon be it for What She's Worth. Until then, thank you.


	39. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're finally here. The end of the series. After over a year of writing, we've reached the conclusion of What She's Worth. I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to post this last week, but I got really busy with real life stuff so had to put this on hold for another week.
> 
> Thank you again to my beta alikssepia for helping me with the fic. You rock girl!
> 
> Anyway... Read on...

Kylo Ren stared up into the night sky as snow descended upon his cold, battered body.

As explosions rang throughout the dying planet that was Starkiller Base.

As everything came back to him at full force.

It was her.

It had always been her.

For the last six years, he had seen her in dreams and in nightmares—dreams so fragile that the memory instantly dissipated the moment he woke up.

But now, the memories had returned. They had returned the moment she used the Force to grab hold of the lightsaber that had once been his.

The Skywalker legacy saber his uncle had given him in the academy.

The academy...Luke’s Jedi Academy...

He felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips, even as pain seared from where she had slashed his face, even as it throbbed from the bowcaster wound at his side, from the lightsaber wounds on his body.

It was her.

The girl he had practically raised.

The girl who had mattered the most to him in the world.

The girl who had bared her heart to him, only for him to break it into a thousand pieces.

It was her.

It was Rey.

It was his Rey, grown up to be far more beautiful than he could ever have imagined.

Far more fiery and vicious, and he felt pride well up inside him.

And something more. A warmth in his chest he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Not since six years ago.

Not since his final goodbye to her in the desolate planet of Jakku.

And now, she was gone again, separated from him by the ground that tore beneath their feet, and he began to chuckle. Oh, how the Force did toy with them so. To have them meet again only to wrench them apart once more.

To have him remember everything and for her to recall nothing.

For her to leave, loathing him with every fiber of her being while he...

The ground shook again. Beyond the trees, he could just make out a fireball that shot up to the skies.

He began to wonder if he was going to die here. To die, left by the girl he...the woman he...

He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. Perhaps he deserved this, he thought. For everything he had done in the last six years. For everything he had done to her before then.

That was when he heard the distinct footfalls of stormtroopers. He opened his eyes and found them crowded around him, with General Hux looming over him, grimacing as though disgusted to find him alive.

The feeling couldn’t have been more mutual.

“Take him to the ship.”

The stormtroopers  did as they were told, and as they carried him out on a stretcher and into a waiting ship, Kylo Ren closed his eyes once more, remembering.

He remembered everything about her now. Who she was, how she came to be in his life. He remembered her kindness, her wit, her courage.

He remembered what she was worth to him then.

And what she was worth to him now.

Rey...

Rey was worth dying for.

But most importantly, she was worth living for.

 

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. The end. Thank you so much everyone for being on this journey with me through the past year. Thank you for your comments which are always a joy to read. Thank you for reading this piece that I have worked on and I hope this conclusion satisfies you for now. As for a sequel, a lot of people have been asking for one but I'm going to have to wait until TLJ to see if I can and how I can take the story to the next level...if I can. I make no promises but in any case, thank you again for joining me on this roller coaster ride that is What She's Worth. I may write other reylo fics in the future, but this one will always be closest to my heart. So again dear readers, I thank you. See you again in the future!

**Author's Note:**

> To those who haven't seen it, this is the fanart that started it all: http://gwendy85.tumblr.com/post/142155317873
> 
> Other related fanart:  
> http://gwendy85.tumblr.com/post/143493846848  
> http://gwendy85.tumblr.com/post/143263509033
> 
> Russian Translation here, as translated by alikssepia: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9475061/chapters/21436778


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